What’s a red flag for you?
Replies
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rickigageby wrote: »I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.
Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.
I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.
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George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »rickigageby wrote: »I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.
Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.
I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.
I never said that I as a person should demand attention over kids or other priorities but I’m saying attention is needed for a relationship to take off or else they feel unwanted and just give up.1 -
rickigageby wrote: »George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »rickigageby wrote: »I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.
Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.
I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.
I never said that I as a person should demand attention over kids or other priorities but I’m saying attention is needed for a relationship to take off or else they feel unwanted and just give up.
To be clear, wanting attention is not a red flag, demanding it is.3 -
George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »rickigageby wrote: »George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »rickigageby wrote: »I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.
Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.
I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.
I never said that I as a person should demand attention over kids or other priorities but I’m saying attention is needed for a relationship to take off or else they feel unwanted and just give up.
To be clear, wanting attention is not a red flag, demanding it is.
Yes agreed3 -
caco_ethes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »Red flags for any type of relationship (not exclusive to people I date/boink/whatever):
- Any hint at controlling behavior and I'm out - been there, done that. No thanks.
- Having stupid opinions about women in the workplace or what the role of a woman should/shouldn't be.
- Needy, obsessive behaviors - Wanting to spend time with me is fine, but don't pester me at my place every day, interrupt my life with your needs and wants and make them sound more important than me getting what needs to be done, done.
- Wanting constant contact. There will be days where I don't talk to folks. Doesn't mean I hate you, just means I'm busy or I don't particularly want to talk that day.
- Asking possessive/aggressive questions or engaging in possessive behaviors - had a guy I dated hack into my email to read my emails (from more than a year prior) and then accuse me of sleeping with people or being in love with someone else. Like, no dude.. I'm always at your place or in class, when do I have time to go bang other dudes?
- Expecting me to *do* something. Anything. Nope. You are your own person and I am mine. If I do something for you, it's because I care about you and want to do that thing for you.
- If they belittle or demean people either to their face or even worse if it's behind their back, I'm outtie. I don't want to be around someone like that.
- Drama. If you attract drama of any sort.. I'm out. I ain't got time for that *kitten*.
- Constantly being late to agreed upon plans without valid reasons. I just assume you don't give a *kitten* about our relationship, so why should I?
- Weird, off-putting behaviors toward minors. Pretty self explanatory.
- Having expectations that I should wear makeup or that I should present myself "nicely" at all times because I'm a woman and otherwise, I'm irredeemable without said makeup. *kitten* you, you *kitten*.
I think with most of the behaviors and observations listed, there's this fine line. Up to that line is ooookay (sort of), but cross it and it's a whole lotta nope from most of us.
Hugging for use of boink
It should get more use. Boink, boink, boink. See? Fun to say. :laugh:1 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »The inability to possess accurate bus fare.
If she wears the color mauve.
I look great in Mauve actually.
is that like a dusty rose?
A little darker, but close.
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RockWarrior84 wrote: »Red flag, if she doesn’t like tacos
Who doesn't like Tacos?0 -
When I’m texting on my phone and they’re always asking who I’m texting or my phone rings and they want to know who just called. If they want my phone password. Or any other personal information that delves into my privacy.1
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »When I’m texting on my phone and they’re always asking who I’m texting or my phone rings and they want to know who just called. If they want my phone password. Or any other personal information that delves into my privacy.
...so I get it, but who was it who called tho?0 -
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When she doesn’t appreciate a good nap1
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Overenthusiasm is a red flag for me.
If that many things are "Ah-mazing" to you on an hourly basis, then you must have a really sinister grasp of reality and I'm willing to bet our hypothetical children will be plastered all over Facebook doing baby yoga or spilling kale smoothie everywhere as if that were an achievement.5 -
mattig89ch wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
Yep, is why I've tried to avoid flirting with you. Your cute, but we're def not compatible.
Wow. Lol.
What?seltzermint555 wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.
I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. I guess it may come across as feeling "owed" something to refuse to accept that sort of thing.
Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that. By the time the couple is exclusive I think most women are more than willing to start paying for some things on dates and aren't gonna lose their minds if the guy doesn't open their door.CoffeeAndContour wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »mattig89ch wrote: »The one red flag I've figured out, is her expecting to be treated like a queen from the go. I'm a believer in equality. So expecting me to hold a door, or pay for the meal, ect. is a giant red flag for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't do these things. just, going into something, expecting the other person to owe you something, is a big no no for me.
