Has anyone dated after weight loss?

2

Replies

  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    We should be more concerned with who we are on the inside instead of physical attributes. Your true value is in your heart, your personality, your mind, your attitude, your character. It is not in that extra bit of skin or the circumference of your thigh. The challenge is to actually believe that, and your post strongly suggests you do not. I promise you are enough just the way you are!

    I definitely subscribe to this way of thinking in non-physical relationships. And I know I'm not that picky, even in those, but have had it emphasized so much in my 18 years of dating and a marriage that it's taking a lot to consider it isn't always this way. Thank you!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    hobbitses333 wrote: »

    My advice, go slow to the naked part of the relationship. I used dating as a means to experience things I wanted to do but not alone, I ate Ethiopian food, went to concerts, went for walks through the park on a nice day, grabbed a mickey of whiskey and got drunk on the beach people watching, went crab fishing and boating until sunset. I had a blast. Many great times with some fascinating people but we just didn't click romantically. I made a few friends I still have to this day tho.

    This is awesome! Thank you!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    tinkerbellang83 wrote: »
    I was quite upfront in my dating profile when I was doing online dating, I think I put something along the lines of "I've made a big change to my lifestyle in the last couple of years, something I am still working towards" and then included some of my active hobbies.

    I like this!

    tinkerbellang83 wrote: »

    I don't think it's necessary to put unflattering photos up, but it depends how "flattering" the ones are you are putting up, I have seen a number of friends put up old photos or over-filtered photos and have also been out on dates with people who have done the same thing, I think of it as false advertising. Ultimately when you're doing online dating, it is initially down to physical attraction and that should be based on what you actually look like, not an Instagram-Filtered version. Many of my photos were from active stuff I was doing like Hiking, rather than dolled up, so I had no makeup on and sportswear.

    I was definitely going to put some active, no-makeup photos and plenty of full body ones. It's just that the worst of my issues are obscured by any clothing besides maybe a bikini (which I don't even own nor would I ever!) so I'm inadvertently hiding most of it.
  • ericadcruz32
    ericadcruz32 Posts: 48 Member
    This is such a great topic because we do tend go through so much during a weight loss journey. I remember when I lost 40+ lbs after having my second child. I was very freaked out about the loose skin - the stretch marks made it look worse. I instantly thought I would be happier at a larger size. Now that I am on the journey again after an abrupt weight gain, I am not planning to get back to my normal weight of 110 because I just don't carry it the same.
    I think we women are too harsh on themselves. Yes, some may care about what's going on under the clothes....but not all. And I can't imagine why we would want to pick the partner who is going to be overly critical. You're not getting what you're really after in the end so just let it be easy to walk away from that. Love yourself.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    ericadcruz32 wrote: »
    And I can't imagine why we would want to pick the partner who is going to be overly critical. You're not getting what you're really after in the end so just let it be easy to walk away from that. Love yourself.

    I seem to have an uncanny ability for picking these people (and they are all really good at hiding it for varying, but too long periods of time).
  • Viddo82
    Viddo82 Posts: 116 Member
    *offers!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    lunchboxchuck wrote: »
    ericadcruz32 wrote: »
    And I can't imagine why we would want to pick the partner who is going to be overly critical. You're not getting what you're really after in the end so just let it be easy to walk away from that. Love yourself.

    I seem to have an uncanny ability for picking these people (and they are all really good at hiding it for varying, but too long periods of time).

    This is probably cynical, but if you take it a bit slow on the physical side of things, that in itself is likely to filter out some of the frogs from the princes.

    If you reach a point where the physical dimension is getting really important to you, you should be able to share with any actually nice guy who really likes you that you're feeling a little self-conscious because your body is different since the recent weight loss. It doesn't have to be some kind of emotional confessional, but can be a lighter comment as that nice pinuplove suggested a few posts back, or flatter him by saying you've been waiting for someone special to come along, so you could feel comfortable . . . .

    You deserve a nice, decent guy who values you for you, so it's fine to hold out and go solo until you find one. Someone who puts you down isn't worth having. Confidence is important, and knowing your worth is part of it.

    And, no, I don't date, at least not so far. In my demographic (age 63), single women significantly outnumber men, and many of them want women younger than themselves. Further, I'm a difficult placement. On top of that, as a widow who had quite a happy marriage, I feel like I've already been luckier than a lot of people - so many never have a relationship as good, so I'm over quota. If I met the right person, it would happen, but I'm not gonna go looking, and I'm definitely not going to accept a sub-par option. I'm complete and happy as I am.

    You're at a different place in life, so I can understand where you're coming from. I wish you all the best navigating the dating scene, and hope you find the perfect guy for you. :flowerforyou:

    P.S. The stretch marks can fade over time, too. :)

    Definitely going to take things slow physically, should I ever try again. On the one hand, I don't want to waste a bunch of time with someone and then it turn out they have a problem with my body; however, that approach hasn't really helped previously. So perhaps waiting a long time will filter out some people I don't want to deal with.

    Thank you for sharing your story and I love your attitude about having had a happy marriage!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    Viddo82 wrote: »
    Taking offeres here B)

    For what?
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
    Viddo82 wrote: »
    Taking offeres here B)

    Look at you shooting your shot :D
    giphy.gif
  • staticsplit
    staticsplit Posts: 538 Member
    Also worth mentioning that most people are gonna have some stripes and dimples etc. My weight has gone up and down about 20 pounds in my adult years, always in the 'healthy' weight range. I got cellulite and some stretch marks on my hips. My husband has some stretch marks on his back from when he grew quickly as a teen. I don't notice them anymore any more than he notices with me.

