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Adoption - Should Fat People Be Allowed to Adopt?
Replies
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NorthCascades wrote: »NorthCascades wrote: »My understanding is that BMI was designed to be used as an indicator of current body mass for populations.
Roads were paved for bicyclists, now we identify them to drive cars and sometimes maim cyclists. Things change. It's not always for the best, but it's life.
People use BMI as a quick and dirty indicator for people, because it works 99% of the time. Even if your gym is full of ripped bros, there are 7 billion people in the world. Most of them don't exercise more than they have to. Of the small share of people who exercise at all, lots of them run but don't lift, etc. Statistically, across the entire population, BMI gets you in the right ballpark almost always. Remember we're talking statistics over a very large population, we're not just talking bros.
Actually, we are talking about a single individual wanting to adopt, but I concede that the degree to which they have set the limit adequately compensates for the limits of BMI as applied to an individual.
So in the case of this one individual, did BMI get it wrong, or had this whole thing been a waste of time?
You guys are the ones who keep bringing it up. I said in my reply to you:I concede that the degree to which they have set the limit adequately compensates for the limits of BMI as applied to an individual.0 -
The weight of a person who is willingly ready to take love and responsibility of a child who needs a parent in their life, should never be an issue.
For me personally, I find this as offensive as people who say gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt.
My dad is overweight, but it's not his fault that I got the size I did, it's the fact that a flu virus which attacked my sister's heart when she was 18, causing her to contract Dilated Cardiomyopathy and had a heart attack, then passed away in 2015 - my parents had a lot of time that they needed to be at the hospital with her so during my teenage years, I would binge at because I was obviously scared thinking daily "my sister is dying" and it didn't help the fact that the people at school bullying me, who found out from me talking to a teacher that my sister was in the condition, kept asking me daily "is she dead yet? I hope she dies and you feel like s***t".15 -
According to this chart, I'm obese in both my before and after pics. I'm 215# in the after pic. I'm 5'11" in both pictures. Probably somewhere just under 280 in the before photo, just inside the Obese region of the chart.
I know, N=1 here. But such charts don't consider build. I do have a large chest, 49-50" and short legs, 29" inseam. Leaves a bit more in middle.
I'd buy overweight, as I could probably lose another 20# Can see the makings of my 6 pack if I took off my shirt, but still have some love handles to lose. The "fat shirt" is very loose on my in the after photo. It's an XLT and I'm now wearing LT, when they offer enough room in the chest.
But not sure I'd buy obese in the after photo.
FWIW
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Weight should not be a consideration unless it interferes with being able to care for the child. The child should NOT have to care for the parents. If parents become disabled for some reason and their minor children are put in the position to provide "some" care for their parents, that is different! BUT, to be adopted by parents who themselves need care such as an extremely obese person is ridiculous. I think it would be abusive to that child. No way should they be allowed to adopt. I realize there are definitely some underlying issues when people get so big they are bedridden BUT it is disgusting!! Would YOU want to be in their home day in day out...imagine a child being exposed to that environment. They cannot even care for themselves let alone a child...can they provide love? In a limited way because they don't even love themselves. You cannot give what you do not have!!
SO, should a "fat" person be able to adopt...depends on how fat they are.
What about people who are extremely thin? Do they discriminate assuming an extremely thin person MUST have an eating disorder & wouldn't be a good role model for the child...etc etc etc. The bottom line should be can this person provide the physical, emotional, mental needs of a child....if they cannot walk or hardly walk or bathe themselves, then NO they likely cannot provide the care a child needs regardless of whether it is a toddler or a teen.7 -
My sister struggles with fertility. They are looking at Foster to Adopt. She's obese but would make a better mom than most. That's horse hocky.0
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Why the hell not??!
Just because someone is fat does not mean they'd not be a good parent - far from it in most cases actually...1 -
ginagurl79 wrote: »Well look at these numbers/at 5’2 id be a bag of bones at 110.
But that's not BMI. I don't know what the heck it is, but for the heights that I'm familiar with, those "ideal" weights would be classified underweight by BMI.
