I need some help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Replies
-
This content has been removed.
-
@Tenebrous_D ... I have some compassion for you, and maybe some thoughts beyond what you're getting here (which is bordering rude). I have been in this situation as well. Here is my take: we are lucky to know love. Some people don't. I think it's likely you love your wife and family deeply, and you sound like a good, honest man. I think there is love, and then there is LOVE (greater depth, something on a cosmic/spiritual level). I would hold and cherish this love you feel for everyone -- wife, kids, and K -- and know that you can have all of these feelings and not act on them. Continue to love K, continue to think about her, but hold this feeling only in your heart. In the meantime, continue on as the good family man that you are. We are allowed to have inner thoughts, inner emotions, inner questions of "what if?".... We are complicated beasts and you are proof of that. Be well, pal.
10 -
This content has been removed.
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »I totally get the make peace with it thing. That is option one by a long shot. The thing is, we're still friends that see each other on occasion. I don't want that messed up either.
As far as it being 20 years, we still know each other. We've been friends since we were in diapers. Plus, there's other reasons, interests, etc that makes me 98% certain we'd be compatible. The reality of it is that there would be too many other lives destroyed trying to rekindle something old. I just wonder how to handle things going forward.
Why are you even considering compatability If you are married?!?! If you are tempted to persue more than a friendship with K. then get her out of your life. Spend your efforts building the relationship with your wife so you don't want to be with another.5 -
This content has been removed.
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »I totally get the make peace with it thing. That is option one by a long shot. The thing is, we're still friends that see each other on occasion. I don't want that messed up either.
As far as it being 20 years, we still know each other. We've been friends since we were in diapers. Plus, there's other reasons, interests, etc that makes me 98% certain we'd be compatible. The reality of it is that there would be too many other lives destroyed trying to rekindle something old. I just wonder how to handle things going forward.
Why are you even considering compatability If you are married?!?! If you are tempted to persue more than a friendship with K. then get her out of your life. Spend your efforts building the relationship with your wife so you don't want to be with another.
I'm not tempted to pursue more. The comment I was quoting was under the assumption that we hadn't seen each other in 20 years, which wasn't true. My compatibility consideration took me about 3 seconds while I was typing it and not a long drawn out thought process. It was simply to say that we're not strangers to each other. Make sense?
Not at all.
Question...what are the consequences of your wife just reading this thread?2 -
This content has been removed.
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »I totally get the make peace with it thing. That is option one by a long shot. The thing is, we're still friends that see each other on occasion. I don't want that messed up either.
As far as it being 20 years, we still know each other. We've been friends since we were in diapers. Plus, there's other reasons, interests, etc that makes me 98% certain we'd be compatible. The reality of it is that there would be too many other lives destroyed trying to rekindle something old. I just wonder how to handle things going forward.
Why are you even considering compatability If you are married?!?! If you are tempted to persue more than a friendship with K. then get her out of your life. Spend your efforts building the relationship with your wife so you don't want to be with another.
I'm not tempted to pursue more. The comment I was quoting was under the assumption that we hadn't seen each other in 20 years, which wasn't true. My compatibility consideration took me about 3 seconds while I was typing it and not a long drawn out thought process. It was simply to say that we're not strangers to each other. Make sense?
Not at all.
Question...what are the consequences of your wife just reading this thread?
There would be a lot of questions, I'm sure. She also wouldn't be nearly as rude about it.
You really need a thicker skin, where's the rudeness? Just because people seemingly still aren't giving you the responses you want?3 -
She's on it.MistressSara wrote: »Ermagerd EVERYONE who has been in a committed relationship for more than a few minutes has been tempted by the lure of the could have beens and what ifs. This is so far from a unique situation as to be laughably cliche. Connected with an old flame on Facebook? That never happens.1 -
Talk to a therapist or talk to nobody about this. Some things in life don't need to be shared or need strangers opinions. You know what you need to do, so do it. Real simple stuff.3
-
This content has been removed.
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »
^^^There. It's not everyone. My skin is plenty thick.TavistockToad wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »I totally get the make peace with it thing. That is option one by a long shot. The thing is, we're still friends that see each other on occasion. I don't want that messed up either.
As far as it being 20 years, we still know each other. We've been friends since we were in diapers. Plus, there's other reasons, interests, etc that makes me 98% certain we'd be compatible. The reality of it is that there would be too many other lives destroyed trying to rekindle something old. I just wonder how to handle things going forward.
