What’s a red flag for you?

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Replies

  • rickigageby
    rickigageby Posts: 149 Member
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I don't see those things as something expected so much as chivalry. Equality is one thing. However, being a gentleman is another. If you ask me out for dinner, then yes you should pay for dinner. Vice versa; if I asked you out then the expense of the date belongs to me. Chivalry also goes both ways. That is equality.

    If we are walking into a building together then it's chivalrous to hold the door and allow me to walk in first. I don't need to be treated like a queen and I certainly wouldn't think I am owed those things. However, I wouldn't likely continue seeing a person who doesn't do these things. And I certainly would not go on a 2nd date with someone who asked me out but then expected that I paid half of the expenses for the date.

    Agreed!!!!
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    The inability to possess accurate bus fare.

    If she wears the color mauve.

    I look great in Mauve actually.

  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
    smantha32 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    The inability to possess accurate bus fare.

    If she wears the color mauve.

    I look great in Mauve actually.

    is that like a dusty rose?
  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
    JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »
    Everyone seems so rigid. This is why I don't date.

    Yea...sorry about that. I try not to be, but I am confused about dating, and get annoyed by my confusion. I stopped posting in here, and sent a message to gymgoddess instead. Just to stop derailing. :/
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  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    when someone wants you to house/pet-sit and keeps telling you over and over about all the cameras in their home and to "not worry, they don't watch them"...hmm...change outside in the yard or in a closet and shower in a bathing suit I'm thinking
  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
    rickigageby wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    See being treated like a queen is more emotional for me. I don’t care for gifts or any of that. I just want him to show me that I’m the only woman he cares about. Tells me how lucky he is, etc. how a man should treat a woman. That’s what I considered being treated like a queen. (I don’t expect him to pay for anything or buy anything). I do the same back. If he treats me like a queen he will get treated like a king.

    Agreed. This is how I feel too.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    It's a red flag when she says that she's jealous of my kids because they get more time with me than she does….
    Yeah, :D Get oughta my house.

    This is totally how it should be (the kids getting more time w/ their dad) - and also one of the reasons I would never date dads! I'd be thinking that and all resentful. So nope.

    You would be resentful of children for time spent with their parent? Am I reading this correctly?

    Believe it or not, this happens. In both directions. At least she's aware of it and that it shouldn't be that way and practices avoidance.
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    It's a red flag when she says that she's jealous of my kids because they get more time with me than she does….
    Yeah, :D Get oughta my house.

    This is totally how it should be (the kids getting more time w/ their dad) - and also one of the reasons I would never date dads! I'd be thinking that and all resentful. So nope.

    You would be resentful of children for time spent with their parent? Am I reading this correctly?

    I expect to be the main focus in someone's life if they are my romantic partner, yep. And I fully 100% know that when you're a parent, the kids are more important especially up to age 18+ but likely forever. I accept that and decided when I was like 13 years old never to have kids and never to date a dad. I haven't strayed from that. So while you may think my opinion is evil, at least I didn't actively date a guy with kids and resent those kids!

    My questions sounded judgy when it wasn’t intended to be. I apologize. If anything, I’m intrigued by any opposite life path from mine.

    My “red flag” was from a woman much younger than I that I dated. She insisted despite repeated clarification of my priorities that she loved the idea of a man with children. It was evident quite quickly that she did NOT, lol..... also, she couldn’t quite understand my anger when I found her smoking weed in a room next to my sleeping boys. So, she wasn’t going to be a good fit.

    I didn't think it was judgy. I'm not crazy abour her answer, demanding that much attention is red flaggy to me. Doesn't make it wrong, just isn't for me. I just wanted to point out that she was at least aware of it and took measures to make it a non issue.

    I feel what you're sayin on the rest. One of the reasons I don't really date is that there aren't too many women out there willing to be a 5th priority at best.

    It's not easy being a step parent. At one time I had my 4 kids and 4 step kids.
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  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    dodea48 wrote: »
    I thought you and caco_ethes were getting a room :)

    Me?

