Not Hungry

HerNameIsMischief

I've always eaten out of boredom and curiosity more than hunger. I've started to stop myself from eating until I'm actually hungry. It doesn't always work since hunger comes in waves (I found if you ignore it for awhile, it stops) and I've also been a lifelong member of the Clean Plate Club. I've had to force myself to put the other half of the sandwich in the fridge or - oh my God - toss it out.

Some people have told me I have to eat my prescribed calories every day no matter what, unless I'm super-sick. Others have said I should "listen to my body" and eat only when I'm actually really hungry...not a stomach rumble or two, not "Eh, I could eat right now", not I feel a twinge of hunger that'll go away in 5 minutes if I stay strong.

I presume on a calorie counting site, I should know what kind of answer to expect, but has anyone else just ate when hungry with good or bad results?

csplatt

Intuitive eating, listen to your body for hunger, doesn’t work for me. I prefer to pre log calories for the day then it’s FUN to enjoy eating everything I have chosen for the day. I am not in a mindset of “I can’t have....” I am in a mindset of “ohhh my goal is to finish all this today.” I appreciate the food more honestly and I eat it regardless of analyzing whether I am hungry for it.

cmriverside

So do it your way and see if it works for you.

There are people here who don't track or count calories.

There are people who log every gram of lettuce.

There are every type of "system" in between.

Experimentation is part of this process.

As with all of life, just do you, boo.

springlering62

cmriverside wrote: »

As with all of life, just do you, boo.

I am torn between marvelling at this piece of wisdom and lmao.

kimny72

Many of us are here because our hunger cues are broken. But not everyone. Some people would drastically undereat if they only ate when they were noticably and consistently hungry. Others would drastically overeat. For some, hunger cues can lead to rollercoaster swings, where they undereat for several days and then the hunger catches up with them and they stuff themselves. But some people do just fine intuitive eating.

If you aren't sure if your hunger cues are accurate, eat based on them for a week or two, but accurately measure and log your food as well. Then you can see how your numbers look and if you are still managing to eat a balanced and nutritious diet this way.

You don't have to eat the same calories every day, but you do need higher and lower days to balance out over time. One day undereating or overeating is no big deal, but several days in a row can become a problem.

As others said, you have to find what works for you - what balances your preferences, lifestyle, food availability, and health. There is no one right way for everyone to eat.

HerNameIsMischief

I'm not measuring right now because I'm visiting family, but I'll probably start in a couple of days when I get home. I have so much to lose (6'3", start 285 curr 270 goal 185) that it's a lot more attractive to eat only when hungry rather than do what MFP suggests and have to wait a year or two before I look decent enough to start dating. I'm going to see what happens...I do know that whatever I choose has to be for life, not some "lose 30 lbs in two weeks" crash diet.

elisa123gal

It is all about balance. Most of us don't have it, that is why we are here. Food issues span a huge spectrum. From eating disorders to not knowing when to really eat or if you should..anorexia..binging.. to counting every morsel that goes into the mouth. It is all .. very unnatural.

I really don't have your answer. .except to look to the experts for health and nutrition. if mfp says to eat so many calories a day.. eat them. If the BMI chart indicates one is overweight or underweight. It is true.

HerNameIsMischief

The problem is that MFP has to worry about liability. That's why I think if you were to eat, say, 800 calories in a day and attempt to post it, they won't let you because they figure others will see it and copy you and MFP could get in legal trouble. It's also why they refuse to entertain the idea of a person losing more than 2 lbs a week, which seems a bit ridiculous to me. I know that works for some people, especially if they are smaller in stature and don't have much to lose. I can't stand the notion that I'd have to wait at least a year before I could look at myself in the mirror or date.

kimny72

HerNameIsMischief wrote: »

The problem is that MFP has to worry about liability. That's why I think if you were to eat, say, 800 calories in a day and attempt to post it, they won't let you because they figure others will see it and copy you and MFP could get in legal trouble. It's also why they refuse to entertain the idea of a person losing more than 2 lbs a week, which seems a bit ridiculous to me. I know that works for some people, especially if they are smaller in stature and don't have much to lose. I can't stand the notion that I'd have to wait at least a year before I could look at myself in the mirror or date.

Something to keep in mind is it's not just about losing weight, it's about keeping it off. Just because losing weight fast is possible and some people get to goal that way doesn't mean it's healthy and doesn't mean it sets you up best to stay at that healthy weight going forward. The people who I know who lose weight fast are yo yo dieters.

