Not Hungry
Replies
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
Yeah, your self perception is definitely way off and I think some counselling would be a really good idea to get that sorted. It's not about the weight or the height or the baldness, it's about your relationship with YOU.
Objectively, I see a good-looking guy. Eyes are particularly striking. Bald is actually quite flattering on you, I'm having difficulty picturing you with hair.
Those were my thoughts as well. Handsome, very nice eyes, and you wear the bald very well(but then I like that look). And whoever mentioned adding on a smile is on point! Add a smile onto that mug and I think it'd make a huge difference.
You may not like you and I hope you work on that with success, but looking at your picture, I'm not seeing what you're seeing. Wish you weren't so down on yourself. 
But you're not going to change your self image without some professional help. 2 -
And the smile makes a tremendous difference in pic #2!
Have a safe trip!3 -
I can relate to having no clue when it comes to hunger. I eat because I am bored of just because something tastes so good. I struggle to eat 1200 calories unless I'm eating things loaded with sugar or other carbs. The best motivator should be health rather than the externals. Getting older (74) soon and seeing my health deteriorate has really been a same up call although late. So let's lift ourselves up towards health especially if you are younger and have so much future4
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
It's not something that detracts from your appearance and possibly even enhances it. Some men don't suit baldness very well (my dad is one!) but on you it looks quite good.3 -
msalicia07 wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »If you are 6'3 you are always going to attract women that want to feel small next to a big guy. I know because I'm a tall woman 5'11.
I hate it, even more so because everyone expects me to LIKE being seen this way. "Oh, you're being ridiculous, every guy wishes he were bigger." I feel so angry that other people here can lose a lot of weight and look different AND shut down the rude remarks they might get from people....but I'm going to get them forever and be expected to take them with a smile on my face. In the past, I even considered listing my height as six feet even on dating sites so I didn't attract women who wanted some big oaf.
I do understand this as my SO is 6'9" and gets comments on his height from strangers constantly. I'm appalled at the number of people who think it is perfectly acceptable to ask him how tall he is who probably wouldn't dream of asking someone how much they weigh, or asking a woman her bra size, or any other personal question regarding a visible physical characteristic.
He doesn't shut down the remarks but I do.
As soon as someone opens with "I don't mean to be rude but..." I interrupt and say "Then don't be. It's within your control".
Okay, I could be wrong, but I would bet you asked him how tall he was when you first started hanging out. My point is, when something is seen as a positive or admired, people don’t know they can’t ask. Heck, I get people commenting on my long blonde hair all the time. Anyone with a unique trait will get comments about their appearance. Just like when I was pregnant, people would ask how far along I was. I think ones attitude about it says more about them than it does about the asker unless they are being purposely rude or disrespectful. Hope that makes sense.
I didn't ask. He volunteered that information.
Maybe I'm old or just old fashioned, but I was brought up that it was impolite to comment on or ask about a person's physical appearance, particularly immutable characteristics (which hair and pregnancy are not). A compliment is different.
there are few things that are ruder to comment on than a woman's (possible) pregnancy, which you basically shouldn't bring up until you see a human being emerging from her body, however "mutable" the characteristic might be.3 -
It's a bit of both. I used to intuitively eat, but I was underweight. This can happen to people who overeat intuitively as well. Our bodies tend to get used to the amount they get fed, healthy or not. It's a mix of doing what is right for your body, but also what is needed to be healthy. I would say to try to eat when you become hungry, whatever that feels like for you. Then, see how it compares to what you "should" be eating in a day (usually somewhere between 1500-2000 calories, although this varies with gender, height, activity level, and if the person is trying to lose weight). Try to slowly work yourself to that margin, but make sure your body doesn't feel like it is starving or crazy full either. Eating the right foods is how this is usually done. If I eat 2000 calories of doughnuts a day, I will be starving and want to eat, but if I eat 2000 calories of chicken, I would be extreamly stuffed. Try out different foods and see what fills you up for the calories your body needs. Good luck!1
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »[quote="snowflake954;c-45701278" Try that selfie again
Me on plane...imo, this makes me look 50 lbs heavier
[/quote]
Ah...now we're getting somewhere. If I were 35 years younger, I'd give you more than a second look, but I look at the eyes--they tell you everything. Your last pic had angry eyes, this one shows your intelligence. If that's the picture that you want people to have, just try to smile a little more everyday. You face won't break. All these women are telling you how it is. You have a right to happiness, I'd just like to say that you're going about it with the wrong mindset. It's always a good thing to improve yourself--nothing wrong there. Most women want a guy that laughs and smiles. My husband and I laugh a lot and that keeps our marriage together through good and bad. Best.8 -
psychod787 wrote: »kerrym1980 wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
Dating while I look my worst is not a good idea. I'm going to attract far fewer women and often more desperate ones who'd prefer a slimmer guy but can't afford to be picky.
