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Adoption - Should Fat People Be Allowed to Adopt?
Replies
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Should adoption agencies look at a person's overall health (including obesity) when considering if someone is suitable to adopt?
Or should those sort of things not matter because a loving home is more important than a stable home (health stability I mean)?
I think physical and mental health can be an important factor in someone's ability to physically care for a young child and should be considered. Young children need physical care and someone incapable of providing it should not be top of the list to adopt. A tv show like that probably exaggerated/manipulated the situation but there is some common sense in not adopting out to those who can not care for a child to a certain minimum standard.
I know one adoptive couple where one person had MS, was bipolar, unstable family background, older (had grown children/teens), smoker and they were able to eventually adopt an infant. Neither was overweight. They later divorced. They gave the child a home but it certainly was not a stable home environment over the years. If their only issue had been one of them was obese I think things would have been more stable.
I think this is a good point. Someone previously mentioned "my 600 lb life". Those are cases of extreme obesity, there are mental health reasons behind one getting that large, and lots of physical restrictions with being that large that I think would prevent you from being an acceptable care taker. I do not allowing someone in that situation adopt.
I have not seen this specific show, but googling images these people appear overweight, but still able to function normally. I would place less emphasis on BMI and more on interviews and interactions with the person if I were making the decision. If they want to be loving parents I say let them. There are plenty of biological parents that are just as large and/or larger than the people I am seeing from this show that are good parents to their children.0 -
Should adoption agencies look at a person's overall health (including obesity) when considering if someone is suitable to adopt?
Or should those sort of things not matter because a loving home is more important than a stable home (health stability I mean)?
I think physical and mental health can be an important factor in someone's ability to physically care for a young child and should be considered. Young children need physical care and someone incapable of providing it should not be top of the list to adopt. A tv show like that probably exaggerated/manipulated the situation but there is some common sense in not adopting out to those who can not care for a child to a certain minimum standard.
I know one adoptive couple where one person had MS, was bipolar, unstable family background, older (had grown children/teens), smoker and they were able to eventually adopt an infant. Neither was overweight. They later divorced. They gave the child a home but it certainly was not a stable home environment over the years. If their only issue had been one of them was obese I think things would have been more stable.
Well and assuming the person with bipolar had a stable diagnosis, it's the unstable family background (I'm assuming you mean the home wasn't stable), a chronic progressive terminal illness, and smoking that were the issues.0 -
Should adoption agencies look at a person's overall health (including obesity) when considering if someone is suitable to adopt?
Or should those sort of things not matter because a loving home is more important than a stable home (health stability I mean)?
I think physical and mental health can be an important factor in someone's ability to physically care for a young child and should be considered. Young children need physical care and someone incapable of providing it should not be top of the list to adopt. A tv show like that probably exaggerated/manipulated the situation but there is some common sense in not adopting out to those who can not care for a child to a certain minimum standard.
I know one adoptive couple where one person had MS, was bipolar, unstable family background, older (had grown children/teens), smoker and they were able to eventually adopt an infant. Neither was overweight. They later divorced. They gave the child a home but it certainly was not a stable home environment over the years. If their only issue had been one of them was obese I think things would have been more stable.
Well and assuming the person with bipolar had a stable diagnosis, it's the unstable family background (I'm assuming you mean the home wasn't stable), a chronic progressive terminal illness, and smoking that were the issues.
It was 19 years ago. The couple was not prevented from adopting a child despite any of their issues.
Unstable family background means close relatives in jail frequently, abusive family, drug abusers/alcoholics, undertreated mental illness. After adopting the home and adoptive parents became more unstable as well.
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Duck_Puddle wrote: »I didn’t see the TV show and I only did a cursory Google search - which mentioned a BMI of 40 as a cutoff (for the ones that mentioned something specific). So my comments are based on that.
BMI of 40 is morbid obesity - not just a little (or even a lot) overweight. I’ve been morbidly obese. It’s a level of obesity where size affects qualify of life nearly all circumstances. While I was at the lower end of “fitness” for morbid obesity, I’m not sure that anyone could have any real reasonable level of fitness while also being so obese that surgical intervention is often encouraged because the risks of obesity outweigh the risks of surgery. I honestly don’t know. I just can’t imagine that being the predominant situation.
