WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2020

janetr7476

Heather beautiful picture of the granddaughters. They're such cuties and growing so quickly.

Katla thank you
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Janetr OKC

dlfk202000

SuziQ113 wrote: »

Hello everyone.

As the year is drawing to a close I am counting my 2020 blessings. I am so very fortunate to have remained working through 2020, I have roof over my head which will soon be completely transformed on the outside, I am healthy, my financial mess is slowing but surely getting cleaned up and paid off, I also bought myself a new car and I have had all of you to share my triumphs and drawbacks throughout the year.

Yesterday I had written I was going to do some light cleaning and putting away of some Christmas decorations (ha). After signing off with everyone my plan took a detour thinking about my 2021 goals which turned in to a 2020 financial review. I am happy to report by the end of January I will pay off another bad debt. Since I was reviewing 2020 I started working upon my 2021 financial goals. It was a full morning of numbers, spreadsheets, etc. I have a little more fine tuning to do, but it is almost done.



Debbie – So sorry for the MIL fiasco. I think it may be time for a family sit down. I would clearly state to dear MIL her actions are unacceptable and if she continues with her behavior during any holiday you will no longer visit her or take her calls on holidays. I am sorry DH is not supportive of the idea….I can see him not wanting you to tell her off. But honestly support a conversation with all three of you present. Read a little further along – DH’s mom sounds like a royal b-tch. To say something like that to her son! I really truly believe it is time for him to set boundaries, but we are all on our own paths and can only gently suggest what we see is the best course of action. Maybe some counseling for him? I can see how she probably has a very deep effect upon him while causing him feelings of guilt, hatred, and also love. It is all a lot for a person to digest and come to terms with…..

Sandra – Welcome. Sounds like you have a sound plan.

It is off to the races for me. Laundry is in the dryer and Christmas boxes must come down so some decorations can be packed up. Then some 2021 goals need to be committed to paper. 😊

Hugs to all and prayers for those in need.
SuziQ – SFL

Thank you!
Yes, you are right, he could really benefit from counseling- He went once and should have continued.
Sitting down with Fumiko will not work- along with being mean, she does have a disconnect in her brain where when you tell her something she doesn't comprehend it. She says she doesn't hear us(dr. checked, it is fine, just that she doesn't understand some of the words). Not sure if it is Japanese/English thing or exactly how bad it is or how much she is using that as an excuse to do this. She doesn't read/write English well enough to take care of bills,etc. She has never learned to drive. So, with my husband being the only family around(no friends because she treats them almost as bad as she does us- only one lady comes around and that is because she always has her hand out, wanting money,etc- a real user, never even heard of her until the other brother died, she was a coworker of his). The feeling of obligation is for sure a cultural thing. There must be love there someplace but I don't see it- and he doesn't show it to anyone else either- just to the cats.
I have put up with this for too long. I am finally starting to stop putting everyone elses feelings ahead of mine. I will never be #1 but at least I am not totally last anymore.

Thanks again.
Debbie
Napa Valley,CA

pipcd34

Uu

dlfk202000

Workoutahloic50 wrote: »

Debbie in Ca-I can honestly say I Know exactly how it feels,but it’s my mother that’s behaves Badly.We used to have her for Every event/holiday because she’s alone.She would come invited or not,extra early and hate gossip and hateful comments about everything.I would be ill for a week before and after each holiday.I suggested to my hubby that she not come again but he was worried I would have regrets.After several very bad things with her,I cut off all communication with her.Told hubby if I extend my hand to a dog and it bites me and continue to do it with the same results,that makes me stupid.I don’t need to subject myself to hurt and stress.But it goes Way back to childhood with her.I do agree,boundaries should be discussed,but it’s difficult when parents are used to getting away with their ill behavior.
Debby in Va

Thank you Debby-
I think if he really had another option, he would cut ties with her.
She is almost 84(or is 84 now, I can't remember), living on fixed income so doesn't have extra money to spend on hiring someone to do everything my husband does for her(but, she tells everyone that will half way listen that she is all alone, no one helps her, it is just her and her dog....). We thought about putting her in a home but way too expensive, she doesn't really need it yet- just wants it so someone will do everything for her, that she is still capable of doing on her own, and she is so mean, they would kick her out after a week.
The only thing that will help him is if he gets some counseling help to learn to handle the way she treats him and not hold onto it.
We have been called stupid by her so many times. Every time I would give her a gift she would say I was stupid for buying it- hoping she actually meant that we didn't need to buy it for her but I looked her in the eyes, treated her like the 2yr old she was behaving like and told her , " No, YOU say THANK YOU!!!" Don't tell me I am stupid, say thank you. It has helped some, depends on the day.

Debbie
Napa Valley,CA

KetoneKaren

Janetr.