I hadn't quite taken this in the first time round, but no, it's unacceptable and misogynistic to refer to a woman as 'desperate' because she'll 'settle' for a bigger guy. It's also offensive to the guy, who might be the perfect match regardless of what the scale says. That you place far too much significance on appearance does not mean that others do the same.
^^^^^^^^^
I really wanted to respond to this, but think it might be better if I didn't.... AANNNYYWAAYYSS
I have been watching this train wreck of a thread most of the afternoon because I am laid up with an ankle sprain. Bro, take this from one big dude to another. You will not be happy when you reach a certain weight. In fact, you might find you are more critical. After I lost my weight, I hated how I looked smaller. Hell, hard to admit it, but I showered with the lights off for 2 years after my weight loss because I hated looking at myself. Its called body dysmorphia. You usually hear it in the media about women, but try listening to 5 gym bros talk and you quickly realize its unisex. There are always going to be things about yourself you don't like. Some you can change and others you can't. As long as you hate yourself, kind of sounds like you do, you will NEVER be happy. The negative energy you give off will definitely not attract a mate you will want. I know that it wasn't until the last year that I came to terms on my "body" and then, and only then , did I find a partner with the qualities I needed. Find your center..... Then let the rest work itself out.
Best wishes.....
Great post! Says it all.4 -
snowflake954 wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out.
I want to be seen as average; I don't like people pointing out how "huge" I am. A lot of people here don't want to be seen as big and so they lose weight in part to try and kill those rude comments. (I'm reminded of an old gym ad showing a woman working out and the ad copy was "This is for my aunt who said I was 'just big boned.'") When they say they love feeling small next to me, I think they think they look better when standing next to me and since I'm just a big dumb guy, I'm supposed to be satisfied with that because guys aren't supposed to care how they look, at least not if (any) woman says they look good the way they are.
I know a lot of this is impossible and I'm struggling to reconcile the fact that I'm stuck this way no matter how hard I'm willing to work, and that even if I kill myself exercising and dieting, the rude remarks will likely still come. I'm hoping that maybe some meds will help lessen some of the anger. I'll never get to the point where I take pride in being a big guy, but I think I can get to the point where I'm not, at least in my darker moods, calling myself ugly and that nobody but the most desperate woman would want me. Neither one of those things is true. And while losing weight obviously is not going to change my height or build, perhaps when I lose enough, I can at least avoid some of the football player/bouncer remarks which are probably based on my weight at least as much as my height.
Oh--I know more than you think. I'm very tall for a woman and have been since 16. I've never been obese, mostly slim to average, but I have a large bone structure--think St. Bernard, not greyhound. I hated it. Overly tall, blonde, I felt like a lighthouse where ever I went. I felt people looking at me (real or imagined). I had a boyfriend that was a lot shorter than me in high school and felt huge. Then in college finally went with a guy taller than me. I loved it and him, but didn't work out. After about 10 years I met my Italian husband. He's my height (almost), so had to wear flats. He loves me so much to this day, but going to Italy and living in the midst of a shorter darker population was a challenge. I had so much trouble finding size 10 shoes, and flat besides.
