Empathy is also motivation and support (a slight rant?)

2

Replies

  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Define real friends?? I 'like' many people on the forums here, like what they have to say BUT I wouldn't go as far as to say any of them are my friends. And many, I have found, are very intimidating.
    With that said, and this is JMO but some people come off as definite know-it-alls. While, sure, a little knowledge goes a long way, more knowledge, or picking apart every single solitary word, is over the top annoying.
    Is there something wrong with simply showing empathy or compassion or understanding? Is it more important to be kind or right??

    No one HAS to post. If you are not getting what you want out of the forums or find certain posters intimidating, irritating, picky, not sensitive,........well maybe the forums are not for you. Trying to change how the forums here work would be difficult. There are rules. Has anyone broken them? If they have you can contact the mods.

    I'll repeat myself again. i'm talking about posting on my own MFP wall. So the audience is just "friends"

    Ditch them and get new friends.

    I did. Now I'm Nancy Nofriends :p
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member

    Now you can be your own cheerleader.... hope you find what you need. 🎉🎉

    thank you but that's why I'm here. I don't want to be my only cheerleader. I'm alone in this. and sometimes I'm frustrated. I see it here in the forums too - assuming someone "must" be doing it wrong, "possibly" is a diabetic, that sort of thing. I wanted to have friends on MFP to support and give support. I chose the wrong ones. Now I'm alone again. And even most people here aren't even getting the "empathy" thing. How hard is it?

    I am doing this for 10+ years; it's a lifetime thing. If I wasn't my own cheerleader already I would not still be trying.

  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    Also you pick your own friends. If you're not happy with the people you picked then pick new ones and be specific that you aren't interested in helpful advice. I had a woman who sent me a friend request along with other people. The next day she posted saying that we were all to respond to her posts everyday and cheer her on. One guy said "sorry I don't post much" and I thought "you know, I'm not interested in being this woman's cheerleader", so I wrote something similar. I was quickly disfriended. I was so happy.

    I am interested in helpful advise!
    But when I post "I know x y and z, but I'm just frustrated" how is that your (general you) cue to start telling me what I'm doing wrong, or "I already told you blah blah blah"? Do you not know the difference between when someone is asking for advise and when someone just needs a virtual hug?
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    WinoGelato wrote: »
    Have you posted this rant on your personal feed? Have you tried reaching out to the people who gave advice to tell them that’s not the response you were looking for?
    Have you defriended the ones you feel are most egregious in their “tough love/no empathy”?

    Bringing your complaints over here and not clarifying up front that this wasn’t about some thread you started in the forums, but rather an issue with feedback on your personal feed, is an example of you not communicating to my expectations. Should I start a thread about how people complain and don’t provide full details? Maybe I should post it on my own wall so my friends wonder if my vague assertions are directed at them?

    Many of us are still around here after years of participation because we have knowledge and advice to share and countless people find that helpful. I don’t look for blind support on here, cheerleading or empathy. That’s what my husband and real life friends are for. When I struggle I want to know what to do about it. I’ve always gotten great advice here and I pride myself on trying to do the same but it’s going to be direct and science based. To me that’s the best kind of support I get and can give.

    does it really matter if it was on my feed or in the forum? I see it here all the time as well. Empathy is missing.
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    It’s just random people on the internet. Be your own cheerleader. Use ALL the resources available. There’s never going to be 100% support. Keep on applying what works for you. Skip over the rest. Every time we post on a public forum, we open ourselves up to other’s opinions. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s just the way it is, something’s will never change.

    again i AM my own cheerleader. that is not what my post is about. sometimes even cheerleaders need a hug.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    It’s just random people on the internet. Be your own cheerleader. Use ALL the resources available. There’s never going to be 100% support. Keep on applying what works for you. Skip over the rest. Every time we post on a public forum, we open ourselves up to other’s opinions. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s just the way it is, something’s will never change.

    again i AM my own cheerleader. that is not what my post is about. sometimes even cheerleaders need a hug.

    Well good for you! There’s a hug for you❤️
    AGAIN, you’re never going to get 100% support on an Internet forum, so don’t expect it. Even if you say the sky is blue, someone will disagree. Accept it for your own peace of mind.
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member

    People don't, because they don't know you. They're on the internet, and the written word makes it even harder to tell. Maybe you should have some empathy for the people just trying to help you.

    hahahaha yes ok. it's my fault. I made it extremely clear what I said. So it should be pretty clear I'm looking for something besides advise. but, ok.

  • catemb80
    catemb80 Posts: 24 Member
    no flames being thrown, sometimes all we need is an understanding ear listening and only listening. Can I be your friend?
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    Sometimes there is not an answer other than it sucks. I know my weight went up today because I ate a restaurant yesterday. I am human. Yes it does suck. However, if there is any chance I might still think I did something wrong and my weight went up because of fat... thinking that SUCKS FAR MORE.

    One of the biggest reasons I failed to make progress for decades is that I didn't get that my weight fluctuates for reasons other than fat. I would see a higher weight and then restrict myself more and move more to try an "fix" it. The next next day it might still be up or up even higher. This always led to me being so miserable that I could not keep it up.

    If there is any chance me being an "expert", "know-it-all', or general PITA helps someone avoid my mistakes... that is something I can live with.

    I think it is rude to tell people they are volunteering their time to help others wrong. Maybe that is just me.


    for a moment there I thought you were agreeing with me.
    But now I'm rude I guess. No one is volunteering their time here just to help others. Everyone is here for their own benefit.

  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    It’s just random people on the internet. Be your own cheerleader. Use ALL the resources available. There’s never going to be 100% support. Keep on applying what works for you. Skip over the rest. Every time we post on a public forum, we open ourselves up to other’s opinions. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s just the way it is, something’s will never change.

    again i AM my own cheerleader. that is not what my post is about. sometimes even cheerleaders need a hug.

    Well good for you! There’s a hug for you❤️
    AGAIN, you’re never going to get 100% support on an Internet forum, so don’t expect it. Even if you say the sky is blue, someone will disagree. Accept it for your own peace of mind.

    thanks for the hug.

    what is the point of being on MFP then if not for support?
  • runlaugheatpie
    runlaugheatpie Posts: 376 Member
    sijomial wrote: »
    Sounds like you could work on your communication skills if your friends (ex-friends....) didn't realise that despite not getting the results you desire you don't want help to fix that.

    "I'm not looking for advice but....."

    If this issue keeps happening or multiple people misinterpret your needs/wants then the fault is more likely with the writer and not the readers.

    e.g. when I had a maximal effort fitness test I told the lab tech very clearIy didn't want dumb "come on", "push", "you can do it" comments. All I wanted (and communicated clearly) was I wanted data from him, not cheerleading.


    PS - bit of feedback, you are coming across as pretty rude about people just giving up some of their free time to try and help. People don't need formal qualifications to have experience and knowledge. And there's a lot of people with experience of being overweight and also of losing their excess weight despite facing similar hurdles to you.

    no one is giving up their free time to try and help. we're all on here for the same reason. If I'm truly putting someone out then I would hope they would just scroll on by.

    thanks for the unsolicited feedback as well.
This discussion has been closed.