Am I being rude by not going to dinner with my family?

VioletNightshade

Ok, here's the situation:

I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat animals of any kind, land, air or sea animals.

My family is meeting my uncle's girlfriend's dad tonight at a fish restaurant. They asked me if I wanted to go. I said no. They think I'm being rude because they want me to go. To be accommodating, I looked up their menu, and all it has is a list of fish they might theoretically have today - no mention of sides, no mention of non-fish options, nothing. The list and an explanation that the fish is fresh and availability depends on their catch today. They don't open until 4pm, and we would have to leave at 3 to get to our reservation, so I can't even call ahead (they just asked me if I wanted to go this morning, and have had the plans for weeks) and ask about non-meat options. That would be an awkward conversation, anyway, which I suspect would go something like this:

"Hi, thank you for calling (Name of Fish Restaurant!) How may I help you today?"
"Hello. My family has reservations there tonight, and I was wondering what was on your menu that didn't include fish or meat."
"... It's... It's a fish restaurant..."
"Yes... I know... but I'm a vegetarian..."
"... It's a fish restaurant... Everything has fish in it..."
"... Ok... thanks for your time..." *hang up*

The other reason I don't want to go is because I know my uncle might be proposing tonight, and I'm happy for him, and I want this night to be about him and his potential fiancé, like it's supposed to be. Her dad is also a preacher, as are quite a few of the men in my family, so I know the "God says _____ about eating the flesh of animals" thing will likely come up, and I don't want to have the (this is of course slightly exaggerated, but it's pretty much how it goes)

"Can I just have a plate of steamed vegetables and rice?"
"No fish?"
"No fish."
"You sure?"
"Quite, thank you."
"But... why?"
"Vegetarian."
"Vegetarians eat fish."
"not this one." (because I'd like the topic to go off of me, and don't feel like defending my dietary choices nor explaining the difference between vegetarian and pescetarian)
"my brother's friend's niece is vegetarian and she eats fish"
"That's nice, but I still don't eat fish"
"Why?"
"I don't eat anything that has to be slaughtered"
"The Bible is very clear about eating animals"
"Ok."
"Christians are supposed to eat meat (insert Biblical reference to one verse or another)"
"Yeah............ I'm not a Christian, so, that really has little relevance for me, but thanks for your concern about my spiritual welfare."
*Pokémon music*
"A wild Non-Christian appeared! Preach / Disable, Confusion, Throw Conversion Ball, Run"

conversation.

I've had this conversation dozens of times, and I hate it. It's awkward and I feel like I'm being rude the whole time because I'm the topic of conversation and don't want to be.

Do y'all think I'm being rude by not going? I'm afraid my uncle will think I'm not being supportive. I'm trying to be as polite as possible to everyone involved by just avoiding the situation all-together.

NOTE: After doing some research, it would appear that there's not a single dish on the menu that doesn't include fish, or a sauce infused with fish or something.

I don't want the attention on me, at all. This isn't some form of protest of meat eating or whatever, it's a personal choice I've made and don't want to change. The thought of eating meat grosses me out and always has.

Thoughts?

escape31

I have an idea, why don't you go but with your own meal. That way your sitting at the table with them. People might stare at you, but smile.

Francl27

I'd go and I'd have veggies and rice.

EmmieBaby

maybe you should sit down with him and just explain your situation and let him know that it makes you feel awkward when he brings up your dietary choices.

I don't find it rude, you are sticking to your guns which I give you kudos for.

EmmieBaby

maybe you should sit down with him (not at a restaurant) and just explain your situation and let him know that it makes you feel awkward when he brings up your dietary choices.

I don't find it rude, you are sticking to your guns which I give you kudos for.

ryry_

I don't find it rude. You are a 24 year old adult. Do what you feel like you need to do.

MyaPapaya75

you can go and have veggies and rice or fries there are other options even hush puppies!...and a salad..you could call ahead im more than sure they have a salad lol a garden one

reneeblanch

I think I'd skip it....last minute notice and all. no matter what you do, they will probably turn on you for your choices. Say you're not feeling up to it today, maybe next time. then hope they choose a different place next time. this way, everyone can focus on your uncle's special day and you get to stay home and eat what you want. Just my two cents worth...

