When someone can't have kids

Options
2456

Replies

  • jenjencin78
    jenjencin78 Posts: 4,415 Member
    Options
    I am in the same boat that you are-I can't have any more children by choice. I think that it will be a discussion that will need to occur pretty early on in a relationship. You will have to disclose that you can't have anymore children and your new partner will have to decide whether or not it's something they can live with. I don't think that it will hinder you finding someone else to be with, there are many people that do not want children of their own for a variety of reasons. Your soon to be ex is just being a jerk and trying to make you feel insecure. Don't pay him any attention.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Options
    I would think that would be a bonus for many men.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.
    It is known.
  • ames105
    ames105 Posts: 288 Member
    Options
    I think your soon to be ex husband is saying anything he can to play with your mind. Don't let him do it.

    There are plenty of men who already have children and don't want any more. There are plenty of men who don't want children at all or would be happy with a couple of step-children. There are some men that it would be a deal breaker for, yes.

    Finding these things out is all part of the dating process. Its called getting to know each other. You find out if you have the same beliefs, desires, goals in life and you go from there. If you don't, you move on. If you do, then all the better!!
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    Options
    Don't see the big deal...You have two kids already...I'm sure there are plenty of other men out there who don't want to have kids that would be happy with the two you have and not need anymore.
  • GemmaRowlands
    GemmaRowlands Posts: 360 Member
    Options
    There will be a lot of men who either don't want kids at all or already have them- or even those who would be happy with the sort of "ready made family" that you have! But I do think it's important to let them know the deal.. I'm not sure when you should drop it into conversation though; it might sound a bit odd and somewhat presumptive to mention it on a first date!
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    Confirmed. This site is run by Mormon nuns.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    Options
    Sounds like your ex is just trying to psychologically f*** you. There are plenty of men out there that already have or do not want children.

    But, OP, you should always make your dates aware that you can't have kids. That way, you don't waste your time on someone that wants them. I probably wouldn't mention it on the first date, but at least within the first month.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    This made my day... :devil:


    Really?! That's what you have to say... judge much?
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    Maybe in your world. :flowerforyou:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    That said: if a man truly loves you, that won't matter

    So if a man wants children, there's something wrong with that? No doubt there are many men in the world who are happily childless, but a man shouldn't have to marry a woman who can't or doesn't want to have children to prove he's a good guy if HE wants them.

    It's a legitimate reason to avoid or end a relationship. It's one of those deal-breaker things. I decided when my daughter was 10 that I was not going to have any more children and was certain of that. I would not have gotten seriously involved with a man who wanted to have children at that point. It wouldn't have been fair to either of us.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    Maybe in your world. :flowerforyou:

    My world would make her cry. A lot.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
    Options
    Just get some dogs like the gay couple across the street from me did. That seems to work for them.

    couple-at-dog-park-1.jpg
  • dewsmom78
    dewsmom78 Posts: 498 Member
    Options
    If you don't want anymore kids, then make sure you date someone who doesn't want more kids either. Simple as that.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    Maybe in your world. :flowerforyou:

    My world would make her cry. A lot.

    I'll pray for you both.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    Options
    Most people don't choose to go live in a barren wasteland. When you do date, I would just make sure to bring it up, so there are no surprises.

    I'm already dating someone who could not agree more with my choice to not have anymore kids because my reasoning behind it. But according to my ex, he will never marry me. :laugh:

    do you think your ex is giving you impartial advice?

    if so, why exactly??
  • valanncamp
    valanncamp Posts: 11
    Options
    According to my soon to be ex husband; my inability to have anymore kids is going to make it hard for me to maintain another relationship and I'll be lucky if I ever find another man to marry me. I willingly can't have anymore kids (my tubes are tied) and I already have 2 kids. I want to know though, when you are looking to settle down with someone is that something that is super important to you? I want to hear what both sides have to say about why it is and isn't.

    BTW - your soon to be Ex sounds like an *kitten*. At this point, his judgement about how you will do in future relationships (which is none of his business) is irrelevant.

    I agree. You shouldn't listen to what your ex says about you. He doesn't want the best for you. You should listen to what the person in your life is saying.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Options
    Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    Maybe in your world. :flowerforyou:

    My world would make her cry. A lot.

    I'll pray for you both.

    Can you add my husband in there? He's in the mortgage industry. Enough said. Thank you.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
    Options
    your ex is wrong no one should marry just for kids. my dad was my step dad he did a great job
  • Achaila
    Achaila Posts: 264 Member
    Options
    I have a hubby that many women would LOVE to have (tall, built, employed, super-supportive, cooks, cleans, etc. He's not PERFECT, but he's pretty perfect for me!) and we DON'T have kids. He WANTED a woman who DIDN'T want kids (which is why he worked for me...among other things). Now, 17 years later....still going strong.

    Your soon-to-be ex is an idiot. MANY men would love to have a woman who is not going to bring any more mouths to feed (obviously, you already have a couple...and he probably will too!).

    And bottom line is that you CAN still have kids. You just need to get in vitro fertilization. Wouldn't cost you much more than a "tubal-reversal" (which often do NOT work...don't waste your money) but if you met the perfect guy and you both decided you really wanted more kids....you can still have them. There's nothing wrong with your uterus or ovaries....

    There is something wrong with my uterus and cervix, that is why I chose to get my tubes tied. I'm great at getting pregnant, but not good at being pregnant. I had 3 classical c-sections in less than 3 years (classical means that I was cut from belly button to crotch). My first one was with twins who were born 17 weeks too early because I have an incompetent cervix and my water broke. They ended up dying at 1 and 2 days old. My 2nd one was 11 months after my 1st one and I had my son at 34 weeks because of preeclampsia and HELLP. Then my 3rd was 22 months later and my uterus ruptured. It literally split open and both my son and I almost died. When I got my last c-section I had plans to get my tubes tied which my entire pregnancy my doctor was against. When my uterine rupture happened he was like "Yeah, you can't do this anymore. Your body cannot handle being pregnant again."

    All in all though, I'm pretty lucky to have found someone that doesn't mind that I made a responsible choice to end my baby making days!

Categories