Your body can only burn so much fat in one day. If you lose weight faster than that can happen, you either lose more muscle than you'd want to, and/or your body doesn't work as well, which is why some people lose hair or seem to constantly have a cold. It's also why many people get to goal fast and are still disappointed by what they see in the mirror. Forcing your body thru the stress of months of drastic weight loss can take its toll too, especially if you tend to keep gaining it all back.

At 270, you could probably be ok losing 2.5 per week at first, but you don't want to push that for too long. There's value in having some goals around health and fitness and stress reduction rather than just focusing on the number on the scale as defining you, please give that some thought as well. Best of luck

HerNameIsMischief

I know I have to do something for life, not just a temporary diet. I've heard that since I'm so overweight, I could lose as much as 5 lbs a week at first. I also have been drinking over 2000 calories a day, so cutting that out should, at first, help a lot.

I don't really have any health goals. I don't care if I can run a mile in whatever minutes or lift however much weight.

lgfrie

You just have to find what works. There has never been a diet plan or method that didn't work for someone, and I'm going all the way back to the cavemen in saying that. In some cave in 12,000 BC in some rural part of France, some guy who was painting little bird-men on the walls decided to eat only the tails of the mammoths his band hunted, because his wife was getting on his case for chubbing up, and voila, he turned into a lean, mean mammoth-hunting machine. Literally anything can work, as long as it causes a calorie deficit. And won't work, if it doesn't.

So the question is never "what works and what doesn't". Everything works, or doesn't, if it keeps you in a calorie deficit, or doesn't.

Intuitive eating was the worst "diet" I was ever on. Ever, period. I gained so much weight trying to eat intuitively that I spent years just trying to get back to even.

Counting calories to the gram, logging, getting on the scale every morning, and putting every detail on a spreadsheet has been working for me, for 20 months.

My problem with IE is that I sometimes ate because of hunger, but mostly ate because food tastes really, really good. Knowing that I'm "full" was never disincentive to not grab the next piece of pizza, because if it could literally fit in my stomach at all, I was willing to see what I could stuff in there. Not to ameliorate hunger but just because I love eating food.

Calorie counting, for whatever reason, works for me. I get my 1850 calories, I do my best to budget them out through the day so that I have the right amount left for dinner, snack, etc., and occasionally when I miss, I miss, but most of the time, I total out to that 1850 and put another solid day of dieting in the rear view mirror. To me, its so much easier and clearer than trying to listen to hunger signals.

The big question mark I have about IE for anyone above a normal or perhaps overweight BMI is, anyone who's obese clearly either doesn't have properly-functioning hunger signals or will eat whether hungry or not (like me - quite happy to eat while stuffed). I mean, how else could you be obese? Both of those conditions may be fixable through therapy, intense effort to control behavior signals and so on, but ... why bother when you can just weigh and count your food and train yourself to stop when you get to the calorie limit for the day?

But again, ANY diet can work, and there has probably never been a diet that hasn't worked for someone, so "whatever works".

HerNameIsMischief

lgfrie wrote: »

My problem with IE is that I sometimes ate because of hunger, but mostly ate because food tastes really, really good. Knowing that I'm "full" was never disincentive to not grab the next piece of pizza, because if it could literally fit in my stomach at all, I was willing to see what I could stuff in there. Not to ameliorate hunger but just because I love eating food.

I'm the same as you. I almost never eat out of hunger. I eat because I'm bored, because I like the taste, because I like to cook, and I also sometimes have feelings that I have to finish everything (the Clean Plate Club). I'm also fat because until recently, I was drinking at least as many calories as I was eating.

But that's not intuitive eating. Intuitive eating would be not eating unless truly hungry, meaning not just because it's been awhile since you ate, not because you felt a couple of stomach rumbles, and not even if you felt a temporary (say 5-15 minute) wave of mild to moderate hunger. I've found the desire to eat goes away most of the time if you give it a little time.

PAV8888

You can lose fast by under eating and exceeding the 0.5% to 1% of body weight per week weight loss most of us would accept as fairly fast. And you can definitely exceed the 20% of TDEE maximum deficit that I would personally advocate.

The beauty of hormones and hormonal re-bounds is that they're invisible and subconscious

The way that the few of us who manage it will manage to retain our weight loss two to five years later is by developing over time and putting in play a number of pre-conditions including behavioral and lifestyles changes that encourage the maintenance of the new lower weight as opposed to a swift return to the previous weight.

