What’s a red flag for you?

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Replies

  • k8eekins
    k8eekins Posts: 2,264 Member
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    k8eekins wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    k8eekins wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I expect this.

    Yep, is why I've tried to avoid flirting with you. Your cute, but we're def not compatible. :)

    Wow. Lol.

    What?
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I expect this.

    At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.

    I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. I guess it may come across as feeling "owed" something to refuse to accept that sort of thing.

    Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that. By the time the couple is exclusive I think most women are more than willing to start paying for some things on dates and aren't gonna lose their minds if the guy doesn't open their door.
    CoffeeAndContour wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I expect this.

    At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.

    I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. Other women just refuse to accept that sort of thing.

    Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that.

    I agree with everything you said. I’ve agreed to pay on dates before and they were sometimes offended. Never did they take me up on this offer until further in the relationship.

    I’m kind of old fashion too. I think opening the door for me is sweet, paying for meal is what I’ve always know. I don’t expect it, but it’s nice.

    Huh...maybe this is a NY cultural thing then? Cause I've talked to more then a few local couples, and the first date, they either paid for themselves, or found a way to equate the balance of payment somehow. Guy buys tickets to the movie, girl buys snacks. Or one gets dinner the first time out, the other gets dinner the second time out. That sort of thing. Plus I've seen more then a few women hold open the door for their male counterparts around me. Normally, its who reaches the door first. Married, dating, or single.

    Most women I know won’t pay at all, ever. I definitely offer to pay sometimes, just not on the first one or two dates.

    Think it's a SoCal man thing Noosh. I don't even realise my date has paid, when I was dating. Very tactfully done, rather than displayed. Showboating isn't their thing.

    I don't think that is a SoCal thing. I think it would be rude to pay but then say how much it cost or that it was expensive. Or worse to pay the check only say "wow you're expensive." It implies that somehow Im indebted because you spent a lot of money or that Im hold less value.

    You deserve better than those specimens of SoCal jerks you've had the misfortune of meeting.

    I think you have misunderstood me. Ive never dated or met anyone from SoCal. Thus my statement its not a SoCal thing. It happens everywhere.

    Noted. Personally haven't experienced these deplorable examples of ill-socialised men, however, I did hear about this recurring episode amongst some women who were dating back in the '90s (East Coast). Lacking the basics of social graces & etiquette for some is rife from what I'm seeing from yours and Nooshi's sharing.

    IDK, I'm intolerant of bad behavior period. One mistake is general enough for me. I married a Midwestern man. Sometimes our cultures clash but we each respect the culture of the other. And he has certainly never asked me out and expected me to pay for my share.

    Absolutely! Thank you ever so much for your impassioned stand, from having experienced decency with your Midwest gent.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    k8eekins wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    k8eekins wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I expect this.

    Yep, is why I've tried to avoid flirting with you. Your cute, but we're def not compatible. :)

    Wow. Lol.

    What?
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I expect this.

    At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.

    I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. I guess it may come across as feeling "owed" something to refuse to accept that sort of thing.

    Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that. By the time the couple is exclusive I think most women are more than willing to start paying for some things on dates and aren't gonna lose their minds if the guy doesn't open their door.
    CoffeeAndContour wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.

    I expect this.

    At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.

    I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. Other women just refuse to accept that sort of thing.

    Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that.

    I agree with everything you said. I’ve agreed to pay on dates before and they were sometimes offended. Never did they take me up on this offer until further in the relationship.

    I’m kind of old fashion too. I think opening the door for me is sweet, paying for meal is what I’ve always know. I don’t expect it, but it’s nice.

    Huh...maybe this is a NY cultural thing then? Cause I've talked to more then a few local couples, and the first date, they either paid for themselves, or found a way to equate the balance of payment somehow. Guy buys tickets to the movie, girl buys snacks. Or one gets dinner the first time out, the other gets dinner the second time out. That sort of thing. Plus I've seen more then a few women hold open the door for their male counterparts around me. Normally, its who reaches the door first. Married, dating, or single.

    Most women I know won’t pay at all, ever. I definitely offer to pay sometimes, just not on the first one or two dates.

    Think it's a SoCal man thing Noosh. I don't even realise my date has paid, when I was dating. Very tactfully done, rather than displayed. Showboating isn't their thing.

    I don't think that is a SoCal thing. I think it would be rude to pay but then say how much it cost or that it was expensive. Or worse to pay the check only say "wow you're expensive." It implies that somehow Im indebted because you spent a lot of money or that Im hold less value.

    You deserve better than those specimens of SoCal jerks you've had the misfortune of meeting.

    I think you have misunderstood me. Ive never dated or met anyone from SoCal. Thus my statement its not a SoCal thing. It happens everywhere.

