For those who have lost and gained and are losing again (what I've learned)

RelCanonical

I'm not done losing yet, but I feel like I've made mental improvements I've never expected, and wanted to share what I've gone through.

On the right, two before pictures of highschool and college. I've never been a thin person, even back in elementary, so the first successful attempt (on the left) was novel to me. More importantly, I made mistakes, and ended up failing because of them.

This post is mainly about what I've learned, in the hopes it might help someone else, or at least have someone relate. These things don't apply to everyone, it's just what I tell myself based on my own mistakes.

I failed rather spectacularly in my first attempt. "Spectacularly" meaning I developed a pretty bad case of binge eating that caused me to gain all of my weight back in about half the time it took me to lose it. It took about 3 years of recovery in outpatient therapy (and a job change) before I felt ready to lose again.

Here's a list of things I learned. If you'd like context, don't be afraid to ask. I was going to write out more but man, it was become a novel and I was like, "people are not going to read this. NEEDS MORE LISTS".

First, the practical things I tell myself to stay sane this time around:

1. I needed to include more calorie-dense foods. They're not as evil as I was inclined to think.
2. I needed to make my goal more flexible, and include more maintenance days for treats.
3. I needed more variety in my diet, flavors of jello don't count as "variety".
4. I needed to let other people use the damn elliptical at my tiny apartment gym.
5. I needed to realize that 5am wakeups for above elliptical use are not my deal, and I wasn't going to get used to them.
6. I needed to not even flirt with the idea of eat-all-the-things days. Those treats should have been spread out throughout my diet (see #2).

Those things are honestly more silly than anything. They were the symptoms of the things below.

Last, but not least, the mental things I tell myself to stay sane this time around:

1. I can rationalize obsession like nobody's business, especially with things considered to be good habits.
2. Just because I tell myself that weight loss won't solve my problems, doesn't mean I actually believe it. I need to believe it.
2.5. My body image and self-esteem issues will not be solved by weight loss. In fact, weight loss may make them temporarily worse.
2.5.5. It's the good habits that make me feel good, not the actual results (although the results help).
3. Weight loss doesn't make me a better person. It fact, I probably became a worse person - so hyperfocused on weight loss that everything else became lost.
4. I need to work on goals that have nothing to do with weight loss. I've learned my goal is to take better care of myself, not to lose weight. Losing weight is just part of me taking better care of myself.
5. I am not a pusher, an all-or-nothing-er, a 100%-er. I like to do things as lazily as I can while still meeting my goals. I am pro at moderation, and I require it.
6. I will have to live with my urge to binge eat the rest of my life, but I have good ways to cope now. That's a big part of life, just learning how to cope healthily.

pinuplove

This is so awesome! I feel like I learned a lot of lessons from my loss-regain-lose-it-again cycle, as well.

I love that dress You look fantastic

chris_in_cal

Thank you. This is important for all of us to do...not your things, but for each of us to figure out our things and get them written down.

I am feeling fab, on my third weight loss cycle, and I must, I will deal with as transparently and healthfully as possible that time when losing is no longer primary, but being happy and stable without gaining. The elusive 'Maintenance'

quiksylver296

So much great in one post!

(I noticed your numbering )

RAinWA

Well done! You have a wonderful sensible approach.

And you look awesome.

effervescent11

Great lessons! Thank you for sharing. You look amazing!

LAT1963

Digesting your advice & hoping to benefit from it.

I'm on day 4 of this attempt to lose weight. tore ligaments in my feet so can't exercise. So far the calorie restriction is not too bad--I know my satiety hinges on fats and ignores sugars so I tend to let my fat grams exceed the default target so long as my net carbs is low and calories are okay, and that keeps me from getting too hungry. I'm using MFP's target as my top for calories and 50 cals below that as my bottom of a range so that I don't under-eat and get ravenous the following day. Hope that sounds right to the rest of you. I lost 0.4 lbs each of the first 3 days but gained it back overnight last night despite hitting targets all 3 days, so I'm thinking its a hydration issue.

But it's hot today and I really want to binge on melon, and I can't because it's not in my calorie budget for the day. I could probably eat 300 g of melon in one sitting but it's about 150 calories to do that and I just don't have room for it today.