You're not on ice and your life is not over because you're losing weight. And life will not be perfect because you will manage to lose weight. Mind you, as the years go by, being at a lower weight definitely has some health advantages!

If you want to come down to a normal weight and retain that over the next 5 years.... you're in a 5-year project. Not a 6 month to a year project.

Starting from a position of obesity you can probably survive way higher than advisable deficits for a few months. Whether that will be beneficial to you in the long term... is an open question.

Just remember that defeat is when you give up because things are so hard you end up giving up because it's not worth the effort. Making things easier means it's easier to win and move forward and to continue moving in the right direction. Not for a few months; but for years.

tedjohnson8193

Since Aug 2017 I've been eating a keto diet, high fat, extremely low carb, and moderate protein. One of the things I like is that I don't get hungry. Look into keto, for me, it was a big-time life changer.

springlering62

I’m trying to figure out a way to say this tactfully and caringly.

Why do you have to lose weight to date?

I know so many lonely, lonely people. I really feel for them. But it often seems to be a matter of either them waiting to be perfect themselves, or waiting for someone who is.

Perfect people, if they exist at all, are taken. There’s a lot of happiness and satisfaction to be found with the ones who aren’t, or who are willing to accept that you’re not.

Weight loss is not an end all, be all.

I’m waaaaay more confident than I was two years ago and a hundred pounds heavier. But I’m still the same old awkward clumsy me in any social situation, same old tongue tied panic. Some things are not going to change.

Why wait for the magic to happen? It may not.

You deserve to be happy now, not at some carefully calculated point in the distant future.

dragon_girl26

springlering62 wrote: »

I’m trying to figure out a way to say this tactfully and caringly.

Why do you have to lose weight to date?

I know so many lonely, lonely people. I really feel for them. But it often seems to be a matter of either them waiting to be perfect themselves, or waiting for someone who is.

Perfect people, if they exist at all, are taken. There’s a lot of happiness and satisfaction to be found with the ones who aren’t, or who are willing to accept that you’re not.

Weight loss is not an end all, be all.

I’m waaaaay more confident than I was two years ago and a hundred pounds heavier. But I’m still the same old awkward clumsy me in any social situation, same old tongue tied panic. Some things are not going to change.

Why wait for the magic to happen? It may not.

You deserve to be happy now, not at some carefully calculated point in the distant future.

I was wondering this, too.
Trust me when I say...dating didn't become easier just because I lost weight. If anything, it seemed like the views switched and the guys I was attracted to all liked bigger women...lol. for them I'm like...where were you guys 8 years ago??

Size isn't necessarily the biggest component to it, especially the older we get. People like different things. More importantly, though, your view of yourself doesn't always change just because you lose weight. I lost 70 lbs and am now about 15 to 20 lbs above the healthy weight range...I still sometimes see the heavier me in the mirror. I still feel self conscious. I still hate the way I look in certain areas of my body. That's not really a weight thing anymore...that's a "me" thing.
As PAV8888 said, your life shouldn't be on ice just because you are losing weight. You deserve happiness no matter what your jeans size is, and trying to find ways for dropping a large amount of weight in a unhealthy time frame certainly isn't going to get you there faster.

tedjohnson8193

In response to why lose weight... for me, it was a matter of health. To combat high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetes I needed to get into a normal weight range. Went from an obese 265 pounds into a normal range within 4 months (Dr supervised diet).More than anything it's a health issue rather than vanity.

HerNameIsMischief

I have to lose weight to date because I hate how I look right now and don't want to date someone who finds me attractive this way. It makes me feel bad if they do because they like the things I hate, i.e., my size.

Losing weight will make me more attractive to a broader range of women. At the moment, most of the women who would date me are bigger ones who want someone to offset their own size. Hearing "I love how small I feel next to you" makes me want to barf.

I'll also be more confident; right now, I'd probably ruin any relationship because of how I feel about my looks.

wunderkindking

Okay, but be aware you're not going to love the way you look when you lose weight either. You aren't going to get a body that hasn't been obese. There will be stretched out skin for at least a while, particularly if you lose weight and dont' work to build muscle. If you lose fast you will also lose muscle, and possibly also have thinning hair.

Weight loss is good.

But it's not going to fix your self-esteem issues.

You will find new things to hate about your appearance.