For a 5'7" female, it's smack bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range. It's my current target (gotta start somewhere).0 -
Knowing that someone was rejected from adopting due to their weight upsets me greatly. It makes absolutely no sense to me. "Shortened expected life span" is not a good reason to refuse to let someone adopt, unless there is overwhelming evidence that they more than likely will die before the child is 18. Obesity alone is not "evidence" that someone will die within the next 18 years. Look at me, I've been in that obese category for about that many years and there's no reason for me to think I'm going to die soon. My doctor has remarked that I am actually incredibly healthy despite my weight.
There are two more things to consider:
1. An obese parent can lose weight within the next 18 years.
2. A skinny parent can gain weight within the next 18 years.
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Some places write adoption laws as if there's an overwhelming amount of people willing to adopt just a few kids in need of homes, when in reality it is the opposite. Everywhere in the world has way more children that need homes than those who are willing to provide them. Unless someone has health conditions (and being obese ain't it) that would greatly interfere with their ability to adequately raise the child, they should be encouraged, not denied.1
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and god forbid what if someone significantly obese wanted to adopt to have a child to wait on them? (see my 600 lb life they all have people waiting on them)
This shows a shocking amount of anti-obesity bias in my opinion. Your assumption is simply because someone is overweight they are trying to adopt the help? Perhaps you shouldn't let "reality" TV guide your opinions of real life.
There are abusive parents (adoptive or biological) out there who do horrible things to their children, regardless of what weight they are. Singling out obese people as if they are going to be predisposed to being child abusers is ridiculous.6 -
I would stress again we are not talking about adoption "laws" in the US. The woman in question was trying to adopt a child from a foreign country and is classified as morbidly obese (she also failed other requirements). Many of these adoption services are not adopting out orphans - they are go betweens for mothers who have decided to give up their children and want them to live in a place with more opportunity.
If I were to get pregnant and decided I wanted to give the baby up to someone who would give them a better life than I could, you're darn tootin' I would have a long list of possibly unfair requirements.
Obviously orphans and children in foster care are an entirely different story, and as far as I know there are generally no laws against obese people adopting in the US at least.12 -
It seems some of the arguments being presented assume that there’s a line of rejected just barely obese people clamoring to adopt children who have or are currently facing years in the foster system.
As @kimny72 mentioned, this question was posed in response to a morbidly obese (the “extreme obesity” section of the chart a few posts up-the level of obesity where WLS is encouraged because the risks of remaining that obese exceed the risks of surgery) woman, trying to adopt a baby.
While I don’t have any evidence or statistics to support one way or another, based on some posts up thread it seems the demand for adoptable babies far exceeds supply (and agencies can set whatever guidelines they choose as exclusionary as due to demand, they have the luxury of choosing whoever they deem to be the best possible parents) and supply of adoptable children older than babies vastly exceeds demand (and some requirements seem waived to allow these adoptions to take place-at least sometimes).
I could be very wrong. I have no proof of anything.3 -
Some places write adoption laws as if there's an overwhelming amount of people willing to adopt just a few kids in need of homes, when in reality it is the opposite. Everywhere in the world has way more children that need homes than those who are willing to provide them. Unless someone has health conditions (and being obese ain't it) that would greatly interfere with their ability to adequately raise the child, they should be encouraged, not denied.
There are people in the world who want to adopt but shouldn't be allowed to. Places doing adoptions have a responsibility to the child first and foremost. I'm not saying where the line should be drawn, but there has to be a line.6 -
There’s a glut of couples wanting a baby for adoption.
There’s a glut of children in the foster care system who would love a chance in a loving adoptive home.
My first thought was that an obese parent would have a tough time chasing after a toddler. Or taking them to the park.
So for baby adoption I figure the screeners can make the criteria as tough as they want.
For older children, be generous. Loving parents can work around their disabilities and/or health issues.
I advised my mentally ill son that I want a clean, pampered, doted-on grandchild like I have already. If he can provide all that, then all power to him. Painfully, gradually, he set aside the dream to father his own child. For the sake of his wife and the dream of a child who could have been. Now that’s love. That’s sacrifice.7 -
There’s a glut of couples wanting a baby for adoption.
