The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

SunnyDays930

Welcome! I wanted to start a discussion about living without the crutch of alcohol. No matter where you are in your search for sobriety, all are welcome. This will not be a thread to promote moderation but abstinence. There are lots of other moderation threads but I felt one where AF living was where I needed to be. I would like to create a supportive, judgement free zone. No preaching please, just encouragement. I personally am only on day 13 but I feel determined to give it up for good. It's just not working for me anymore. So please join in the discussion and invite your friends!

salleewins

Thank you for starting this! I am happy to be here. Congratulations on Day 13 @JenT304!

Ke22yB

Hi everyone I am AF since 5/22/2008 with the exception of 2 New Year’s Eve where I had a flute of champagne one dinner in Aruba where i had 2 wines and my daughters wedding in 2014 where I had too much wine. I am fortunate that I could have a few drinks 🍷 and be back AF the next day without any problems.
I have gone through all the stages from moderation to alcoholism to failing health morbid obesity and hypertension to sobriety and exercise to runner and swimmer who some in my life say is a little crazy as a 70 year old who averages 5 plus miles a day runner and about a 100 lap swimmer generally 5 days a week
Any questions I can answer to facilitate your journey
I don’t have all the answers but can relate my experience
Ken

AmyOutOfControl

Congrats on day 13!

I am on day 1 - again. I quit alcohol completely for 7 months in 2017 until I reached my goal weight. Fast forward to August 2018 -- 20 pounds back on. I attribute some of those pounds to a few drinks with dinner in the evening. I suck at moderation. Especially after a glass of wine.

salleewins

amymoreorless wrote: »

Congrats on day 13!

I am on day 1 - again. I quit alcohol completely for 7 months in 2017 until I reached my goal weight. Fast forward to August 2018 -- 20 pounds back on. I attribute some of those pounds to a few drinks with dinner in the evening. I suck at moderation. Especially after a glass of wine.

Good for you,! Drinking one glass of alcohol throws all my health goals to the wind.

PaperDoll_

JenT304 wrote: »

Welcome! I wanted to start a discussion about living without the crutch of alcohol. No matter where you are in your search for sobriety, all are welcome. This will not be a thread to promote moderation but abstinence. There are lots of other moderation threads but I felt one where AF living was where I needed to be. I would like to create a supportive, judgement free zone. No preaching please, just encouragement. I personally am only on day 13 but I feel determined to give it up for good. It's just not working for me anymore. So please join in the discussion and invite your friends!

Congratulations on Day 13! I'm over 10 years alcohol free and it's one of the best decisions I ever made.

whitpauly

I'd love to be part of the Sober Squad,i last drank on the 4th of July so just over a month sober this go around,my attitude toward booze has changed in the past few months I not only need to do this,,,I WANT to

donimfp

Thanks, @JenT304 for starting this thread! Along with all the great folks on the Less Alcohol challenge, my intention was for a Dry January with no real thoughts of going AF permanently. Well . . . Dry January lasted about 11 days, and I've tried to moderate off and on since then. Not going to happen. I had my "final drink" ceremony about midnight on July 22. So far, so good. This time, for some reason, I'm really not missing it. I'm an "in my head" kind of person, so I think the fanatical reading I've been doing has helped. I've learned a lot from Allen Carr, Jason Vale, Rebecca Weller, Clare Pooler (I think that's her name), Annie Grace, and the Sexy Sobriety, This Naked Mind, and The Sober School blogs/sites.

The good parts so far are: a bit of weight loss, clear eyes, no puffy face, good sleep (although I've had a few rough nights), lots of energy. The scary part so far: the thought of "forever," but reading Weller and Pooler has really helped with that. Also, 2/3 diet ginger ale mixed with 1/3 grapefruit juice is my new decadent treat that is the only thing I've found that approximates the "heft" of alcohol, if that makes sense. Wondering when I'll not need a drink in my hand (non-alcoholic, but sheesh! "Normal" people don't drink constantly. At least I'm staying hydrated).