Anyway-I had trouble waking. I needed to rest going up stairs. I was too weak to carry more than a can of food at a time. I had to lean on grocery carts for support because it was too exhausting to walk down the aisles. It was exhausting just existing. Never mind the actual health risks.
Could I have provided a child a loving and stable home? Absolutely. Could I have chased a curious toddler to keep him/her safe? Ehhhh. Could I have managed to take a child to the playground or a walk around the neighborhood or simply playing in the yard? Unlikely. Gone for a bike ride with a child? Heck-I exceeded the weight limit for most bikes.
While I try very hard not to judge others for the choices they make and not assume a position of superiority because I have chosen to make changes in my life-I have also lived a life the past year that has caused me to reflect on the changes in my quality of life that have occurred because of the changes I made in my lifestyle.
One of those was an incrediblely active vacation in AZ including a trip to the Grand Canyon. While I was walking around the rim, I passed several families where parents appeared to be in a physical condition similar to where I was when I started (morbidly obese). The parents were sitting on the wall, obviously exhausted and completely spent. The children were anxious and eager to explore (as would be expected in such an awe inspiring place). The parents simply couldn’t. I’m obviously making a lot of assumptions about the parents’ condition (there could be a multitude of reasons).
But on the outset, I think of morbid obesity and I think of those kids at the Grand Canyon just begging their parents to walk another 100 yards-and the parents couldn’t. And I think back to my own experience and know that I lacked the fitness to be able to keep a very young child safe.
I would love that child with all my heart. And that child would know I loved them. But I don’t know that I disagree with a cutoff at morbid obesity.
You have described the state my health was in at a BMI of 40. While obese I also became diabetic which permanently alters my chance at a long life, even though I have lost serious weight and become more fit now.
For me, the BMI scale was an accurate reflection of my fitness - at 40 I had to lean on grocery carts to get around the store. At 30 I could happily walk, but running was too hard on my feet and my stamina. Below 30, I started to be able to do most things, but not well. Below 25 I was able to do most activities well.
I know BMI is not an accurate scale for everybody. I am a slightly taller than average middle aged white woman with average bones and muscle mass, which means it works well for me. It seems to me that while obesity might be one factor to consider when there are more available parents than children, BMI should never be the sole criterion for determining obesity. A health care professional should be able to override the BMI in case of outliers such as very muscular people.5 -
Should adoption agencies look at a person's overall health (including obesity) when considering if someone is suitable to adopt?
Or should those sort of things not matter because a loving home is more important than a stable home (health stability I mean)?
I think physical and mental health can be an important factor in someone's ability to physically care for a young child and should be considered. Young children need physical care and someone incapable of providing it should not be top of the list to adopt. A tv show like that probably exaggerated/manipulated the situation but there is some common sense in not adopting out to those who can not care for a child to a certain minimum standard.
I know one adoptive couple where one person had MS, was bipolar, unstable family background, older (had grown children/teens), smoker and they were able to eventually adopt an infant. Neither was overweight. They later divorced. They gave the child a home but it certainly was not a stable home environment over the years. If their only issue had been one of them was obese I think things would have been more stable.
Well and assuming the person with bipolar had a stable diagnosis, it's the unstable family background (I'm assuming you mean the home wasn't stable), a chronic progressive terminal illness, and smoking that were the issues.
It was 19 years ago. The couple was not prevented from adopting a child despite any of their issues.
Unstable family background means close relatives in jail frequently, abusive family, drug abusers/alcoholics, undertreated mental illness. After adopting the home and adoptive parents became more unstable as well.
What I was pointing out was that bipolar (among various other mental illnesses), if treated, shouldn't be an issue with regards to adopting a child (or raising a child really). I too know someone with bipolar who is an adoptive parent. In her case it was 7 or 8 years ago and she had been stable for a very long time. Saying someone has bipolar doesn't actually tell one anything about how functional the person is.
But yes, it sounds like the situation you're talking about was not a good one for a number of reasons. So many reasons.3 -
As someone who has looked into adoption. It all depends on the agency and sometimes the country.