Why are you even considering compatability If you are married?!?! If you are tempted to persue more than a friendship with K. then get her out of your life. Spend your efforts building the relationship with your wife so you don't want to be with another.
I'm not tempted to pursue more. The comment I was quoting was under the assumption that we hadn't seen each other in 20 years, which wasn't true. My compatibility consideration took me about 3 seconds while I was typing it and not a long drawn out thought process. It was simply to say that we're not strangers to each other. Make sense?
Not at all.
Question...what are the consequences of your wife just reading this thread?
There would be a lot of questions, I'm sure. She also wouldn't be nearly as rude about it.
You really need a thicker skin, where's the rudeness? Just because people seemingly still aren't giving you the responses you want?
It,s to the point, but I don't see that it's rude...0 -
It seems 'romantic' to you I imagine, but its not in reality. It's a world of bs waiting to happen.
Move on.4 -
You had a nice chat. Deposit it in the bank of happy memories in your mind.
And never speak of it again.
When you see her again imagine getting served with divorce papers and never seeing your kids again. That should be enough to put dem feelz back in the friend zone.8 -
I am a little late to this party. I would politely, quietly and quickly distance myself from any contact or relationship with your former ? of twenty years. I would focus on making my current family life as great as I can.5
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »funjen1972 wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »I totally get the make peace with it thing. That is option one by a long shot. The thing is, we're still friends that see each other on occasion. I don't want that messed up either.
As far as it being 20 years, we still know each other. We've been friends since we were in diapers. Plus, there's other reasons, interests, etc that makes me 98% certain we'd be compatible. The reality of it is that there would be too many other lives destroyed trying to rekindle something old. I just wonder how to handle things going forward.
Why are you even considering compatability If you are married?!?! If you are tempted to persue more than a friendship with K. then get her out of your life. Spend your efforts building the relationship with your wife so you don't want to be with another.
I'm not tempted to pursue more. The comment I was quoting was under the assumption that we hadn't seen each other in 20 years, which wasn't true. My compatibility consideration took me about 3 seconds while I was typing it and not a long drawn out thought process. It was simply to say that we're not strangers to each other. Make sense?
Not at all.
Question...what are the consequences of your wife just reading this thread?
There would be a lot of questions, I'm sure. She also wouldn't be nearly as rude about it.
Just because I'm not telling you what you want to hear does not mean I'm being rude.
1 -
This content has been removed.
-
This content has been removed.
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »You had a nice chat. Deposit it in the bank of happy memories in your mind.
And never speak of it again.
When you see her again imagine getting served with divorce papers and never seeing your kids again. That should be enough to put dem feelz back in the friend zone.
This is probably the best one
To be fair I didn't have much competition (that's a joke before an angry mob arrives with pitchforks.)
I do get where you are coming from. A situation like that is very seductive: you have the deep emotional pull of nostalgia for the past coupled with a tantalising possibility for the future wrapped up in a bow and presented to you.
How can the boring and mundane present hope to compete with that? But we live in the present and even though there may be drudgery in it there's also a lot of love and sweetness and tenderness.
Don't indulge your feelings on this one even if you are tempted. It's not in your interests as you probably know.5 -
Tenebrous_D wrote: »You had a nice chat. Deposit it in the bank of happy memories in your mind.
And never speak of it again.
When you see her again imagine getting served with divorce papers and never seeing your kids again. That should be enough to put dem feelz back in the friend zone.
This is probably the best one
I thought it was funny too!
1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »Tenebrous_D wrote: »You had a nice chat. Deposit it in the bank of happy memories in your mind.
And never speak of it again.
When you see her again imagine getting served with divorce papers and never seeing your kids again. That should be enough to put dem feelz back in the friend zone.
This is probably the best one
I thought it was funny too!
Clearly someone with excellent taste.1 -
This content has been removed.
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »WeAreTheWeirdo wrote: »I think you should let it go. If you didn't know it was a bad idea, which it is, then you wouldn't seek out this advice. But you did the right thing. You enjoyed a moment, and haven't destroyed your life
I know the title is pretty misleading. I wasn't really looking for help as in 'what do I do?' I was just looking for comparable experiences. No matter how it came across, it's obvious here that everyone has what's better for me in mind (except for the photoless fella), and I appreciate it. I should've named it "Hey, has anyone been through something like this lately and how did it go? But nobody would've commented.
