Am I being rude by not going to dinner with my family?

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Replies

  • suzeya
    suzeya Posts: 12
    eat before you go and have a glass of wine. i often go out to eat and don't actually eat anything. i'll drink my dinner, have a coffee, or dessert.
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    You sound like a right pain, and a drama queen. You say you don't want the night to be about you but its already all about you, isn't it! Making a drama about not going is making it about you. Show some manners and go, order a fish dish , eat the sides and leave the fish with absolutely no comment to anyone.
    if you are going to make a stand on food choices like this you need to find a way to still have some manners and social skills!!!!
  • kkveggie
    kkveggie Posts: 56 Member
    I've been a vegetarian for 9 years and there has never been a restaurant where there wasn't a single thing for me to eat (that is including seafood places and steak houses). Sometimes there are limited options, but I can always find at least a side salad or some steamed vegetables. Don't worry about asking the servers about vegetarian options, they are used to it and there have been many times that they have offered to alter items to fit my needs.

    As for the comments. If you are newly vegetarian people are going to comment on it, ask questions, and crack jokes. It's a natural thing for people to do when something is different than what they are used to. It will go away over time. The jokes and questions (yes, I've gotten the whole religious lectures too) used to bug me, but now it doesn't because I realize that people are just trying to understand my choices and who knows maybe your answers will open their mind to vegetarianism.

    Your family wants you to be there, go.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
    I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

    This. Completely this. No restaurant on earth is not going to at least have a dinner salad or baked potato you could have ala carte. Way too much drama going on here....
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Um, you are way, waaaaay overthinking this. I doubt there is a restaurant anywhere that doesn't have non-meat items on the menu. Do you think every single menu option has fish and nothing else and that you will be forced by the restaurant manager to eat it against your will?

    This is your family. And it's probably going to be an important night for your family. Go to dinner with them, and stop making your uncle's big night all about your vegetarianism.
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    every fish restaurant also serves salad, vegetables, etc., so either go or don't go, but don't use what they serve as an excuse because there is something on every restaurant menu that a vegetarian can eat
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
    Family is family.

    I would think it's rude if you were my daughter and didn't go. Especially if I was paying for it, no matter how old you are you are still your mom's kid.

    BUT,

    If there is nothing there for you to eat offer alternatives. When I was vegan I still ate at a steak place with my family because they had salads and sides without meat or dairy products.

    I say go or you'll be thought of as going through a phase or the angry vegetarian to your misunderstanding family.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Normally I'd say go and just say "I don't want to get into this subject right now" when pushed. Your protests about the potential conversations would have seemed like rationalizing the fact that you don't want to go.

    That was up until an experience this time last year. My wife and I went out for dinner with our neighbors and some of their friends that were visiting (who happen to be missionaries). The subject of religion came up, and I sat by and respectfully listened until I was directly asked about my religion and I stated I was atheist. Of course, the flood gates opened. I said, quite clearly "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in defending my lack of faith, can we change the subject?". That didn't deter him, and the next 2 hours was a barrage of questions about why I didn't believe in God. It was absolutely unbelievable, and incredibly rude.

    So given this, I'm going to say "don't go". Some (not all) religious people simply cannot control themselves in that situation.
  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
    I didn't read the responses but every restaurant that I've ever been to will accommodate almost anyone as long as it's within their means. I'm sure you could go and enjoy seasonal vegetables, fruits, etc and not cause a big fuss.

    Even if there isn't something on the menu you can just ask to speak with the cook or have the waiter communicate that you're a vegetarian and it should be really simple from that point on.

    I'm not sure how long you've been a vegetarian but it's not a disease or anything crazy most people will respect your decision and if they don't well then ****em it's none of their business.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    yes rude. Really doubt the restaurant would care if you called and asked about salad options, really doubt they don't have some kind of salad option. Certainly they do not bring a filet of fish on a plain plate alone, there must be rice, potato, veggie options etc.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I can't tell you if you should or should not go... or if you are being rude or not... rudeness is usually a perception based somewhat on tone...

    However, the idea that Christians are "supposed" to eat meat is absurd. Pretty sure that Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were all vegetarians. At least for a time. Even though that is technically pre-Christ.
  • hep26000
    hep26000 Posts: 156 Member
    I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

    ^ This
  • jnewell9
    jnewell9 Posts: 31 Member
    I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

    Completely agree.
  • kayak_kutie
    kayak_kutie Posts: 381 Member
    I think if you called the place a few hours early you would find someone is there and will answer the phone. They usually start cooking earlier in the day and someone is there to take reservations for when they do open. You don't have to wait until 4:00 to call.

    Also, I agree with one poster that said if someone starts questioning you to just say tonight is about Uncle --- and turn the conversation to him with a question.

    Doesn't your family know you're a vegetarian? This can't be the first meal where you won't be eating meat or fish with them.

    Being a grown up means sometimes doing what you don't feel like for the benefit of someone else.
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
    No offense. How long have you been a vegetarian? I was a veggie for 15 years. I never had an issue. If the place was nice enough to have freshly caught fish, they were always able to just make something for me. Even if it was a combo of sides. Even at a BBQ place I've been able to find something.

    Its not awkward to call and ask them ahead of time. They probably appreciate it, and maybe they will put a vegetarian option on their menu in the future.