There are agencies who won’t let you adopt with them if you aren’t the right religion, too fat, health issues or a history of depression.
Some countries have limits on BMI, income, mental health etc.
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As someone who was in the foster system as a child this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. To deny a child in need of a loving home because the person who wants desperately to be a parent is too large in my opinion is so very wrong. This in no way protects the child. It probably puts the child at a higher risk. No child should have to live in the foster system or an orphanage. Honestly, these types of rules are made by people who have no idea what it’s actually like for the children living in those situations. 🤬
My knee jerk reaction was "that shouldn't be a rule" and the response above sealed the deal.
I could see it being a true issue if the prospective adoptive parent was both a single parent AND already had serious medical issues due to their weight. Otherwise, not so much.
While it's not that closely related, I feel similarly about some of the rules on surrogacy. My friend was 27 years old, a mother of three young children, who had easy pregnancies and deliveries, but was 50 or 60 lb overweight post-partum (and had always been at least 30 lb overweight even as a college basketball player). She was very healthy otherwise and she deeply wanted to be a surrogate for her sister-in-law, but the doctors warned that her obesity would prevent this from being an option at all. I don't know all of the ins and outs but in her particular situation, I found that absurd. I believe there may have been some added risk but for the most part it sounded like she would be an ideal surrogate.1 -
I believe the concern is that the parent will die or be incapacitated to the point of not being able to care for the child. The agency is charged with the heavy responsibility of finding the best possible long-term situation for the child-- the wishes/feelings of the potential parent are secondary.10
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In 1971 I adopted a child categorized as hard to place. The financial requirements were waived, but my husband, two children and I were required to pass physical exams and mental evaluations. I understand the need to insure the child's well-being, but my heart hurts for those children who fail to be adopted due to overly-rigid regulations. Very few families are ideal, in my experience.3
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spinnerdell wrote: »In 1971 I adopted a child categorized as hard to place. The financial requirements were waived, but my husband, two children and I were required to pass physical exams and mental evaluations. I understand the need to insure the child's well-being, but my heart hurts for those children who fail to be adopted due to overly-rigid regulations. Very few families are ideal, in my experience.
Isn't that the truth?
I was adopted. So was my husband and all but one of our siblings. I am grateful to have had a family -- we all are. But it's an odd business 'giving' children to families, isn't it?
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On 600 lb life there was a couple who had adopted 4 kids I think plus had one of their own,she was bedridden and the kids had to take care of her mostly cuz her husband had end stage kidney failure,it made me sad cuz the youngest was only 10 and to think both of his parents were high risk and might pass away,I think they were able to adopt though cuz the kids had been born to addicts so maybe the criteria wasn't as strict,who knows what the right answer is in the situation,if I was a parent less kid I'd want to be in a home that made me feel loved but I'd also rather not hafta have a parent,depend on me for everything either5
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For what it's worth I do know at least one person who was abandoned by his adoptive parents. By abandoned, I mean kicked out. I suspect it's less common that the various abuses that can happen in foster homes, but it happens.
While I have never been in the child welfare system, I think the reality is that it's more complex than "we just need to get children in homes".7 -
For what it's worth I do know at least one person who was abandoned by his adoptive parents. By abandoned, I mean kicked out. I suspect it's less common that the various abuses that can happen in foster homes, but it happens.
While I have never been in the child welfare system, I think the reality is that it's more complex than "we just need to get children in homes".
I've known more than one person who was kicked out by biological parents as a minor teenager, so unless someone has found some way of predicting which parents will do that, I'm not sure what the value of pointing out that it happens with adoptive parents as well is. Because otherwise the only remedy is to allow no adoptions at all, which doesn't seem like a good outcome.11 -
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NorthCascades wrote: »
I agree, this was a really good idea for a debate post.7 -
So curiosity got the better of me and I googled a write up of the show. The star was trying to adopt a baby from South Korea, as it seems she taught there at one point. It turns out, she failed three requirements: They prefer not to adopt to single people (she is single), you cannot have a history of mental illness (I guess she does), and you have to be under a certain BMI (which she would need to lose 200 lbs to meet, they say).
I think it is understandable in an international adoption that the standards are rather high. They don't want to go through all the paperwork and financials, send the baby half way around the world, and then a couple of years later have that one parent unable to care for the child.
