You're not good enough..

pizzamyheart
pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
in Chit-Chat
Have you ever felt that you weren't good enough? Good enough for this, good enough for that, good enough for any reason? Are you currently feeling that way? Have you felt that way in the past? What was it about? Did you get over that feeling or are you still currently dealing with it? Share. Discuss. Explain. Purge. Overcome. Thats what we are here for.
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Replies

  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    MichSmish wrote: »
    I struggle hard with low self esteem. I never think I’m smart enough, funny enough, chatty enough, skinny enough, pretty enough.. it sucks pretty bad. But, I know I’m not the only one. And then I start feeling poorly at how selfish I am to be dwelling so much on myself - what a cycle! 😭

    You are enough. Your enough is the intrinsic value you're born with. It's not tied to weight, looks, success or anything like that.

    It's the value you naturally have.....and you have it.

    Don't ever doubt that. :smiley:
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    edited October 2019
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    cdubks88 wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I never finished college so I am not good enough for meaningful work

    ETA: or even work that pays a living wage apparently

    I have no doubt you can and probably already do meaningful work, even if it's not at work. I know lots of folks who have degrees and couldn't be doing more meaningless work.

    If you ever decide to pursue more education, please do yourself a favor and DON'T let you get in the way of that progress. I did for a long time.

    You're never too old. You're smart enough. You CAN do it. I didn't finish up my bachelor's until I was 37.

    I'm becoming more and more convinced the older I get that meaning in our "work" is finding that thing we're passionate about and doing it.

    I'm rooting for you!

    Thank you. I’m about 30 credits shy of a BS but it’s not likely to get finished any time soon. I’m nearly 50 and have debt and children. Blah.

    Don't give up.

    I mean, think about what you said - 30 credits - that's basically 2 FT semesters or maybe what....4-5 PT semesters.

    May seem like it's far away, but it's not unreachable.

    You can do it. I know you can. :smiley:
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,464 Member
    I always got chosen last for team sports. It hurt. But I grew up. No more team sports. I don’t mind coming in last in sports now. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. Why not me?
  • CoffeeAndContour
    CoffeeAndContour Posts: 1,466 Member
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    I moved to Maryland 9 years ago after graduating college. I have been in almost the same place for 9 years but have almost no friends. It seems like making friends after college is super hard and I have no idea why, am I not cool enough for Maryland friends?

    It’s really very hard to make friends as adults. I moved a year and a half ago and the only friend I made is twice my age and she teaches me to cook. It can get lonely ❤️
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    Joanna2012B wrote: »
    I am that friend that checks in on everyone, but when I go silent for a month no one reaches out. I am not a good enough friend. That is precisely why I think friends are overrated.

    @pizzamyheart you deserve to buy yourself something nice. Even if you aren't at your "ideal" weight.

    @LyndaBSS just because you don't look like other woman doesn't mean you aren't beautiful!!

    @J_NY_Z I am sorry that you feel that way! I don't know you, but I bet you have a lot to offer as a friend!!

    @your_future_ex_wife There are plenty of successful people that didn't even start College. Just keep plugging away, your chance will come!!!

    You are all good enough.....you're more than enough!!!!

    I know this should be true but I can’t help but feel that when it comes to myself, I can polish a turd but it’s still just gonna be a piece of $h!t.
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    @4legsRbetterthan2 "coolness" isn't a fair measure of friendship. I have no doubt you have intrinsic qualities that are more appealing than that anyway. I don't know anything about you, but if you're more introverted or whatever it may be, maybe step out of your comfort zone and try something you may not have before.......You are good enough no matter what. Don't lose heart and know we're rooting for you!

    @corinasue1143 You're good enough. You already were. They just didn't see it. Doesn't mean you weren't. Keep pushing and know we're rooting for you!
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    Yes, i hear you. My priorities are elsewhere atm. I cannot be with my children, work full time, and go to school while paying off debt. I have to choose. And I have. Besides, I’m more lamenting the system that values a degree over ability.

    I completely understand. The last thing you need is someone you don't know trying to tell you how to do things..... :lol:

    Your priorities are exactly that - yours - and for good reason you know best about. I just want you to know there are others who believe in you and are rooting for you.

