How do you get over people not liking you?
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The Four Agreements helped me learn to deal with this. Do your best, and don't take it personally.
Since I don't think anyone has asked this yet, are you a nice person? Considerate, don't say and do things to hurt others? If you're a mean jerk (and I'm not saying you are), maybe stop being a mean jerk.
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The thing is, you can't really control who likes and who doesn't like you. I had counselling and my counsellor said she actually got disliked by a colleague for being too sunny and positive! It wasn't great to hear but once she knew she just accepted it and moved on. Like they say, you can't please everyone. I have been the world's worst when it comes to wanting to be liked, but as I get older I try to be more stoic about it. I can't make people like me, and I can't control what they think about me. Don't know if this helps but it's just the way I try to deal with it.2
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Gosh so hard and easier said than done
I think age helps..as we get older we really don't give a *kitten* anymore what other people think
I could say at this very moment it doesn't matter to me at all
I tell me kids you cant control anyone else..their actions or emotions
Regardless of what anyone else says or does, you are in control of the emotions you feel and rhetoric you play in your head
I find with myself, being more sensitive person, def affects us more
In also an over thinker analyzer so that doesn't help.....
((HUGS))
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Never really cared what others thought about me.1
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This is me.
What I tell people..
Don't take it personally.. I treat everyone the same.. I don't like anyone, unless you can change my mind. You go your way and I go my way, both will be happy...that simple.
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Who cares, don't worry about them loser. Hell I like you and don't even know you....
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XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Might I suggest:
For those that like this type of book "Unfuck Yourself" and "Stop Doing That *kitten*" by Gary John Bishop I thought were actually a little better than this personally.
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Experience solves this. Try a debate class. Do you overthink things much?2
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One phrase that helped me a lot with this is: "What other people think of you is really none of your business."
I used to really care a LOT when someone didn't like me; to the point it made me physically sick. Once I realized that as long as I'm nice, play by the rules, not a jerk, etc. then what anyone else thought was irrelevant. The only person's opinion that matters is yours! As long as YOU like yourself? Anyone else is moot. 2 -
Shrug and walk away.
"...middle finger in the air...."2 -
GymGoddessGoals wrote: »Shrug and walk away.
"...middle finger in the air...."
♪And wave it like you just don't care♪2 -
Every workplace has a culture. A really good boss appreciates unique qualities because it adds to the office dynamics. We are not bots or clones. Don't let anyone ever characterize you and don't characterize yourself. Be who you are.
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That's the problem. People gravitate to people who show confidence in themselves.cyaneverfat wrote: »I take it too personally, have an intense desire to know why people don't like me and most of the time can't work out why someone doesn't like me. results in me not liking me.
Yes, me, me, me. I saw it too lol.
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Personality clashes happen no matter where you are but let them work for you and not against you. Some of our greatest teachers are those who can't stand us for whatever reasons. Like sandpaper, we begin to rub the rough edges off of one another until one day we become friends. Not phony friends but true grit friends with mutual respect in the workplace and long, long after you've parted ways.2
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I'm quite surprised if somebody does (pretend to) like me.
In fact..... those people can't be trusted.
Always remember, 'Don't Trust a Friend, Report Them to the Authorities!"5 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I'm quite surprised if somebody does (pretend to) like me.
In fact..... those people can't be trusted.
Always remember, 'Don't Trust a Friend, Report Them to the Authorities!"
Ok Grandpa. I’ll help you with your VCR.1 -
TwitchyMacGee wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I'm quite surprised if somebody does (pretend to) like me.
In fact..... those people can't be trusted.
Always remember, 'Don't Trust a Friend, Report Them to the Authorities!"
Ok Grandpa. I’ll help you with your VCR.
Just be sure to keep that polo shirt of yours tucked-in.
I run a tight ship.3 -
cyaneverfat wrote: »I take it too personally, have an intense desire to know why people don't like me and most of the time can't work out why someone doesn't like me. It results in me not liking me.