Based on skimming some other websites, it seems to me that adopting a child in foster care in the US has far fewer requirements, though it differs state to state, which again makes sense to me. However I believe it's rare to be able to adopt a baby from foster care, so you have to be willing to accept a slightly older child who may very well have trauma in their past.14 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »For what it's worth I do know at least one person who was abandoned by his adoptive parents. By abandoned, I mean kicked out. I suspect it's less common that the various abuses that can happen in foster homes, but it happens.
While I have never been in the child welfare system, I think the reality is that it's more complex than "we just need to get children in homes".
I've known more than one person who was kicked out by biological parents as a minor teenager, so unless someone has found some way of predicting which parents will do that, I'm not sure what the value of pointing out that it happens with adoptive parents as well is. Because otherwise the only remedy is to allow no adoptions at all, which doesn't seem like a good outcome.
I do as well and I know people online who have been kicked out before their teenagers. That said, we can't actually ethically tell people not to have children (and on the can of historical and contemporary worms that this could open up). My point, which may have been missed, is that adoption is in no way a cut and dry, "you can adopt this child" sort of situation.2 -
...if I was a parent less kid I'd want to be in a home that made me feel loved but I'd also rather not hafta have a parent,depend on me for everything either
I have not heard of the show in discussion, but I’ll chime in anyway.
I think a child’s quality of life depends on a complex tangle of things like adequate food, shelter, health care, emotional support, access to education, and physical/mental challenge/reward. If data could argue that a parent is significantly less likely to provide these things by being past a certain BMI, then I would side with that decision. However, parenting capacity isn’t eliminated just because a parent is in need of help. Both of my parents became disabled when I was a child. Sure, it took a lot to care for them as an only child, and I lost some “privilege” doing so, but they did everything they could as parents. I am SO grateful to have the childhood I did compared to a lot of my friends with “normal” parents. Plus, I think I turned out OK
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...if I was a parent less kid I'd want to be in a home that made me feel loved but I'd also rather not hafta have a parent,depend on me for everything either
I have not heard of the show in discussion, but I’ll chime in anyway.
I think a child’s quality of life depends on a complex tangle of things like adequate food, shelter, health care, emotional support, access to education, and physical/mental challenge/reward. If data could argue that a parent is significantly less likely to provide these things by being past a certain BMI, then I would side with that decision. However, parenting capacity isn’t eliminated just because a parent is in need of help. Both of my parents became disabled when I was a child. Sure, it took a lot to care for them as an only child, and I lost some “privilege” doing so, but they did everything they could as parents. I am SO grateful to have the childhood I did compared to a lot of my friends with “normal” parents. Plus, I think I turned out OK
Good point,the parents in this particular show DID show alot of love for their kids despite the kids having a lot of responsibility in caring for the parents and I think it is a better life for the kids than being shuffled from one place to another or no place at all3 -
So curiosity got the better of me and I googled a write up of the show. The star was trying to adopt a baby from South Korea, as it seems she taught there at one point. It turns out, she failed three requirements: They prefer not to adopt to single people (she is single), you cannot have a history of mental illness (I guess she does), and you have to be under a certain BMI (which she would need to lose 200 lbs to meet, they say).
I think it is understandable in an international adoption that the standards are rather high. They don't want to go through all the paperwork and financials, send the baby half way around the world, and then a couple of years later have that one parent unable to care for the child.
Based on skimming some other websites, it seems to me that adopting a child in foster care in the US has far fewer requirements, though it differs state to state, which again makes sense to me. However I believe it's rare to be able to adopt a baby from foster care, so you have to be willing to accept a slightly older child who may very well have trauma in their past.
Yes Whitney has many more problems than her weight and is no way capable of raising a child.
My take on the overall issue is not not only the health and ability to be active with a child, but also that the obese parent-to-be may not have proper knowledge of nutrition and activity needs and would pass along their “bad” habits resulting in weight problems for the child later on.5 -
They screen for obvious potential health risks.
A former colleague was a life long distance runner. Track I n high school. Clubs in college. Built like a distance runner. Very lean, ran every day at lunch. Loved the absolute picture of health.
