Boyfriend frustrations!

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  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    you should leave now before he cuts you up with the wood chipper for nagging him so much
  • amberlykay1014
    amberlykay1014 Posts: 608 Member
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    I did not read all these pages, but what I would do is say, "On Sunday, I am going for a walk at the park. If you would like to join me you can meet me there at 1pm." No show? You go for a walk without him.

    He'll eventually have to decide whether he likes video games or things with you. You can take it from there.

    Good luck!

    Edit to add: DON'T NAG him! That's his mother's job.
  • HealthyBodySickMind
    HealthyBodySickMind Posts: 1,207 Member
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    Get a dog. Seriously. www.petfinder.com

    Dogs love to go for walks whenever you want to, every day, four times a day.
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
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    Get a dog. Seriously. www.petfinder.com

    Dogs love to go for walks whenever you want to, every day, four times a day.

    LOL true!! They don't answer back either! :laugh:
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    You are reading too much into one thing I mentioned...the walk was an example. when you have been with someone for almost 5 years who you love so much of course you are going to want to TRY and help them. Almost everyone here has said to just leave him...I pray to god that nothing happens to his health.

    I've known my now husband since we were 12 (we're 36 this year). 10 years ago we watched the finale of my grandfathers life. A long time smoker, he had emphasema with related vascular issues, he spent 10 years laying in a bed because he didn't have the energy to move, my grandmother served him every day for those 10 years. 4 months after my grandfather's pain ended my grandmother's cancer punctured her lung and attacked her adrenal gland, she didn't sleep for 3 days, then she was gone.

    My then boyfriend watched this, and asked me to finally quit smoking. I said okay, but then would sneak one every once in a while. He caught me smoking, sat me down and told me that he loved me too much to watch me hurt myself, then he packed a bag and slept on his friend's couch. I recommitted, he came back, we've been married for 6 years. So yes, just leaving is an option.
  • lyndausvi
    lyndausvi Posts: 156 Member
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    I think it's time to reevaluate what you want out of this relationship. My DH was 280 lbs, complained yet never exercised. I was never medically overweight, but was very close to that number. I started this journey and would occasionally asked him to join in my activities. He always said no. Sure I wish he would have joined me, but it was not a deal breaker. I still did things with my DH, just not in the form of exercise. As time went by he started joining me on bike rides. Come to find out he really likes biking. GREAT. We eventually got him a better, faster bike. He is down 11 lbs and is the one asking me to go rides.

    Sometimes these things take time. Other times it will never happen. I have 2 different friends who do triathlons and marathons. Neither one of their husbands workout in anyway shape or form. It's a non issue for them. Both of them do long runs, bike rides and/or races alone or with other friends/groups. Quality time with their husbands are in different forms.

    Really take a look at what you want from the relationship. Some people want quality time with their SO in form of exercise-type activities. Others find other ways of support by joining run, walk or bike clubs. Finding friends and neighbors to workout with them. I walk with one of my neighbors as DH is not interested in power walking. No big deal.
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
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    Hello,

    I am not trying to talk down about my boyfriend but...

    Your post indicates this may not be true.

    Should I just let it go?

    Yes
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    When did you start getting healthy and active?

    So because you decided you're ready, he should?

    I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.
    Support for what? Making him go for a walk with you? You can't. We can't. No one can but him... if he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, don't worry about it. You do you; let him do him. It doesn't matter what you've been through in your life. You will go through more. Whether or not your boyfriend/partner/husband will ever join you for a walk is not so big.

    For the record, and in case this was lost in translation, when I said you should break up I was being facetious. What i was saying, is that this is a very small issue compared to some that just about every relationship will face. Sure, it is an issue, but it's a very small one in the grand scheme of life.

    You take care of you; he will take care of him. Over time, he will change, you will change; it's possible who you are now and who he is now are both nothing like you'll be in 10-20-30 years. So he gets into fitness now and everything is good, but then he gets injured and is bedridden for a year or something and gains 50 lbs... will that lead you to love him right where he's at in his life or will you fret about whether or not he'll ever lose the weight.