Yes, me, me, me. I saw it too lol.- After so many betrayals from former "friends" and relations, you really learn to stop giving a *kitten*. I mean that.
- A lot of the time, what you perceive as dislike is really disinterest or non-existence. You will think more about people thinking about you because of your perspective when in fact, they probably aren't thinking about you at all (bad or good). We're all just going about our day. You are not the center of their world, just like they probably aren't the center of yours.
- Anxiety is a *kitten* and makes you perceive things that aren't true. You'll second guess yourself and the motives of other people who probably weren't even thinking about you.
- Have you possibly examined why it affects you so? Why do you have such an attachment to a person (stranger or otherwise) liking you?
Just shooting out random things that come to mind. I've realized that I can't please everyone, that it's not my job and that I'd only drive myself insane by trying to do so. People that like me? Cool, let's be friends. People who don't? Whatever, they don't exist in my world. They become background noise.7 -
gemiller87 wrote: »XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »Might I suggest:
For those that like this type of book "Unfuck Yourself" and "Stop Doing That *kitten*" by Gary John Bishop I thought were actually a little better than this personally.
I'm not a big self-help reader. But, I do know a few books along this subject. One can also look at the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books which came out years ago and have a lot of different versions covering variety of topics.
In concept, it's really more about being confident in ourselves and not really caring what others think.1 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »...I will usually win people over in the end cos I have a decent personality and if they don't like me still, then it's their loss, or it just wasn't meant to be.
Sometimes someone doesnt like you just cos you trigger something in them, maybe insecurity or something. Knowing that, means I don't take the dislike personal. I know I'm likeable. 🤷🏼♀️
True to both. Up through my 20s, I used to try to win everyone over & although it worked 75-25, it was too exhausting a process & then I resented both of us for my having to work so hard, so my wasted efforts didn't foster a friendship in the end, anyway.
No one should have to work hard to gain approval from another. If caught in that loop, it's probably a case of placing too much emphasis in other's opinions more than our own. That never benefits us & is often detrimental to self esteem... that's the issue to deal with, not the other person's feelings toward us.
As others said, age has something to do with it, too... I wouldn't put that much energy into any relationship today, but if it were a work related person I saw daily, I'd be professionally cordial, nothing more. I've had a handful of those situations over my lifetime & it worked out well by just remaining pleasant.
And, someone upstream also said something about never knowing what another thinks. So true. I once had a teacher who was so unpleasant to me, that everyone in the class mentioned it. One day a classmate said, "You must look like his ex-wife & every time he sees you, he thinks of alimony checks." Lol... maybe, but there was nothing I could do except try harder than everyone else (unfair, but life isn't always fair) & graduate.
Also, a long time ago, a girl once told me she thought I didn't like her, cuz every time she began talking I'd pick up & leave the lunch table at work. I told her that every time she joined the table & began talking, often directly across from me, she also lit up a cigarette, which is why I left & therefore, I didn't know her well enough to like or dislike her. I never got to know her cuz she never stopped smoking, but she also never sat at my table again.
We can waste a lot of years trying to figure out everyone else. If I had my own wasted years back, I'd spend them trying to figure out myself & leave everyone else alone to do as they like.1 -
The thing is, no one HAS to like you. You need to accept the fact that there are people in this world who don't like you just as there are people in the world that you don't like. What you need to ask yourself is, are you the type of person YOU like? No one else's opinion of you matters.3
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Motorsheen wrote: »TwitchyMacGee wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I'm quite surprised if somebody does (pretend to) like me.
In fact..... those people can't be trusted.
Always remember, 'Don't Trust a Friend, Report Them to the Authorities!"
Ok Grandpa. I’ll help you with your VCR.
Just be sure to keep that polo shirt of yours tucked-in.
I run a tight ship.