He died 200 yards from finishing a half marathon in Raleigh. Cardiac arrest. Had no prior health or heart issues.
He was 32 years old.3 -
Well..I adopted
This was 12/23/15 when we signed the paperwork.
We adopted through foster care, yet we still had to get clearance through a doctor.
I work for the agency (different dept) but was told that a woman adopted and was sick and passed and the kids went to the family who weren’t any better then basically the family that had the kids to begin w.
To be honest adopting (private agencies) is really hard. They look over ur whole family, in depth, and everything about .
Yes I think that they should have health guidelines but not a weight limit...cause some people really can’t help it.20 -
ginagurl79 wrote: »Well..I adopted
This was 12/23/15 when we signed the paperwork.
We adopted through foster care, yet we still had to get clearance through a doctor.
I work for the agency (different dept) but was told that a woman adopted and was sick and passed and the kids went to the family who weren’t any better then basically the family that had the kids to begin w.
To be honest adopting (private agencies) is really hard. They look over ur whole family, in depth, and everything about .
Yes I think that they should have health guidelines but not a weight limit...cause some people really can’t help it.
Thank you for both fostering and adopting.10 -
ginagurl79 wrote: »Well..I adopted
This was 12/23/15 when we signed the paperwork.
We adopted through foster care, yet we still had to get clearance through a doctor.
I work for the agency (different dept) but was told that a woman adopted and was sick and passed and the kids went to the family who weren’t any better then basically the family that had the kids to begin w.
To be honest adopting (private agencies) is really hard. They look over ur whole family, in depth, and everything about .
Yes I think that they should have health guidelines but not a weight limit...cause some people really can’t help it.
Need that awesome button back.
Bravo Zulu.8 -
If we wanted to adopt before we became "too old" we would have been denied due to my wife's medical history not our weight.
It is nearly impossible to adopt over 40. Sometimes teenagers can be adopted out of foster care over 40.
Adopting out of foster care is definitely a lot less expensive than private agencies.
My sister in law adopted two toddlers out of foster care. Her other kids are all grown and on their own. Foster care is also now lenient regarding the health records of the prospective parents.5 -
I personally have serious doubts as to the usefulness of BMI as a single indicator towards a person's overall health.7
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I personally have serious doubts as to the usefulness of BMI as a single indicator towards a person's overall health.
Is your point that you don't think the woman whose experiences are recounted in the OP is actually obese and that BMI is misleading in her case? Or that you agree she's obese but you don't think this tells us anything relevant about the potential for health problems in her future?2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I personally have serious doubts as to the usefulness of BMI as a single indicator towards a person's overall health.
Is your point that you don't think the woman whose experiences are recounted in the OP is actually obese and that BMI is misleading in her case? Or that you agree she's obese but you don't think this tells us anything relevant about the potential for health problems in her future?
It was a general statement, not related to a specific case. I think body composition is often assumed based on BMI, but BMI by itself is, in my opinion as a lay person, limited in its ability to indicate overall individual health.4 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I personally have serious doubts as to the usefulness of BMI as a single indicator towards a person's overall health.
Is your point that you don't think the woman whose experiences are recounted in the OP is actually obese and that BMI is misleading in her case? Or that you agree she's obese but you don't think this tells us anything relevant about the potential for health problems in her future?
It was a general statement, not related to a specific case. I think body composition is often assumed based on BMI, but BMI by itself is, in my opinion as a lay person, limited in its ability to indicate overall individual health.
BMi isn't meant to indicate overall individual health, so I'm not sure what the point is here.6 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »I personally have serious doubts as to the usefulness of BMI as a single indicator towards a person's overall health.
Is your point that you don't think the woman whose experiences are recounted in the OP is actually obese and that BMI is misleading in her case? Or that you agree she's obese but you don't think this tells us anything relevant about the potential for health problems in her future?
It was a general statement, not related to a specific case. I think body composition is often assumed based on BMI, but BMI by itself is, in my opinion as a lay person, limited in its ability to indicate overall individual health.
BMi isn't meant to indicate overall individual health, so I'm not sure what the point is here.
I think that is my point. It seems to be being used as such, or did I read that wrong?0
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