She's hotter than me?

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  • kasimarie29
    kasimarie29 Posts: 128 Member
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    how you got so plumpy?
    Your only 19 and it would seem you have been with this guy since you where 14, so are you comparing your weight to when you where 14?

    I started gaining weight at 15 when I was put on different meds.
    meds can do that. I gained some from med change too.
    I wish you the best dear.

    thank you
  • ebgbjo
    ebgbjo Posts: 821 Member
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    Sorry. I am not in agreement with a lot of people here. I would not let this just roll of my back. No man should ever say ANYONE is hotter than the woman he is with, especially to that woman. You deserve to be respected by your man and no woman should ever allow a man to make her feel as though she isn't good enough for him.
    You ARE gorgeous! Your eyes are amazing.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    ...neither of us have done anything more than said hurtful things to eachother and I'm sure all couples do that...


    Just to say no, not all couples do that.

    This. I have never in my life said something intentionally hurtful to a boyfriend. I've never called one of them a *kitten* or an *kitten*. I've never called one of them stupid. I've never even told a boyfriend to shut up. I would not put up with him speaking to me like that, so I certainly wouldn't do it to him.

    It really saddens me to see what girls view as perfectly normal relationship behavior these days.
  • Rawr1978
    Rawr1978 Posts: 245 Member
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    oh, his behavior is completely normal for someone who hasn't been told, in complete seriousness, to knock it the eff off. Guys would pull it on me until I told them to try to get those girls. I had a rather big ego when I met my bf, so he already figured out not to say anyone was better than me.
    if this guy hasn't been told it bugs her, he's assuming it's fine to do.

    Exactly this. My husband used to do that same thing all the time. I guess his ex's in the past weren't bothered by it, or didn't stand up for themselves to tell him it bothered them. I finally exploded on him one day and asked him to stop pointing out every single hot female on the planet. He was surprised it bothered me....it had never even crossed his mind that it might be a bad thing. But since I asked him to please stop, he hasn't done it since out of respect for me. So you might just need to tell him straight up.
    I don't mind occasional comments, i do it more than he does...but if he ever said, "she's the hottest thing," it crosses a respect line. It would make me 1. Feel like he's settling, 2. The other girl probably has time and money to look that way. I do not
    Just an example: when we first started out, we were talking about various hot chics. I said I wwnted to try to doll myself up like one. His response was, "you dont have to. These girls look good, yes, but where natural beauty comes in, you win."
    Sorry, but that's really something I feel every woman should be told.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    Don't ever try to compare yourself to others, you're beautiful, and don't get in shape for your boyfriend. Do it for you! Be the best you that you can be and love and respect yourself for it!
  • kasimarie29
    kasimarie29 Posts: 128 Member
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    I honestly feel like I've put out the wrong vibe about my boyfriend. he's really not as bad as some of you may think now. he's really good to me despite the ocassional comment that may hurt my feelings...
  • youngdreamer
    youngdreamer Posts: 65 Member
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    I would honestly just swoon over all of your celebrity male crushes. Don't get mad, get even. What slightly irks me is when regular people don't understand... not even ~THEY~ look that way. It's all a lie.
  • MissAubreyA
    MissAubreyA Posts: 13
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    Okay, so, my boyfriend has all these little crushes on these women on tv. We've been together for just about forever so it doesn't really bother me. What does bother me is hearing "sorry, but she's the hottest woman in the world." No girl wants to hear that right? Well, should I just let it roll off my back and let it be motivation to get in shape? Cuz I know I would be just as pretty as some of these women if I would just lose some weight. I have a nice face, and a nice shape(not trying to be stuck up by no means), but I'm just overweight... I carry my weight well but i have a lil too much of it. if I lose like 50 lbs, I feel like he wouldn't keep saying that to me. Maybe he's just trying to motivate me??

    By the way, I have been having a tad bit of trouble staying on my new healthy life style change here lately. If you'd like to add me and help out with that, feel free :)

    My husband and I say crap like that all the time. And I know that it isn't the popular opinion, but I think it is more disrespectful to lie to your partner by pretending that no one else in the world is remotely attractive.

