"Don't lose any more weight!"

FrancineM62

Yes! It really makes me self-conscious. I recently went to a luncheon with people I haven't seen in awhile. I was so afraid of comments I would get, I actually changed clothes at the last minute. I wore an outfit that I thought didn't make me look thin. I have NEVER done that before. I really feel put on the spot in social situations. Typical scenario is someone says loudly "Wow, you've lost weight!" or "How much have you lost?" People stop talking and heads turn to me to await my response. I just want to run. Mind you, I am a completely normal weight, 5-2.5 and 117-119, far from underweight. I lost around 15 pounds. I'm hoping that after awhile people will just get used to me this way and stop commenting.

fashionosack

To maintain a normal meal every day on it, and then the right amount of exercise to stay in shape should be no problem, not late night the night.

jan3h

I get this all the time. My theory is that overweight/obesity is the new 'norm' so most people have forgotten what 'healthy' looks like. Mind you, the last person to make this comment to me is my height but weighs a good 15kg less than me. Once I pointed that out to her, she said no more about it. People are always making judgments about others. Most of them are wrong.

travlinjess

Wow, so this is a common thing then. Makes me feel better, or at least, less alone! I get this every time I see my family and friends here. Or silly remarks like "You'll blow over with the wind", etc. I just laugh it off as I really don't think they mean harm by it.

I am nowhere near underweight. My collar bones protrude a little but that's just the way I'm built. It's not intentional. Plenty of body fat left to lose. But at the end of the day, I shouldn't need to defend or explain my weight-loss, my appearance, or my fitness goals to anyone….so screw 'em!

ON the bright side: we're moving to another country soon where no one knows what I looked like before….new friends and no more unnecessary remarks about my weight! Yay!

Seesawboomerang

People used to comment on my weight all the time when I was naturally skinny in my youth. It bugged me, and I found it even more irritating that the comments ceased when I put on too much weight. In fact when I expressed concern about my own weight I was told I was not too heavy. I was too heavy. I was unfit, developed asthma, an increased heart rate, and looked terrible.

As I started to lose weight again, I got all the comments again. This time, though, it doesn't bother me. I take them as reassurance that I am the weight that is good for me, and apparently looks so alarming to everyone but me.

Oddly for a period when I was definitely underweight, again the comments stopped. Seems it's taboo to remark if there's a real problem, but safe to say something when we're out of the danger zone.

QueenofScott

I am 50 years old and get this all the time from my Mom all the time now. I also ran into an old friend whom I haven't seen in years at the mall on Black Friday. She asked if I was ill....then she asked if I was anorexic. I think it's pretty funny, cause I'm no where near that thin! It doesn't bother me in the least. Now, a weight comment before I lost weight would have devastated me.

mike_ny

I think the best response is "I think I'm about right or soon will be, but you're definitely fat and out of shape." That should shut them up.

It's also fair game. I figure anyone calling me skinny shouldn't mind me calling them fat.

Stripeness

I'm not saying you should feel good about the response you're getting. Personally, I detest "you can't possibly have that much to lose"... However, you may want to experiment with your own wording to provide a better setup for the other person. Here's the awkwardness:

When someone lets you into their house for dinner, you often hear, "Please excuse the mess, I need to clean." --we usually don't cheerfully agree, right? We say it looks great, and you don't need to do a thing.

There's kind of the same dynamic to a "but I still need to lose" statement.

Especially if you have lost a LOT of weight, and are now saying you still need to lose a little more, it can be honestly hard for others to see that little bit. Maybe instead of saying you still want to lose X more lbs/kg, maybe just say you're fine-tuning things now, or focusing on nutrition/running pace/some-other-specific-thing so the respondent can say something encouraging about that?

People can be jerks, but there's also a lot of misunderstanding and social convention driving responses.

rummyqueen

Well sorry to say but some people do lose more weight and then omg they look like skin and bones ,This one woman up my street I thought she was dieing and went to her and said are you ok,she said yes why ,Told her you are so thin that I can see your bones,she said she looks great,I said really you look like you are dieing.when people get to thin then its time to stop losing.It depends or the person,one year I thought I look great,My mother said omg gain some weight,I said why I am a size 3 ,went to the doctors and he said omg ar you ok we ned to put you in the hosp,So when you hear people say gain weight or stop losing.then maybe you are getting to thin but you don't think you are.

