Has anyone dated after weight loss?

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13

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  • Viddo82
    Viddo82 Posts: 116 Member
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    *offers!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
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    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    lunchboxchuck wrote: »
    ericadcruz32 wrote: »
    And I can't imagine why we would want to pick the partner who is going to be overly critical. You're not getting what you're really after in the end so just let it be easy to walk away from that. Love yourself.

    I seem to have an uncanny ability for picking these people (and they are all really good at hiding it for varying, but too long periods of time).

    This is probably cynical, but if you take it a bit slow on the physical side of things, that in itself is likely to filter out some of the frogs from the princes.

    If you reach a point where the physical dimension is getting really important to you, you should be able to share with any actually nice guy who really likes you that you're feeling a little self-conscious because your body is different since the recent weight loss. It doesn't have to be some kind of emotional confessional, but can be a lighter comment as that nice pinuplove suggested a few posts back, or flatter him by saying you've been waiting for someone special to come along, so you could feel comfortable . . . .

    You deserve a nice, decent guy who values you for you, so it's fine to hold out and go solo until you find one. Someone who puts you down isn't worth having. Confidence is important, and knowing your worth is part of it.

    And, no, I don't date, at least not so far. In my demographic (age 63), single women significantly outnumber men, and many of them want women younger than themselves. Further, I'm a difficult placement. On top of that, as a widow who had quite a happy marriage, I feel like I've already been luckier than a lot of people - so many never have a relationship as good, so I'm over quota. If I met the right person, it would happen, but I'm not gonna go looking, and I'm definitely not going to accept a sub-par option. I'm complete and happy as I am.

    You're at a different place in life, so I can understand where you're coming from. I wish you all the best navigating the dating scene, and hope you find the perfect guy for you. :flowerforyou:

    P.S. The stretch marks can fade over time, too. :)

    Definitely going to take things slow physically, should I ever try again. On the one hand, I don't want to waste a bunch of time with someone and then it turn out they have a problem with my body; however, that approach hasn't really helped previously. So perhaps waiting a long time will filter out some people I don't want to deal with.

    Thank you for sharing your story and I love your attitude about having had a happy marriage!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
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    Viddo82 wrote: »
    Taking offeres here B)

    For what?
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
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    Viddo82 wrote: »
    Taking offeres here B)

    Look at you shooting your shot :D
    giphy.gif
  • staticsplit
    staticsplit Posts: 538 Member
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    Also worth mentioning that most people are gonna have some stripes and dimples etc. My weight has gone up and down about 20 pounds in my adult years, always in the 'healthy' weight range. I got cellulite and some stretch marks on my hips. My husband has some stretch marks on his back from when he grew quickly as a teen. I don't notice them anymore any more than he notices with me.

    You've gotten some great suggestions and I hope you find someone awesome and also have some nice dates on the way. :-)
  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 957 Member
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    Congrats on the weight loss. :)

    Can't comment on the dating because I have been with the same lady since I was 15 & I'm 50 now... lol
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
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    staticsplit wrote: »
    Also worth mentioning that most people are gonna have some stripes and dimples etc. My weight has gone up and down about 20 pounds in my adult years, always in the 'healthy' weight range. I got cellulite and some stretch marks on my hips. My husband has some stretch marks on his back from when he grew quickly as a teen. I don't notice them anymore any more than he notices with me.

    You've gotten some great suggestions and I hope you find someone awesome and also have some nice dates on the way. :-)

    I guess I imagine mine are pretty severe. I'm also still the fat friend at 5'7 143 so I never see anyone with my issues.
  • Cassandraw3
    Cassandraw3 Posts: 1,214 Member
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    lunchboxchuck wrote: »
    staticsplit wrote: »
    Also worth mentioning that most people are gonna have some stripes and dimples etc. My weight has gone up and down about 20 pounds in my adult years, always in the 'healthy' weight range. I got cellulite and some stretch marks on my hips. My husband has some stretch marks on his back from when he grew quickly as a teen. I don't notice them anymore any more than he notices with me.