    Noted. Personally haven't experienced these deplorable examples of ill-socialised men, however, I did hear about this recurring episode amongst some women who were dating back in the '90s (East Coast). Lacking the basics of social graces & etiquette for some is rife from what I'm seeing from yours and Nooshi's sharing.

    IDK, I'm intolerant of bad behavior period. One mistake is general enough for me. I married a Midwestern man. Sometimes our cultures clash but we each respect the culture of the other. And he has certainly never asked me out and expected me to pay for my share.

    Some men like your husband are just decent. I'd wager he doesn't talk back or disagree or raise his eyebrows to his parents, and hasn't even toyed with the possibility of expressing himself to them that way.

    A guy friend from Montana thoroughly chastised me, as he stood livid listening to me argue with my mum. Lol. You are right, good men aren't solely land locked to SoCal. I just haven't spent enough time in other US States as much as here, NY, NJ, NorCal to definitively affirm it.
  • George_of_the_Jungle
    George_of_the_Jungle Posts: 3,316 Member
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    It's a red flag when she says that she's jealous of my kids because they get more time with me than she does….
    Yeah, :D Get oughta my house.

    This is totally how it should be (the kids getting more time w/ their dad) - and also one of the reasons I would never date dads! I'd be thinking that and all resentful. So nope.

    You would be resentful of children for time spent with their parent? Am I reading this correctly?

    Believe it or not, this happens. In both directions. At least she's aware of it and that it shouldn't be that way and practices avoidance.
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    It's a red flag when she says that she's jealous of my kids because they get more time with me than she does….
    Yeah, :D Get oughta my house.

    This is totally how it should be (the kids getting more time w/ their dad) - and also one of the reasons I would never date dads! I'd be thinking that and all resentful. So nope.

    You would be resentful of children for time spent with their parent? Am I reading this correctly?

    I expect to be the main focus in someone's life if they are my romantic partner, yep. And I fully 100% know that when you're a parent, the kids are more important especially up to age 18+ but likely forever. I accept that and decided when I was like 13 years old never to have kids and never to date a dad. I haven't strayed from that. So while you may think my opinion is evil, at least I didn't actively date a guy with kids and resent those kids!

    My questions sounded judgy when it wasn’t intended to be. I apologize. If anything, I’m intrigued by any opposite life path from mine.

    My “red flag” was from a woman much younger than I that I dated. She insisted despite repeated clarification of my priorities that she loved the idea of a man with children. It was evident quite quickly that she did NOT, lol..... also, she couldn’t quite understand my anger when I found her smoking weed in a room next to my sleeping boys. So, she wasn’t going to be a good fit.

    I didn't think it was judgy. I'm not crazy abour her answer, demanding that much attention is red flaggy to me. Doesn't make it wrong, just isn't for me. I just wanted to point out that she was at least aware of it and took measures to make it a non issue.

    I feel what you're sayin on the rest. One of the reasons I don't really date is that there aren't too many women out there willing to be a 5th priority at best.
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
    If he’s always playing devil’s advocate
  • George_of_the_Jungle
    George_of_the_Jungle Posts: 3,316 Member
    JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »
    Everyone seems so rigid. This is why I don't date.

    Wouldn't you want this out of a good date?
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  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    It's a red flag when she says that she's jealous of my kids because they get more time with me than she does….
    Yeah, :D Get oughta my house.

    This is totally how it should be (the kids getting more time w/ their dad) - and also one of the reasons I would never date dads! I'd be thinking that and all resentful. So nope.

    You would be resentful of children for time spent with their parent? Am I reading this correctly?

    Believe it or not, this happens. In both directions. At least she's aware of it and that it shouldn't be that way and practices avoidance.
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »
    It's a red flag when she says that she's jealous of my kids because they get more time with me than she does….
    Yeah, :D Get oughta my house.

    This is totally how it should be (the kids getting more time w/ their dad) - and also one of the reasons I would never date dads! I'd be thinking that and all resentful. So nope.

    You would be resentful of children for time spent with their parent? Am I reading this correctly?

    I expect to be the main focus in someone's life if they are my romantic partner, yep. And I fully 100% know that when you're a parent, the kids are more important especially up to age 18+ but likely forever. I accept that and decided when I was like 13 years old never to have kids and never to date a dad. I haven't strayed from that. So while you may think my opinion is evil, at least I didn't actively date a guy with kids and resent those kids!

    My questions sounded judgy when it wasn’t intended to be. I apologize. If anything, I’m intrigued by any opposite life path from mine.

    My “red flag” was from a woman much younger than I that I dated. She insisted despite repeated clarification of my priorities that she loved the idea of a man with children. It was evident quite quickly that she did NOT, lol..... also, she couldn’t quite understand my anger when I found her smoking weed in a room next to my sleeping boys. So, she wasn’t going to be a good fit.

