Frienemies

kewpiecyster

Shoving food in your face? What is she, 12??? I wouldn't even call her a frenemy. She's your husband's friend's wife who you are occasionally forced to spend time with. If she starts that crap again, just stare at her like she sprouted a second head and then go about your business.

This had me laughing so hard! Thanks.

lesteidel

SHe feels insecure because you are losing weight, let it go. But remember one thing, people who do not build you up, are not your friends. Be polite when you need to be, but I wouldn't go out of my way to be around her, she is showing a blatant disregard for your feelings. That, is not a friend, enemy, or frenemy, she is just a rude person, and I am an advocate of not putting oneself around those who do not build up. Life is too short to surround ourselves with people who make us anything but happy.

FerretBuellerr

I wouldn't necessarily drop her as a friend (you became friends for a reason right?), unless this is something that continually persists.

If she's a REAL friend, talk to her about how you are being serious about your weight and want her support, and that her comments hurt. If she doesn't take you seriously, then I'd start questioning the friendship a little more.

thisdarkpassenger

She's got issues. You're probably better off without her "friendship".

Maaike84

Alright, alright. Before you "just break up" with your friend, take a step back and look at the big picture. You just started your diet a week ago, which is awesome, but it hasn't been that long. Since it's so new, maybe your friend just doesn't quite understand the commitment level and the reasons behind your choice.

I would give this a pass, but sit down with her one and one and talk it out. Let her know you are really trying to get healthy and that, if she's a good friend, she will encourage you on your journey.

It's always better to have a real, honest conversation then to just assume she's derailing you on purpose.

Of course, if it continues after that, kindly let her know that you won't be joining her for meals anymore until she can respect your boundaries.

Although this is my first week on MFP logging food - this is not my first week dieting. I have already lost 75 pounds on my own - all the while with her making snarky comments. Every time I have started a new exercise program...she states "well, we may not be able to be friends anymore" and then laughs. I have always thought she was trying to be funny - but the fries in the face are making me question that.

Man, she sounds like a great friend... :noway:

What is your reaction when she tells you things like this though? If you are clear with drawing her a line and explaining that these types of comments are not funny, but hurtful, she might back off. If I were you I'd ask her why she is making that comment or that joke, and if she tries to brush it off, explain that it's not funny to you and ask her to stop. If she then makes those comments again, you know she doesn't value your friendship at all, so there's no need for you to value hers.

sarahertzberger

Have you tried talking to her and telling her how it makes you feel try that before just totally cutting her out, maybe she's insecure about herself or maybe she doesn't see it as being bothersome to you.

Juliejustsaying

yeah, I have a friend like that. I put my foot down last summer after she pushed the envelope too far. I asked her not to do something and that made it a "fun" joke to her. I didn't speak to her for 3 months. She finally crawled back and asked if I was speaking to her. I made my request that she not do that thing and she has respected it since.

Sooooo...sometimes I wonder why I bother, and then we'll go out shopping together and have a great time. I agree that life is too short to deal with anything uncomfortable unnecessarily....but your husbands are buds. So she is going to be in your life. Set limits and stick to them. Hopefully, she'll come around to respecting them eventually.

shannashannabobana

I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :laugh:

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!

Eh, you might have to just deal then. Maybe she doesn't mean it the way you think? At least start thinking that she is just making conversation.

Good on you for finding something healthy at chili's. Everything I love there is insane!

sevsmom

I'd just stop allowing her to use up any of my emotional energy if I were you. Your husband enjoys the couple company, so don't stop going out from time to time, just don't let her get under your skin. In fact, if she waves food in your face, reach in your purse, pull out a feminine hygiene product and wave it in her face telling her she just HAS to try this "pad/tampon/panty liner. . .it's just the BEST. If she looks at you like you grew a third eye, tell her every time she makes snarky comments or waves food in your face, you'll bust out the tampons at the restaurant table. I bet she shuts up.

kewpiecyster

Sooooo...sometimes I wonder why I bother, and then we'll go out shopping together and have a great time. I agree that life is too short to deal with anything uncomfortable unnecessarily....but your husbands are buds. So she is going to be in your life. Set limits and stick to them. Hopefully, she'll come around to respecting them eventually.