Again, thanks for starting this thread!

SunnyDays930

I wish I could pick "hug" and "like" for so many of you! I am happy to see familiar as well as new faces! Welcome, welcome! Thank you for the support!

NormInv

Stopping in to say hello... stay dry my friends

salleewins

I am going to try that diet gingerale with grapefruit juice. Once in awhile I get a diet ginger beer. Even though alcohol free, it comes in a beer type bottle. Sometimes I don't get it because of that. Today I had seltzer with unsweetened pure cranberry juice and pineapple juice and a lot of stevia.

SunnyDays930

Yum @salleewins!! I am definitely looking for all kinds of new AF drinks and mocktails to try.

SunnyDays930

@amymoreorless I have learned I absolutely cannot moderate. I've been trying for years. I cannot have that first one. Alcohol wants more alcohol. At least you know you can quit....you did so for 7 months last year! Best of luck and we are here for you.

RubyRed427

Hi friends, I’m day 21 AF after a bad binge on July 21st. My problem is simple. I have no off switch and it broke about ten years ago. So, I know I cannot moderate no matter how hard I want to and have tried. I am learning to accept that and it’s refreshing not to have to spend thought on how many, how much, will I have a headache in the morning, will I feel nauseous, can I still drive, etc.

Tonight, we went to a delicious restaurant in Boston called Limoncello. I orderered sparkling water, my husband had wine. And at the end of the meal a beautiful glass of limoncello was put in front of me by the waiter on the house. Although I remember having it before and loving it, I had no plan on drinking it. I pushed it to my husband and he happily drank it. I whispered to my daughter that I am determined and strong and have a new lifestyle as a non-drinker.” She smiled.

donimfp

@RubyRed427, that is awesome. Each little victory like that is so empowering. I just finished “A Happier Hour” and that book was most valuable to me for her focus on successfully navigating socializing without alcohol.

I’m about parallel with you—first day July 23. It’s been going so well but this evening a real depression just came over me out of nowhere. I’m trying to just be an interested observer of my experiences in this brave new world. I assume all kinds of complex chemical changes are happening in my newly AF brain. I just have to accept that and not panic.

lorrainequiche59

@JenT304 Thank you, Thank you & thank you for starting this thread...love seeing some familiar 'faces' I joined Annie Grace's 30-day Alcohol Experiment & am on Day 5. Even though I'm 70+ days AF, I am learning lots & just want the extra motivation to make it through the next month. This is SO cool to have this thread...YAY!!!

SunnyDays930

@RubyRed427 @donimfp I stopped drinking on July 31 so I am 14 days AF now and yesterday I did feel down in the dumps. A bit depressed. It wasn't missing the drinking....I don't know what it was. Like Doni said, maybe it is complex chemical changes going on in my pickled brain. However, I remain resolute in my desire for sobriety. Onward!

Ke22yB

Happy Monday all
This is a process and for me at first it was as you say daunting to think about not ever drinking again and I had NA beers and mocktails to feel "normal" when I was out, and was hesitant to say anything to some friends. As time passed I realized most friends just accept you for what and where in your life you are. When we are out and the waiter comes to the table and wine is ordered one of my friends usually will be the one to say " we only need three glasses". If they order the second bottle of wine during dinner they are happy when we get to the parking lot I am the one with the car keys having had no wine. Alcohol really has no bearing on how much fun I have when we are out. Its now second nature and doesn't occupy my mind at all, maybe except for here as I see the steps I followed being followed and discussed by you as you enjoy the success I had early on as well as some of the adjustments. The process of drinking is pushed on us from a young age " I am all grown up" to its a party lets drink etc. the mind set is good friends good times, alcohol and that's marketing plain and simple. Being all grown up means controlling your life and choices, having fun means being of clear mind to appreciate what you are doing and feeling great means waking up the next morning knowing what where and how the night went and not having raging hangovers that rob you of most of the days following.
Being AF is not a punishment you are fostering on yourself but a normal natural way to live

lorrainequiche59

@JenT304 your blues may be part of the process of going AF especially if you're not prone to depression normally. Although, facing life without numbing can seem depressing because we aren't numbing or anesthetizing our feelings. This is a HUGE change with lots of phases some of which will include some sadness...perhaps your grieving somewhat. I know I did.

