Sorry babe. That's a deal-breaker
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persecution complex4
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TwitchyMacGee wrote: »persecution complex
wow i cant believe youre attacking me like this3 -
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My ex said he paid for sex in Japan
I saw a TedSpeaks about child sex trafficking in Japan
Needless to say I was disgusted1 -
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Aggressive snoring1
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calls me dude or bro5
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When he has a weakness for my accent2
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Someone who eats with his or her mouth open... don't let the door hit your booty on the way out!0
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The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
If you guys are only in the only talking stage, she’s allowed to keep her options open. So are you.
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The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
I’m assuming you’re youngish and have only lived in the digital age.
I have actual photographs of people I haven’t heard from in 20, 30 years. Imo it would be wrong to expect someone who has had a life to get rid of those mementos.3 -
watches Snapped3
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The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
If you guys are only in the only talking stage, she’s allowed to keep her options open. So are you.
Maybe you are rightTwitchyMacGee wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
I’m assuming you’re youngish and have only lived in the digital age.
I have actual photographs of people I haven’t heard from in 20, 30 years. Imo it would be wrong to expect someone who has had a life to get rid of those mementos.
At what point does it cross the line? Hypothetical situation: me and her got serious and in the future decide to get married. Still acceptable for her to keep photos of her kissing her ex? For me personally, that doesn't sit well.
What if, their ex's dead & that's the only reason, you're now able to be with that person?
I remember reading something similar, via Dear Abby {I was unable to find, the original story}:
{1} A woman wrote you to complain about her gentleman friend who continued to put flowers on the grave of his deceased wife. You told her that her gentleman friend's devotion to the memory of his deceased wife had nothing to do with his relationship with the writer, unless she chose to regard it as a competition. {this explains what the story was about, via a response to it.}
{2} I still prefer to call it devotion. Because a person dies does not mean that the love for that person dies with him or her. Nor should it. {Dear Abby's response, to 1.}
{3} I just finished the letter from the girlfriend who was upset that her shack-up boyfriend still put flowers on his deceased wife's grave. How DARE she feel this way?
I married my husband only three months after his wife passed on. She died unexpectedly of a heart attack. I put flowers on his wife's grave three or four times a year -- on their wedding anniversary and her birthday for sure. They are a token of my respect for her. I feel a grave without flowers is sad. Flowers show that someone still remembers.
I knew going into this relationship that he would always feel love for her. Just because someone passes on you can't turn the feelings on and off like a light switch! When it is his time to go, I'll have him buried next to his first wife, as he wishes. I am making payment on the plot next to his. My husband is a special man, and he has been blessed with the love of TWO good women who have and continue to adore him. {I love, this response.}
{4} He is, indeed, a lucky man to have found such a secure and caring woman as you with whom to share his life. Anyone who sets up a competition with someone who is deceased can only lose, because the "ghost" is often perceived to have no faults by the surviving spouse. Respecting the memory of the deceased together can be a powerful bond. {Dear Abby's response, to 3.}3 -
The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
If you guys are only in the only talking stage, she’s allowed to keep her options open. So are you.
Maybe you are rightTwitchyMacGee wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
I’m assuming you’re youngish and have only lived in the digital age.
I have actual photographs of people I haven’t heard from in 20, 30 years. Imo it would be wrong to expect someone who has had a life to get rid of those mementos.
At what point does it cross the line? Hypothetical situation: me and her got serious and in the future decide to get married. Still acceptable for her to keep photos of her kissing her ex? For me personally, that doesn't sit well.
Each to his own I guess but to me, asking me to amputate my history, my memories, to deny that they are part of me is a deal-breaking kind of possessiveness and insecurity.
Exes who were part of a friend group, exes with whom one co-parents and with whom one shares family memories, childhood sweethearts who are embedded in the narrative of our pasts - you can’t erase these.
ETA: I used to feel like you. The man I married had a girlfriend before me. He’d been with her for six years and she was very much a part of his life. His parents and sisters loved her. She’d been to all the family weddings and celebrations and her photo was everywhere. I pitched fits about it and had evidence of her systematically removed.
In hindsight it it was foolish of me to be jealous. It only hurt me (eta: and made him crazy). He loved me and his family fully embraced me. And whether the photos exist or not, it doesn’t change the fact that she was there.3 -
I think the main dealbreaker for me is if they lack respect for me, thus unable to communicate effectively in the relationship and treat me as an equal. I’ve found individuals who are incapable of this usually cannot be truly intimate and form any real connection, and are prone to being very abusive.2
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The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
If you guys are only in the only talking stage, she’s allowed to keep her options open. So are you.
Maybe you are rightTwitchyMacGee wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
I’m assuming you’re youngish and have only lived in the digital age.
I have actual photographs of people I haven’t heard from in 20, 30 years. Imo it would be wrong to expect someone who has had a life to get rid of those mementos.
At what point does it cross the line? Hypothetical situation: me and her got serious and in the future decide to get married. Still acceptable for her to keep photos of her kissing her ex? For me personally, that doesn't sit well.
It probably depends on where she was kissing him.
You know, were they at the beach?
.....or somewhere really exotic, like Toledo.
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The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
If you guys are only in the only talking stage, she’s allowed to keep her options open. So are you.
Maybe you are rightTwitchyMacGee wrote: »The_Usual_Suspects wrote: »If she has photos of herself kissing another guy or getting all cutesy with him. Either clean that up, you haven't moved on and have no business talking to me, or you're ho'in around 😐
I’m assuming you’re youngish and have only lived in the digital age.
I have actual photographs of people I haven’t heard from in 20, 30 years. Imo it would be wrong to expect someone who has had a life to get rid of those mementos.
At what point does it cross the line? Hypothetical situation: me and her got serious and in the future decide to get married. Still acceptable for her to keep photos of her kissing her ex? For me personally, that doesn't sit well.
I don’t understand why it would be important to keep pictures of you and your exes kissing. I understand if it were candid pictures of you two on vacation, you doing something like.. canoeing or whatever and he/she just happened to be in the picture. But for someone to think it’s so important to keep pictures of memories of them kissing, I don’t get that part. I think that part is fair to ask them to delete if it’s that bothersome.0 -
Pronouncing spaghetti as sghetti.2
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A guy that is arrogant. I love confidence but arrogance is a huge turn off.2
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Grown men who play video games still is a real turn off..gives me sideeye but it can pass as long as he doesn’t take it that seriously..starts slamming *kitten*, yelling at the screen or loses track of time.
Better yet, plays with people online and starts cursing at them and calling them all sorts of pu$$ees.
😑2 -
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