    I didn't think it was judgy. I'm not crazy abour her answer, demanding that much attention is red flaggy to me. Doesn't make it wrong, just isn't for me. I just wanted to point out that she was at least aware of it and took measures to make it a non issue.

    I feel what you're sayin on the rest. One of the reasons I don't really date is that there aren't too many women out there willing to be a 5th priority at best.

    Agreed, on both points.
  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
    JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »
    Reckoner68 wrote: »
    JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »
    Everyone seems so rigid. This is why I don't date.

    I don’t date either. Because I’m a gross broken married guy. If I DID tho? I think it would be best left to a more organic experience. Who knows what cocktail I’d enjoy in someone else, I’m learning new stuff every day.

    Guess I’m glad to have one foot basically in the grave already, heheh.

    I'd like to think you'd enjoy a vodka tonic in me. Not me though I hate tonic water. But did you know it glows under a black light?

    How forced did you find that fun fact in there? On a scale of 1-shoehorn

    ...the tonic water or the vodka? Either way I didn’t know. And I’d say shoehorn, but one of those fancy ones because it was expertly done
  • bojack5
    bojack5 Posts: 2,859 Member
    kam26001 wrote: »
    It's a red flag if the first thing they want to know about me is my horoscope sign.

    Nothing could be more repelling than listening to someone with a coral reef necklace tell me all about myself and who I am going to become when the big asteroid hits my sun dial. It's like, dude, we're two strangers microwaving our corn dogs at a *kitten* gas station. Let's run our government names by each other first, talk about our careers, do you like mustard or ketchup on yours... you know, things our grandparents would have said during the courting process.

    Asking me my horoscope when I'm eating gas station food for the 4th day in a row. LOL. What kind of reality are these people living in.

    You my friend are a treasure:)
  • isalsayourface123
    isalsayourface123 Posts: 2,153 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    gets mad when you don't text back
    watches makeup tutorials on youtube a lot
    shirt longer than her shorts
    dyed hair
    owns a big dog
    anti-depressants/bipolar/pain killer prescriptions
    no female friends
    bad relationship with parents
    wanderlust in her bio

    What does wanderlust signify?
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  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    gets mad when you don't text back
    watches makeup tutorials on youtube a lot
    shirt longer than her shorts
    dyed hair
    owns a big dog
    anti-depressants/bipolar/pain killer prescriptions
    no female friends
    bad relationship with parents
    wanderlust in her bio

    What does wanderlust signify?

    politely said- a disinterest in staying in one place for too long
  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
    kam26001 wrote: »
    It's a red flag if the first thing they want to know about me is my horoscope sign.

    Nothing could be more repelling than listening to someone with a coral reef necklace tell me all about myself and who I am going to become when the big asteroid hits my sun dial. It's like, dude, we're two strangers microwaving our corn dogs at a *kitten* gas station. Let's run our government names by each other first, talk about our careers, do you like mustard or ketchup on yours... you know, things our grandparents would have said during the courting process.

    Asking me my horoscope when I'm eating gas station food for the 4th day in a row. LOL. What kind of reality are these people living in.

    Now I really wanna know your zodiac sign. 😋



  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
    kam26001 wrote: »
    It's a red flag if the first thing they want to know about me is my horoscope sign.

    Nothing could be more repelling than listening to someone with a coral reef necklace tell me all about myself and who I am going to become when the big asteroid hits my sun dial. It's like, dude, we're two strangers microwaving our corn dogs at a *kitten* gas station. Let's run our government names by each other first, talk about our careers, do you like mustard or ketchup on yours... you know, things our grandparents would have said during the courting process.

    Asking me my horoscope when I'm eating gas station food for the 4th day in a row. LOL. What kind of reality are these people living in.

    It’s not enough that they’re spying on us and lying to us, they’re giving us names now? What’ll they do next, date us?
  • isalsayourface123
    isalsayourface123 Posts: 2,153 Member
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    gets mad when you don't text back
    watches makeup tutorials on youtube a lot
    shirt longer than her shorts
    dyed hair
    owns a big dog
    anti-depressants/bipolar/pain killer prescriptions
    no female friends
    bad relationship with parents
    wanderlust in her bio

    What does wanderlust signify?

    politely said- a disinterest in staying in one place for too long

    What's the impolite way of saying that?
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    When you co-worker says "I haven't showered in 5 days"...note to self, don't get too close, breathe shallowly through your mouth
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    tinak33 wrote: »
    sr2587 wrote: »
    Narcissism!!! You know the kind you can’t get 2 words in because the entire conversation ends up being about them....

    Yeeesssss........ I work with someone like this.

    A guy I dated in the 90's. He was hot.. but I could kick back and not say anything for a couple hours because he could talk about himself that long.

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