SapiensPisces

I got this for the first time today, and I consider it a big NSV. Don't let comments from others get to you too much. Do what you know is best for you and your health.

WeightHacker

I have had people say, dont lose so much weight where you become so thin and invisible. o.o but i dont pay mind to them. i just carry out my day like normal

BeautyAndStrength50

As a matter of fact I heard this today.. I went to our local Mexican Restaurant and the gentlemen there said to me Your losing more weight and I said NO ive been like this for over 2 years now. I was shocked to hear him say that cause he just seen me a couple of weeks ago.. He didnt tell me not to lose anymore but thats how I took it. Im 5'4" and 136 pounds. I do strength training so maybe thats why he said that I dont know. It kinda makes you feel good but then again its like HUH...

Madmarsha

Years ago when I was at my lowest ever but still had a belly roll, I would get comments from my parents like, We're worried, because I was only eating half of a restaurant dinner. Which, of course, is silly. (and, of course, later those same parents would exhort me to "take care of myself" which is code for, Honey, you've put on a bit of weight and we're worried. Which is it, crazy people? lol) But also things like, Don't become Karen Carpenter. Which is completely alarming. I also got, Oh, like YOU have to worry. And even though I knew both then and now that I am not anorexic, trouble is, I took all of the comments to heart at the time and remember them, obvs, as if it was yesterday.

Older -- and fatter -- now, when and if I get them, they won't enter my head. I have done too much work and too much reading and know I understand things about myself better than anybody could. So to the extent I address it, I will acknowledge that I am not on a diet therefore it's up to my body to decide where it will stop. And I truly have no idea what that is going to be. I am not focused on a number or a size but rather the desire to rid myself of the dangerous visceral fat. Surely no one could object to that, could they?

Wwinkel

It's their own insecurities acting up is all. They're trying to cover for the fact that they feel uncomfortable with their own weight.

Bingo. The healthier you get, the more 'off the spectrum' they become. It makes people realize more and more JUST how far off of healthy they are. American's especially have such a messed up sense of 'healthy' that it amazes me when an obese patient of mine will rate themselves as 'healthy' on the medical intake form we use. Those people are the ones that are at SQUARE ONE. They don't even realize that there's a problem!

Wwinkel

Well sorry to say but some people do lose more weight and then omg they look like skin and bones ,This one woman up my street I thought she was dieing and went to her and said are you ok,she said yes why ,Told her you are so thin that I can see your bones,she said she looks great,I said really you look like you are dieing.when people get to thin then its time to stop losing.It depends or the person,one year I thought I look great,My mother said omg gain some weight,I said why I am a size 3 ,went to the doctors and he said omg ar you ok we ned to put you in the hosp,So when you hear people say gain weight or stop losing.then maybe you are getting to thin but you don't think you are.

Just branching off of the 'see your bones' comment. I don't get this. Yes, you can 'see my bones'..why is that a bad thing? I can see my ribs, my hip bones, shins, ect. There's no muscle covering all of these bones, and so the only 'covering' would be adipose tissue. There's NO purpose to having fat tissue covering every inch of your body. I'm at a healthy 124lbs 5'7" with lots of muscle.

heypurdy

I get this all the time from my family. So annoying and rude. I'm very proud of the way I look now and the weight I've lost. I feel great. I wish they would just say, "You look great!"

newlife888

lol I don't get that one a lot, hehe, except from my mother. I really do think she is trying to enable unhealthy eating habits and behaviors. I have responded to it up till now but I like the tactic of not saying anything at all.

Amym26

I get this all the time as well. I'm anywhere from 124 to 126 and am only 5 foot 3 and half. I just don't really say anything to acknowledge their comments and keep remembering my goals and that I'm doing this for me! ( And I'm not trying to lose weight but continue to lower my bodyfat.)

Mady1911

Yes, my husband and my GP( I'm in UK). The rest of the family hasn't seen me since my weight loss, but my brother in law who did said: 'what in the world happened to you?' 30 pounds is not a lot and I'm halfway in the healthy BMI range, with 23.5% Body fat, about 2 pounds away from my goal, 5ft7 and 29 yo. Well, they can say whatever they want! I have set myself a goal and I'll reach it. I take it people are afraid of change, in others or themselves! I'll carry on with exercising and keeping a healthy body through good food choices and exercising and leave everyone else to their own choices!

rawstrongchick

I only ever get this from women. I find that there are certain individuals who have their own personal agenda when they come into contact with another comparable female who they feel is slimmer/healthier/better shape than they are. Their over eating issue suddenly gets twisted into it being my under eating issue (obviously not something I suffer from! They clearly haven't seen me with homemade chocolate!), and the comments start reining down.

