Frienemies

kewpiecyster

Do any of you have "frienemies"? I have one. She can be fun to hang out with - but she is often snarky and makes hurtful comments. The first week of logging my food - we had a birthday celebration for her husband at Chili's. I was determined to eat better, while still enjoying myself, so I researched before I went to know exactly what I would order.

While at the restaurant, I ordered with my hubby the 2 for 20. I chose the flatbread pizza for the appetizer for hubby and I to split (a yummy splurge) and then chose the low cal sirloin with broccoli. She kept making comments on how I was on a "diet". This bothered me, but I shrugged it off stating I was being careful because I knew I would get popcorn at the theater.

They ordered cheese fries for their appetizer. While I was enjoying my pizza (literally savoring each bite...it was sooo good) - she actually put a huge forkful of cheese fries in MY FACE!!! She kept waving it in front of me and was like "you sure you don't want any...they are sooo good". It took her husband to tell her to stop being mean for her to quit.

This has made me seriously question the state of our "friendship". I use to be able to discount her behavior and excuse it - but this was really over-the-top. Your thoughts?

CkepiJinx

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

DragonSquatter

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a uh dred plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

^ This.

Contrarian

She sounds like a total ****. I don't associate with ****s.

SoViLicious

I really cannot be friends with anyone I do not like or who goes out of there way to send me negative vibes. Friendship should be an enjoyed experience.

If something does not feel good lt it go.

kewpiecyster

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!

mmm_drop

People who behave that way don't last long in my life.

PRMinx

Alright, alright. Before you "just break up" with your friend, take a step back and look at the big picture. You just started your diet a week ago, which is awesome, but it hasn't been that long. Since it's so new, maybe your friend just doesn't quite understand the commitment level and the reasons behind your choice.

I would give this a pass, but sit down with her one and one and talk it out. Let her know you are really trying to get healthy and that, if she's a good friend, she will encourage you on your journey.

It's always better to have a real, honest conversation then to just assume she's derailing you on purpose.

Of course, if it continues after that, kindly let her know that you won't be joining her for meals anymore until she can respect your boundaries.

casmithis

Unless of course she has some other great qualities (great listener, makes you laugh). Then next time she asks you to go somewhere say "as long as you don't wave fries in my face or make comments about my diet because I find that offesive". Done. She may not even know the damage she's doing. She may think she's bringing light to the situation. it's a stretch I know but you never know.

Otherwise kick her to the curb!! You'll burn lots of calories doing it!!

CkepiJinx

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!

That makes it more difficult, if your hubby is aware of your feelings maybe just try to cut back, let him and his buddy have more " guys nights". You can be busy or " not feeling well" sometimes, and then occasionally suck it up for your hubby .

And just know who she is and take her comments for what they are worth about a penny :laugh: .

Good luck :flowerforyou:

ItsCasey

Hmmm. Having someone in your life who pretends to be your friend but is really a colossal pain in the *kitten* just sounds like a waste of time and energy to me.

JenAndSome

I would have just told her to keep her fork out of your face or she'll be pulling it out of her left eye. Seriously, why didn't you stand up for yourself? Maybe it's time to start.

kewpiecyster

Alright, alright. Before you "just break up" with your friend, take a step back and look at the big picture. You just started your diet a week ago, which is awesome, but it hasn't been that long. Since it's so new, maybe your friend just doesn't quite understand the commitment level and the reasons behind your choice.

I would give this a pass, but sit down with her one and one and talk it out. Let her know you are really trying to get healthy and that, if she's a good friend, she will encourage you on your journey.

It's always better to have a real, honest conversation then to just assume she's derailing you on purpose.

Of course, if it continues after that, kindly let her know that you won't be joining her for meals anymore until she can respect your boundaries.