Hey friend! You seem a man of taste and innovation. I too love the VCR, but have you heard of LaserDisc, my esteemed colleague?2 -
I had a coworker who really didn't care for women in general as she preferred working with men. I didn't ingratiate myself but I developed some true compassion for her circumstances. It took a few years but we became friends. She had to leave due to a disease and moved away. I'm going to reach out and see if she's doing alright. I wish we would've become friends sooner and that's my only regret.0
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LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »We can't expect to be liked by everyone, just like we don't like everyone automatically we come across.
As I get older I care less about being liked, just wish I'd felt this way years ago!
I agree with this.
Also, do things that make you like yourself more and you may care less what others think of you.1 -
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FinelyFermented wrote: »Master the art of liking yourself and really not giving a *kitten* about what others think.
This! ⬆️
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revenge.....(joking. move on)0
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People can externalize or internalize things - externalizing would say if someone doesn't like me then it's just them, internalizers would say if someone doesn't like me then there's something wrong with me. For internalizers, the negative self talk just needs to be corrected with the proper thoughts.
This is a great point. I'd be curious to learn if the majority who suffer with this kind of worry & perhaps anxiety/depression around relationships are mostly introverts. I'm introverted & had these issues when younger. As introverts, there are probably fewer relationships in the pool, so losing one or having problems with one is more impactful. Extroverts are always increasing their in-life friend's lists & are often far more active & social, so there's always someone else around... they're so busy, there's less time to focus on just one.
Also, I don't believe the OP has yet given an indication on who the person is... s/she may live with the person or it could be a boss situation. In that case, it's a lot harder to say don't let it bother you or just get over it & move on. Even if taking steps to do so, it can take time to find another home or job, if that's the solution. For any who've lived through these situations with a family member or boss who didn't care for us, we know how challenging that can be.
And, treating others well is a lovely sentiment in a world where everything is perfect, but not everyone returns the favor, so we do need to learn skills to protect ourselves if we're the sensitive type... probably again, mostly introverts.
But, one thing I have noticed is those who are more physically active seem to know how to release that stress. Those with sleeping issues seem to be less extroverted, therefore those thoughts & worries remain interior. I'm reminded of the time that I met friends at a local pub after work & as I approached the table, both said, "You didn't swim today, did you?" I was stunned they knew that & when asked, the said, "When you swim, you look relaxed & float into the room. When you don't, you walk stiffer & btw, you still have your subway face on." Lol.
I don't have answers & am learning, too. I appreciate the posts. But, I do know that if I want to change something, I need to find different avenues, if the chosen way isn't working. And, I like what billionaire, Dan Pena says... today is the best day to do it... there'll never be a better time.0 -
It really depends on who it is that doesn’t like me I guess - someone that I respect and care about - if something goes awry it may bother me a bit but I always get over it in time - a general acquaintance doesn’t bother me at all - as they really don’t know me anyway so 🤷♂️ - either way - those i mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind right ? Just be yourself as everyone else has said1
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Two things to keep in mind:
(1) The reasons people dislike us frequently have more to do with them than with us. There are a lot of examples of this, but here are just a few. A person might not like you because you're friends with someone they dislike. A person might not like you because of something you have that they don't. A person might not like you because they don't know you and the unknown makes them feel uncomfortable. A person might not like you for irrational reasons that they probably couldn't even explain, like you remind them of their second grade teacher who yelled at them, or a person who cut them off in traffic.
(2) What people think of us is none of our business. I don't mean that to sound harsh, just that we don't always know what people are thinking and if we assume we do we might feel badly unnecessarily. For example, right now I could be thinking, (a) "Cyaneverfat is a great, great person. I really like him/her! I wish him/her happiness, prosperity, love and health!" or I could be thinking, (b) "Cyaneverfat is the worst life form on any planet ever in the history of the universe!" and you wouldn't know which one was true because you can't get inside my head and see. I could easily be thinking (a), but because I just stubbed my toe and acting a little grumpy, you might think I'm thinking (b). You see what I mean?0
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