Has anyone dated after weight loss?

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Replies

  • endermako
    endermako Posts: 787 Member
    I think confidence goes a long way with this. If you show confidence with those stretch marks then the guy shouldn't even bring it up as it's not something that should bother you (in my experience)
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,130 Member
    edited March 2019
    I was quite upfront in my dating profile when I was doing online dating, I think I put something along the lines of "I've made a big change to my lifestyle in the last couple of years, something I am still working towards" and then included some of my active hobbies.

    I am still a high BMI and have plenty of wobbly bits, though I have never been particularly self-conscious about them. Usually, the only people who are judging your body are yourself and some R Souls, there's only one of those that you can do anything about. Learn to love your body and be more confident and you'll find dating a whole lot less intimidating.

    I don't think it's necessary to put unflattering photos up, but it depends how "flattering" the ones are you are putting up, I have seen a number of friends put up old photos or over-filtered photos and have also been out on dates with people who have done the same thing, I think of it as false advertising. Ultimately when you're doing online dating, it is initially down to physical attraction and that should be based on what you actually look like, not an Instagram-Filtered version. Many of my photos were from active stuff I was doing like Hiking, rather than dolled up, so I had no makeup on and sportswear.

    I do find that it was better for me to meet people sooner rather than later when I was doing online dating, that way you're not wasting months only to find out you don't click with someone in person. I went on dates both before and after losing 35lbs and doing a bit of body recomp, I can't say I really noticed a difference. I met some really nice guys and also some of the above mention Rs and I dated one guy for a couple of months last year (didn't work out because of the distance/conflicting work schedules).

    I'm now happily dating someone I know through my rowing club, as I say I still have some wobbly bits but it has no impact on the physical side of our relationship. So it's not all doom and gloom.

    TL/DR - learn to love yourself and be more confident as a result. There are guys out there who will like you for your true self and ones that won't but you won't find the ones who will if you don't put yourself out there.



  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    firecat1987 wrote: »
    I think confidence goes a long way with this. If you show confidence with those stretch marks then the guy shouldn't even bring it up as it's not something that should bother you (in my experience)

    Thank you.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    megbeveridge93 wrote: »
    But there are people out there who are going to like you for the same reasons others won't. Someone is going to love you for your tiger stripes and extra skin because it shows how strong and hard-working you are. They're going to be thrilled to see your bare skin.

    This would be really cool. Thank you!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    We should be more concerned with who we are on the inside instead of physical attributes. Your true value is in your heart, your personality, your mind, your attitude, your character. It is not in that extra bit of skin or the circumference of your thigh. The challenge is to actually believe that, and your post strongly suggests you do not. I promise you are enough just the way you are!

    I definitely subscribe to this way of thinking in non-physical relationships. And I know I'm not that picky, even in those, but have had it emphasized so much in my 18 years of dating and a marriage that it's taking a lot to consider it isn't always this way. Thank you!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    hobbitses333 wrote: »

    My advice, go slow to the naked part of the relationship. I used dating as a means to experience things I wanted to do but not alone, I ate Ethiopian food, went to concerts, went for walks through the park on a nice day, grabbed a mickey of whiskey and got drunk on the beach people watching, went crab fishing and boating until sunset. I had a blast. Many great times with some fascinating people but we just didn't click romantically. I made a few friends I still have to this day tho.

    This is awesome! Thank you!
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    tinkerbellang83 wrote: »
    I was quite upfront in my dating profile when I was doing online dating, I think I put something along the lines of "I've made a big change to my lifestyle in the last couple of years, something I am still working towards" and then included some of my active hobbies.

    I like this!

    tinkerbellang83 wrote: »

    I don't think it's necessary to put unflattering photos up, but it depends how "flattering" the ones are you are putting up, I have seen a number of friends put up old photos or over-filtered photos and have also been out on dates with people who have done the same thing, I think of it as false advertising. Ultimately when you're doing online dating, it is initially down to physical attraction and that should be based on what you actually look like, not an Instagram-Filtered version. Many of my photos were from active stuff I was doing like Hiking, rather than dolled up, so I had no makeup on and sportswear.

    I was definitely going to put some active, no-makeup photos and plenty of full body ones. It's just that the worst of my issues are obscured by any clothing besides maybe a bikini (which I don't even own nor would I ever!) so I'm inadvertently hiding most of it.
  • ericadcruz32
    ericadcruz32 Posts: 48 Member
    This is such a great topic because we do tend go through so much during a weight loss journey. I remember when I lost 40+ lbs after having my second child. I was very freaked out about the loose skin - the stretch marks made it look worse. I instantly thought I would be happier at a larger size. Now that I am on the journey again after an abrupt weight gain, I am not planning to get back to my normal weight of 110 because I just don't carry it the same.
    I think we women are too harsh on themselves. Yes, some may care about what's going on under the clothes....but not all. And I can't imagine why we would want to pick the partner who is going to be overly critical. You're not getting what you're really after in the end so just let it be easy to walk away from that. Love yourself.
  • lunchboxchuck
    lunchboxchuck Posts: 46 Member
    ericadcruz32 wrote: »
    And I can't imagine why we would want to pick the partner who is going to be overly critical. You're not getting what you're really after in the end so just let it be easy to walk away from that. Love yourself.

    I seem to have an uncanny ability for picking these people (and they are all really good at hiding it for varying, but too long periods of time).

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