Stop blaming husbands, wives, SO's, friends, etc.!!!

GardenGirlie

I wholeheartedly agree with the OP.

No one is saying that it is easy to have someone close to you attempting to sabotage or to regularly put temptation in your way....but the bottom line is that you still make the choices. You and you alone. We all deal with our own demons and temptations but at the end of the day if you opt to blame anyone or anything else for your lack of self control it is simply an excuse. Self honesty is a huge part of the long term success to a healthy lifestyle, in my humble opinion of course.

JamieH1984

Amen! Great post!

neandermagnon

I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"

^^^^ totally 100% this. Especially the cake bit.

neandermagnon

also, on the saying no to cake, etc bit

from personal experience, it's a lot better to say "no thanks, I'm not hungry" or "no thanks I'm not in the mood for (food here)" or some other totally neutral reason for saying no. I lived in Saudi for 5 years, where refusing all offered food is a faux pas; if you don't want to eat it you just say "thank you, I'm not hungry, but can I have a piece to eat later?" they'll happily wrap you up enough for your entire family. Whether you actually eat it later is entirely up to you, but it's perfectly possible to deal with people offering you high calorie foods you don't want to eat, without either causing offence or going away feeling like the whole world's out to get you with cake.

If you say "no thanks, I'm on a diet" or "no thanks, it has too many calories" or anything along those lines, people who are not on diets hear that as "no thanks, I'm torturing myself by depriving myself of delicious treats that I'd really, really, really, really love to eat, but the nasty mean doctor put me on a diet and i'm not allowed to eat them, and I'm dying inside and really, really, would like to eat the cake" and so they see themselves as your saviour and knight in shining armour, giving you permission to eat the cake with platitudes such as "one slice of cake won't ruin your diet" and "you don't need to lose weight".... so IMO it's best to just avoid the topic of diet, health, calories, etc and just say you're not hungry or don't fancy it right now, and if necessary (depending on how likely the person offering is to be upset if you don't want *any*), ask to take some home "for later"

blah2989

Well said! I dont make separate meals unless Im wayyy over my cal, or only have 200 left. But I usually always include a meat, green veggie, and a starch or salad.

UKMarjie

One group of people we can genuinely saying are saboteurs are parents who are feeding their kids bad quantities, low nutritional value foods and encouraging bad choices. For THOSE people I say the gloves should be off!

As to the rest. Having a relationship issue is not the same as having someone sabotage you. You don't punish them when you make bad choices and do things that hurt you or don't work for you...you punish yourself. If you have a partner who is unfeeling about your plan to achieve health it is either that you haven't communicated effectively how much this journey means to you, and how much certain behaviours bug you (like shoving food in your face and mocking you for not eating it) or they are a ****. Either way it comes down, as PP have said, how you deal with it. Sitting down and telling someone your plan and asking them to be onboard is reasonable - but asking them to stop what their journey is, is forcing your will on them. And that's not ok.

swimbikerun2006

Logical as it may seem....applying it IS one of the most challenging things. Yes..SUCK IT UP and stick to YOUR plan makes total sense. And perhaps, this is my own pitfall in the journey back to pre-pregnancy weight (my son will be 10 next month). I will say that this was all WAY easier when I was single. And bit easier when it was just the two of us- I was actually in best shape of my life when I got pregnant.

I have never been one to think only of myself and I refuse to cook separate meals for the entire family. - But as the sprout gets older, it is becoming easier to have him fend for himself or eat what I eat. We are so busy anymore activities we are seldom home to eat together anyways. Which isn't the best either.

But I will say...that last weekend the boys wanted ice cream so we took a jeep ride to the ice cream shop. Guess who watched them eat ice cream?? YEP! On a hot summer day. I had none. So, I guess I am getting where I need to be. And it is much easier said than done!

Bigblondelady

I have read several remarks on here that are to the point , dead on. I know it is not someone else's fault, at this age and stage in my life, the tricky part is emotions.

When you are weak in one area of your life and you don't have a good support behind you it is easier to run to what you know.FOOD
A lot of people were never given the tools to get past the barrage of emotions and depend on others for support or/and run to food as a crutch, it is what you know and have depended on for so long.
That is what I LOVE ABOUT THIS SIGHT, I have learned so much just by having a great support group. I am not the strongest person when it comes to dealing with negative and hurtful emotions. But I am learning the skills how to deflect them.