    He and I went through this exact same thing a few years ago when I gained about 75 pounds being pregnant. So when I noticed that my sensitivity had changed to his comments, I talked to him about it. Told him that I was feeling insecure, and so I needed him to tone it down a little for a while. He did, I lost the weight, and all was well.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    My husband and I say crap like that all the time. And I know that it isn't the popular opinion, but I think it is more disrespectful to lie to your partner by pretending that no one else in the world is remotely attractive.

    So the only two choices are to constantly gush over others' appearances or pretend everyone else is ugly? Those are the only choices??
  • kasimarie29
    kasimarie29 Posts: 128 Member
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    Okay, so, my boyfriend has all these little crushes on these women on tv. We've been together for just about forever so it doesn't really bother me. What does bother me is hearing "sorry, but she's the hottest woman in the world." No girl wants to hear that right? Well, should I just let it roll off my back and let it be motivation to get in shape? Cuz I know I would be just as pretty as some of these women if I would just lose some weight. I have a nice face, and a nice shape(not trying to be stuck up by no means), but I'm just overweight... I carry my weight well but i have a lil too much of it. if I lose like 50 lbs, I feel like he wouldn't keep saying that to me. Maybe he's just trying to motivate me??

    By the way, I have been having a tad bit of trouble staying on my new healthy life style change here lately. If you'd like to add me and help out with that, feel free :)

    My husband and I say crap like that all the time. And I know that it isn't the popular opinion, but I think it is more disrespectful to lie to your partner by pretending that no one else in the world is remotely attractive.

    He and I went through this exact same thing a few years ago when I gained about 75 pounds being pregnant. So when I noticed that my sensitivity had changed to his comments, I talked to him about it. Told him that I was feeling insecure, and so I needed him to tone it down a little for a while. He did, I lost the weight, and all was well.

    see? thank you. it's nice to have advice from someone who's been through the same thing.
  • bootsiejayne
    bootsiejayne Posts: 151 Member
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    Oh, Milla Jojovich is hot.
  • ebgbjo
    ebgbjo Posts: 821 Member
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    I honestly feel like I've put out the wrong vibe about my boyfriend. he's really not as bad as some of you may think now. he's really good to me despite the ocassional comment that may hurt my feelings...

    The problem is, emotional abuse it worse than physical abuse. You say you have low self esteem, well, you are letting your boyfriend keep your esteem low by knocking you down instead of building you up. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you that you aren't hot enough for him, basically. And what exactly does this guy of YOURS look like??
  • MissAubreyA
    MissAubreyA Posts: 13
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    So the only two choices are to constantly gush over others' appearances or pretend everyone else is ugly? Those are the only choices??
    Nope. Just hyperbole to emphasize a point. There doesn't seem to be a lot of room for discussing the gray area on this board, so I went with the short version.
  • kasimarie29
    kasimarie29 Posts: 128 Member
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    I honestly feel like I've put out the wrong vibe about my boyfriend. he's really not as bad as some of you may think now. he's really good to me despite the ocassional comment that may hurt my feelings...

    The problem is, emotional abuse it worse than physical abuse. You say you have low self esteem, well, you are letting your boyfriend keep your esteem low by knocking you down instead of building you up. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you that you aren't hot enough for him, basically. And what exactly does this guy of YOURS look like??


    He's never said I'm not hot enough for him. he's always telling me that I'm beautfiul and sexy and what not.
    and idk how to upload pics on here but he's really tall, buff in the arms, blue eyes blonde hair.. umm idk lol I think hes absolutely gorgeous.. I have apic of us on my account.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I honestly feel like I've put out the wrong vibe about my boyfriend. he's really not as bad as some of you may think now. he's really good to me despite the ocassional comment that may hurt my feelings...