    Of and on for the last 12 years. I've never had this particular problem before, either. I've gone to steakhouses, etc etc etc just fine and been able to find something without issue. This is less about the food than it is about my not wanting to have the attention on me or have the conversation that always (in my family, yes, it's always, because they are very hard-headed, one of the other uncles who is going tonight is an Evangelist who has his own show, and it's part of his profession to "bring people to the Lord". Religion and how we are supposed to live and act, which includes how we are to eat, is a regular topic of discussion and I do catch a lot of heat for the vegetarian / non-believer combo.) follows if I have to ask questions. They're aware of it, but they don't see me often, so whenever I am there, they love to go over it again and again.

    This same uncle's ex-wife was a vegetarian when she married him and had been for 10 years. She lasted 3 years in our family before they badgered and guilt-tripped her into eating meat. I'm not blowing that out of proportion at all, I know it will happen, it does every time this particular thing comes up, and has for as long as I can remember. I just don't want to deal with it, and I don't want to risk sitting there with a dry salad because they put fish in the dressings, too.

    As said, they don't open until 4, our reservation is at 4:15, and we have to leave at 3 to get there on time, so calling in advance and backing out if they say no isn't an option. I already tried calling once after posting this and got no answer.

    ETA: I just told them I'm not going. It's not worth the trouble, and this way there'll most likely be a 30 second "Where's Cora?" "She couldn't make it" conversation, and then it'll be over. I'll just spend that time making her a hairstick like the one of mine she liked and be done with it.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    If I were you I would just not go. You obviously feel very strongly that the evening will end poorly if you attend so it probably will.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    TL;DR. You are being rude. It is not about you. Suck it up buttercup.
  • bellaa_x0
    bellaa_x0 Posts: 1,062 Member
    I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

    ^^ agreed. my best friend is a vegetarian and still comes to dinner at any restaurant we choose and is easily able to find something to eat.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    I am a vegetarian and I have never had that much trouble going to any kind of restaurant......I feel like you are blowing this situation way out of proportion.

    I second this. Many restuarants are willing to accomodate, all you have to do is ASK. And if they aren't report them to Mystery Diners lol
  • MG_Fit
    MG_Fit Posts: 1,143 Member
    This is your family. And it's probably going to be an important night for your family. Go to dinner with them, and stop making your uncle's big night all about your vegetarianism.

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  • always_smiling_chachita
    always_smiling_chachita Posts: 28
    I am sure they can accommodate your dietary needs - you can perhaps just have a side salad - I wouldn't miss time with my family - and if the subject about "God says _____ ..." then you simply say, I respect that and I respect your opinion about it - however, he also gave us freedom of choice.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Read the ops reply.. Just eat a sandwich before you go. That way you can just kinda fake eat and not cause any issues. (if they don't have anything for you).
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    I think you're being a selfish brat, yes.
  • Showcase_Brodown
    Showcase_Brodown Posts: 919 Member
    It's your family. Your family. That's important. Go. There is something at the restaurant to eat.

    I understand it may be an awkward situation, but do your best.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    So.. they knew for weeks and only told you today? Or did you just found out the restaurant today?

    Call and ask or just go. I have never been to a place for food that doesn't have some kind of non-meat food. you are not the only vegetarian/vegan on the earth or probably in your area, my guess is they have something.


    If you just found out today, a simple "I can't make it today, I wish I had known sooner or I wouldn't have made plans" will suffice.
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
    I think you're being a selfish brat, yes.

    Just eat the fish!
  • LovelyVegetarian
    LovelyVegetarian Posts: 117 Member
    I think you are looking for reasons not to go (awkward conversation about your dietary choices, last minute invite, you were an after-thought invite, you already have plans etc.). There are many for you to choose from. But being a vegetarian and this being a fish place is not a good one IMO.

    I've been a vegetarian for over 15 years and while I eat fish (we can discuss the semantics of vegetarian and pescatarian labels etc. another time), I often don't eat fish and do go out to all sorts of restaurants. There is always an option. Always.
  • AngelicValkyrie
    AngelicValkyrie Posts: 43
    eat before you go and have a glass of wine. i often go out to eat and don't actually eat anything. i'll drink my dinner, have a coffee, or dessert.

    Exactly what I was thinking.

    I also agree that you are making too much of it. Eat before hand and nibble some bread and sip a drink at the restaurant .
  • acahane
    acahane Posts: 34 Member
    You are not accountable for actions or feeling of others. They get to choose how they act and how they feel. If you go and ask for vegi stuff and they dont have it, just say oh sorry I can't order anything. If your family make a big deal, just politely explain. If they carry on. Tell them to drop it as it's a night that not about you and you think you should all just enjoy each others company. If they still carry on you will have to be firmer with them.

    Some people think it's their right to force their opion down your throat for all sorts of reasons. One of the most common is "I am your mother/father and you have to listen to me" LMAO. Where is that written...the human being rule book? Do what you want, be who you are and never have anyone dictate who you can be.
  • chai_masala
    chai_masala Posts: 51 Member
    Family is overrated. Never put family before your ethics. If they don't tolerate you, don't tolerate them.

    (Related to similar christian obnoxiousness)

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