THIS is exactly how it is. We do have fun - sometimes. We do have times where we don't even speak for months because I just can't stand her behavior....and then the guys will need to get together because it has been too long - and things will be great again. Just going to have to tell her that these jokes are unacceptable. Thanks!

kewpiecyster

I'd just stop allowing her to use up any of my emotional energy if I were you. Your husband enjoys the couple company, so don't stop going out from time to time, just don't let her get under your skin. In fact, if she waves food in your face, reach in your purse, pull out a feminine hygiene product and wave it in her face telling her she just HAS to try this "pad/tampon/panty liner. . .it's just the BEST. If she looks at you like you grew a third eye, tell her every time she makes snarky comments or waves food in your face, you'll bust out the tampons at the restaurant table. I bet she shuts up.

HAHAHA!!! I love your attitude!! This would mortify my hubby...but it is a great mental image!

melisay

dump her *kitten* now.. you need better friends.. what a ****.. excuse my language but she is -

1PatientBear

I would have just told her to keep her fork out of your face or she'll be pulling it out of her left eye. Seriously, why didn't you stand up for yourself? Maybe it's time to start.

^^ I like this answer.

toutmonpossible

There was a post about a week ago by a woman who had an obnoxious coworker who did the same thing. I would read the suggestions in that thread as well as this one, think about confronting this "friend," and remember that you can fire a friend more easily than a coworker.

In these days when it's common knowledge that people are trying to lose weight this sounds like exceedingly immature and thoughtless behavior for a grown woman. I wouldn't be inclined to cut her too much slack. So hubby and her hubby will have a boy's night out instead of a double date. Quelle tragedy.

MsWallwoman

" YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE PEOPLE YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH, SO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LET GO OF THOSE WHO KEEP WEIGHING YOU DOWN. ONCE YOU LET GO OF NEGATIVE PEOPLE... POSITIVE ONES APPEAR."

:flowerforyou:

LB2812

What is she 5????

Actually, I'm sorry that's an insult to the 5 year olds I know....

Ugh, I have gone through this "frenemy" business... and I can't tell you HOW GOOD it feels to let them go. I know it took me a longgggg time to finally do it but it's the best thing I ever did. Now, I *completely* understand your issue being tied to her through your husband... but I don't think that means you should have to continually suffer. Can the guys talk to each other? Maybe her husband can talk to her? Or maybe you just need to be blunt with her? Call her out next time, put her on the spot (I like the tampon waving someone above suggested!). I know you still need to be able to "play nice" with her, but she shouldn't be ruining what should be enjoyable times out for you.

askeates

Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

^^This. You do not need "friends" like this... Sounds like she may have some insecurities and wants to make sure you do too! You keep doing the great job you are doing and ignore her nasty behavior!

jaxbeck

I would smack her

LB2812

btw this is perfect, i can't stop laughing at it! :laugh: :laugh:

rachtxaggie

Seriously why do people do this when they know you are trying to lose weight??? I have a girl at work that does the same thing to me and actually brings me cookies and cheese fries!! I told her to please stop and she said "I am just trying to be nice." She is 22 and has a perfect body and always asks me to help her buy bikinis and dresses and then says.....they have a plus size section. It's so rude and very hurtful. If you can avoid people like that do it if you have to be around them and they still continue just tell her straight up look I am trying to get healthy and I would appreciate it you didn't do that because it is not only embarrassing to me but it also makes you look like an a--hole because your are trying to break me and I am trying to get healthy. Most people are just concerned about themselves anyway so hopefully she will not want to make herself look bad and leave you alone. Sorry that happened and you can do it!!!!