    You've gotten some great suggestions and I hope you find someone awesome and also have some nice dates on the way. :-)

    I guess I imagine mine are pretty severe. I'm also still the fat friend at 5'7 143 so I never see anyone with my issues.

    We are our own worst critic. Just because you don't see it on other people, doesn't mean they don't have it. Have you seen your friends naked to know?
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
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    cheryldumais wrote: »
    I've been married a very long time so may not be the best person to comment but one thought kept coming to me as I read this thread. That thought is that when you are dating what exactly are you looking for? If you are looking for a person to share life with then the rest should not be important. Of course the trick is to find someone who is looking for the same thing. As others have said no one's body is perfect and loving someone means accepting all of them. If the men you are dating are just looking for a body then perhaps they are not good enough for you. Ask any person who has been divorced from a "good looking" mate how good looking they were when they stopped loving them! Looks don't last once the personality comes out if it's not good.

    I have been married and wanted to share life. It mattered to him because naturally, sex is involved. It's mattered to everyone before and after, too. The man I dated for four years was talking marriage, but cheated with thin women every time I traveled for work. I might just give up on physical relationships.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
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    Cassandraw3 wrote: »
    Have you seen your friends naked to know?
    Weirdly, a lot of them, yes. But not all.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
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    HostageCat wrote: »
    There is a lot of people who find love after weight loss (I'm one of them) and there are some great guys out there who will not care about any physical faults and care about who you are

    I haven't met one yet. From the feedback here that seems unusual. There's got to be something wrong with me.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    lunchboxchuck wrote: »
    cheryldumais wrote: »
    I've been married a very long time so may not be the best person to comment but one thought kept coming to me as I read this thread. That thought is that when you are dating what exactly are you looking for? If you are looking for a person to share life with then the rest should not be important. Of course the trick is to find someone who is looking for the same thing. As others have said no one's body is perfect and loving someone means accepting all of them. If the men you are dating are just looking for a body then perhaps they are not good enough for you. Ask any person who has been divorced from a "good looking" mate how good looking they were when they stopped loving them! Looks don't last once the personality comes out if it's not good.

    I have been married and wanted to share life. It mattered to him because naturally, sex is involved. It's mattered to everyone before and after, too. The man I dated for four years was talking marriage, but cheated with thin women every time I traveled for work. I might just give up on physical relationships.

    it doesn't matter to a grown mature person who likes you for you.
  • myfitnesspalacios
    myfitnesspalacios Posts: 55 Member
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    Your "first estate", the body, is the house your spirit lives in. Any man that "dates" a temple, without being able to first, go in, to be with the person that lives inside; has no business even approaching the door; and should be kicked out to suffer and ignominious fate.

    Guys like John Belushi and Jack Black had/have such carisma and had no qualms about what they look like. They knew/know themselves. And you know what? - They were right!

    Beautiful people can be very ugly. An ignoramus will soon find this out.

    Remember; this life is but a small moment. A man OR woman that cannot see past the outside of a good companion, will be one that, in the last breath, says, "Wait! Wait!".

    Passion is oblivious; evident by the weird faces and funny noises we make in the midst of it...


  • InsertFunnyUsernameHere
    InsertFunnyUsernameHere Posts: 271 Member
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    Take up strength training to help tighten/tone your body. Start today or as soon as possible. If your body is soft like a marshmallow after all of your weight loss, then strength training is going to tighten/tone everything up, including your arms.

    A lot of people end up in your situation after a large weightloss. They focused on cardio and ended up losing muscle mass along with fat. You need to add back that mass and even build some new mass to shape your body.
  • Maxxitt
    Maxxitt Posts: 1,281 Member
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    I, too, have been married for a very long time. None of us will retain the physical attributes that we had when we are in the beginning stages of a relationship no matter how attractive we are when we meet. Funny thing about physical attraction - it doesn't really depend on cultural standards of beauty when there is also emotional and intellectual attraction. In the swipe-right/swipe-left times we live in now, I can well understand the pressure @lunchboxchuck is feeling. The pre-digital age advice is still sound, I think - to focus on meeting people with similar interests by engaging in those activities, and to focus on building friendships from which love can build.

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