PS: I think 138 looks better on you than 130. Your arms look better to me at 138 (but maybe you're lifting weights now to have better muscle tone).

RelCanonical

LAT1963 wrote: »

Digesting your advice & hoping to benefit from it.

I'm on day 4 of this attempt to lose weight. tore ligaments in my feet so can't exercise. So far the calorie restriction is not too bad--I know my satiety hinges on fats and ignores sugars so I tend to let my fat grams exceed the default target so long as my net carbs is low and calories are okay, and that keeps me from getting too hungry. I'm using MFP's target as my top for calories and 50 cals below that as my bottom of a range so that I don't under-eat and get ravenous the following day. Hope that sounds right to the rest of you. I lost 0.4 lbs each of the first 3 days but gained it back overnight last night despite hitting targets all 3 days, so I'm thinking its a hydration issue.

But it's hot today and I really want to binge on melon, and I can't because it's not in my calorie budget for the day. I could probably eat 300 g of melon in one sitting but it's about 150 calories to do that and I just don't have room for it today.

PS: I think 138 looks better on you than 130. Your arms look better to me at 138 (but maybe you're lifting weights now to have better muscle tone).

Weight can certainly be a variable thing due to water weight, so I think you're on the right track! I only weight once a month because I just don't care for the fluctuations. I've just had to learn to trust the process of logging as to its accuracy.

RelCanonical

quiksylver296 wrote: »

So much great in one post!

(I noticed your numbering )

2.5.5.5 LOL

puffbrat

I love this post! You have made amazing progress and provided a lot of useful tips that we all need to be reminded of sometimes. And you look phenomenal!

healthierlise

I loved reading this post! So much of it chimed with me. Well done!

brenn24179

what ways have you found to cope now rather than eat? I found journaling helps me or drink something rather than eat and take that walk!

RelCanonical

brenn24179 wrote: »

what ways have you found to cope now rather than eat? I found journaling helps me or drink something rather than eat and take that walk!

One of my biggest changes in life between my first attempt and now is that I’ve adopted a cat, and she is my greatest joy in life. Petting and playing with her, and even cleaning her litter box, grounds me and helps me keep life in the right perspective.

Self care also helps. Even plucking my eyebrows, lol. Just something to mentally tell myself that I am important enough to take care of, because I am an internalizer and often attack myself when things go wrong.

Sometimes I do still eat to soothe, I’m definitely not perfect in that respect, but I make sure I make better food choices.

middlehaitch

Golly gosh, there was so much good in that post, clearly concisely stated too .

I usually enjoy you posts, so much common sense, and this was no different.

Cheers, h.

bosque1234

This is the kind of post that keeps me looking on these forums for ideas and collaboration. THANK YOU! It's not *just* about the calories, the macros, the recipes, it's about our internal self-talk and actions based on those 'dialogues.' THAT is where I find the real juice of my weight loss/healthy life approach. You've written golden words here. Nothing you'd write would be too long. Hugs on this journey with you!

RelCanonical

middlehaitch wrote: »

Golly gosh, there was so much good in that post, clearly concisely stated too .

I usually enjoy you posts, so much common sense, and this was no different.

Cheers, h.

This is half your doing, I was waffling and you syruped me into posting, lol.

kimothyschma

I’m in pretty much the same situation as you and this has all been true for me. Thanks for describing it so clearly!

LAT1963

(follow up--313 g of hami-melon this morning (106 cal), but its in the budget today. fwiw)

changeconsumeme

You gave me hope! I lost 70 lbs, gained back half and I’m back to losing weight again. Relearning to love myself and have self discipline!

RelCanonical

stretchmarksaretigerstripes wrote: »

You gave me hope! I lost 70 lbs, gained back half and I’m back to losing weight again. Relearning to love myself and have self discipline!