    The problem is, emotional abuse it worse than physical abuse. You say you have low self esteem, well, you are letting your boyfriend keep your esteem low by knocking you down instead of building you up. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you that you aren't hot enough for him, basically. And what exactly does this guy of YOURS look like??
    He didn't tell her that. She's 19 and I'm guessing he's around that age as well. He's commenting on the attractiveness of celebrities, not telling his GF she's ugly.

    My SO finds Jenna Elfman very attractive. She's 5'10" (at least), athletic shape, blond. I'm 5'3", curly red hair, hourglass figure. The fact that I will never look like Jenna doesn't mean he doesn't also find me attractive.

    He's also told me that if he had the chance to leave me for Salma Hayek, he would. But we both know he's not serious and especially because that opportunity is as likely to come as me looking like Jenna Elfman one day.

    Also, despite his saying those things, he has also told me that I have the body shape that "all men" lust after. Now, I know that isn't true, but he's really speaking about himself, which is the only opinion that matters in this case (besides my own).
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    I honestly feel like I've put out the wrong vibe about my boyfriend. he's really not as bad as some of you may think now. he's really good to me despite the ocassional comment that may hurt my feelings...

    The problem is, emotional abuse it worse than physical abuse. You say you have low self esteem, well, you are letting your boyfriend keep your esteem low by knocking you down instead of building you up. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you that you aren't hot enough for him, basically. And what exactly does this guy of YOURS look like??

    HOLY CRAP! Jumping to conclusions is great and leaping to the worst case scenarios always solves problems lol. No where in her statement did she say that he said sh is not hot enough for him. Men are capable of seeing all types on beauty and physical attributes are only a small portion of a healthy relationship. Honesty is another......
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,620 Member
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    Okay, so, my boyfriend has all these little crushes on these women on tv. We've been together for just about forever so it doesn't really bother me. What does bother me is hearing "sorry, but she's the hottest woman in the world." No girl wants to hear that right? Well, should I just let it roll off my back and let it be motivation to get in shape? Cuz I know I would be just as pretty as some of these women if I would just lose some weight. I have a nice face, and a nice shape(not trying to be stuck up by no means), but I'm just overweight... I carry my weight well but i have a lil too much of it. if I lose like 50 lbs, I feel like he wouldn't keep saying that to me. Maybe he's just trying to motivate me??

    By the way, I have been having a tad bit of trouble staying on my new healthy life style change here lately. If you'd like to add me and help out with that, feel free :)
    It's a man thing. Don't try to figure it out. And "hot" is subjective. It changes with age and interests.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ebgbjo
    ebgbjo Posts: 821 Member
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    SHE said she has low self esteem. He is feeding into it. She already that he apologizes afterwards when she says it hurts her to hear that. So, he knows it hurts her, yet he keeps on doing it?! He is a jerk, plain and simple. Someone with low self esteem isn't going to get better self esteem with a loved one saying such things. Saying "I'm sorry" then doing the same thing over and over again is NOT being sorry.

    I have been in her shoes before. And YES, it is a form of emotional abuse to have someone you love put you down by constantly pointing out how others look better, especially when they know you have low self esteem.
    I honestly feel like I've put out the wrong vibe about my boyfriend. he's really not as bad as some of you may think now. he's really good to me despite the ocassional comment that may hurt my feelings...

    The problem is, emotional abuse it worse than physical abuse. You say you have low self esteem, well, you are letting your boyfriend keep your esteem low by knocking you down instead of building you up. He is emotionally abusing you by telling you that you aren't hot enough for him, basically. And what exactly does this guy of YOURS look like??

    HOLY CRAP! Jumping to conclusions is great and leaping to the worst case scenarios always solves problems lol. No where in her statement did she say that he said sh is not hot enough for him. Men are capable of seeing all types on beauty and physical attributes are only a small portion of a healthy relationship. Honesty is another......
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    I think it's a little silly to assume that your spouse is going to find you the most attractive person in the world. What happens when you get old? I think it's better to be more realistic. Realize that he finds you attractive and more importantly he loves you for things beyond physical beauty.

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