BJPCraig

I don't think you're being rude at all. If you're really concerned that your uncle might think you're being nonsupportive, maybe give him a call beforehand and explain that you'd LOVE to go, but there won't be anything at the restaurant that you can eat and you don't want to spoil anyone's evening by making them feel uncomfortable. As for the rest of the family, I don't see that it's any of their business.

lattarulol

Do you want to see your family? If so, go. it is a restaurant. There will be sides and salads. I know many vegetarians that go to steakhouses. Don't make a big production out of your food choice.

Are you using being a vegetarian as an excuse to not hang out?

quirkytizzy

If the restaurant offers no alternative options, then you needn't go. Sitting there not eating while everyone else is not fun. Also being harangued by your family would be a good way to ruin your day. You don't need that. I don't think you're rude at all.

1shauna1

I think your uncle might be upset as it seems he wants his family there for this big moment. I don't think you'll get quite so much flack from the servers if you just order rice & veggies or a salad. I'm sure they've seen it all before. As for your family, if they start bugging you about it, just say, "Tonight isn't about me, it's about uncle ____ etc." If they're polite and not too dense they'll get your point!

whitney_simpson

I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

randomtai

I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

This

JenMc14

I have an idea, why don't you go but with your own meal. That way your sitting at the table with them. People might stare at you, but smile.

That's ruder than not going, imho. I would imagine the restaurant staff wouldn't be too hot on that idea, either. It could end up creating a scene.

If you don't want to go, don't. But, I think you're creating a situation that hasn't even happened and getting worked up over it. Just order your salad no meat/fish or rice and veggies or whatever. If someone says something, a polite no fish for me tonight is fine. You don't not have to tell them you're not Christian or get into a long philosophical conversation.

VioletNightshade

Do you want to see your family? If so, go. it is a restaurant. There will be sides and salads. I know many vegetarians that go to steakhouses. Don't make a big production out of your food choice.

Are you using being a vegetarian as an excuse to not hang out?

It isn't that I don't want to see my family. I don't really care either way. The reason this is coming up is that this particular place is known for finding ways to include fish in everything and the reviews I was able to find state pretty clearly that unless you want a single scoop of pre prepared mashed potatoes that taste like they're out of a box with fake cheese over them (which you can't even find nutritional info on), you're pretty much SOL when it comes to ordering anything without fish in it there.

I've gone to steakhouses easily and been able to find something, no problem. It wasn't difficult, I usually find out the name of the place ahead of time and go in already knowing what I'm going to order and it's fine. This time around, I would be forced to ask a waitress what the options are in front of people because they don't make their menu available and don't give even any idea of what does and doesn't have fish in it, and the way the reviews are written, I'd have to ask if even the vegetables and rice have fish in them somewhere, like a broth or something. That would cause the attention of the table to be focused on me, which is what I'm trying to avoid.

Also, I was kind of invited as an afterthought, anyway.

KenosFeoh

Yes, I think so, a bit.

It's the rare restaurant indeed that won't have side dishes like potatoes, rice, salad, bread, steamed vegetables, etc.

JenMc14

It sounds like you don't want to go, so don't. If you decide to go, perhaps grab a menu as soon as you get there and peruse it. Lag behind and ask a server or hostess if they have vegetarian options outside of the hearing of your family.

PikaKnight

Do what you want but I'll put this out there -

You never know when someone won't be around anymore. Yes, it's a pain to try to eat vegan/vegetarian at some places, but the little things like a family dinner/outing, going to the movies, etc....isn't spending time with them worth it?

So you have to spend a few extra minutes telling someone you don't want fish. Or getting a few weird looks if you bring your own food (which you might want to call ahead and talk to the manager because some places will kick you out for that). Isn't that better than missing out?

FerretBuellerr

maybe you should sit down with him and just explain your situation and let him know that it makes you feel awkward when he brings up your dietary choices.

I don't find it rude, you are sticking to your guns which I give you kudos for.

^This. Exactly this.

EmilyOfTheSun

This was 100% worth reading just for that! Freakin hilarious.

*Pokémon music*
"A wild Non-Christian appeared! Preach / Disable, Confusion, Throw Conversion Ball, Run"