Mine went, he married the woman he was with when I met him, then started cheating on the wife with someone else...2 -
BTW... when some marriages end, it's okay. It's not always a "served with papers and never see your kids again" scenario. Please be kind here -- aren't we all rational adults? These are not black-and-white, reality-TV things -- this is an adult relationship, and often adults have thoughts about other adults. My marriage is currently ending...let's see... for 16 months now. We have not even begun the divorce proceedings because we are happier just living in separate households, we have no drama, we put our children first, and we still care about one another deeply. I believe my (sortof) ex may be dating other women, and that's okay, as nothing is serious enough yet to have our children involved. Love changes are you grow older. Sometimes you fall out of love. It's okay. It's okay.6
-
What matters' what their spouses think, they might consider this emotional cheating!2
-
Tenebrous_D wrote: »hello, I figured chit chat would be a better place to discuss this instead of the motivation link.
I don't know if I should give the background first or the what happened. This is long and crazy. I'll just go with the what happened and probably do both at the same time. Last night I was on facebook. I made a post the other day that simply said "what is your best memory with me", and while I was on, I saw a notification that a particular friend, I'll call her K, had commented, then it went away. I was in love with this friend a long time ago, but she didn't really know it. We were good friends, talked for hours on end on the phone after I moved away from home, and we spent nearly every minute together when I did come home for a couple of days.
I messaged her and asked if she made a comment then deleted it, because I wanted to know if her best memory with me was from around that time. She said yes, she did delete it. She then told me she wrote "two hour long-distance phone calls when you were in SC". She took it down because she didn't want to be disrespectful to my wife. She is also married to someone we went to school with. He was the guy she started dating when I stopped calling her back. The reason I stopped calling her back was that I had got a girl pregnant and tried to do the "right thing" by marrying her. Within months of being so in love, I was married to a practical stranger. I did get a wonderful daughter out of it, which I wouldn't trade her for anything, but it was a crap marriage that didn't last long at all. But by then it was too late.
I didn't see K for a couple of years. Then one day, I was back in town and saw her and her family at a parade. She was there with her parents, and her brand new husband. I was there with my very young daughter. I didn't see her at first, but then her dad said, "hey there's David!", I turned to look and immediately, my eyes locked on hers. I was shell shocked and a feeling came over me that I'd never experienced before, and haven't experienced since. It was just pure emotion that I can't describe. It dumbfounded me, to the point where I was standing there, silent, mouth open and staring at her long enough that she thought I didn't recognize her. She said "it's me, K" and I said "I know", and i snapped back into it. We have seen each other several times over the last few years at different alumni functions. I felt like I had moved on. She had her family, I was remarried and had a bigger family. There was nothing outwardly strange after that.
Back to last night. So after she told me about the long-distance call memory, I confessed that my best memory with her was that last weekend I was home before our lives changed paths. That opened up more conversation. After I talked about that last weekend, she told me that she carried that with her and she didn't know if it was real or more of a dream. She told me how much she liked me, but didn't know if I felt the same way. That same old classic tale of unspoken love that never fully comes to fruition. I then said that I wanted to fix something and say something I should've said a long time ago. I said "things are different now, but I love you. I'm sorry I never told you back then. My love may not be defined the same now as it was then, but it's there." She responded with "I've always loved you and always will."
So, I have all this refreshed emotion again. It's not something I plan on acting out on, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same. To me it was "let me correct one thing I regret not doing while I have the chance". Was it the right thing to do? That's what I'm not sure about. Keep in mind this all happened less than nine hours ago, so I still really haven't processed it myself. Our lives were different because 20 years ago, both of us felt something, but never said it. Now, I don't know if I ever bring it up again, or reminisce more, or what. What if she's thinking the same thing and neither of us talk about it again, and we both want to. My head is a mess right now. Keep in mind the two of us are both happily married as funny as that sounds. I just don't know how to handle how much I care for K and always, always have. Does this even make sense?
Anyway, I wanted to get that off my chest and also get some opinions or insights on it. Anyone have something like this happen? What did you do? What was the result?
Talk away people, just be nice about it.
Because FB.
Yet another reason to delete it.
You should be able to move forward in your life without your past constantly tugging you backward.
3 -
As ive be the other person/wife on the other end of this type scenario it sucks...you just discussing your love with this woman and posting about it on a public forum would be devasting to me if i were youre wife.8
-
13 -
No one or no love is worth loosing my kids. Or screwing them up because they are now in a split home.2
-
This content has been removed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 424 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions