Just be nice
Options
Replies
-
Posted this in another thread today. I guess it's another example of being mean....
Support comes in a lot of forms. Some people are looking only for blind encouragement of things they've already made up their minds to try. Any sort of questioning about the logic behind how the person came to that decision, where they got their info from, is perceived as being an attack - (removed for irrelevance to this topic)
Others however, view support in the form of "helping me avoid making mistakes that others have already learned from" as being extremely valuable. There is a VAST amount of nonsense, pseudoscience and woo that is prevalent and widely propagated these days due to the ease of access to information that the average person has at their fingertips. There are countless members here who have done extensive research, value peer reviewed science and well vetted sources as helping to dispel this woo and focus people on actual hard science and repeatable results from well designed studies. Whether you see this or not - this IS helpful, for so many people - who are deluded and confused by the mass appeal of blog postings and social media. Simply flouting a degree or a well known medical clinic as an affiliation for where an article was hosted- does not mean that this information is reliable and solid.
Often people come to this site who have spent years struggling with health and weight loss issues. The charlatans that prey on these people with just enough sciencey sounding words to make them think that some of these conditions are legit, that the secret to addressing them and finally finding relief or success lies within the miracle cure that the snake oil salesman is peddling - this is what the people you are labeling as "experts" are trying to dispel. You may not respond well to it - but there are countless people who are tremendously grateful to realize that they have been duped, that they've been continuing to try to follow a method that will not actually provide them the relief and success they desire - and to be put on the correct path toward long term health and wellness.
Added.... And whether it is worded to your liking or not, there are plenty of people who DO appreciate the blunt, direct, tough love approach. I for one am grateful for the mean people who have stuck around these boards for so many years, patiently (and impatiently) trying to help people see through the BS and focus on what really matters.
Is it really so terrible to ask people to do some basic reading for themselves? I like when someone points out a search feature to me that I hadn't seen before. I wouldn't consider that mean, to have it pointed out that there are dozens of the same type of thread posted daily. I would happily take the new information and go out and read what's already been covered.
Lastly... is critical thinking such an awful trait that challenging someone's beliefs and asking them where they came up with their ideas or why they think that solution XYZ is magical really is going to have the benefits it is proclaimed to? I guess the Socratic Method is not "nice" enough, even if it helps people draw logical conclusions for themselves?16 -
diannethegeek wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.
I don't believe in rage-quitting. Once I have worn out my welcome I stay for maybe 4 or 5 more years and then I just disappear.
How do you feel about flouncing? I think that's much classier than rage-quitting.
I flounced from these boards once. It didn't stick.
It's like a drug, right?1 -
I’m gonna be the one person on this thread that actually agrees with you for the most part. I don’t think there’s any “hatred” but a lot of people can be rude and make this place kind of intimidating for people who are new. I’m sure nobody is trying to be rude and I’m sure it’s just tough love but when I look through the threads, it seems like a lot of the newer people are sometimes treated like they’re stupid if they ask a question that might be obvious for people who have been here a while No, I can’t think of any specific examples but it’s something I’ve thought about while going through threads. Now everyone’s going to get defensive but I’m just saying what I’ve noticed :-)
Meh. People are helping others for free. Besides trying to always phrase things so that no one gets upset on a message board is a fool's errand.11 -
I have been a part of several forums, or online communities including facebook groups etc. and they all have a different "vibe." Some are more into sugar coating and always being politically correct and nice, and some are more blunt like this one. I do agree that sometimes people can be a little "harsh" in here but I really like the overall culture and how people are generally anti diet-industry woo/fake-science bullcrap. If you come here you will pretty much just get straightforward, science-backed answers. I think that people who are offended need to get thicker skin, it is just an internet forum after all.8
-
I have been reading and posting here for about 4 years now. Before that I have had experience participating with another weight loss forum where the atmosphere was all cheerleaders, parenting message boards, homeschool message boards where some were hard core religious and some were atheists.
I feel my experience here has been pretty positive. The community is very active and responsive. People give helpful information over and over. Reading the stickied posts, the first page of posts or using the search feature would answer most people's questions. People continually give information and support for healthy weight loss here.
I'd say post more yourself in the way you think is appropriate rather than calling people mean and hateful and if you see someone is actually attacking or being truly hateful report the post. There are forum guidelines and moderators after all.9 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »MFP has a somewhat different culture, not what you're used to in some other weight management sites. It can be shocking at first, and I can understand how that feels. I remember when I first joined and started using the forums I was a little taken aback. Being the curious person I am, I decided to stay and see what that's all about and I'm glad I did.
If you hang around, you'll get used to the bluntness. After that initial culture shock, you'll come to appreciate it. There is nothing more liberating than learning how all that minutia people sometimes impose on themselves and struggle to uphold is not necessary. How I could be wrong sometimes, and the alternative makes weight loss much easier. We're here to work on our goals, and every tidbit provided by someone who's been there done that and achieved the results is a potential goldmine, regardless of how bluntly it's expressed.
It's interesting to me because I came to this site specifically because of the forums. I was tracking on two other sites before this but when my weight loss stalled I got one half-hearted response from a forum post over there and no answers. I found MFP because of the active forums and the no-nonsense advice here. It felt to me like the only place online actually bothering to listen to anyone.