So, I know very well how it is to feel out of place height wise. Thats why my advice is gold. Take it.
Yes, I have a large frame too and have had a thing for tall guys since I was a teenager and hated my big feet and calves. (I've been over that for decades.)
@HerNameIsMischief - in all the years I did online dating, only two men didn't lie about their height to make themselves TALLER. I've been with the last one for 8 years now. He's 6'6". It's not too tall
And when I think that someone looks like a football player, it's COMPLIMENTARY. (I'm not thinking offensive linemen though.)
I'm watching Imposters now. Patrick (Stephen Bishop) is 6'3", bald, and super hot.
I've enclosed the picture in the spoiler tag in case someone reading is in the beginning of Season 1.He's a foot taller than Maddie.
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Read this for various perspectives on male height and dating:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10812148/height-ism/p13 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Yes, I have a large frame too and have had a thing for tall guys since I was a teenager and hated my big feet and calves. (I've been over that for decades.)
And when I think that someone looks like a football player, it's COMPLIMENTARY. (I'm not thinking offensive linemen though.)
I hate that every woman who feels bad about how tall/big she is feels better compared to me. Like finally they won't see her as the big awkward oaf, and since I'm a guy, I'm obligated to revel in comments about how huge I am.
When someone says, "You look like a football player," nine times out of ten it means you look big and bulky. To them, it's complimentary because they either like football (I don't) and/or wish they were big enough to inspire such remarks. It doesn't matter a bit to me that some guys wish they were bigger. People have different opinions on what is attractive. When someone makes a football remark, it confirms to me that how I look is not my imagination or exaggeration, but no, I really look this way, and so much that even random strangers feel compelled to mention it.
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kshama2001 wrote: »Yes, I have a large frame too and have had a thing for tall guys since I was a teenager and hated my big feet and calves. (I've been over that for decades.)
And when I think that someone looks like a football player, it's COMPLIMENTARY. (I'm not thinking offensive linemen though.)
I hate that every tall or big girl likes that I offset her size and make her feel small. I hate that I'm supposed to enjoy being seen as the big oaf who dwarfs his girlfriend (try dating someone under five feet...you get all sorts of remarks about how cute it is about how tiny she is and how HUGE you are). What I really hate about the tall/big girls is not that I don't find them attractive, but because they've always felt awful about their size....but then they meet some guy, and since he's bigger than them, they're no longer The Big One and the guy takes all the brunt of the rude comments.
And when people other than a scout says "you look like a football player," it means you look like a big beefy guy. Sure, some guys like and wish they had that look, but to me, it just confirms that my feelings about myself aren't just my imagination....no, everyone else sees me the same way I do. And it's almost worse that it comes from strangers, trying to be nice. If someone hates you, or is angry with you, they'll exaggerate your characteristics to ridicule you. If you're 30 lbs overweight, they'll say you're a barely mobile lardass who needs an IV of Twinkies every night. Whereas if a friendly stranger points out how big you are, it's because you ARE big enough to make them comment.
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kshama2001 wrote: »Those were my thoughts as well. Handsome, very nice eyes, and you wear the bald very well(but then I like that look).
Please don't call it "the bald."
Why would you like that look?0 -
If people here only ate out of hunger and didn't have to worry about it, they would have never gotten overweight in the first place. Nowadays the only people I really see who don't have an issue with eating what they want in large amounts are people who do physical work all day. If you're not one of them, chances are you're gonna have to monitor your calories because intuitive eating doesn't go well especially if you don't know how many calories are in what your eating. A Poptart is 200 calories. Most people eat 2. If you're on a 1200 calorie diet, you've just now consumed 1/3 of your alotted calories for the day.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »Those were my thoughts as well. Handsome, very nice eyes, and you wear the bald very well(but then I like that look).
Please don't call it "the bald."
Why would you like that look?
because she does.
vin diesel is hot.
and the rock. super hot.
people like what they like.13 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »Yes, I have a large frame too and have had a thing for tall guys since I was a teenager and hated my big feet and calves. (I've been over that for decades.)