I have three close family members (one now estranged) who are very competitive about who is the slimmest and quick to pull each other apart. It's like handbags at dawn when they all get together! I keep right out of that one!

DR2501

Not read the whole thread but re the OP's initial point I totally agree - people were quite happy to see me getting fatter without saying anything, but family now always say 'well you don't need to lose any more weight'. It's really quite annoying!

Topsking2010

I pay no attention to overweight people who comments on someone else weight.

Grumbers

I'm already experiencing this. My target weight is 15 stone. Even at 6ft 5, that's not small. That's the top end of my supposed "healthy range".

People are already saying "you don't need to lose 3 stone, you're a big guy, you should be carrying that etc etc".

Now I know they mean it in a kind way and I don't look heavily overweight, but it's not really helping. I think people, especially family are used to you looking a certain way and don't like change. Also maybe it makes them reflect on their own issues which they'll have to address if you sort yourself out.

Let's be honest losing 3 stone as an 18 stone guy is not as dramatic as someone going from 12 stone to 9.

Keep fighting the good fight all!

otter090812

I'm so glad someone raised this. I thought it was just me!

I got this a lot the only other time I lost weight, even before I reached my so-called 'healthy' BMI. I lost the weight slowly, without being neurotic about it, but people couldn't cope with the change. It used to drive me nuts getting those comments.

Anyway, fast forward a few years, unfortunately the lbs are back, but with MFP I think I'm better equipped to make the full lifestyle change that's needed to keep the lost lbs off. I've lost about a quarter of the 58lbs I'm trying to lose. This goal would take me back to the top of the 'healthy' BMI zone. Yet, the 'you're not going to lose anymore?' thing has started already with one colleague. I know BMI can be misleading, but for goodness sake, I'm still well into the 'obese' category!

nicenhealthy

one time i cut off my super long hair to shoulder length hair because my aunty told me never to cut it. :laugh: she was so pissed. basically... when people try and control me, i make them shut-up/be more respectful to my choices... and then carry on my merry ol' way.

proudjmmom

I'm so sick of hearing this comment. I also hear things like "you are invisible", "you needs to gain weight for the winter to keep warm", "theres nothing left to you!", "you are what? like 70lbs?".
I am 5'3", 122lbs, I am FAR from too skinny, I am int he perfectly healthy range for my height . I guess they are so used to seeing me much bigger that it will take time for them to adjust to the new me. I've been smaller then this before, and never heard such comments.

uconnwinsnc

Just tell those people to **** off. That will do the trick.

dezb64

Yes all the time.

tfleischer

No one has ever said that to me.
I guess the first one that does, I will kiss full on on the mouth. Maybe with a little tongue.

Seriously though, I do know some people will work against you and that may be one of those tactics. Others think it is a way of giving a backhanded compliment, as in, "Damn girl you are looking so fine you should not lose any more weight...." or as a way of being encouraging, "If you lose anymore weight you will just blow away."

Some of that may be regional to the South, though.

If they are serious, you might explain to them what healthy weight really is....

thesimsisters

I've heard this all the time. I agree sometimes it's "sort of" a compliment...but 95% of the time I get this from coworkers. When I'd almost reached my goal I got it a lot, then afterwards too. After my illness and surgery this year, when I started back exercising and losing the about 25 lbs I'd gained during the past year's sickness, I've had a lot of these backhanded comments from coworkers. Ex. Where'd you gain it at?! You don't need to lose weight! You're too skinny now! Just one piece of cake won't kill you!

At my workplace there is a lot of eating, junk food, potlucks, parties so to say it is not an easy environment to lose weight at is a severe understatement. Someone is always trying to get me to eat something not so good for me or my calorie allotment. And if you don't join in the eating....then I get the comments. A lot of times I will take break with them but bring my own snack etc. but that doesn't help too much keeping the comments at bay. Most of my coworkers are overweight and not interested in healthy eating. And truthfully some of the comments ARE meant to be sabotaging to my progress. But I've gotten better at the fake smile and just saying I'm still working on where I want to be.