I went to a family dinner Saturday (first one since getting sober) and had some mixed feelings prior to attending. Once I got there it was fine. I had told a family member a few days prior that I had stopped drinking & she must have shared because my bro asked me if I had stopped. Then later he asked me if I had had an incident of some sort to motivate me to stop and I told him nope!! Just need to stop.

That resonated with me for some reason. Maybe it hit me in a different way that I wasn't "forced" to quit due to some drinking catastrophe. Just decided to stop! I gave a little more detail to my Sister-in-law's Father as he also has stopped drinking & shared that with me. That conversation was overheard by others, SO it's out now & that should help me going forward.

I had a much better time & felt freer. I didn't need to plan my drinking so that I was "able" to drive home later OR dodge any comments about the amount I was drinking OR wonder what others were thinking as the bottle got closer to empty.... Way more thinking involved when drinking!!

lorrainequiche59

@donimfp Hugs too I ticked insightful, but want to send a hug your way. Our brains ARE changing!! For the better. Kinda like growing pains, which my youngest grandson suffers from. They really hurt, BUT there is a purpose. I find it helpful to watch Annie Grace/Craig Beck cause they explain what to expect when going AF. Especially on Annie's alcohol experiment because she interviews various experts that deal in the physiology/psychology of going AF.

SunnyDays930

I realize I would be way more depressed if I still had alcohol in my system. I am going through many changes right now which could explain the depression. Namely moving to a new town and only knowing a few people. It will be OK. I am getting through all this WITHOUT booze and THAT feels great. Beach vacation next week with my daughters family and granddaughters. I am not worried about remaining sober as I am sure I will be called upon to babysit which is my most important responsibility. I am not going to let anyone down.

donimfp

Thanks, @lorrainequiche. I know the brain changes are just part of the process. That's why I'm observing and thinking, "Isn't that interesting!" instead of, "Oh, no, what's happening to me?"

I may be an anomaly, but social situations are actually easier for me than sitting at home watching TV. That's when I drank. In social situations, I would usually have one or two drinks max because I was engaged and not bored. However, we do have our annual Mermaid Festival coming up, and "Mertinis" are a major focus. Still, I don't anticipate it being a problem.

I agree with Clare Pooley that we need a better word than "sober," which reminds me of the Puritans I used to teach about in American lit. Alcohol-free is the best I can do so far.

Have a good day everyone! It's nice to have a space where everyone is on the same page, although I do love those who are moderating on the Less Alcohol thread and will stay there, too. For me, as @RubyRed427 has said, constantly thinking about when, if, how much, etc. is just too much mental real estate for me. Much easier to not drink at all. I know my liver is happy.

SunnyDays930

@donimfp you hit the nail on the head for me as well. It's the sitting at home, drinking in front of the tv that is the worst. I've been totally fine in bars or parties without wine. Maybe it's because when I now observe others drunk, it's such a turn off. When I am at home alone, no one is witnessing anything.

whitpauly

For those of you feeling a little"meh" in mood its completely normal,my Easy quit drinking app says after 90 days those neurotransmitters are back to normal,I get the blues here and there but just try to exercise it off,I was gonna mention I don't like the word sober either,,I think its too close to somber or something so I usually say AF or Freedom but I gotta say I hate the word but love the feeling of sober(most days)

donimfp

What do y'all think about non-alcohol beer? I know from experience that non-alcohol wine tastes terrible to me, so I'm not willing to go there at all. I wouldn't have thought about N/A beer, either, but I just read Clare Pooley's book "The Sober Diaries," which I found very inspiring. She regularly drinks Beck's Blue non-alc. beer. My question isn't about the taste, it's about whether this is a good, bad, or neutral idea. I just figured that drinking it might make me want the real thing, although beer is not really my drink of choice. BUT, I really don't like sweet stuff very much at all, and water gets boring. A good, cold non-alcohol beer could be a nice option to have in my arsenal, I THINK. But is this a dangerous idea? I just don't know. So far, V-8 juice is my only really satisfying option that isn't sweet.

