Things people say when you lose weight
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JustRamona wrote: »I've been getting this one lately............."how much more do you want to lose?" When I say another 30 pounds--and the response is..." oh no, that's too much. you are going to look too thin"..... Next time I am going to ask...How do you know?
Oh God yes, I get this all the time as well. And then I have to do math in my head which isn't a pleasurable experience for anyone4 -
I love this thread, but boy does it make me want to slap people.Slowfaster wrote: »[Holding hands wide apart] "You used to be this wide!"
Wow, I didn't realize you were behind me with your measuring tape.11 -
Today I got a new one. I ran into a person at the gym that I havent seen in a few months and they said 'oh you lost a lot of weight, too bad your calves are still so big'. I just had to laugh, I mean who does that - yes, I DO have big calves so I guess they were just pointing out the obvious but it is surprising that people think it is cool to say mean things if they combine it with what they think is a compliment.15
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I had a coworker ask one day, what, do you have a tapeworm?4
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People!? It's crazy what comes out of their mouths!!!3
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christyc1256 wrote: »Today I got a new one. I ran into a person at the gym that I havent seen in a few months and they said 'oh you lost a lot of weight, too bad your calves are still so big'. I just had to laugh, I mean who does that - yes, I DO have big calves so I guess they were just pointing out the obvious but it is surprising that people think it is cool to say mean things if they combine it with what they think is a compliment.
My mom should be famous for her “backhanded compliments” … and I will tell you this… it comes from a place of insecurity and jealousy. Every. Single. Time.
Whoever said that.. not your friend and super shaky ego, trying to drag you down to lift themself up.11 -
IAmTheGlue wrote: »My mom should be famous for her “backhanded compliments” … and I will tell you this… it comes from a place of insecurity and jealousy. Every. Single. Time.
I am working on treating people with compassion. People say things. They might annoy me. I am ~trying~ to feel sympathy for them instead of being annoyed. Surely their lives must have struggles to say the things they do. It's a work in progress. I'm not good at it yet, but I'm working on it.
Because I think you're right @IAmTheGlue - people say things from dark places in their psyche. We can be better than them and just acknowledge what they say and feel sorry that their lives are making them struggle enough to say things that maybe they don't even realize can be offensive.
There's also some people I just tell to F- off. Because I only have so much sympathy. And in general I'm just a grumpy gus.
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People!? It's crazy what comes out of their mouths!!!
It can also be a little crazy what we let get into our heads and let live there rent-free (when it comes to other people's opinions).
That's the part that's 100% under my control, though: What I decide to let sink in, affect my behavior, mood, attitude.
I like @mtaratoot's idea about compassion, when it comes to some of the things said that can be resentful or mean. It would be awful to live inside that psyche 24x7, y'know? And some of them are more socially awkward than ill-intentioned, probably.
But, hey, beyond that: Let it roll off. It only affects our self-image or confidence when we let it.16 -
Some lady at the gym whom I see semi regularly and say hi to in the locker room, one day decided to say, "You're lucky that you lost your boobs with your weight, I'm stuck with these *gesturing to her chest* no matter what"... I looked at her up and down, laughed and walked out, leaving a silent protein fart in my wake... @AnnPT77 has it right... no one should live rent free in your head but she was lucky I can't afford a felony right now :laugh:13
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christyc1256 wrote: »Today I got a new one. I ran into a person at the gym that I havent seen in a few months and they said 'oh you lost a lot of weight, too bad your calves are still so big'. I just had to laugh, I mean who does that - yes, I DO have big calves so I guess they were just pointing out the obvious but it is surprising that people think it is cool to say mean things if they combine it with what they think is a compliment.
I refuse to accept backhanded compliments. I prefer to make people who say these things very uncomfortable by responding with a Dear Prudence classic- (while looking at them quizzically) “What an odd and awful thing to say to someone.” And then walk away.14 -
christyc1256 wrote: »Today I got a new one. I ran into a person at the gym that I havent seen in a few months and they said 'oh you lost a lot of weight, too bad your calves are still so big'. I just had to laugh, I mean who does that - yes, I DO have big calves so I guess they were just pointing out the obvious but it is surprising that people think it is cool to say mean things if they combine it with what they think is a compliment.
I refuse to accept backhanded compliments. I prefer to make people who say these things very uncomfortable by responding with a Dear Prudence classic- (while looking at them quizzically) “What an odd and awful thing to say to someone.” And then walk away.