There’s a glut of children in the foster care system who would love a chance in a loving adoptive home.
My first thought was that an obese parent would have a tough time chasing after a toddler. Or taking them to the park.
So for baby adoption I figure the screeners can make the criteria as tough as they want.
For older children, be generous. Loving parents can work around their disabilities and/or health issues.
I advised my mentally ill son that I want a clean, pampered, doted-on grandchild like I have already. If he can provide all that, then all power to him. Painfully, gradually, he set aside the dream to father his own child. For the sake of his wife and the dream of a child who could have been. Now that’s love. That’s sacrifice.
Though even then, there are plenty of people with mental illnesses who are responsible parents. I know multiple people who fall into that box, including some who have adopted their children.
Of course there are also people with mental illnesses who one could easily predict would be a bad parent and others who flat out are poor parents in part because of their mental health issues. Your son is apparently one of those people (note - I am not trying to invalidate your son's decision). At the end of the day that's part of why this isn't black and white.
edit: and by "responsible parents", I mean what you would expect from a parent good. Not just a "well they're keeping the kid alive..." sort of situation.0 -
There’s a glut of couples wanting a baby for adoption.
There’s a glut of children in the foster care system who would love a chance in a loving adoptive home.
Former foster parent here... Not all children in the foster care system are available for adoption. In fact, most of them aren't. Hence, families look to other agencies.6 -
I think it's a crazy way to decide if a couple can adopt. I would think it would be better for a child to be in a home of love then in the foster system. We have many kids that never get adopted and age out of the foster system with no one.
Honestly I don't think weight says everything about what kid of parent you will be. I think if you can pass a background check, psych email, parenting classes, and you are financially responsible and have many great references. Then you should be allowed to adopt. That's more than most kids are born into....
It breaks my heart that there are so many kids in this world that are alone and are left to feel unwanted.5 -
I have no problem with somebody who's morbidly obese being refused, especially for young children. I'm also ok with them being forced to go to parenting and nutrition classes if they've had biological kids.
Bad eating habits are often passed on through nurture (both sides of my family are examples of that). I struggle to keep up with my 1+7 year old nephew/niece. If I don't keep up with the weight loss, I may be dead before my nephew is an adult, I'll definitely have severe health issues. I was obese before I started school, personally, and morbidly obese as a teen. I know I was over 140lbs while still in primary school (age 11), I think quite a lot over actually. IIRC I hit 13 stones (182lbs) at around 11-12. My mum (border of obese-morbidly most of my life) was a great parent in every other way, but her chronically over feeding us was a form of abuse. Not a purposeful one, not one she really understood the damage she was doing with it. I don't hate her for it, but I wish she'd not passed her issues on. I refuse to have kids until I've got my own issues under control for that reason.
I also lost my Mum as a teenager (not due to weight), putting a child in a position where that's quite likely, is unfair. And once people are morbidly obese, well it's called that for a reason. Especially if they may have had a traumatic childhood (more the case for kids removed later on I assume, but there's relatively few given up at birth).
If they're trying to adopt or foster teenagers it may be different, and even for short term fostering of younger kids it may be ok. I'm definitely not saying it should be the case for people who are overweight or on the lower end of obese. But there needs to be a line at which we consider if those people are going to endanger a child's health by causing obesity. Undoing those patterns as an adult is extremely difficult. Morbidly obese seems a fairly sensible place to put that line.9 -
For the love of Pete, no child is guaranteed parents who will live into old age. I had two young, loving, slender (just saying), hardworking, family centered parents who were devoted to each other and their three children. Then my dad randomly got cancer and died, leaving behind a 42-year-old widow and three teenaged kids--and no one saw it coming. I'm not sure whether the idea of denying obese but otherwise capable, loving, eager people the opportunity to provide homes for children in need is more thick-headed or hard-hearted. It does not serve children waiting in foster care, and guarantees nothing in the long run.8
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