    I'm not speaking from ignorance here. And I'm not bitter. I had an awesome first marriage where we went through all kinds of trials together including injuries, job losses and nearly losing our first son when he was an infant. All those things strengthened our marriage because we were willing to look past our faults and love and encourage one another. Also for the record, I'm only on a 2nd marriage because my first husband died in an accident when our 2nd son was 2 months old. So... yeah, not bitter, just perhaps a bit more experienced in life.
  • Amanda_Tate28
    Amanda_Tate28 Posts: 168 Member
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    Hello,

    I am not trying to talk down about my boyfriend but I am just getting to the point where I have had enough. He is in no way motivated to do anything healthy or active with his life. Asking him to go for a walk is like mission impossible. I understand that I cant make him do what he doesnt want to do but having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring when he doesnt want to do anything active for it.
    Its like he goes to work then when work finishes its just time to relax watch tv and play games ONLY...I keep trying in a non pushy way to ask him to do things with me but he says Okay and then never does it... And gets annoyed if i ask again.
    Am I really that bad of a person?
    I hate that I feel like I am being pushy but I know i could be way worse if I wanted to be.

    Does anyone else have a similar situation?

    Should I just let it go?

    I have a similar problem. My boyfriend doesnt really support me in my weight loss and he is not doing anything healthy. When he eats junk I end up eating junk.
    Your not a bad person and I understand. My bf makes me feel like im pushy too when I ask him to go with me outside for a walk together.
    I say that a nice healthy dinner at home and tell him you really want to talk. Im going to do that with my boyfriend.
  • pinkstp
    pinkstp Posts: 220 Member
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    Throughout my relationship, my boyfriend and I have both been on different sides of this problem. From my perspective, I would get frustrated when he would ask me to do active things when I didn't feel like it but I would get disappointed that he wasn't trying to encourage me if he didn't ask and just did things on his own (regardless of whether I would want to do it or not! what a train wreck right? sheesh! so glad I broke through that depression cycle).

    So depending on if he seems to get annoyed by your asking, I would just give him the option of coming (maybe do something that isn't as "exercise" themed but will still get exercise in.. bowling, walking around a park, ask him for some "we" time and go hold hands while window shopping?) and then let him be if he decides against it. He is going to have to come to the realization that he wants to change himself. If it's something that you can't handle, watching him fail to do what you think he should be doing, I would ask yourself if maybe you just aren't in the same place in your relationship or whether you have the extreme patience and tolerance to allow it to continue while not interfering in a way that could ruin your relationship. Kind of a tough situation! Sorry you both are going through it.
  • JskC1893
    JskC1893 Posts: 156 Member
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    he sounds like a great catch

    :laugh:
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    has noone really not played the get out now girl before the abuse starts?
  • Amor
    Amor Posts: 61 Member
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    Thankfully science has made boyfriends almost completely obsolete. Just switch teams ;p
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    Thankfully science has made boyfriends almost completely obsolete. Just switch teams ;p

    hey this is midseason, how about following the rules and offering trade scenarios or wait till they hit the waiver wire
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    Leave the man be or just leave the man. LOVE IT!
  • mabbzie
    mabbzie Posts: 161 Member
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    video games. pfff great catch there.

    Excuse me? Video games are awesome. :grumble:
  • quiltlovinlisa
    quiltlovinlisa Posts: 1,710 Member
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    My husband HATES to walk, he wont' do it, refuses but he loves to go bike riding, so that's something we do together.

    I strongly suggest to keep looking and finding some common interest but even if you do find something and he's still not interested in working out, your only choices are to accept or not and then make decisions from there.
  • Maribel_1986
    Maribel_1986 Posts: 457 Member
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    I feel horrible for you reading some of these comments that are being so rude to you!

    Do you guys live together? If so, maybe you could offer to make him lunch to take to work some days, which would cut out some of his take out, but I guess only if he wants you to!

    I agree that maybe if you keep up your new life style he might eventually start just doing stuff like walking with you, even if it's just to spend time with you.

    Other than that, I'm not sure what you could do. Maybe ask if he will do it with you because you would like the motivation for yourself and the company.

    All the best

    I agree with this. Good Luck
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
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    Only he can decide he wants to change. I'd invite him when you workout but then just go. Worry about YOU and he can make his own Choice to get healthy when he's ready.
  • ajaxe432
    ajaxe432 Posts: 608 Member
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    The way I see it.....leave it be or leave him. Honestly I would have left this post at home:) Motivation for you, not for somebody who wishes to play video games and complain about his appearance. He is a grown man, let him make his own choices and you re-evaluate yours! Hope this helped! :glasses:

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