I admit I have perfected my almost-blank-but-slightly-distateful-and-quizzical look which I just silently adopt until the person gets uncomfortable and goes away.8 -
On my weight loss journey, people often encouraged me to keep it up. What I'd hear was "You're not done yet." Sometimes I find myself thinking the worst when the intention was simply to encourage, not to remind me I'm still fat. Now, at 136 (down from 245) I often hear "You're not trying to lose more, are you?" Well, as a matter of fact I AM. I'd like to lose 11 more pounds. At that point, I'll reassess. See how I feel. My 113-pound sister (she's 1 inch shorter) suggests I stay where I am. I know she's irritated when people tell her she's too thin. Next time she tells me how much I should weigh, I'll kindly remind her of that. She is kind, gentle, saintly even, so I don't think she has less than honorable reasons to determine what I should weigh. She is the "big" sister, still guiding me in our seventies.9
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“Keep it up” or” keep up the good work” is among the most obnoxious “praise/encouragement “ possible. Do not say this. My only satisfactory reply is a very cool “Thank you for your advice” accompanied with a dead-eyed stare.7 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Some lady at the gym whom I see semi regularly and say hi to in the locker room, one day decided to say, "You're lucky that you lost your boobs with your weight, I'm stuck with these *gesturing to her chest* no matter what"... I looked at her up and down, laughed and walked out, leaving a silent protein fart in my wake... @AnnPT77 has it right... no one should live rent free in your head but she was lucky I can't afford a felony right now :laugh:
Your right no one should live in your head I'm sorry you were offended by that remark, yet have you thought of just how uncomfortable it is to have breasts that are simply too large, as we age they cause all kinds of back problems, we can never buy a dress without altering it. Believe me it is no fun to wear a size 10 bottom and a size 16 top.11 -
My dentist once said "you've lost weight" with a very concerned look. I said, "why, yes I have." I think he thought I'd gotten cancer, or something.6
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I get some variation of "you're not ugly" over and over and over because people assume wanting change is the same as not liking what I have now. If I told someone I'm taking a painting class, they wouldn't tell me "but your art isn't terrible"... I mention I'm currently losing weight and get "you're not fat" or "you already look good" - I never said I don't like the way I look now! I never said I'm unhappy with my body! I didn't call myself fat! I like my body and I know it can be much fitter.
I mentioned to a coworker I've gone into "obese" range over the lockdown and their response was "BMI isn't accurate, you look normal". Yeah I do look normal - 2/3 of adults in UK are overweight. I'm going for healthy.
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I get some variation of "you're not ugly" over and over and over because people assume wanting change is the same as not liking what I have now. If I told someone I'm taking a painting class, they wouldn't tell me "but your art isn't terrible"... I mention I'm currently losing weight and get "you're not fat" or "you already look good" - I never said I don't like the way I look now! I never said I'm unhappy with my body! I didn't call myself fat! I like my body and I know it can be much fitter.
I mentioned to a coworker I've gone into "obese" range over the lockdown and their response was "BMI isn't accurate, you look normal". Yeah I do look normal - 2/3 of adults in UK are overweight. I'm going for healthy.
I get this a LOT. I was also just into the obese category when I started losing weight. When I tell people this, that's the line I get. On the one hand it's nice that people didn't see me as "fat" (unlike in grade school- kids are cruel) but it's also pretty tragic what has happened to our society that being overweight/obese is the norm.7 -
HerbsandMore wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Some lady at the gym whom I see semi regularly and say hi to in the locker room, one day decided to say, "You're lucky that you lost your boobs with your weight, I'm stuck with these *gesturing to her chest* no matter what"... I looked at her up and down, laughed and walked out, leaving a silent protein fart in my wake... @AnnPT77 has it right... no one should live rent free in your head but she was lucky I can't afford a felony right now :laugh:
Your right no one should live in your head I'm sorry you were offended by that remark, yet have you thought of just how uncomfortable it is to have breasts that are simply too large, as we age they cause all kinds of back problems, we can never buy a dress without altering it. Believe me it is no fun to wear a size 10 bottom and a size 16 top.
Yet she didn't need to comment to me about it with a comparison about mine... so eff off with that 🙄6 -
I have been annoyed by the very same comment made by one person, and very happy hearing it from another. Its a mix of their attitude and mine in the moment, the relationship, and whether I perceive the person to be an ally or personally going through/interested in the same thing, or not. In the last 5 years since being diagnosed with, treated for and recovering from breast cancer I have become very open about my health because my issues have been fairly obvious. Also taking your blouse off constantly has a way of lowering your inhibitions about your body — even if you aren’t a stripper! But I recall feeling the same way when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Some people I could open up to and share intimate details about my health and answer any curious question they had, other people just got my fur up and left me defensive. So at least for me, I think any personal but obvious change in your life is going to motivate a level of curiosity,and camaraderie but not everyone is going to be able to pull it off in a way that synchs up with your mood in a given moment. That is why a lot of wise people avoid making specific comments at all or make generic positive comments that aren’t directly related to weight.20
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »HerbsandMore wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Some lady at the gym whom I see semi regularly and say hi to in the locker room, one day decided to say, "You're lucky that you lost your boobs with your weight, I'm stuck with these *gesturing to her chest* no matter what"... I looked at her up and down, laughed and walked out, leaving a silent protein fart in my wake... @AnnPT77 has it right... no one should live rent free in your head but she was lucky I can't afford a felony right now :laugh:
Your right no one should live in your head I'm sorry you were offended by that remark, yet have you thought of just how uncomfortable it is to have breasts that are simply too large, as we age they cause all kinds of back problems, we can never buy a dress without altering it. Believe me it is no fun to wear a size 10 bottom and a size 16 top.