    Well , she is cute 😁
  • RockWarrior84
    RockWarrior84 Posts: 840 Member
    Red flag, if she doesn’t like tacos



  • Glazed_and_Confused
    Glazed_and_Confused Posts: 1,307 Member
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    If he isn’t in favor of the Oxford comma

    ny6pqm76ou19.gif
  • GymGoddessGoals
    GymGoddessGoals Posts: 2,146 Member
    @mattig89ch sorry, I wont get that message. We aren't friends (as in we arent on each others FL) so the message won't go through.
  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
    That....might actually explain why alot of the messages I've sent have gone un-answered. @GymGoddessGoals want to be friends and continue this discussion?
  • GymGoddessGoals
    GymGoddessGoals Posts: 2,146 Member
    @mattig89ch I'm always up for a good discussion.
  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
    Eyes and weaknesses in the opposite gender
  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Reckoner68 wrote: »
    Eyes and weaknesses in the opposite gender

    For someone who likes eyes so much you go through some trouble to remain unseen. 😂

    It's actually been 0 trouble, literally, heheh. What's that old phrase? "Work smarter, not...well, just do less work" or something like that
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    I wonder how someone's red flags change over time... both as they mature but also based on current circumstances/situations.
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I wonder how someone's red flags change over time... both as they mature but also based on current circumstances/situations.

    Based on some of these responses, I would really hope so.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I wonder how someone's red flags change over time... both as they mature but also based on current circumstances/situations.

    For me, there was a time that I desperately wanted constant interaction and to be the focus and priority of another person. But I don't want that now. I'm curious how much of that is because I'm in a better place relative to my own person demons vs I have someone, I have love and companionship so it's easy to take that for granted.
  • CoffeeAndContour
    CoffeeAndContour Posts: 1,466 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I wonder how someone's red flags change over time... both as they mature but also based on current circumstances/situations.

    I think so. I’m much more realistic of what I want and expect from a person than I was even a year ago.

    We grow, we change.
  • rickigageby
    rickigageby Posts: 149 Member
    I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
    Reckoner68 wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Reckoner68 wrote: »
    Eyes and weaknesses in the opposite gender

    For someone who likes eyes so much you go through some trouble to remain unseen. 😂

    It's actually been 0 trouble, literally, heheh. What's that old phrase? "Work smarter, not...well, just do less work" or something like that

    You should be in the motivational poster business
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    Red flags for any type of relationship (not exclusive to people I date/boink/whatever):
    • Any hint at controlling behavior and I'm out - been there, done that. No thanks.
    • Having stupid opinions about women in the workplace or what the role of a woman should/shouldn't be.
    • Needy, obsessive behaviors - Wanting to spend time with me is fine, but don't pester me at my place every day, interrupt my life with your needs and wants and make them sound more important than me getting what needs to be done, done.
    • Wanting constant contact. There will be days where I don't talk to folks. Doesn't mean I hate you, just means I'm busy or I don't particularly want to talk that day.
    • Asking possessive/aggressive questions or engaging in possessive behaviors - had a guy I dated hack into my email to read my emails (from more than a year prior) and then accuse me of sleeping with people or being in love with someone else. Like, no dude.. I'm always at your place or in class, when do I have time to go bang other dudes?
    • Expecting me to *do* something. Anything. Nope. You are your own person and I am mine. If I do something for you, it's because I care about you and want to do that thing for you.
    • If they belittle or demean people either to their face or even worse if it's behind their back, I'm outtie. I don't want to be around someone like that.
    • Drama. If you attract drama of any sort.. I'm out. I ain't got time for that *kitten*.
    • Constantly being late to agreed upon plans without valid reasons. I just assume you don't give a *kitten* about our relationship, so why should I?
    • Weird, off-putting behaviors toward minors. Pretty self explanatory.
    • Having expectations that I should wear makeup or that I should present myself "nicely" at all times because I'm a woman and otherwise, I'm irredeemable without said makeup. *kitten* you, you *kitten*.

    I think with most of the behaviors and observations listed, there's this fine line. Up to that line is ooookay (sort of), but cross it and it's a whole lotta nope from most of us.

    Hugging for use of boink
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    • Any hint at controlling behavior and I'm out
    • Having stupid opinions about women in the workplace or what the role of a woman should/shouldn't be.
    • Obsessive behaviors
    • Asking possessive/aggressive questions or engaging in possessive behaviors
    • Expecting me to *do* something. Anything. Nope. You are your own person and I am mine. If I do something for you, it's because I care about you and want to do that thing for you.
    • If they belittle or demean people
    • Drama. If you attract drama of any sort.. I'm out. I ain't got time for that
    • Having expectations that I should wear makeup or that I should present myself "nicely" at all times because I'm a woman.

    YES to all of the above!

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