And when I think that someone looks like a football player, it's COMPLIMENTARY. (I'm not thinking offensive linemen though.)
I hate that every tall or big girl likes that I offset her size and make her feel small. I hate that I'm supposed to enjoy being seen as the big oaf who dwarfs his girlfriend (try dating someone under five feet...you get all sorts of remarks about how cute it is about how tiny she is and how HUGE you are). What I really hate about the tall/big girls is not that I don't find them attractive, but because they've always felt awful about their size....but then they meet some guy, and since he's bigger than them, they're no longer The Big One and the guy takes all the brunt of the rude comments.
And when people other than a scout says "you look like a football player," it means you look like a big beefy guy. Sure, some guys like and wish they had that look, but to me, it just confirms that my feelings about myself aren't just my imagination....no, everyone else sees me the same way I do. And it's almost worse that it comes from strangers, trying to be nice. If someone hates you, or is angry with you, they'll exaggerate your characteristics to ridicule you. If you're 30 lbs overweight, they'll say you're a barely mobile lardass who needs an IV of Twinkies every night. Whereas if a friendly stranger points out how big you are, it's because you ARE big enough to make them comment.
Seems like you missed the part where I said "I've been over that for decades."
While I've been over hating my big feet and calves for decades, during that time I developed a fondness for tall guys that has persisted to this day.
You seem determine to hate yourself for things over which you have no control and that other people find attractive. Therapy might help with this.9 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
It's not something that detracts from your appearance and possibly even enhances it. Some men don't suit baldness very well (my dad is one!) but on you it looks quite good.
I really want to take that as a compliment, but I don't see how anyone's appearance could be enhanced by baldness unless their hair was either already thinning or so unruly that you'd figure they'd be better off just getting rid of all of it and letting it grow back.
What makes a guy suit baldness better than others?
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
It's not something that detracts from your appearance and possibly even enhances it. Some men don't suit baldness very well (my dad is one!) but on you it looks quite good.
I really want to take that as a compliment, but I don't see how anyone's appearance could be enhanced by baldness unless their hair was either already thinning or so unruly that you'd figure they'd be better off just getting rid of all of it and letting it grow back.
What makes a guy suit baldness better than others?
It IS a compliment!
Face shape and head size/shape can affect how good baldness looks. My poor dad has a small thin (okay gaunt) face and rather a large bulbous head. Proportion is everything.
I've seen plenty of guys running around with wild unruly mops of hair that do more to hide their features than enhance their appearance. (And I grew up in the 70s when wild unruly mops were pretty much mandatory for men! You'd think I'd appreciate them more)3 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
It's not something that detracts from your appearance and possibly even enhances it. Some men don't suit baldness very well (my dad is one!) but on you it looks quite good.
I really want to take that as a compliment, but I don't see how anyone's appearance could be enhanced by baldness unless their hair was either already thinning or so unruly that you'd figure they'd be better off just getting rid of all of it and letting it grow back.
What makes a guy suit baldness better than others?
I can't speak for anyone else's tastes, or what anyone else wants to look like, but I'll say this: I was bald for a while myself, during chemotherapy. With all the other appearance-related things going on (about which I could do nothing, but they were generally not improvements), I was relieved that my head turned out (once empty of my former head of curly brown hair) to be smooth, without odd bumps or wrinkles, shaped like a reasonably proportionate skull and not oddly asymmetric or narrow/wide/pointy at the top or back or whatever. Having seen other bald people, male and female, I knew those were possibilities. I would've dealt with them, of course, but it was a relief not to need to do so.
As far as what I personally would find attractive - pointing out again that I'm in a much older demographic than you - I don't feel a strong preference for or against baldness in a man (other things matter to me), but I do appreciate a man who is bald and inhabits *that* with a relaxed self-acceptance, as distinct from those who resort to surgery, weaves, comb-overs, hairpieces, and what-not.