Yet she didn't need to comment to me about it with a comparison about mine... so eff off with that 🙄
Having been there, ultimately with size K that hung to my waistline, she is probably as absorbed in her boobs as you might be with your weight.
Mine dictated how I stood (scoliosis from hunching trying to hide them after seeing a dear friend felt up in 6th grade), feeling like everyone was staring (they often were), having male customers who would “visit my boobs” as a coworker put it, feeling like my nipples were laser pointers. Going out the door with that baggage was a trial, and has affected my social skills over the years.
Getting a reduction was the greatest thing ever, even better than the weight loss.
I now just throw on last nights pajamas after an aquafit class, and leave the gym commando. I does not care about the nipplrs, and in fact am inspired by some idiot thing I read about “Free the Nipples”.
I still have dents and dark marks on my belly from where my boobs rested all those years, even following substantial weight loss.
We all take things people say as based on our own perception, but I can guarantee you that woman’s boobs are a burden to her for her to say something like that.
I don’t think she meant harm, and I know exactly where she was coming from. Longing for less.
Hugs to everyone involved.
It saddens me that it took major changes like weight loss and surgery to me to make myself happy with my body, but damn, am I happy to be here. Finally. Six decades later.
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1BlueAurora wrote: »Best comment:
Weirdest: "You've lost weight. Is that intentional?"
Believe it or not I've had the same one and I don't know why it bothered me so much. I am certainly not starving and I'm not a little dude. Do I look like I'm dying of some terrible disease I'm pretty sure I don't .. I guess in my town men being in shape is a pretty rare thing.
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"do you have cancer?" Not sure if they hoping yes or not. LOL5
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Speaking as someone who's actually had cancer, think this through: Someone tells you how great you look having lost weight, and you tell them that actually, you have cancer. No one is going to feel good, not even a little good, on either side of that conversation.
I can completely see why no one wants to make that mistake.
(Yes, one doesn't necessarily look as sick as you would think, when they have cancer. Some do, some don't. Trust me on this.)14 -
AnnPT77, thank you for the thoughtful response, reminding people to consider both sides of this comment. I'm also glad your health is better.
I'm the spouse of a man who dealt with cancer for years and also hiked every day and looked fit most of the time. A few years ago, I lost 35 pounds with the help of MFP and a neighbor asked me if I was seriously ill -- and it really rattled me. I said no, I'd been obese and lost the weight to be healthier.
I believe one reason people think illness when they see someone undergo major weight loss is because so many are obese today, which makes it seem normal.
We can't control what other people say, not most of the time.
My weight loss gave me "turkey neck" which I really don't like. Plus now I get called "Miss ---" (as in Miss Annie, Miss Betty, Miss Linda, etc.) instead of my real name. It makes me furious. The Miss Somebody is how people address old women in my area. I tell people not to call me that and to call me by my real name, but it's a losing battle.7 -
springlering62 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »HerbsandMore wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Some lady at the gym whom I see semi regularly and say hi to in the locker room, one day decided to say, "You're lucky that you lost your boobs with your weight, I'm stuck with these *gesturing to her chest* no matter what"... I looked at her up and down, laughed and walked out, leaving a silent protein fart in my wake... @AnnPT77 has it right... no one should live rent free in your head but she was lucky I can't afford a felony right now :laugh:
Your right no one should live in your head I'm sorry you were offended by that remark, yet have you thought of just how uncomfortable it is to have breasts that are simply too large, as we age they cause all kinds of back problems, we can never buy a dress without altering it. Believe me it is no fun to wear a size 10 bottom and a size 16 top.
Yet she didn't need to comment to me about it with a comparison about mine... so eff off with that 🙄
Having been there, ultimately with size K that hung to my waistline, she is probably as absorbed in her boobs as you might be with your weight.
Mine dictated how I stood (scoliosis from hunching trying to hide them after seeing a dear friend felt up in 6th grade), feeling like everyone was staring (they often were), having male customers who would “visit my boobs” as a coworker put it, feeling like my nipples were laser pointers. Going out the door with that baggage was a trial, and has affected my social skills over the years.
Getting a reduction was the greatest thing ever, even better than the weight loss.
I now just throw on last nights pajamas after an aquafit class, and leave the gym commando. I does not care about the nipplrs, and in fact am inspired by some idiot thing I read about “Free the Nipples”.
I still have dents and dark marks on my belly from where my boobs rested all those years, even following substantial weight loss.
We all take things people say as based on our own perception, but I can guarantee you that woman’s boobs are a burden to her for her to say something like that.
I don’t think she meant harm, and I know exactly where she was coming from. Longing for less.
Hugs to everyone involved.
It saddens me that it took major changes like weight loss and surgery to me to make myself happy with my body, but damn, am I happy to be here. Finally. Six decades later.
The lady didn't even have big boobs... so there's that. ✌️1
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