Although this is my first week on MFP logging food - this is not my first week dieting. I have already lost 75 pounds on my own - all the while with her making snarky comments. Every time I have started a new exercise program...she states "well, we may not be able to be friends anymore" and then laughs. I have always thought she was trying to be funny - but the fries in the face are making me question that.

teamAmelia

I work with people like that, and trust me, our "friendship" ends when I clock out. I wouldn't bring that negativity into my personal life and let them into my world outside of work. There's this one chick who will smile in your face, greet you, make up a nickname for you, and say nice things to you (especially if a supervisor is around). She will say negative things about you behind your back that same day. SMH. This is an everyday thing for her. My point is that not everyone has good intentions, no matter how much they appear to be your friend. Your "friend," at the very least, is unsupportive, and that's enough reason to end a friendship. If you hadn't referred to her as a frienemy, I would have advised you to try to work it out. If you think that she has any bad intentions, I would get rid of her. I try to limit my contact with people like that and would much rather be enemies (or just civil ("Hi" and "Bye")) with someone than fake friends. So, give her an ultimatum. Either she stop the comments and start being supportive or leave. If she's a real friend, this should be easy. But, maybe it's her personality. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who takes pleasure in making fun of others, especially when they know that it hurts them.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

she sounds hideous.

PRMinx

Alright, alright. Before you "just break up" with your friend, take a step back and look at the big picture. You just started your diet a week ago, which is awesome, but it hasn't been that long. Since it's so new, maybe your friend just doesn't quite understand the commitment level and the reasons behind your choice.

I would give this a pass, but sit down with her one and one and talk it out. Let her know you are really trying to get healthy and that, if she's a good friend, she will encourage you on your journey.

It's always better to have a real, honest conversation then to just assume she's derailing you on purpose.

Of course, if it continues after that, kindly let her know that you won't be joining her for meals anymore until she can respect your boundaries.

Although this is my first week on MFP logging food - this is not my first week dieting. I have already lost 75 pounds on my own - all the while with her making snarky comments. Every time I have started a new exercise program...she states "well, we may not be able to be friends anymore" and then laughs. I have always thought she was trying to be funny - but the fries in the face are making me question that.

That's a pretty big nugget of info to leave out!

I agree with the other posters. Although, if you haven't had a serious conversation with her first, including what the consequences will be if it continues, then give that a go for the sake of your husband.

kewpiecyster

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!

That makes it more difficult, if your hubby is aware of your feelings maybe just try to cut back, let him and his buddy have more " guys nights". You can be busy or " not feeling well" sometimes, and then occasionally suck it up for your hubby .

And just know who she is and take her comments for what they are worth about a penny :laugh: .

Good luck :flowerforyou:

Love this advice. I think this is where I am heading. I think I will have a talk with her about this, and if it happens again, I will just let the guys go out. Thanks!

teamAmelia

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

LOL. Exactly...

Okay, so your husband and her husband are friends. That makes sense now. I thought that she was *your* friend. Really, she's just your husband's friend's wife. I agree w the other poster who suggested letting the husbands hang out by themselves. You can have your husband tell them that you've taken up a new hobby or are working odd hours or something. Good luck on losing that 100+ pounds. LOL

BurningAway

I think most women are spiteful and vindictive and the thought of you being thinner then her probably urks her at least this had been my experience. Jealousy comes in all forms however she is kinda helping you with self control if she tempts you often and you say no well your will power is going to be incredible i say give it longer then a week if this has been an ongoing thing since you started your friendship and your sick of it well thats your decision and your feelings we really cant help you out because we arent you and we dont know how she acts towards you in other situations id suggest a Pros and Cons list do the good times outweigh the bad?

gigglybeth

Shoving food in your face? What is she, 12??? I wouldn't even call her a frenemy. She's your husband's friend's wife who you are occasionally forced to spend time with. If she starts that crap again, just stare at her like she sprouted a second head and then go about your business.

I have an acquaintance that isn't that bad, but she is someone I have to spend time with for the next year or so. A group of us were out one night and somehow the conversation kept turning to overweight people (weird in itself). Anytime she would say something about overweight people, she would stop and look at me like I was going to either start crying or go on a rant about fat people's rights. The first time I was like, "Okay, maybe she just wants to be respectful of my feelings?" But the FIFTH time I wanted to yell, "I AM NOT THAT FAT ANYMORE!"

I thought about it for a couple of days, not really feeing bad about it, but more like WTF was that about? Then I realized that some people just aren't happy when you mess up what they perceive to be the social order.

escloflowneCHANGED

I have one, we treat each other like complete garbage but we would take a bullet for each other, weird how that works!

kewpiecyster

Shoving food in your face? What is she, 12??? I wouldn't even call her a frenemy. She's your husband's friend's wife who you are occasionally forced to spend time with. If she starts that crap again, just stare at her like she sprouted a second head and then go about your business.