    You've gotten some great suggestions and I hope you find someone awesome and also have some nice dates on the way. :-)
  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 1,241 Member
    Congrats on the weight loss. :)

    Can't comment on the dating because I have been with the same lady since I was 15 & I'm 50 now... lol
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    staticsplit wrote: »
    Also worth mentioning that most people are gonna have some stripes and dimples etc. My weight has gone up and down about 20 pounds in my adult years, always in the 'healthy' weight range. I got cellulite and some stretch marks on my hips. My husband has some stretch marks on his back from when he grew quickly as a teen. I don't notice them anymore any more than he notices with me.

    You've gotten some great suggestions and I hope you find someone awesome and also have some nice dates on the way. :-)

    I guess I imagine mine are pretty severe. I'm also still the fat friend at 5'7 143 so I never see anyone with my issues.
  • Cassandraw3
    Cassandraw3 Posts: 1,214 Member
    lunchboxchuck wrote: »
    staticsplit wrote: »
    Also worth mentioning that most people are gonna have some stripes and dimples etc. My weight has gone up and down about 20 pounds in my adult years, always in the 'healthy' weight range. I got cellulite and some stretch marks on my hips. My husband has some stretch marks on his back from when he grew quickly as a teen. I don't notice them anymore any more than he notices with me.

    You've gotten some great suggestions and I hope you find someone awesome and also have some nice dates on the way. :-)

    I guess I imagine mine are pretty severe. I'm also still the fat friend at 5'7 143 so I never see anyone with my issues.

    We are our own worst critic. Just because you don't see it on other people, doesn't mean they don't have it. Have you seen your friends naked to know?
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    cheryldumais wrote: »
    I've been married a very long time so may not be the best person to comment but one thought kept coming to me as I read this thread. That thought is that when you are dating what exactly are you looking for? If you are looking for a person to share life with then the rest should not be important. Of course the trick is to find someone who is looking for the same thing. As others have said no one's body is perfect and loving someone means accepting all of them. If the men you are dating are just looking for a body then perhaps they are not good enough for you. Ask any person who has been divorced from a "good looking" mate how good looking they were when they stopped loving them! Looks don't last once the personality comes out if it's not good.

    I have been married and wanted to share life. It mattered to him because naturally, sex is involved. It's mattered to everyone before and after, too. The man I dated for four years was talking marriage, but cheated with thin women every time I traveled for work. I might just give up on physical relationships.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    Cassandraw3 wrote: »
    Have you seen your friends naked to know?
    Weirdly, a lot of them, yes. But not all.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    HostageCat wrote: »
    There is a lot of people who find love after weight loss (I'm one of them) and there are some great guys out there who will not care about any physical faults and care about who you are

    I haven't met one yet. From the feedback here that seems unusual. There's got to be something wrong with me.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    lunchboxchuck wrote: »
    cheryldumais wrote: »
    I've been married a very long time so may not be the best person to comment but one thought kept coming to me as I read this thread. That thought is that when you are dating what exactly are you looking for? If you are looking for a person to share life with then the rest should not be important. Of course the trick is to find someone who is looking for the same thing. As others have said no one's body is perfect and loving someone means accepting all of them. If the men you are dating are just looking for a body then perhaps they are not good enough for you. Ask any person who has been divorced from a "good looking" mate how good looking they were when they stopped loving them! Looks don't last once the personality comes out if it's not good.

    I have been married and wanted to share life. It mattered to him because naturally, sex is involved. It's mattered to everyone before and after, too. The man I dated for four years was talking marriage, but cheated with thin women every time I traveled for work. I might just give up on physical relationships.

    it doesn't matter to a grown mature person who likes you for you.
  • myfitnesspalacios
    myfitnesspalacios Posts: 55 Member
    Your "first estate", the body, is the house your spirit lives in. Any man that "dates" a temple, without being able to first, go in, to be with the person that lives inside; has no business even approaching the door; and should be kicked out to suffer and ignominious fate.

    Guys like John Belushi and Jack Black had/have such carisma and had no qualms about what they look like. They knew/know themselves. And you know what? - They were right!

    Beautiful people can be very ugly. An ignoramus will soon find this out.

    Remember; this life is but a small moment. A man OR woman that cannot see past the outside of a good companion, will be one that, in the last breath, says, "Wait! Wait!".

    Passion is oblivious; evident by the weird faces and funny noises we make in the midst of it...


  • InsertFunnyUsernameHere
    InsertFunnyUsernameHere Posts: 271 Member
    Take up strength training to help tighten/tone your body. Start today or as soon as possible. If your body is soft like a marshmallow after all of your weight loss, then strength training is going to tighten/tone everything up, including your arms.

    A lot of people end up in your situation after a large weightloss. They focused on cardio and ended up losing muscle mass along with fat. You need to add back that mass and even build some new mass to shape your body.
  • Maxxitt
    Maxxitt Posts: 1,281 Member
    I, too, have been married for a very long time. None of us will retain the physical attributes that we had when we are in the beginning stages of a relationship no matter how attractive we are when we meet. Funny thing about physical attraction - it doesn't really depend on cultural standards of beauty when there is also emotional and intellectual attraction. In the swipe-right/swipe-left times we live in now, I can well understand the pressure @lunchboxchuck is feeling. The pre-digital age advice is still sound, I think - to focus on meeting people with similar interests by engaging in those activities, and to focus on building friendships from which love can build.

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