Karen in Virginia

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dlfk202000

bananasandoranges wrote: »

dlfk202000 wrote: »

exermom wrote: »

Debbie CA – it kind of sounds like your MIL has some sort of dementia. Or maybe she sundowns?

Michele NC

no, she has always been like this- very jealous of the time spent with anyone else but her, and she is always so bitter about everything. She still doesn't like and doesn't like her son either but she has no one else left. She has been like this the 30 yrs I have known her but got worse after her other son, her favorite son was killed in a car accident. Actually looked my husband in the face and told him the wrong son died!. He has been treated like that all his life but is obligated to take care of her and in turn I have to listen to him complain. He has never set boundries with her.

Wow, that is such a horrible thing to hear. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.


Thank you. He has been hearing this stuff all his life- like when he was about 13 that she didn't want him , that she found out too far into the pregnancy that she was pregnant so couldn't end it. Yeah, great thing to be told.
She loved her first husband, the other son's father but he divorced her, leaving her alone with a 2 yr old in Tokyo. Husband's dad was a widower so out of feeling sorry for her, married her and brought them back to US- always said that was the biggest mistake of his life- she treated him just as bad if not worse than she does his son.
Hard to show love/affection/compassion/etc to others when you have been shown none. Now our son and I have to live with that.

Debbie
Napa Valley,CA

cynnamingirl

Hi All! I’m new to this, and since I just hit 65 I thought this would be a good place to get motivation! I have about 30 lbs to lose, and I have severe chronic pain along with the joys of getting old. I also currently have FOUR kidney stones. I get them chronically. I’m hoping the less of me there is, the less there will be to hurt! 😁

dlfk202000

margaretturk wrote: »

Debbie whatever is causing your MIL snits does not negate the fact she is a bully. DH dancing to her tune only makes it worse.

Next time DH rants at you excuse yourself to the bathroom and take a hot shower or bath until he calms down. He is making his problem your problem, and only he can fix it. He starts ranting you find a way to calmly excuse yourself without saying anything. Anything you say will only ramp him up more.

I have lived with and worked with bullies most of my life. I was a teacher in an inner city school. One lesson I learned was just because you see the hook does not mean you have to bite. It is not always as easy lesson to follow.

It is time you took yourself off that hook with your MIL. DH might not be ready. This doesn't mean you have to stay on the hook.

DH might benefit from finding some outside help with how to emotionally deal with his mother. I agree with others she is toxic for him and for you. His mother will not change. He is the one who will have to change how he deals with her for his own health.

Thank you!!
She started on one of her rants when we were at her house. Husband usually just sits there and lets her go at it. I stood up, looked at her and told her no, not going to listen to it and put my jacket on and told my husband it was time to go. Stood there with jacket on, purse ready- until he told her we needed to go. She didn't get it but at least it got me out of there.
I am really going to push him to get some help-
I am also distancing myself from her and will be away from both of them more. I will be going to my parents and just spend time up there. They saw how he was acting after getting off the phone with her Christmas day- so wound up- saying he should just blow his brains out then he wouldn't have to deal with any of it any more- they were shocked to hear him but I have heard it so many times- he got the idea from her- if she doesn't get her way, she says she is going to kill herself. She did it so much right after her other son died that I refused to allow my son to be around her. He didn't need to be around her when she was talking like that all the time. My dad said something about that he had more to think about than just himself, he didn't care. Our son and I don't matter enough to him for him to care I guess.

Debbie

dlfk202000

Snowflake1968 wrote: »

Debbie - I’m sorry your holiday was ruined again by your MIL. Can you just refuse to be a part of it?
I don’t think your husband should feel obligated. He should stop the visits for a while and see if her behaviour changes.



Tracey in Edmonton

I was able to distance myself completely thanks to Covid!!! that was the best part of all this- I had over 5 months where I didn't have to see her. I do go over but less than once every other week. Husband pulls the BS that while he and I are out shopping, Oh, I need to drop something off at mom's- IF he had told me he was going to stop there, I would have stayed home and not shopped or anything. I called him out on it finally- Now he will drop it off another day if I tell him no, not stopping there.
He has to be the one that stops going so often. He can't totally stop, he pays all her bills, either picks up her groceries or takes her out shopping for them. He chooses to do it a lot more often than she really needs, that is on him.
When he was recovering from his surgeries(he has had 4 total hip replacements) and couldn't drive. I was the one that did for her BUT I told her, I was working full time and I would only be over twice a week. Make sure she had her full list because I wasn't making an extra trip over. She didn't like it but she dealt with it.
When he retired and was off for 5 months she expected him there all the time. He went back part time but still had a lot of free time so did too much for her, now that they need him full time at work, she still expects the same amount of time spent on her. She doesn't understand that yes he is working 40hrs a week, they are just in the middle of the night and he really needs to get some sleep during the day. She really doesn't care about anymore but herself and he is allowing it to continue. I have told him to cut back and just says, I don't understand, it is worse for him the days he does go over. Well, it isn't good for him when he goes almost every day.