Just goes to show how different we all are.11 -
I’m gonna be the one person on this thread that actually agrees with you for the most part. I don’t think there’s any “hatred” but a lot of people can be rude and make this place kind of intimidating for people who are new. I’m sure nobody is trying to be rude and I’m sure it’s just tough love but when I look through the threads, it seems like a lot of the newer people are sometimes treated like they’re stupid if they ask a question that might be obvious for people who have been here a while No, I can’t think of any specific examples but it’s something I’ve thought about while going through threads. Now everyone’s going to get defensive but I’m just saying what I’ve noticed :-)
I can see this to some extent. Occasionally someone will ask a question and be met with something like, "No. Does that even make sense to you?" But those are EXCEPTIONALLY few and far between.4 -
I've learned a lot here over the years. Some of it I wish I hadn't (there are some things one should never google search), but for the most part it has been a very positive experience.
I'm thankful for the people who clarified so much of the misinformation that is out there. Thanks to those people, I don't have the guilt and shame cycle around food that I used to have.
I used to be a bit of a sensitive snowflake. That was knocked out of me long before I got here. I don't find MFP to be any more harsh than any other place I've been. Reading the YouTube comments section on anything that's even slightly controversial will show you how tame this place is.9 -
I new - I think this is my 3rd week or so. There is a difference between being blunt and being honest. You can be honest in a nicer tone, because being blunt causes hurt feelings and leaves the other person feeling belittled. Just because you think you are right about something, you may not be; and even if you are and feel like parading your knowledge around being blunt, that other person may know something you don't, that would be helpful to you. They may not say it because they feel nervous about posting. I belong to a number of special interest forums, and I see it over and over again. At least no one wants to make political posts here and that is such a relief. Overall, my experience has been positive and supportive, give or take one or two.
8 -
*Citation required.
5 -
ladyreva78 wrote: »:huh:
What in the world is going on here? I wasn't aware that 'not blindly agreeing with every hare-brained scheme' = 'mean'
Seems to be the current state of politics. Not surprising this would permeate other realms.3 -
elsie6hickman wrote: »I new - I think this is my 3rd week or so. There is a difference between being blunt and being honest. You can be honest in a nicer tone, because being blunt causes hurt feelings and leaves the other person feeling belittled. Just because you think you are right about something, you may not be; and even if you are and feel like parading your knowledge around being blunt, that other person may know something you don't, that would be helpful to you. They may not say it because they feel nervous about posting. I belong to a number of special interest forums, and I see it over and over again. At least no one wants to make political posts here and that is such a relief. Overall, my experience has been positive and supportive, give or take one or two.
Even if someone wanted to make political posts they're against the rules
Count me in as another who can probably count on one hand the amount of "mean people" posts that were legitimately because someone was mean. Most often it's because the person who started it didn't agree with the answers they were given on a particular subject.6 -
I’ve used this app on and off for years but never read the community section. And now as I read it there is a LOT of just pure hatred and people being mean. So many people here are just asking questions and want input and even learn. I see post of people saying this or that is wrong or just plain being mean.
So if you post replies be supportive of one another. It is a community of people trying to better themselves. Lift each other up in encouragement, support and kindness. It always will come back to you. That being said, Happy Thursday 😁
I use this site specifically because I want my ideas challenged. Often I'm not even in support of ideas and using the feedback of others to identify weaknesses in thoughts. Risk of offense is a critical element of growth and development.
No one is better for leaving poorly framed ideas unchallenged and unconditionally supported. This demonstrably results in increased risk and failure.8 -
ladyreva78 wrote: »:huh:
What in the world is going on here? I wasn't aware that 'not blindly agreeing with every hare-brained scheme' = 'mean'
Seems to be the current state of politics. Not surprising this would permeate other realms.
Yep, if one disagrees, they hate.
Critical reasoning is a rare skill today. Possibly amplified by easy access to social media.7 -
tbright1965 wrote: »ladyreva78 wrote: »:huh:
What in the world is going on here? I wasn't aware that 'not blindly agreeing with every hare-brained scheme' = 'mean'
Seems to be the current state of politics. Not surprising this would permeate other realms.
Yep, if one disagrees, they hate.
Critical reasoning is a rare skill today. Possibly amplified by easy access to social media.
And to build on that, the easy access to social media equates to easy access to someone who shares my opinion and can validate my ideas - ergo anyone who doesn't share my opinion or validate my ideas must be mean.7 -
Dear Posters,
I wanted to offer a brief explanation for the locking of this thread.
The forum guidelines include this item:
2. No Hi-Jacking, Trolling, or Flame-baiting
Please stay on-topic in an existing thread, and post new threads in the appropriate forum. Taking a thread off-topic is considered hi-jacking. Please either contribute politely and constructively to a topic, or move on without posting. This includes posts that encourage the drama in a topic to escalate, or posts intended to incite an uproar from the community.
If you would like to review the forum guidelines, please visit the following link:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/welcome/guidelines
At our discretion, this locked thread may be deleted entirely in the near future.
With respect,
psuLemon3
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 390 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 922 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions