The Many Faces (selfie thread)
Replies
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@twitchandshout @Kashmir_314_ @CacoEther @lisamestiza2021
Some of the best Internet stranger friends I gots - I come here for the lulz you you ladies never let me down - stay golden ladies stay golden
I'm sorry for all the pain you've gone through.
All you and anyone can do is keep getting up each morning, make it the best that you can, then do the same thing each tomorrow. Having kids helps keep you moving each step forward.
Take care @cowsfan12. You're a special part of MFP.
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You're all rock stars, every one of you.
We're all twisted and mangled, some will never bend back into shape. Some real powerful moving stories here.
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About 5 years ago I started messaging with a man whose writing style, intelligence, and varied abilities piqued my interest. We met over a month later on Halloween. I had met several other men and was disappointed by every interaction, so it's fair to say my enthusiasm for the process had waned. When I laid eyes on him though... he was beautiful. Blond (not my preference) with dimples and the laid back gait and quiet confidence of someone that doesn't know how brightly they shine.
We spent 6.5 hours in a coffee shop for our first meeting, followed by lunch later that week. The waitress at the place we went to lunch was sure that she knew him from somewhere. We met one more time a week later. Two days after we talked about arranging a schedule to see each other he succumbed to his battle with depression and was lost to suicide.
I was in an extremely dark place with anxiety and depression and have wondered since if the attraction was more soul based. That we saw a similar struggle in each other, both on the edge of a precipice.
I found out over 6 months later that the waitress had taken a picture of us together without our knowing it, but I wasn't able to track her down to get a copy. I would love to have been able to find her and ask for that pic. To see what that photo showed, if it's obvious that we both had pain shuttered behind smiles.
I have not connected with a man with the same depth since. It makes me happy and immensely sad at the same time.19 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »lisamestiza2021 wrote: »FeelinFooFoo wrote: »What a fantastic thread! Around a month ago, I was suffering a lot of raw emotion and high anxiety levels as I had decided to stop drinking alcohol, I had a lot of raw emotion to deal with and nothing could have prepared me for it. Crippling anxiety, suicidal thoughts & feeling hopeless & helpless. I took this picture on Snapchat at the time, to basically take my mind off things & it really stuck out to me how 'happy' I appeared. So, not everyone who is suffering appears that way. So I always try to just be kind to everyone regardless of who they are / look like. You don't know what someone else is going through. Be kind. It's free. Anyone out there dealing with anxiety, depression or whatever it may be, you are not alone & things can / do get better & improve. (FWIW giving up the alcohol was hard at the beginning but really has helped me tremendously with my mental health 💖)
giving up the bottle is a great choice. i did for a year, *years ago i should add* and it changed me profoundly.you took a big step for the better. there used to be threads here for support for non drinkers - not sure if there still is.
i see peace and serenity in this pic. stay on the path Lady
Thank you 💜
I'm 100 days alcohol free today 😊 I don't think I told my story very well, but it's not usually something I would share so even taking part on the thread, and saying what I said was a massive deal for me.
And yes, there are several alcohol threads. I'm on Sober Squad on challenges.....and there is Less Alcohol on support & motivation 👍
So proud of you for taking that step ❤3 -
When I was little it was called being "shy." I have always been "shy" or filled with anxiety in social situations. When I was 13, I was sexually assaulted, and my shyness/anxiety worsened, coupled with depression. This top photo is me in my teens, trying to be happy, filled with self-hate, shame, sadness, so crippled by social anxiety I could barely talk to anyone unless drunk. Nearly flunking out of high school while scoring off the charts on standardized tests. I've always loved swimming. When I was 21 I moved to Hawaii thinking I could never be depressed if I was swimming in the ocean every day. Whoops. Wrong.
This is me in 2012 on a trip to Istanbul. This was a particularly low point in terms of depression. There are waves: some periods are marked by working really hard to be happy and feeling good about myself; others are dark, deep, and seemingly inescapable. This photo was around the start of a six-year depression that still creeps back in. I came out of it a couple of years ago, but I'm slipping back in -- gaining weight, wanting to do nothing more than lie in bed all day, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. Today is a particularly bad day. I am so anxious about so many things it's like a ball of confusion in my brain. I am filled with self-disgust. I am a loser: fat, old, stupid, boring, worthless, unaccomplished.