I expect this.
At the risk of sounding seriously old-fashioned and maybe even sexist, I do too.
I think for a lot of women it is just a basic expectation in dating especially in those earliest stages. Almost like a self-esteem thing, as sometimes it seems when you split everything or pick up the tab as a woman on Dates 1-3 you're opening the door for freeloading types of guys. Other women just refuse to accept that sort of thing.
Just my opinion...but I think the red flag would be a woman who expects the man she is dating to pay for all of her things when shopping, buy expensive gifts, or pay the majority of bills when moving in together, serious stuff like that.
I agree with everything you said. I’ve agreed to pay on dates before and they were sometimes offended. Never did they take me up on this offer until further in the relationship.
I’m kind of old fashion too. I think opening the door for me is sweet, paying for meal is what I’ve always know. I don’t expect it, but it’s nice.
Huh...maybe this is a NY cultural thing then? Cause I've talked to more then a few local couples, and the first date, they either paid for themselves, or found a way to equate the balance of payment somehow. Guy buys tickets to the movie, girl buys snacks. Or one gets dinner the first time out, the other gets dinner the second time out. That sort of thing. Plus I've seen more then a few women hold open the door for their male counterparts around me. Normally, its who reaches the door first. Married, dating, or single.
I hold doors open for everyone, everywhere. That's just polite. I never expect a man to run ahead to open a door but if he is closer to the door or equal with me why wouldn't he open it?
I typically try to split up paying. If a guy asks me out the first time then I would expect him to pay, but not every single time we go out. I have been turned down at times by guys who said they absolutely could not let a lady pay. Whatever. I think relationships should be fair and I have a job so I am willing to pay for meals at times too.
I disagree with you though that those things have anything to do with being treated like a queen. Opening doors is common courtesy, not at all spoiling someone8 -
Overenthusiasm is a red flag for me.
If that many things are "Ah-mazing" to you on an hourly basis, then you must have a really sinister grasp of reality and I'm willing to bet our hypothetical children will be plastered all over Facebook doing baby yoga or spilling kale smoothie everywhere as if that were an achievement.
But....... what's your sign?0 -
Reckoner68 wrote: »When she doesn’t appreciate a good nap
Serious question who doesn’t appreciate a good nap2 -
social media posting about "needing to live her truth", usually right after she just got out of a relationship
all her exes are "crazy"
hoop earrings and/or nose piercings
"im not ticklish"4 -
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LiftingSpirits wrote: »Overenthusiasm is a red flag for me.
If that many things are "Ah-mazing" to you on an hourly basis, then you must have a really sinister grasp of reality and I'm willing to bet our hypothetical children will be plastered all over Facebook doing baby yoga or spilling kale smoothie everywhere as if that were an achievement.
But....... what's your sign?
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »“check the link in our bio for more info”
I tried clicking it. Do I need my credit card?1 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »“check the link in our bio for more info”
I tried clicking it. Do I need my credit card?
All my online girlfriends provide discreet billing, too0 -
Cutemesoon wrote: »
.....that was me for too many years ....omg cant even read it without breaking out in a cold sweat😣😐
Phew😋🤗❤
I made it🐥!!!
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »“check the link in our bio for more info”
I tried clicking it. Do I need my credit card?Reckoner68 wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »“check the link in our bio for more info”
I tried clicking it. Do I need my credit card?
All my online girlfriends provide discreet billing, too
on IG all the music critic/label accts do the godawful clickbait *kitten* like “guess what 90s indie icon is going country??? click our bio for more info”
Thankfully I’m an instagram idiot1 -
When they say, “hooking up.”
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•Children from previous relationships they don't see.
•drink alcohol too much/ frequently or use drugs- that will not end well.
• can't hold down a job.
That's just my experience.😯4 -
1. When a person constantly accuses you of cheating when you’ve been nothing but loyal
2. When they come in through the back and check the front door handle to “see if it’s been moved” if it has, then you’ve been out to see another man
3. Possessiveness
4. Drinking too much
5. When the same car drives past your house more than twice, you’ve been seeing that person. You must be.
6. When a person locks you in their house and won’t let you leave, even though you’re hysterically crying
This was years ago but I wish I’d seen those red flags sooner. Thank goodness for Citalopram/Celexa 😅10
https://youtu.be/ZKCuoRhROjE
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