SunnyDays930

@donimfp funny you should bring this up. We were sitting at the bar the other day and I ordered an O'Douhls. We were having wings and it just felt right. I only had one and it was filling. It did not make me want more. It also did not make me want a "real" beer. This is just MY experience however. I have never been a big beer drinker so maybe someone else that was had a different experience and decided it was not a good idea.

RubyRed427

I think I'll skip the non alcoholic beer ; for me, it may make me long for a real
One. I even avoided an amaretto cannoli because of the contents even though I know it's probably not even real amaretto used.

donimfp

Thanks for the quick responses! I’ve never been a real beer drinker either. Literally maybe 2–3 a year. I’m just yearning for something flavorful, refreshing, and not sweet. If there were no negative psychological consequences a NA beer would seem to be a good solution. I definitely don’t want to jeopardize this lovely AF roll I’m on.

whitpauly

Beer was always my drink of choice so I don't dare try and AF one,,I think for me the taste would trigger a want for the real thing but I know several former problem drinkers who actually use it when a craving hits and its a useful tool for them,I tend to drink not because I miss the taste,,Id drink if I have a bad day,mood,the moon was full,TOM,its Tuesday,etc any excuse would do sadly but I'm honestly trying hard this time,my longest sober stretch was nearly 5 months but that was 2 years ago! Last year my baby brother committed suicide at 29 years old and just dealing with the emotions really sucks sometimes but I have to do it,I'd really hate for something so stupid as alcohol to kill me,ruin my relationships with my family anymore than it already has,make me lose my job or something else bad,plus im so ugly when I drink,just a bloated,bleary eyed mess,hopefully at least vanity can help keep me off the grog

tifano

Today I celebrate 6 years of continuous sobriety. Six years ago I was at an all time low emotionally and my only way to cope with life was drinking to blackout. Even when drinking was fun it was never in moderation.

I’m so grateful I had a mustard seed of willingness to try something different. Today I’m living my very best life SOBER. I’ve walked through cancer sober, issues with a severely special needs child sober, lots of other life events that would warrant a drink but I’ve remained sober.

If drinking is an issue for you know there is a solution. I’m happy to help you find help if you want it. Just message me.

My opinion on NA beer is it’s a very slippery slope and there is still alcohol in NA beer. If one is an alcoholic like I am I cannot consume NA beer. Just like I can’t drink mocktails. It’s too triggering. I just drink water and coffee. Grateful today for my life and sobriety.

RubyRed427

whitpauly wrote: »

Beer was always my drink of choice so I don't dare try and AF one,,I think for me the taste would trigger a want for the real thing but I know several former problem drinkers who actually use it when a craving hits and its a useful tool for them,I tend to drink not because I miss the taste,,Id drink if I have a bad day,mood,the moon was full,TOM,its Tuesday,etc any excuse would do sadly but I'm honestly trying hard this time,my longest sober stretch was nearly 5 months but that was 2 years ago! Last year my baby brother committed suicide at 29 years old and just dealing with the emotions really sucks sometimes but I have to do it,I'd really hate for something so stupid as alcohol to kill me,ruin my relationships with my family anymore than it already has,make me lose my job or something else bad,plus im so ugly when I drink,just a bloated,bleary eyed mess,hopefully at least vanity can help keep me off the grog

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet brother. I think that you are very strong and equally determined. And yes vanity speaking , I saw my neighbor who drinks a lot and I've noticed this year her face looks haggard and hair thinning. Her once very handsome husband (who I think is an alcoholic) looks different too. Alcohol does change your looks. Sending you a big hug.