Good luck to you, and smooth sailing! One thing I surprisingly forgot to mention is the importance of forgiveness. It took me a long time to get back into the right mindset because I spent too much energy beating myself up instead of getting back into good habits.

lapesadilla

You are so right about eat-all-the things days - I struggle with binge eating too and for me those sooner or later turn into multiple-day frick-it binges that are hard to recover from. This time around I am trying to plan structured higher-calorie days and build indulgences into my weekly plans. I'm hoping I can break the cycle of doing really well for 3 or 4 months followed by complete abandonment of my diet and regaining everything I lost.

chris_in_cal

lapesadilla wrote: »

I'm hoping I can break the cycle of doing really well for 3 or 4 months followed by complete abandonment of my diet and regaining everything I lost.

So, true. I am at the three or four month mark, and having fear the damn is about to burst. Forgiveness, is a thing I'm going to work on.

RelCanonical

lapesadilla wrote: »

You are so right about eat-all-the things days - I struggle with binge eating too and for me those sooner or later turn into multiple-day frick-it binges that are hard to recover from. This time around I am trying to plan structured higher-calorie days and build indulgences into my weekly plans. I'm hoping I can break the cycle of doing really well for 3 or 4 months followed by complete abandonment of my diet and regaining everything I lost.

That is exactly what took me out the first time. I had an eat-all-the-things day and it turned into several days, and then I overcompensated and couldn't recover from the yo-yo'ing. It was insane just how out of control I felt about my eating during that time.

LAT1963

Note to self: avoid 'eat all the things' days.

(add: I assume this is the 1200-1500 cal/day for 6 days a week and free food 1 day a week thing instead of 1700 cal 24/7/365?)

(add again: I'm 252 lbs right now which is why my daily calorie target is at 1750 instead of lower. I know from experience once I get around 230 MFP is gonna drop that...)

bobsburgersfan

I love this one:

RelCanonical wrote: »

2.5.5. It's the good habits that make me feel good, not the actual results (although the results help).

This is so true for me. Although I want the results, too...

RelCanonical

bobsburgersfan wrote: »

I love this one:

RelCanonical wrote: »

2.5.5. It's the good habits that make me feel good, not the actual results (although the results help).

This is so true for me. Although I want the results, too...

I know right? I'll get impatient and I constantly have to remind myself that overdoing it will have the opposite effect of improving my quality of life, even though my results will temporarily be better.

chris_in_cal

chris_in_cal wrote: »

lapesadilla wrote: »

I'm hoping I can break the cycle of doing really well for 3 or 4 months followed by complete abandonment of my diet and regaining everything I lost.

So, true. I am at the three or four month mark, and having fear the damn is about to burst. Forgiveness, is a thing I'm going to work on.

Well *kittens* I meant the "Dam." How come MFP didn't censor me? Mysteries of this board.

d805

Thank you for sharing. Back at it again after gaining all the wait I lost 2 years ago.

RelCanonical

d805 wrote: »

Thank you for sharing. Back at it again after gaining all the wait I lost 2 years ago.

Good luck and smooth sailing to you. It took me four years to start again after the first time, so it's never too late. (:

jrae75

Good for you for identifying things that sabotaged you the first time around and bringing awareness to them this time! I think patience and forgiveness are definitely keys for me to getting back into the groove of health/fitness. I lost 35 pounds a couple years ago. I did it slowly and methodically over the course of a year, and that year taught me to have faith in the process and not just to focus on the end result that I wanted. I knew that maintenance is a completely different animal than losing, so that's what I was most worried about when I started and why I wanted to take it slow. I rationalized that weight that comes off quickly comes back quickly. I've since learned that even weight that comes off slowly will still come back, though, if you let things slide -- surprise! ;-) I've only gained back about 8 pounds since the initial loss, but it's enough that I feel like I'm trending back up and need to right the ship, especially since those pounds have been just since February. Ack. So, I'm back to checking into MFP again and making an effort to exercise regularly, rather than sporadically. When I find myself engaging in negative self talk, I think of my kids. I wouldn't talk to them the way I talk to myself sometimes, so I remind myself to be kind to their mother. She deserves patience and kindness, too. Good luck to all of us!

cheryldumais

Congratulations! It takes alot of courage to share this information and I know many others will be very grateful for the knowledge that regaining isn't the end of hope. You look amazing by the way. Great job.