Bex953172 wrote: »
Hey everyone, im back. Well -ish.
I need to go back to the drs, im not well again mentally. I shouted at Casey today, like really shouted at her. I just snapped and lost it.
Im just so sick of everything, sick of myself. I never have a good day. I never feel happy.
I know im doing everything i should for the kids, like food, bathing, dressing them, getting them to school, making sure they have everything, doing homework for Saskia like spelling and reading. Letting her play outside, making sure shes prepared for trips and after school clubs, teaching Casey words, potty training Marley.
But i dont get any enjoyment out of any of it.
Marleys first day of nursery and it was a another mums first time her daughter was going to nursery and she asked me if i was just as nervous or emotional and i said not really. But truth was i just couldn't wait to get rid of her for the day.
Even Saskia asked me "are you happy today mummy?" And the best response i could come up with was "when am i ever happy?" Thats not something i shouldve said.
Then i was walking back with a couple of mums ive done on a few occasions, as i crossed the road i switched places behind them and for a second she didnt see me and said to her friend 'Wheres "that girl?"' So that was kinda like, oh you dont even know who i am so that made me feel awkward as *kitten*.
I never do my makeup, i dont even shower every day anymore. I never look nice. I feel like everyone just seems some trampy mum rather than someone who just struggles everyday.
I have no self confidence. I have no umph to do anything, i couldnt even do the stats thing for you all. I just stopped logging in. I just stopped doing everything.
Everything just feels pointless. Like whats the point in sweeping and mopping the floor after every meal because the kids cant keep their food on tbe damn plates. I dont want to do that 3 times a day. And then when i dont i either get grief of ash because its "disgusting" or someone comes round like the gas engineer today and then my inlaws and its just embarrasing. Or throwing the rug in the washing machine and it doesnt even stay clean for half a day.
What is the *kitten* point.
I cant sleel propely, i cant ear properly. I just want to be like everyone else. Not just this weirdo person thata alright to say hi to but thats about it.
So yeah, that pretty much sums me up atm.
TerriRichardson112 wrote: »
DISCARD 5 LBS CHALLENGE 2
SW: 162.4 (28/08)
CW: 158.9 - 3.5 😁
I haven’t been in the 150s since Aug 2017
Snowflake1968 wrote: »
@clicketykeys - I don't know how you can stay up so late rehearsing and still function the next day teaching teens! I hope the play is everything you hope for it to be!
pridesabtch wrote: »
Discard 5lb challenge Round 2.
- Log all food Nope. Didn't get back on after work.
- Stay in the green Pretty sure I did
- Not volunteer for anything at the Booster meeting tonight Volunteered to work at the Bingo thing. No real choice in this one.
- Eat only one bowl of chili for dinner. Cheese yes. Crackers/Tortilla Chips no...
- Allow one treat in the evening.
- Bible Reading Just didn't want to do anything.
- No Alcohol
- Bed by 10:30 up by 4:30. Yes in bed. Decided not to do CF today.
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