I don't think it's wrong of people to use/do those latter things, if it makes them happier, but - possibly because I'm an aging hippie, who was young in an era when we were about a "natural look" - I find it attractive when someone is comfortable with their own physical being, as it is. I'm not saying no one should strive for self-improvement, but comfort in being who they are in the moment is an attractive characteristic, to me - it can exist alongside a striving for self-improvement.
We see a lot of young women here on MFP who believe they will never be happy unless they get the big booty, or the snatched waist, the thigh gap, the bigger (or smaller, or perkier) breasts; or lose the hip dips, the belly pooch, the bingo wings. I (and others) urge them to find the best version of themselves, pursue realistic improvements, and love their body for the amazing adventures it takes them on along the way. In truth, I believe they won't ever be happy until they master the impulse to reject and dislike their current physical being, both the changeable aspects and the unchangeable: There is always something any of us could pick on, and dislike, in ourselves, and let it become a deep life dissatisfier. I sense that you'd resent similar advice, and perhaps it truly is unsuitable for someone over age 20 or so, anyway.
I do feel as if you've defined yourself into a corner, at this point: It seems as if you feel that any woman who might find you attractive is so clearly wrong that she must be broken and deficient, not worth knowing, let alone dating. Maybe I'm wrong; I often am.13 -
OP, IMO you have a very skewed perspective of what's important in life and how you play a part in your own life. No one, absolutely no one, is going to be able to convince you that you're a worthy human being. Losing weight isn't going to help. Having a beautiful girl on your arm isn't going to help. Having a full head of hair isn't going to help. People have tried to offer you encouraging words about how they see you and that obviously isn't helpful. The best thing you can do for yourself is seek a qualified reputable therapist to help you accept yourself as you are. Truthfully, the only turn-off I've gotten from you is your self-loathing.18
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
because she does.
vin diesel is hot.
and the rock. super hot.
people like what they like.
Yeah, but what image do both of them have, likeable as they can be? Big tough oafs.
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When I was a kid, no more than 10, I thought Yul Brenner was hot. Lol. I still think so.4
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L1zardQueen wrote: »When I was a kid, no more than 10, I thought Yul Brenner was hot. Lol. I still think so.
Not arguing, and I think I know the answer, but can you elaborate as to why?
I only know Brynner from "The Ten Commandments" and "The Magnificent Seven." However, occasionally I've collected photos of bald men who did not look like big dumb oafs as a way to remind me that there is a way to be attractive even if you're bald. You might like this one.
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Nooooooo
Yessssss7 -
It's also real easy for women to say "being bald is no big deal" and while I'm not going to be so disingenuous as to say a woman going bald is the same as a man going bald, but it changes you. You are no longer young. You are no longer attractive in a traditional sense. Big, tall guys like me (esp. being bald) have the option to default to the atavistic meathead pro wrestler tough guy football oaf and most people figure if some women find you attractive, you're okay. I'm not.
And still, people say that since I am bald, but also tall and not scrawny, that I have no right to dislike how I look (more like the right to be taken seriously) because I fit a stereotype and some other guys would like to be my height.3 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »It's also real easy for women to say "being bald is no big deal" and while I'm not going to be so disingenuous as to say a woman going bald is the same as a man going bald, but it changes you. You are no longer young. You are no longer attractive in a traditional sense. Big, tall guys like me (esp. being bald) have the option to default to the atavistic meathead pro wrestler tough guy football oaf and most people figure if some women find you attractive, you're okay. I'm not.
And still, people say that since I am bald, but also tall and not scrawny, that I have no right to dislike how I look (more like the right to be taken seriously) because I fit a stereotype and some other guys would like to be my height.
If you’re alluding to my reply, my intention was not to imply that a woman being temporarily bald is subjectively similar to a man being permanently bald – I don’t think it would be.
My point was that perhaps having a skull that’s proportionate to face, not bumpy, wrinkly, etc., may be part of what makes certain people, male or female, relatively more attractive than others when bald. At the time, I felt some gratitude for that small grace, temporary though the baldness was.
