Am I being rude by not going to dinner with my family?

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  • henriettevanittersum
    henriettevanittersum Posts: 179 Member
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    Honestly, do people not know how to communiate anymore? If you don't know, ask the person involved most, in this case your uncle and take it from there.
  • syedsaad
    syedsaad Posts: 156 Member
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    m a vegetarian and go every where even if i cant eat their main course .... i ll jst eat something probably from a drive thru on the way back .... family dinners are bout family time not really DINNER
  • acahane
    acahane Posts: 34 Member
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    Family is overrated. Never put family before your ethics. If they don't tolerate you, don't tolerate them.

    (Related to similar christian obnoxiousness)

    This!
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    You sound like a right pain, and a drama queen. You say you don't want the night to be about you but its already all about you, isn't it! Making a drama about not going is making it about you. Show some manners and go, order a fish dish , eat the sides and leave the fish with absolutely no comment to anyone.
    if you are going to make a stand on food choices like this you need to find a way to still have some manners and social skills!!!!

    BOOM! End thread.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Normally, I'm a "go, spend time with your family, just get a salad if that's all you can eat" kind of person, but ... meeting the uncle's girlfriend's father sounds kind of a bit... removed from immediate family?
  • RGv2
    RGv2 Posts: 5,789 Member
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    Just because a restaurant opens at 4, doesn't mean they won't have someone there before to answer the phones, etc...
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
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    Just because a restaurant opens at 4, doesn't mean they won't have someone there before to answer the phones, etc...

    In an update I mentioned that I changed my mind and called, and no one answered.
  • RGv2
    RGv2 Posts: 5,789 Member
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    Just because a restaurant opens at 4, doesn't mean they won't have someone there before to answer the phones, etc...

    In an update I mentioned that I changed my mind and called, and no one answered.

    Fair enough, how far ahead of opening.

    I'm with the others...I travel with a vegetarian on business quite a bit and he's never had an issue.
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,650 Member
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    OP to be quite honest, if I were a veggie and had that inquisition everytime I went out with the family, I would be reluctant to attend future meals too.

    Seriously, they either need to accept your personal choices or you don't turn up, simple as.

    Why can people just not live and let live these days :(
  • PlanetoftheAtheists
    PlanetoftheAtheists Posts: 112
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    I LIEEEEEEEEEEEE

    I hope your Dad does this and while he is doing this yells : STOP BEING A DUMB BROAD

    tumblr_m30m15D4ly1r37gzvo1_r1_500.gif
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    Eat at home, go to the restaurant, order a salad and coffee. If you don't go, you're making yourself the center of the night.
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,650 Member
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    You sound like a right pain, and a drama queen. You say you don't want the night to be about you but its already all about you, isn't it! Making a drama about not going is making it about you. Show some manners and go, order a fish dish , eat the sides and leave the fish with absolutely no comment to anyone.
    if you are going to make a stand on food choices like this you need to find a way to still have some manners and social skills!!!!

    I can see you are not, nor have ever been a vegetarian. A true veggie cannot have meat or fish touch their own food.

    Watch a veggie at a BBQ and see how they fare for instance. It isn't a matter of just leaving the animal on the plate and not saying anything, the problem comes when the animal has touched the veg, rice, potatoes, fruit etc.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    I am just going to throw this out there......I would love to be able to share a meal or just spend some time with some family and some friends, but they are gone. Cherish the time you have with them now because one day they will be gone and you will realize how silly it is to contemplate between fish and your family. (or anybody else that means something to you)
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,650 Member
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    Normally I'd say go and just say "I don't want to get into this subject right now" when pushed. Your protests about the potential conversations would have seemed like rationalizing the fact that you don't want to go.

    That was up until an experience this time last year. My wife and I went out for dinner with our neighbors and some of their friends that were visiting (who happen to be missionaries). The subject of religion came up, and I sat by and respectfully listened until I was directly asked about my religion and I stated I was atheist. Of course, the flood gates opened. I said, quite clearly "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in defending my lack of faith, can we change the subject?". That didn't deter him, and the next 2 hours was a barrage of questions about why I didn't believe in God. It was absolutely unbelievable, and incredibly rude.

    So given this, I'm going to say "don't go". Some (not all) religious people simply cannot control themselves in that situation.

    I have had the same from a born again Christian. He wouldn't bring his pregnant wife to our house, lest I tainted her (I was into Spiritualism at the time).