I also have placed certain plans in place to deal with the bad foods my husband insists on having in the house, yes i'm like a dry leaf I easily crumble . His food has its own cupboard and I have my own snack spot.
I have started to stand up for me , something I had to learn to do as well. What I am learning is life is not all about me (,I never have thought it was) But I better take the steps to put me first within myself, it is ok to do what is right for me. it's my place to take charge of my world.
Don't feel guilty about taking care of you , FIRST like a plane crash, put on your mask first , then help the others,
So, no it is not others fault, but if they don't respect you and your wishes put them in their proper place , behind you . they either come around or you cut your losses. Do what is right by you. And give it time, change is hard , for you and for them. Just might not be the first time down this road for you and yours.
Except the things you can change, and honey that is you, plan and simple. YOU ARE THE WORK IN PROGRESS, forget the mess and move forward from here, Wishing you all much success,BB




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mcflat29

Hi there... I heard there was cake??



Great post OP.

Although, when you tell your mother in law that you don't want a slice of cake thank you, but no... and then she brings you the biggest slice she can manage, twice the size of everyone else's with three scoops of ice cream and a wicked grin, you know she's up to something. I just said thank you and sat it to the side. Then, when she ranted about me wasting cake, I politely pointed out that I had asked NOT to have cake. She's a demon though and beyond the realm of logical reasoning. LOL :laugh: :laugh: I just don't let her affect my choices. :drinker:

Did someone say CAKE!!! I don't see one, so I brought my own.

Just kidding. :laugh: Great post btw.

You posted a picture of cake. Therefore my failure is all your fault.

In other news, I only ate one quarter pounder meal today at snack time instead of my usual two. Wheres the love?!? . :sigh:

OMG NOW I WANT REESES CUPS... WILL YOUR DIABOLICAL PLAN TO RUIN ME NEVER CEASE!

((LMAO))

mcflat29

also, on the saying no to cake, etc bit

from personal experience, it's a lot better to say "no thanks, I'm not hungry" or "no thanks I'm not in the mood for (food here)" or some other totally neutral reason for saying no. I lived in Saudi for 5 years, where refusing all offered food is a faux pas; if you don't want to eat it you just say "thank you, I'm not hungry, but can I have a piece to eat later?" they'll happily wrap you up enough for your entire family. Whether you actually eat it later is entirely up to you, but it's perfectly possible to deal with people offering you high calorie foods you don't want to eat, without either causing offence or going away feeling like the whole world's out to get you with cake.

If you say "no thanks, I'm on a diet" or "no thanks, it has too many calories" or anything along those lines, people who are not on diets hear that as "no thanks, I'm torturing myself by depriving myself of delicious treats that I'd really, really, really, really love to eat, but the nasty mean doctor put me on a diet and i'm not allowed to eat them, and I'm dying inside and really, really, would like to eat the cake" and so they see themselves as your saviour and knight in shining armour, giving you permission to eat the cake with platitudes such as "one slice of cake won't ruin your diet" and "you don't need to lose weight".... so IMO it's best to just avoid the topic of diet, health, calories, etc and just say you're not hungry or don't fancy it right now, and if necessary (depending on how likely the person offering is to be upset if you don't want *any*), ask to take some home "for later"

To be honest and factual. I did say, "Thank you, but no, I'm full from dinner." :laugh: Southern manners run strong in my blood. I was being a lady, my mother in law was being a demon. No, really, she's a demon... :devil: :laugh: :laugh: I hadn't disclosed my lifestyle change to anyone, my hubby threw me under the in law bus at dinner. He regretted it later, thought he was helping at the time. :happy:

egrusy

Okay, I'll tell my husband that he should sit down next to me to eat an entire package of pepperoni, bag of chips etc etc etc and hold it out to offer me some every few minutes more often. I mean, someone on MFP said that it's okay for him to do it so I shouldn't get annoyed when he does. Good to know.
No, I don't take the food but there's not supportive and there's attempted sabotage. What's true in your world is not true in everyone's.

Great post OP!!! I agree that we are only ourselves responsible for what goes in to our mouths!

I also want to point out that this poster said her husband offers her some "every few minutes". It's not like he asks, "Do you want some hon?" and then when she politely declines he goes back to eating and shuts up. There's a very big difference there.

I absolutely agree that no one can sabotage us but ourselves, but there ARE those out there that try. Peace, love, and pizza all around :flowerforyou:

kittiesandfarts

I've found that I'm more successful when I keep my weightloss goals to myself. If I tell my husband about them he'll start calling me out on anything "unhealthy" I'm doing. When I tell him I don't want his input, that this is my personal journey, and that it's a 90% mental thing, he gets upset because I'm not accepting his support. Screw that noise, I shouldn't need him to tell me not to drink a soda, I can and will do that without his "support."