To fix THAT you don't need to eat less. You need to see a psychologist and work on your self-image.

HerNameIsMischief

I guess I have to at least preserve muscle...I certainly don't have a surplus right now. Every trainer tells me to stop wanting to be thin and to - ugh - "use your size to your advantage," meaning lift weights and concentrate on getting muscular instead. While that would certainly be a better look than what I have right now, it still means I'd be seen as a big guy, which I can't stand. Making matters worse, I'm bald, so being 6'3", bald, and muscular would make me look exactly how I don't want people to see me.

Maybe it won't fix my self-esteem issues entirely, but at least I wouldn't be fat on top of the other things, and maybe people would stop making rude remarks to me about looking like a football player or a bouncer. And maybe if I dated, I wouldn't have someone telling me that they love "how small [they] look next to me."

AnnPT77

As someone who's always had ample food at my fingertips, I really have not idea what hunger is, or feels like. Sure, I've gone without food for a few hours or a day. I felt stuff. Was that hunger?

I've worked really hard, physically, for hours, in the cold besides, without eating, and felt depleted; then ate and felt renewed again. Had that been hunger?

I had stored fat, for sure, in all cases. Had hunger? I dunno. I don't know how to distinguish hunger from desire (of other types).

I'm lucky to live in the developed world, to have adequate resources so that I can eat whenever I like - despite not being "wealthy" in an objective sense.

I have a very strong hedonic streak. How would I distinguish the impulse to satisfy that, from hunger? I have no idea.

It's laughable to me to think I'll figure out hunger now, through some hopeful intuitive eating impulsive. I've been living and eating for 65 years now. If I haven't figured it out by now, it's unlikely I will. I'm happily, non-intrusively, easily at a healthy weight (for 5+ years now) by calorie counting, after decades of obesity, even 12+ years of obesity while training regularly and competing as a masters athlete.

Calorie counting works for me. I'm going to keep doing it.

snowflake954

HerNameIsMischief wrote: »

I guess I have to at least preserve muscle...I certainly don't have a surplus right now. Every trainer tells me to stop wanting to be thin and to - ugh - "use your size to your advantage," meaning lift weights and concentrate on getting muscular instead. While that would certainly be a better look than what I have right now, it still means I'd be seen as a big guy, which I can't stand. Making matters worse, I'm bald, so being 6'3", bald, and muscular would make me look exactly how I don't want people to see me.

Maybe it won't fix my self-esteem issues entirely, but at least I wouldn't be fat on top of the other things, and maybe people would stop making rude remarks to me about looking like a football player or a bouncer. And maybe if I dated, I wouldn't have someone telling me that they love "how small [they] look next to me."

If you are 6'3 you are always going to attract women that want to feel small next to a big guy. I know because I'm a tall woman 5'11. However, I'm 66, married, and long out of the dating game, so my advice is sincere. Losing weight and happiness are not the same thing. You need to get your head straightened out to attract certain types of people. I'd work on that. See a counselor about your dating thoughts. Someone else cannot make you happy--you need to do that yourself. Good luck.

ReenieHJ

Yep, working on self-esteem and attitude first or at least, alongside working on your physical shape. You've gotten some wonderful advice and insight here, hope you don't simply tune it out. I bet a lot of us have had comments thrown at us that did the exact opposite of what the person intended. Give yourself a chance. Give others a chance.
There are wonderful people out there who you may not give any chance at all because of 1 comment that passes their lips. Maybe they had no clue how it would make you feel? We all know people can be clueless, even the best of 'em.
WTH is wrong with a guy who's 6'3", and bald???? If you want to lose weight to feel better about yourself, go for it. But your attitude will attract more people as friends, dates, significant others, than a few pounds lost. Yes, losing weight can make you feel better about yourself in the long run. But don't put off chances of happiness while you wait for it. Only YOU can make that happen. And not by looking for the quick fix of the day. Three times during my life I've lost from 50-85#, regained it ever damn time. I'm 67 and spent every year since I was about 12, looking for that quick fix. Here I am, still looking. Slow and easy will guarantee lifestyle changes for you like no 'lose 30 lbs a month' promise ever will.

Platitudes or not. It's all truth. Good luck!!!

HerNameIsMischief

snowflake954 wrote: »

If you are 6'3 you are always going to attract women that want to feel small next to a big guy. I know because I'm a tall woman 5'11.