    I know how you feel.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    At first, I thought you were being silly. Of course you can eat the sides, of course a restaurant can accommodate the needs of a veggie.

    But then I read your next update and I realized this isn't *really* about being a veggie, it's about not wanting to spend time with people who you are related to, but who make you feel uncomfortable.

    So, my advice is:

    Don't go. Don't spend time with anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and is rude to you. DNA doesn't trump self-dignity. There a whole bunch of people with whom I share DNA, but that make me feel bad. They don't get ANY of my time.

    Life is short.
    Don't waste it by doing stuff you don't want to do, with people who make you feel bad, whether you are related to them or not.
  • TheBitSlinger
    TheBitSlinger Posts: 621 Member
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  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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    DISCLAIMER: No animal was harmed in the typing of this message....in case you were wondering...so it's safe for you to read it.

    Just a question, but, do you have to eat anything? I understand it's a restaurant and all, but just going and getting something to drink and hanging out with friends and family isn't a terrible thing. Just eat before you go or wait until after you get back.

    Personally, I think you're really high maintenance who wants to make something out of nothing...but that's just my opinion.
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
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    So.. they knew for weeks and only told you today? Or did you just found out the restaurant today?

    If you just found out today, a simple "I can't make it today, I wish I had known sooner or I wouldn't have made plans" will suffice.

    Yes, they've had the reservations for weeks and only asked me if I wanted to join them this morning. My initial "no, thanks. I'll just find something to munch on here" was protested and that's when everything took a turn because I felt like I was being too rigid and should try to meet them half way. That's when I tried to find their menu, which is unavailable outside of the restaurant, and then tried to find reviews on the place from vegetarians, which is where I found that they like to put fish in or on pretty much everything. I'd been hoping they'd just let it die and not turn it into a respect issue. My grandfather and the Evangelist uncle are very opinionated and want me to go.

    Had they invited me from the beginning OR even a couple of days in advance, I would've called, spoken to someone, made my decision and been done with it. It's only the specifics of this situation, being the difficulty with finding the menu and the personalities involved that make it more difficult than normal.

    My uncle's gf's dad is also a preacher, so it's almost inevitable that religion WILL come up, and my Televangelist uncle and I are usually religious discussion sparring partners (I'm pretty studied in multiple religions despite being Agnostic and so is he, so we like to debate and discuss it at length), so he'll be expecting that out of me today because that's usually what we do. He even asked me who he's going to discuss the beginnings of Christianity and the religious beginnings of the area with if I'm not there. He often calls me up and discusses certain topics with me to prepare for sermons because I tend to have really good, well-thought-out counters. I'm in no way blowing that out of proportion, it's a thing that happens every time that uncle and I spend more than 20 minutes in a room together. I don't want to do that today because that's not the focus of this day, and I'm afraid that my having to go over menu options will give someone an avenue to bring it up. This isn't just a Tuesday afternoon with a bunch of family getting together, and I'm trying to be respectful of that.

    Again, this is less about food than it is about my not wanting to have to actively avoid the focus of the day to be on me, when there's a pretty big and obvious reason they're going.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    honestly you are way overthinking it and yes I think you are rude...

    what I would do is eat ahead of time so I am not hungry when i'm there...

    once there if the badgering starts I would simply say

    "I'm sorry but i'm not hungry but I really wanted to come and spend time with you as you are my family and we don't get to do this often."

    leave it at that.

    if they know you are a vegetarian for the past 12 years, they knowingly invited you to this because you are family....it may have been a last minute invite because they weren't sure WHAT to do with you...

    but I would go...i would eat ahead of time, go and beg off on dinner claiming i'm full, not hungry or tummy is a little off...

    and then change the subject to "I want to be with you guys so I came anyways"
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. Just go and order a salad or something; I've never eaten at any restaurant that didn't have some kind of vegetarian option.

    This.

    If you don't want to go- don't go- but the reality is you can't avoid EVERY future family function just to avoid this subject.

    At some point you should deal with it in setting NOT like this one- and say look. This is my choice- tonight isn't about me- any family gathering isn't about my food choices- you invited me to come because you enjoyed my company not wanting to hear about my dietary choices.

    If you want to discuss those come over to my house and we can have a family gathering THERE about it.. but now is not the time. And let it go- do not address- or respond to any further comments addressing the matter.

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