    If there's ever anything I can do to help, please feel free. Don't have much to offer, but I'll be your cheerleader. :smiley:

  • mtndewme
    mtndewme Posts: 724 Member
    I mean, yeah. I remember a time when I was a teen that I felt that I didn't deserve friends until I got better looking. Seems like a dumb concept but ya know, teens. In my early twenties I took myself to get a manicure and pedicure which I'd never had a professional one before. I had to will myself to not cry in that nail salon because I felt like no one should be washing my feet and I wasn't good enough to be there. I feel that way a lot in rich areas in general.
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    There's a laundry list on this, unfortunately:
    • I've been overweight my entire life. I have never been "the thin, pretty one" and probably never will be. I am in my 30s now and still coming to grips with the fact that I will probably never get below 190 ever again unless I starve myself and exercise 2 or more hours daily.
    • I did go to college and waste a bunch of money on a degree I thought was worthwhile only to realize that I am completely inept at what I studied and will never be successful at it.
    • I can't keep any IRL friends for any length of meaningful time unless I keep them at arm's length or further. Anyone that gets close to me eventually leaves in a huff over something (though why I do not know). Even someone I thought who would never leave did.. after a decade of very close friendship.
    • I will never be successful at anything I attempt. Depression, anxiety or any other number of excuses will always get in the way. I can never put myself first fully. I just can't.
    • I am not conventionally pretty, so I make up for this by being extremely intelligent and unconventionally "quirky" to the point that people find it offputting and so leave me alone.
    • Let's just face it: I'm not "good enough" at anything. Some days, I barely manage to get up at all.

    This list goes on and on, but honestly? It's depressing, so blah.

    I feel the pain here. 💔
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    Just_Mel_ wrote: »
    Yep. Try the dating world as a fat girl, it's really really bad for your self esteem. Like, I know I have a good personality and I have most my shiit together but every time a dating situation doesn't work out or go anywhere, I just know it's because I'm not hot enough. Like there is always gonna be someone better out there so they think that I'm not worthy enough of investing time in.

    @Just_Mel_ The right person will see your intrinsic beauty and see how it is what makes you beautiful on the outside. It's not about being "hot". You have amazing intrinsic value and are valued, even if you don't feel or know it.

    I think people put too much premium on exterior "paint" when the interior is really where it's at. :smiley:

    You are enough.
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
    mtndewme wrote: »
    I mean, yeah. I remember a time when I was a teen that I felt that I didn't deserve friends until I got better looking. Seems like a dumb concept but ya know, teens. In my early twenties I took myself to get a manicure and pedicure which I'd never had a professional one before. I had to will myself to not cry in that nail salon because I felt like no one should be washing my feet and I wasn't good enough to be there. I feel that way a lot in rich areas in general.

    That’s such a visceral reaction you described. I get it.
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    mtndewme wrote: »
    I mean, yeah. I remember a time when I was a teen that I felt that I didn't deserve friends until I got better looking. Seems like a dumb concept but ya know, teens. In my early twenties I took myself to get a manicure and pedicure which I'd never had a professional one before. I had to will myself to not cry in that nail salon because I felt like no one should be washing my feet and I wasn't good enough to be there. I feel that way a lot in rich areas in general.

    @mtndewme It's not about looking a certain way or having an amount of money or anything like that. It's about the value you naturally have. It's yours and who you are. That value is what makes you good enough, regardless of whether you feel it or not. You have people behind you that are rooting for you. You are good enough!
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Just_Mel_ wrote: »
    Yep. Try the dating world as a fat girl, it's really really bad for your self esteem. Like, I know I have a good personality and I have most my shiit together but every time a dating situation doesn't work out or go anywhere, I just know it's because I'm not hot enough. Like there is always gonna be someone better out there so they think that I'm not worthy enough of investing time in.

    Not sure how it is now as I've been out of the dating loop for a very long time, but I can verify that this is true even for face-to-face dating and hookups. The fat girls are never seen as viable long term partners, but pretty much a cute "village bicycle" that they can pass around until they get bored with you.

    Sadly, I speak from long-term experience on this. I can only imagine Tinder and other apps are probably no better than my offline dating experiences.

    Though to be fair, there are some decent people out there and not everyone is going to treat a person like the above, it's just.. I have run into too many who have and think it's totally "okay" simply because I'm "chubby" or "fat" as though that makes me a non-person.
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    DonutEatThat wrote: »
    I'm worried I'm not good enough to be a parent. I'm pregnant with my first and I have no *kitten* clue what I'm doing. My anxiety is kicking in and I'm terrified I'm going to be awful at it. My mom has said many times she thinks she's a bad mom and didn't want kids and my sister is a horribly selfish parent to her son so what if it's genetic and I'm exactly like them?

    That's what I lived with for a long time. Have 5 kids and worried "what if I screw these kids up?" all the time. Still do from time to time. I realized I knew I was going to make mistakes. There's not a parent on the planet that doesn't. The key for me was what I did with it. It will be nerve wracking.....being a parent can be. But you can do it. Love them with your whole heart. Have the best of intentions. Teach them well. Admit your mistakes. Know you are enough.

    You are.

    Rooting for you!

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