Debbie

KJLaMore

Hey all! I can't remember the last time I posted on here. Before Christmas, maybe? Yes, I think I posted on 24th and was all excited about vacation starting and my son's birthday. Colinmas was quiet, as Colin (my son) celebrated by delivering gifts to his friends and ended up at his best friend's house sitting by a fire in their back yard. Social distant socializing. So...his birthday dinner was postponed until Christmas Day. I made cinnamon rolls for the family that morning; Tim napped on and off in a chair all morning (he had been awake all night) and Colin didn't make an appearance until 1 or 2 pm. So it was a quiet day. Then, our oldest son, Darren showed up with his gf, Nicolette. I threw together a little charcuterie platter and everyone had a drink and we talked and then decided to try out some of the board games that were gifted to my daycare. lol We played Operation (I won), Clue (Colin won), and Kerplunk (Nicolette won one game and Darren won one game). A lot of laughter and fun. We got all of the kids Dune Dollars (which are community gift cards that are accepted at nearly all local businesses). Darren and Nicolette bought Tim and I a toaster oven. While I am grateful; I am not quite sure how this appliance is going to fit into my cooking routine. Right now, it is taking the place of my toaster and doing some of the duties of my microwave...We will see if it is an appliance that is going to stay in my kitchen. lol
Debbie in Napa- So sorry to hear about our MIL's irascible nature! Sending you hugs and hoping you can find it in yourself (and your dh can find it in him) to figure out a way to NOT give her power over you. In giving in to her or letting her rants get to you, you are giving her all of the power. You don't need that crap. Love and peace to you both.
Beth- Wowsa! I will gladly take some of that snow!
JanetR- I bet your hubby thought you were the cutest thing EVER out there building a snow man! I am hoping we get more snow before my vacation is over. Making a snowman via zoom with Joaquin and Miguel watching is on my to do list!
Mary- I think Rita's DMD is "dear middle daughter".
Heather- The girls look adorable in their guinea pig jammies!
Tracey- Good to hear from you! I am so sorry about all of the stress due to COVID at work. I am happy that you are in good health, though! Your comment about your DH not understanding how you can still be mourning the loss of your dad after 8 years, struck a chord with me. Just in the past week, my DH and I have talked about a LOT of stuff. (I think my back injury opened a "communication" gate for us) Anyway, while we were watching a couple movies Tim commented on me crying so much during the movie. And I just flat out told him that I think I cry so much during movies because it allows me to release everything I am sad about. I told him how much I miss my parents (after 28 years), things I worry about, etc...it all cumulates into one big cry session, for me. Movies are a great release! lol
Rori- So good to see your face (and Mars, as well)!

I think I am going to throw a grandkid pic or two up here before I sign off! lol The first is Miguel. The second is both Miguel and Joaquin; barely still for the picture.



That's all for now! Love and hugs to all! ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)

Whidislander

cute pics of grandkids ladies!
*long sigh* no phone call, or text from overseas son. My heart hurts today. No communication since June, but I know hes ok. Just the not hearing his voice, or laughter, it makes me melancholy. It's just something I need to wrestle around in my brain and heart, and come to terms with. But its a process.
Love all the pics though.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Washington

janetr7476

Kelly Jack told everyone his "child" was building a snowman. Lol. Your grandsons are precious!!

Janetr OKC

dlfk202000

Whidislander wrote: »

cute pics of grandkids ladies!
*long sigh* no phone call, or text from overseas son. My heart hurts today. No communication since June, but I know hes ok. Just the not hearing his voice, or laughter, it makes me melancholy. It's just something I need to wrestle around in my brain and heart, and come to terms with. But its a process.
Love all the pics though.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Washington

So sorry!! I hope he calls you soon. Six months is way too long to not call and talk to you!

janetr7476

My great-grandson, Jaxx, he's nine months old now. That was Christmas eve at my daughter's house. Due to the pandemic I have yet to meet him I'm so very very thankful for the internet and face time, etc.

Janetr OKC

janetr7476

KetoneKaren wrote: »

Janetr.

Karen in Virginia

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Oh Karen, my dear friend, I think of you often. I hope you and family are doing well. I love this picture of you.

