Everyone wants a quick fix

ShadeyC

My (slightly overweight) friend asked me, a while ago at her house, if I wanted a slice of cake. I refused, she said: 'Why not?' I said: 'Because I choose to be slim'. She looked down.

I was being a pompous, holier-than-thou *kitten*. And that's not nice.

Which bits? The smug and judgemental thing, and I'm not being wanky I'd actually like to know. If I'm being misconstrued I'd like explain myself.

And ouch.
though I would have said no because I;m not a cake fan. No one believes me when I say that either and it's a the truth.

Honey, I'll just say this... I started reading your thread and now I, I... Can't. Unclench. My. Toes.

Ok. My fault specifically? Because if so that's kind of sad. And I apologise for any offence.
The Ouch was to your comment to your friend btw...

Hildy_J

OP you haven't offended me, it's more of a 'shake my head'.

Try to remember you're no better than anyone else.

And no one else is better than you.

ndj1979

stick around MFP long enough and you will pretty much come across every 'magic' diet known to man ...

for some reason eating in a deficit and working out more sounds like snake oil, but master cleanses, detoxing, and "the cabbage diet" are legit...go figure...

andiebaco

I remember when I was around 13 years old I lost a lot of weight (around 15 kgs over 3 months). It was with the help of a nutriologist but I also kicked my *kitten* with exercise. My parents were very supportive with it.

When I lost weight, all my friends wanted to do the same and just went to the doctor and slightly followed the diet. Then, the mothers were angry at my mother because the girls weren't losing weight as fast as me and my sister. My mom always told them that if they just slightly followed the diet without any exercise, they'd not expect the same results (We used to do around 2 hours daily exercise, mix of aerobics and we were in the basketball and the tennis team). We exercise a lot, and we ate more healthy with lean protein and veggies.

Not surprisingly, a lot of those girls just gave up when they realized that they actually had to work hard to get results!

Even though, I must admit that I didn't learn a lot of that experience (tried a lot of fad diets before!), now I realize that it was so simple and that I had the answers in front of me... I count the calories, I exercise and I'm getting the results (alas! not as fast as when I was 13, but hey! I'm more than 10 years older now!).

Through failures I found out that as anything in life, if you want something, you really need to work hard to get it.

ndj1979

I don't think it is that people don't want to work hard. I think losing weight is a struggle and some people are overwhelmed by how slow the results can be. Everyone's body & life is different. It is a difficult task to balance what works for you and fits into your life. Not to mention habits and lifestyle changes are not easy. Totally surprised to find such judgement under a "support" topic.
:-(

its not judging its the truth, which can, sometimes, hurt...

ShadeyC

OP you haven't offended me, it's more of a 'shake my head'.

Try to remember you're no better than anyone else.

And no one else is better than you.

I do actually agree with that.
The post was born of frustration. It is rather difficult to be asked the same thing by the same person over and over and be told you're lying. She needles me on purpose.
I suspect from that it makes my tone in the post, the problem. I just assumed (yes that awesome word) people would get my gist. However it's taken it wasn't intended to be smug. The question still stands, have you ever been able to convince someone you're not fibbing when you tell them it was hard work that did it.

ShadeyC

I remember when I was around 13 years old I lost a lot of weight (around 15 kgs over 3 months). It was with the help of a nutriologist but I also kicked my *kitten* with exercise. My parents were very supportive with it.

When I lost weight, all my friends wanted to do the same and just went to the doctor and slightly followed the diet. Then, the mothers were angry at my mother because the girls weren't losing weight as fast as me and my sister. My mom always told them that if they just slightly followed the diet without any exercise, they'd not expect the same results (We used to do around 2 hours daily exercise, mix of aerobics and we were in the basketball and the tennis team). We exercise a lot, and we ate more healthy with lean protein and veggies.

Not surprisingly, a lot of those girls just gave up when they realized that they actually had to work hard to get results!

Even though, I must admit that I didn't learn a lot of that experience (tried a lot of fad diets before!), now I realize that it was so simple and that I had the answers in front of me... I count the calories, I exercise and I'm getting the results (alas! not as fast as when I was 13, but hey! I'm more than 10 years older now!).

Through failures I found out that as anything in life, if you want something, you really need to work hard to get it.

