Empathy is also motivation and support (a slight rant?)

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  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    I think people are trying to give useful solutions because it feels like we're not really helping otherwise. Of course if the solutions aren't really useful, then that doesn't work either. :/ Nothing about this is easy.
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
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    That is what you are failing to realize. It is not either or. I think most people that explain why it is happening agree that on some level it sucks. Everything would be easier if weight loss showed linear results on the scale. It would certainly do away with a lot of myths.

    Do you have any idea how tedious it is for people to keep asking the same questions and need you to give the same answers you have given hundreds of time or more? I may get some benefit when I have questions and the benefits of discussing things among people that understand but a fair percentage of the time I am just trying to help. Weight loss has dramatically changed my life and I want to help others achieve the same.

    I literally was not asking a question. I was expressing something on my wall and saying I was just frustrated about it. So I'm not asking any tedious questions. and if it's so tedious then WHY on earth still come here and offer your constantly-repeated advise?

    if you want to help then clue in when people need some empathy instead of all your knowledge.

  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
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    Larissa_NY wrote: »
    So here's me giving advice after you said you didn't want advice, my bad in advance.

    I'm in some groups where people vent about various things. In at least one, there's a rule that you put something like *looking for solutions* or *empathy only please* or *feel sorry for me and tell me what to do* at the top of the post. That clarifies everyone's expectations. There will still be the "Oh I have the exact hammer for that nail let me tell you all about it" people, as I've just demonstrated, but you can always ban them from your page if they keep it up after reading explicitly what you wanted.

    perhaps those are the groups I need then.
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
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    To better our health.
    I’ve been on here since February 2012. The first years under a different name. Learned a lot, lost a lot of weight, had a lot of friends. Issues happened and I left for a few weeks. Returned and made a conscious decision to do this on my own. I’m a lone wolf by nature. I realize this goes against the popular opinion that people are more successful with others supporting them, but it works for me. I enjoy some of the forums.
    You need to develop a thick skin if you’re going to post on forums on the internet, cuz you will have someone who will disagree, no matter what.

    My complaint was about posting on my own feed, not here on the forums. Pretty sure I wouldn't have even started this thread if I didn't have a thick skin.

  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
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    serindipte wrote: »
    Maybe it's in your approach? Have you made it clear that you aren't looking for advice, but just to vent frustration? I ask because when I posted a vent/frustration post, all I got were the types of responses it seems you're looking for. Perhaps more clear communication would help you receive what you're looking for. Here's how I did it:
    Disclaimer: I know the weight will come off. I know I have to give it time. I know the weight fluctuations are normal. I am weighing/logging all my food.

    That said, I'm just having a frustrated moment and want to vent a bit. I have been up and down between 202.6 and 204.8 for the last two weeks. I'm SO close to hitting the under 200 mark and just haven't quite gotten there. I'm very much looking forward to the next woosh! I just wish it would happen NOW lol

    I keep reminding myself that I've begun more exercise than I've done in the last 30 years and that's going to cause some water retention. I remind myself that I'm now able to walk two miles when 0.2 miles used to have me winded and wanting to die. I've gotten up to two miles on the bike when I hadn't ridden one in 30 years or more. And that's with hills, so there's that.

    I KNOW all of these things, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating when the scale seems stuck for a while.

    Posting as much to let others know it happens to us all as I am to vent... but really needed to vent.

    Thanks for listening!

    Here's the thread where you can see the responses I got: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10671303/not-losing-weight-vent/p1

    I pretty much did that on my own feed and got a patronising response. Not empathy.
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
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    "thanks for the unsolicited feedback as well."
    You are welcome.
    I've given up my time to give feedback to hundreds of people over many decades in management, mentoring, training, coaching and other roles. And if that experience teaches me anything is that some people are just not ready to hear any criticism or feedback despite badly needing it.

    well, gosh! I stand corrected. thank you for giving up your time, for sacrificing those precious moments to give me unsolicited feedback! I will definitely ponder on all you wrote and hopefully change my ways in the future.

  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
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    Amazing how in this entire thread there was still advice giving rather than empathy, apart from a couple of people.
  • Nova
    Nova Posts: 9,919 MFP Staff
    edited February 2020
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    Hey all,

    The original poster has received a significant amount of feedback and the conversations can continue via personal messaging or within a group.

    Please keep this guideline in mind when replying in the forums:
    1. Play Nice

    I WILL:
    • I will be respectful and understand that everyone is different. Some members are new to this, so be kind to the newbies.
    • I will remember the human on the other side of the screen.
    • I will share my opinions while respecting others' thoughts and feelings as well.
    • I will be ready to hear and accept other opinions that I might not always agree with.
    • I will ignore users.

    I WON'T:
    • I won’t be a jerk.
    • I will not attack, mock, or otherwise insult others. I can respectfully disagree with the message or topic, but I cannot attack the messenger. This includes attacks against the member’s spelling or command of written English, belittling a member for posting a duplicate discussion, or attacking a member for posting in an older discussion. (ie. It’s lose not loose, strong first post, didn’t you already post this today, etc.) Not every member has the same level of education, so I’ll refrain from criticizing a member for not framing their content in a manner befitting a university-level science paper.
    • I won’t pick apart how something is said; I will focus on the meaning/message.

    Thank you for your understanding and help in keeping MFP a supportive, friendly community.

    Respectfully,
    Nova
    MFP Community Staff
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