I hate it, even more so because everyone expects me to LIKE being seen this way. "Oh, you're being ridiculous, every guy wishes he were bigger." I feel so angry that other people here can lose a lot of weight and look different AND shut down the rude remarks they might get from people....but I'm going to get them forever and be expected to take them with a smile on my face. In the past, I even considered listing my height as six feet even on dating sites so I didn't attract women who wanted some big oaf.

HerNameIsMischief

ReenieHJ wrote: »

WTH is wrong with a guy who's 6'3", and bald????

I think it's ugly. Football players are big and bald. Professional wrestlers. Bikers. That's not who I am. It makes me feel horrible even if someone does find me attractive because it always confirms the things I hate about me..."yes, you are this big guy and everyone sees it and you can't get rid of it. And you'll be expected to remain silent at best about the remarks you receive, if not to smile and act like you enjoy being seen this way."

cmriverside

Well this took a very sad misguided turn.

You are a unique and powerful child of God (or child of the Universe or child of Allah, or child of the Stars, whatever.)

However you were formed is perfect for YOU, and it will be a match for lots of women.

I think gratitude would be a good place for you to start. Write down three things for which you are grateful. Do that again tomorrow and the day after that...

HerNameIsMischief

I'd like to add that just because I have responses/arguments to a lot of posts doesn't mean I'm blowing off all the advice here. I'm visiting family, but I fly home tonight and tomorrow I'm going to check my coverage and see what it gives me for mental health.

The thing is, I don't want to like myself this way, and I don't just mean being fat. I've had plenty of idiots say "Well, what are you going to do, cut your legs off? Maybe get a wheelchair so you never have to stand and nobody will see how tall you are!" I know I'm stuck with some of these things and that - God, I hate saying this - I'm probably always going to be seen as big. That's often sent me into spirals of self-hate, sometimes drinking, and certainly not eating well or doing any kind of exercise not related to going to the store. I'm really not sure how to deal with this and I don't expect to have answers overnight. Maybe I'll be so happy to lose weight that I can deal with my height or broad shoulders or, God help us, even being bald since I'd be able to at least reduce the remarks to "you're tall" rather than "you're big" or the football player/bouncer comments that hurt me so much.

snowflake954

I'm so glad that you're considering seeing a counselor. I hope it puts you in a better place. You must deal with this. Your future happiness depends on your self view. I told you I am 66 and I have 3 sons--35, 34, and 27. I have 5 brothers. I know men. One of my son's is your height. I'm 5'11 and when he comes up and gives me a bear hug, I just feel small and so good. I'm just telling you what I'd tell one of the men in my family--see a specialist, you're too down on yourself. Everyone has special aspects that need to be brought to the fore. You will always be you, just need to promote a different part of you.

callsitlikeiseeit

I'd like to suggest therapy.

My husband met me at my lowest weight.

He loves me 50 pounds heavier.

He'd still love me if I gained more.

HE LOVES ME. not a number on a scale or a clothing size and I'm certainly FAR more as a person than what size jeans I wear. And he is NOT a big guy. 140 pounds soaking wet. tops. His ex wife and ALL of his ex girlfriends were teeny tiny. He fell in love with ME. WHO I AM. That does not change. weight can and does.

If you can't love me at my worst, you do not DESERVE ME at my BEST.

HerNameIsMischief

snowflake954 wrote: »

One of my son's is your height. I'm 5'11 and when he comes up and gives me a bear hug, I just feel small and so good.

While I know it was meant as a compliment, when someone says something like that to me, it makes me feel awful.

HerNameIsMischief

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

I'd like to suggest therapy.

My husband met me at my lowest weight.

He loves me 50 pounds heavier.

Yeah, and maybe if you had met him at your higher weight, he wouldn't have been attracted to you enough to want to get to know you/date you. Looks usually come first, especially now that most dating is done through websites or apps that allow people to "shop" through photos before reading profiles. And I don't blame people for it. Unless you get to know someone first (say through work or a club or something), looks are how people determine who they want to give a chance to, dating wise, myself included.

Dating while I look my worst is not a good idea. I'm going to attract far fewer women and often more desperate ones who'd prefer a slimmer guy but can't afford to be picky. And my negative views about my appearance will most likely ruin the relationship because I'm going to be unhappy if she makes remarks about my size and it's unfair to her to say "You're not allowed to find me physically attractive, or you have to at least be quiet about it."

Looks are not everything, but they are often the gateway to getting to know someone better and then deciding if they have more than just outer looks.