It's SOOOO much harder now than as kids...I don't consider myself old, but I sure feel like it sometimes!!!

Hildy_J

OP you haven't offended me, it's more of a 'shake my head'.

Try to remember you're no better than anyone else.

And no one else is better than you.

I do actually agree with that.
The post was born of frustration. It is rather difficult to be asked the same thing by the same person over and over and be told you're lying. She needles me on purpose.
I suspect from that it makes my tone in the post, the problem. I just assumed (yes that awesome word) people would get my gist. However it's taken it wasn't intended to be smug. The question still stands, have you ever been able to convince someone you're not fibbing when you tell them it was hard work that did it.

Ok. Here goes again. If somebody asks you the question: 'How do you stay so slim'. Don't tell them. Just thank them. Nobody wants your life history - they're just giving you a compliment. It's that simple.

Your flatmate will lose weight when she's ready. Or not. It's not your problem. The only behaviour we can change is OUR OWN.

Also... if I was pigging out at a party and I knew someone was standing near me making a mental list of what I ate and judging me... well... I wouldn't like it. Because it's not a nice thing to do. Accept folk as they are.

Also of course you can't convince anyone what hard work or how painful or difficult something is - it's something we have to experience it for themselves.

Live and let live, eh?

ShadeyC

My (slightly overweight) friend asked me, a while ago at her house, if I wanted a slice of cake. I refused, she said: 'Why not?' I said: 'Because I choose to be slim'. She looked down.

I was being a pompous, holier-than-thou *kitten*. And that's not nice.

Moral of the story: being nice to people and kind is more important than being RIGHT or being THIN.

ALSO - when people say 'Wow how do you stay so slim!?' they're just giving you a compliment, that's all. No more no less. Accept it gracefully, with a smile and a 'thank-you'. Nobody wants your life history or a blow-by-blow account of your exercise regime. Really.

It's like when you say to someone you vaguely know: 'Hi, how are you?' - the worst thing they can do is tell you!

Here endeth etc...

LOL, ok, this is definitely NOT the case with this girl, she's NOT giving me a compliment.

In situations with strangers, than yes, that's exactly what I do, say thanks, carry on.

ndj1979

OP you haven't offended me, it's more of a 'shake my head'.

Try to remember you're no better than anyone else.

And no one else is better than you.

I do actually agree with that.
The post was born of frustration. It is rather difficult to be asked the same thing by the same person over and over and be told you're lying. She needles me on purpose.
I suspect from that it makes my tone in the post, the problem. I just assumed (yes that awesome word) people would get my gist. However it's taken it wasn't intended to be smug. The question still stands, have you ever been able to convince someone you're not fibbing when you tell them it was hard work that did it.

Ok. Here goes again. If somebody asks you the question: 'How do you stay so slim'. Don't tell them. Just thank them. Nobody wants your life history - they're just giving you a compliment. It's that simple.

Your flatmate will lose weight when she's ready. Or not. It's not your problem. The only behaviour we can change is OUR OWN.

Also... if I was pigging out at a party and I knew someone was standing near me making a mental list of what I ate and judging me... well... I wouldn't like it. Because it's not a nice thing to do.

Live and let live, eh?

how is it judging when they ask you how you lost weight but then don't want to believe it....?

Hildy_J

[/quote]

how is it judging when they ask you how you lost weight but then don't want to believe it....?
[/quote]

It's. Just. A. Compliment.

And you wonder why people take no notice/glaze over... ;-)

ShadeyC

how is it judging when they ask you how you lost weight but then don't want to believe it....?
[/quote]

It's. Just. A. Compliment.

And you wonder why people take no notice/glaze over... ;-)
[/quote]

Honestly, this one isn't. She was probably a bad example for me to use in the first post. I should have used a different one. In this particular case, the girl is not giving me a compliment. Definitely NOT giving me a compliment.
I actually think she's trying to 'catch me out' and expose my real secret of worms stashed in my belly that make me skinny :P
Yes I'm being silly now.
(Also, I am by no means skinny, just in case that's adding to people's fire).

But I accept the flatmate statement. yes it's her life. If she asks to work out with me I will still say yes. But agreed, I need to accept she's not my responsibility.