This had me laughing so hard! Thanks.

lesteidel

SHe feels insecure because you are losing weight, let it go. But remember one thing, people who do not build you up, are not your friends. Be polite when you need to be, but I wouldn't go out of my way to be around her, she is showing a blatant disregard for your feelings. That, is not a friend, enemy, or frenemy, she is just a rude person, and I am an advocate of not putting oneself around those who do not build up. Life is too short to surround ourselves with people who make us anything but happy.

FerretBuellerr

I wouldn't necessarily drop her as a friend (you became friends for a reason right?), unless this is something that continually persists.

If she's a REAL friend, talk to her about how you are being serious about your weight and want her support, and that her comments hurt. If she doesn't take you seriously, then I'd start questioning the friendship a little more.

thisdarkpassenger

She's got issues. You're probably better off without her "friendship".

Maaike84

Alright, alright. Before you "just break up" with your friend, take a step back and look at the big picture. You just started your diet a week ago, which is awesome, but it hasn't been that long. Since it's so new, maybe your friend just doesn't quite understand the commitment level and the reasons behind your choice.

I would give this a pass, but sit down with her one and one and talk it out. Let her know you are really trying to get healthy and that, if she's a good friend, she will encourage you on your journey.

It's always better to have a real, honest conversation then to just assume she's derailing you on purpose.

Of course, if it continues after that, kindly let her know that you won't be joining her for meals anymore until she can respect your boundaries.

Although this is my first week on MFP logging food - this is not my first week dieting. I have already lost 75 pounds on my own - all the while with her making snarky comments. Every time I have started a new exercise program...she states "well, we may not be able to be friends anymore" and then laughs. I have always thought she was trying to be funny - but the fries in the face are making me question that.

Man, she sounds like a great friend... :noway:

What is your reaction when she tells you things like this though? If you are clear with drawing her a line and explaining that these types of comments are not funny, but hurtful, she might back off. If I were you I'd ask her why she is making that comment or that joke, and if she tries to brush it off, explain that it's not funny to you and ask her to stop. If she then makes those comments again, you know she doesn't value your friendship at all, so there's no need for you to value hers.

sarahertzberger

Have you tried talking to her and telling her how it makes you feel try that before just totally cutting her out, maybe she's insecure about herself or maybe she doesn't see it as being bothersome to you.

Juliejustsaying

yeah, I have a friend like that. I put my foot down last summer after she pushed the envelope too far. I asked her not to do something and that made it a "fun" joke to her. I didn't speak to her for 3 months. She finally crawled back and asked if I was speaking to her. I made my request that she not do that thing and she has respected it since.

Sooooo...sometimes I wonder why I bother, and then we'll go out shopping together and have a great time. I agree that life is too short to deal with anything uncomfortable unnecessarily....but your husbands are buds. So she is going to be in your life. Set limits and stick to them. Hopefully, she'll come around to respecting them eventually.

shannashannabobana

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!

Eh, you might have to just deal then. Maybe she doesn't mean it the way you think? At least start thinking that she is just making conversation.

Good on you for finding something healthy at chili's. Everything I love there is insane!

sevsmom

I'd just stop allowing her to use up any of my emotional energy if I were you. Your husband enjoys the couple company, so don't stop going out from time to time, just don't let her get under your skin. In fact, if she waves food in your face, reach in your purse, pull out a feminine hygiene product and wave it in her face telling her she just HAS to try this "pad/tampon/panty liner. . .it's just the BEST. If she looks at you like you grew a third eye, tell her every time she makes snarky comments or waves food in your face, you'll bust out the tampons at the restaurant table. I bet she shuts up.

kewpiecyster

Sooooo...sometimes I wonder why I bother, and then we'll go out shopping together and have a great time. I agree that life is too short to deal with anything uncomfortable unnecessarily....but your husbands are buds. So she is going to be in your life. Set limits and stick to them. Hopefully, she'll come around to respecting them eventually.

THIS is exactly how it is. We do have fun - sometimes. We do have times where we don't even speak for months because I just can't stand her behavior....and then the guys will need to get together because it has been too long - and things will be great again. Just going to have to tell her that these jokes are unacceptable. Thanks!