Janetr OKC

dlfk202000

KJLaMore wrote: »

Hey all! I can't remember the last time I posted on here. Before Christmas, maybe? Yes, I think I posted on 24th and was all excited about vacation starting and my son's birthday. Colinmas was quiet, as Colin (my son) celebrated by delivering gifts to his friends and ended up at his best friend's house sitting by a fire in their back yard. Social distant socializing. So...his birthday dinner was postponed until Christmas Day. I made cinnamon rolls for the family that morning; Tim napped on and off in a chair all morning (he had been awake all night) and Colin didn't make an appearance until 1 or 2 pm. So it was a quiet day. Then, our oldest son, Darren showed up with his gf, Nicolette. I threw together a little charcuterie platter and everyone had a drink and we talked and then decided to try out some of the board games that were gifted to my daycare. lol We played Operation (I won), Clue (Colin won), and Kerplunk (Nicolette won one game and Darren won one game). A lot of laughter and fun. We got all of the kids Dune Dollars (which are community gift cards that are accepted at nearly all local businesses). Darren and Nicolette bought Tim and I a toaster oven. While I am grateful; I am not quite sure how this appliance is going to fit into my cooking routine. Right now, it is taking the place of my toaster and doing some of the duties of my microwave...We will see if it is an appliance that is going to stay in my kitchen. lol
Debbie in Napa- So sorry to hear about our MIL's irascible nature! Sending you hugs and hoping you can find it in yourself (and your dh can find it in him) to figure out a way to NOT give her power over you. In giving in to her or letting her rants get to you, you are giving her all of the power. You don't need that crap. Love and peace to you both.
Beth- Wowsa! I will gladly take some of that snow!
JanetR- I bet your hubby thought you were the cutest thing EVER out there building a snow man! I am hoping we get more snow before my vacation is over. Making a snowman via zoom with Joaquin and Miguel watching is on my to do list!
Mary- I think Rita's DMD is "dear middle daughter".
Heather- The girls look adorable in their guinea pig jammies!
Tracey- Good to hear from you! I am so sorry about all of the stress due to COVID at work. I am happy that you are in good health, though! Your comment about your DH not understanding how you can still be mourning the loss of your dad after 8 years, struck a chord with me. Just in the past week, my DH and I have talked about a LOT of stuff. (I think my back injury opened a "communication" gate for us) Anyway, while we were watching a couple movies Tim commented on me crying so much during the movie. And I just flat out told him that I think I cry so much during movies because it allows me to release everything I am sad about. I told him how much I miss my parents (after 28 years), things I worry about, etc...it all cumulates into one big cry session, for me. Movies are a great release! lol
Rori- So good to see your face (and Mars, as well)!

I think I am going to throw a grandkid pic or two up here before I sign off! lol The first is Miguel. The second is both Miguel and Joaquin; barely still for the picture.



That's all for now! Love and hugs to all! ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)

Love the pictures- thank you for sharing. LOVE their smiles.
Sounds like you had a fun Christmas(even though it wasn't exactly what you had planned)

grandmallie

Well had some cut up prime rib and mashed potatoes ,going to change the battery in the defibrillator and tuck myself in....
Like i said i just sort of chilled out today and did my PT...
But at least its at home and except for my TV its quiet.

dlfk202000

grandmallie wrote: »

Well had some cut up prime rib and mashed potatoes ,going to change the battery in the defibrillator and tuck myself in....
Like i said i just sort of chilled out today and did my PT...
But at least its at home and except for my TV its quiet.

So glad to hear you are at home and enjoying some quiet!!!. PERFECT

cityjaneLondon

KJ - Gorgeous happy boys!

Janetr - How wonderful to have a great grandchild! I already miss the grandchildren 's babyhood. Shan't have another baby for a l o n g time. Barring accidents. I wonder if I will live long enough. Yours is gorgeous.

The wind last night took down two beach huts and the dining 'igloos' on the seafront. Torn to shreds. Up to 100 mph winds in some places. Flooding locally and worse around the country.
It was gorgeous when we went out, but we walked past all the debris.
Expecting colder weather tomorrow and towards New Year.

A very dear old friend from university has sent me an invitation to a Zoom "At Home" on NYD. Might give it a go.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

Katla49

Janet OKC: Snow! It looks like you were having fun building your snowman. :bigsmile: I’ve missed seeing you and it is good to see you back.

Tracey: I am so glad you are doing okay.

(((Pip:))) I’m sorry for your loss. Lenny must have been very special. You have been blessed twice, with two fine men.

Debbie: Sorry for your situation. Take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:

KJ: You have been missed. I hope you got a bit of rest along the way. I love your photos!

Cynnamin girl: Welcome! :flowerforyou:

(((Rebecca))): I’m sorry that your son didn’t call.


Our Christmas tree is an Alberta Spruce. It is doing very well and we like it. We bought this one last year to replace an older tree that wasn’t doing well. We still have the older tree. The county extensions agent told me the older tree’s health problems are caused by mites. I’ve been spraying it regularly with pyrethrin. I hope I can cure it over time.

Katla in Sunny NW Oregon