If my point had been factors that could potentially make a person feel no longer young, no longer attractive, it would’ve made more sense to comment on what I set aside as “all the other things going on”: Both breasts were surgically removed because they tried to kill me, and I experienced a degree of permanent cognitive decline (from the chemo) that centrally affected my sense of self.
In practice, I didn’t frame those things that way; it seemed a better choice to feel grateful to be alive, with a potential positive future, especially as my husband’s death at 45 not long before had underscored what cancer could do, if it chose. That was all 20+ years ago, and life has in fact been pretty good since.
But none of that is relevant to your situation, directly, either. I does make me feel like I have some power to frame my personal experience in various ways, and that those choices will affect how my life proceeds, going forward. I’m not sure whether other people have that kind of choice in framing, or not. I’ve only been me.
But I digress – apologies.
Of course you have every right to dislike how you look, and to feel that it makes people stereotype you in a way that's not your true self. I think it's a little odd how much you seem to dislike it when other people perceive you positively, because their aesthetic preferences are different, but perhaps I'm misunderstanding that part.9 -
OP, IMO you have a very skewed perspective of what's important in life and how you play a part in your own life. No one, absolutely no one, is going to be able to convince you that you're a worthy human being. Losing weight isn't going to help. Having a beautiful girl on your arm isn't going to help. Having a full head of hair isn't going to help. People have tried to offer you encouraging words about how they see you and that obviously isn't helpful. The best thing you can do for yourself is seek a qualified reputable therapist to help you accept yourself as you are. Truthfully, the only turn-off I've gotten from you is your self-loathing.
You'd have to have pretty low standards to say that you were cheered by strangers telling you you're a worthy human being. Losing weight will help me. I will never achieve my ideal, but I'm not going to buy that if I lose 50 lbs (I've already lost more than 15), I won't feel good about it. And who are you to say that nothing anyone has said hasn't helped me...especially after I made a special post to let people know that while I often debate or question their posts, I do listen to what they have to say?1 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »L1zardQueen wrote: »When I was a kid, no more than 10, I thought Yul Brenner was hot. Lol. I still think so.
Not arguing, and I think I know the answer, but can you elaborate as to why?
I only know Brynner from "The Ten Commandments" and "The Magnificent Seven." However, occasionally I've collected photos of bald men who did not look like big dumb oafs as a way to remind me that there is a way to be attractive even if you're bald. You might like this one.
Not with the cigarette in his hand. That's what makes him look dumb, not his physique or his shaved head. And he would have agreed with me at the end of his life, when he made anti-smoking commercials that were aired after his death from lung cancer.2 -
While I don't like cigarette smoking, livingIf you’re alluding to my reply, my intention was not to imply that a woman being temporarily bald is subjectively similar to a man being permanently bald – I don’t think it would be.
My point was that perhaps having a skull that’s proportionate to face, not bumpy, wrinkly, etc., may be part of what makes certain people, male or female, relatively more attractive than others when bald. At the time, I felt some gratitude for that small grace, temporary though the baldness was.
Of course you have every right to dislike how you look, and to feel that it makes people stereotype you in a way that's not your true self. I think it's a little odd how much you seem to dislike it when other people perceive you positively, because their aesthetic preferences are different, but perhaps I'm misunderstanding that part.
I wasn't alluding to your response. When I started to lose my hair, I was angry that while it was seen as traumatic for a woman to lose their hair, my hair loss was seen as comical, complete with head rubs and wig catalogs, usually followed by remarks on how I shouldn't be mad and should "learn to love myself" and "accept that nobody's perfect" and that "many women out there don't care how you look as long as you have a beautiful heart."
Why is it that it's funny for a guy to lose his hair and even when he's ridiculed, he's supposed to laugh it off? And why is it that a big guy like me is obligated to love it when someone else likes how small he is?
1 -
L1zardQueen wrote: »
Nooooooo
Yessssss
While he looks good, I hate that everyone notices my height and size.1
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