What’s a red flag for you?
Replies
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mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
Yep, is why I've tried to avoid flirting with you. Your cute, but we're def not compatible.
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mattig89ch wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
Yep, is why I've tried to avoid flirting with you. Your cute, but we're def not compatible.
Wow. Lol.
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mattig89ch wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
Yep, is why I've tried to avoid flirting with you. Your cute, but we're def not compatible.
I like this kind of sincerity. I wish more people were like this.11 -
mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
For no reason except being a gentleman.
It’s good that you know what you want, but I think some things have kind of died and I wish they hadn’t.6 -
mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.
I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. I guess it may come across as feeling "owed" something to refuse to accept that sort of thing.
Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that. By the time the couple is exclusive I think most women are more than willing to start paying for some things on dates and aren't gonna lose their minds if the guy doesn't open their door.
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If she goes on and on good or bad about an ex.....only to find out this "ex" was just an internet thing and she never even met him in real life.....11
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seltzermint555 wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.
I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. Other women just refuse to accept that sort of thing.
Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that.
I agree with everything you said. I’ve agreed to pay on dates before and they were sometimes offended. Never did they take me up on this offer until further in the relationship.
I’m kind of old fashion too. I think opening the door for me is sweet, paying for meal is what I’ve always know. I don’t expect it, but it’s nice.7 -
when she doesn't pay for my meal nor spots me a $20 and lets me borrow her car for a few minutes when i REALLY need it. like wow you know she's just selfish for real though.
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mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I don't see those things as something expected so much as chivalry. Equality is one thing. However, being a gentleman is another. If you ask me out for dinner, then yes you should pay for dinner. Vice versa; if I asked you out then the expense of the date belongs to me. Chivalry also goes both ways. That is equality.
If we are walking into a building together then it's chivalrous to hold the door and allow me to walk in first. I don't need to be treated like a queen and I certainly wouldn't think I am owed those things. However, I wouldn't likely continue seeing a person who doesn't do these things. And I certainly would not go on a 2nd date with someone who asked me out but then expected that I paid half of the expenses for the date.5 -
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I don’t think anything (aside from evil) is a red flag for me, I don’t expect things to always go smoothly. I can’t be hurt then.
I was like that too for the longest time, until I made myself start having faith in people outside myself. Sometimes they may let you down, yes, but the "fail safe" is always there as a cautionary tool to revert to automatically . The pain is less severe when you are prepped for the worst possible eventuality. Hugs.3 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.
I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. I guess it may come across as feeling "owed" something to refuse to accept that sort of thing.
Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that. By the time the couple is exclusive I think most women are more than willing to start paying for some things on dates and aren't gonna lose their minds if the guy doesn't open their door.
Yeah I don’t look at it as a guy owes me, just a standard for how I want to be treated well. I don’t expect gifts and I am very appreciative.
Agree with you.
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An excessive use of selfie filters is not acceptable.8
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GymGoddessGoals wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I don't see those things as something expected so much as chivalry. Equality is one thing. However, being a gentleman is another. If you ask me out for dinner, then yes you should pay for dinner. Vice versa; if I asked you out then the expense of the date belongs to me. Chivalry also goes both ways. That is equality.
If we are walking into a building together then it's chivalrous to hold the door and allow me to walk in first. I don't need to be treated like a queen and I certainly wouldn't think I am owed those things. However, I wouldn't likely continue seeing a person who doesn't do these things. And I certainly would not go on a 2nd date with someone who asked me out but then expected that I paid half of the expenses for the date.
This👆 ... There are always chivalrous men out there who prefer to pay even if you ask them out. They're wired to not let a woman pay.5 -
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I'm not really looking for a partner, but red flags can be a general thing with friends as well:
- people who constantly talk about their issues (make them sound massive as well) but refuse to listen to any advice. To them everything is "useless" and their life is just supposed to be hell
- people that plan out activities, make you put it in the calendar etc, and then when it's supposed to take place, never show up or even inform you that they weren't coming
- people who get upset when your first priority isn't to say hello to them after getting home from a trip
I could probably think of more, but these are the ones that have stuck in my memory. None of these people remained as my friends for that long after these incidents (that were repeated).
Another, not the same category:
- when you are always the one sending the first text (I've stopped texting first after noticing this with people, and just like that, I've lost maybe 4 "friends". This one is more a sign of the friendship not being that valued from the other side, or maybe not being viewed as a friendship at all, and for that reason, it's more of a "letting go" and not an actual red flag)7 -
CitrusMaiden wrote: »I'm not really looking for a partner, but red flags can be a general thing with friends as well:
- people who constantly talk about their issues (make them sound massive as well) but refuse to listen to any advice. To them everything is "useless" and their life is just supposed to be hell
- people that plan out activities, make you put it in the calendar etc, and then when it's supposed to take place, never show up or even inform you that they weren't coming
- people who get upset when your first priority isn't to say hello to them after getting home from a trip
I could probably think of more, but these are the ones that have stuck in my memory. None of these people remained as my friends for that long after these incidents (that were repeated).
Another, not the same category:
- when you are always the one sending the first text (I've stopped texting first after noticing this with people, and just like that, I've lost maybe 4 "friends". This one is more a sign of the friendship not being that valued from the other side, or maybe not being viewed as a friendship at all, and for that reason, it's more of a "letting go" and not an actual red flag)
That last one still gets me. Because I don’t want to be a needy pest but I also don’t want to keep score or play games at all.2 -
When they pathologically lie about having several diseases and illnesses and I find them constantly contradicting what they have previously said. Yeah a big fat red flag.
But then if someone can lie about having cancer you got to wonder wth else they lie about.10 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »CitrusMaiden wrote: »I'm not really looking for a partner, but red flags can be a general thing with friends as well:
- people who constantly talk about their issues (make them sound massive as well) but refuse to listen to any advice. To them everything is "useless" and their life is just supposed to be hell
- people that plan out activities, make you put it in the calendar etc, and then when it's supposed to take place, never show up or even inform you that they weren't coming
- people who get upset when your first priority isn't to say hello to them after getting home from a trip
I could probably think of more, but these are the ones that have stuck in my memory. None of these people remained as my friends for that long after these incidents (that were repeated).
Another, not the same category:
- when you are always the one sending the first text (I've stopped texting first after noticing this with people, and just like that, I've lost maybe 4 "friends". This one is more a sign of the friendship not being that valued from the other side, or maybe not being viewed as a friendship at all, and for that reason, it's more of a "letting go" and not an actual red flag)
That last one still gets me. Because I don’t want to be a needy pest but I also don’t want to keep score or play games at all.
Yeah, but if I am doing all the work to keep the interaction going... that's a statement. A couple of times I can see but if every interaction begins only because I made the contact, that's a huge red flag and I have to assume that person is not truly interested.4
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