Every interaction with another person is interpreted as a negative judgment of me. My boyfriend is snowboarding with a friend today. I can't wait until he leaves so I can lie in bed for several hours watching TV or take a sleeping pill in the middle of the day.
Now I'm going to exercise, take a shower, and walk my dogs. Maybe I'll be productive. Maybe not. Work is slow right now and I've already done the minimum for today. I hate myself.
(Some of you might remember me as "I choose Lee McRoy" or "aChuisle_moChroi" )
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beagletracks wrote: »
When I was little it was called being "shy." I have always been "shy" or filled with anxiety in social situations. When I was 13, I was sexually assaulted, and my shyness/anxiety worsened, coupled with depression. This top photo is me in my teens, trying to be happy, filled with self-hate, shame, sadness, so crippled by social anxiety I could barely talk to anyone unless drunk. Nearly flunking out of high school while scoring off the charts on standardized tests. I've always loved swimming. When I was 21 I moved to Hawaii thinking I could never be depressed if I was swimming in the ocean every day. Whoops. Wrong.
This is me in 2012 on a trip to Istanbul. This was a particularly low point in terms of depression. There are waves: some periods are marked by working really hard to be happy and feeling good about myself; others are dark, deep, and seemingly inescapable. This photo was around the start of a six-year depression that still creeps back in. I came out of it a couple of years ago, but I'm slipping back in -- gaining weight, wanting to do nothing more than lie in bed all day, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. Today is a particularly bad day. I am so anxious about so many things it's like a ball of confusion in my brain. I am filled with self-disgust. I am a loser: fat, old, stupid, boring, worthless, unaccomplished.
Every interaction with another person is interpreted as a negative judgment of me. My boyfriend is snowboarding with a friend today. I can't wait until he leaves so I can lie in bed for several hours watching TV or take a sleeping pill in the middle of the day.
Now I'm going to exercise, take a shower, and walk my dogs. Maybe I'll be productive. Maybe not. Work is slow right now and I've already done the minimum for today. I hate myself.
(Some of you might remember me as "I choose Lee McRoy" or "aChuisle_moChroi" )
these are the words I sometimes hear too 💔2 -
Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »Great thread idea, I used these 4 pictures and will put the descriptions in the spoiler because its Long 😅😆Great thread idea ❤
I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life but my lowest started 3 years ago
1st pic = Severe anxiety, pushing everyone i loved away because I thought everyone was better without me and I didn't want to get hurt so I hurt others instead. Suicidal thoughts, began drinking to forget how to feel. Did things that I still regret to this day.
2nd Picture: Was hit with the tragic news that after removing a stage 1 cancer and thinking it was over... it came back with a vengance. Stage 3 Breast Cancer that was spread in my Lymphnodes. I knew I had a big fight ahead of me that would also make me lose body parts, my hair.. to top it all off I found out I was carrying a BRCA gene which increased my chances of getting other cancers too so that meant even more surgeries just so I could prevent them. Prognosis wasn't that great. I hit the lowest of low.
3rd Picture : I was tired, had started aggressive chemo for 8 months and that nearly stripped me to zero. I still tried to put my brave face on but it was hard, bad news after bad news but couldn't give up. my kids needed me but so many days I just wanted to stop everything. My kids were my whole reason to stay alive.
4th picture : 9 months in remission. After being on fight mode for so long, I've been suffering from severe PTSD but you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been because I see life in a different light and I refuse to not do everything it takes to be as healthy as I can be, counseling, healthy diet, no alcohol. I wish I could have seen how precious it was to be alive 3 years ago. I'm not the same person but I feel more like myself than I ever have. My 10 year survival rate isn't what I wished it would be but you know what? It's ok because I'm here now and I'm going to do every damn things it takes to stay healthy. I deserve that
I am mostly a lurker here on this site (haha) but I wanted to tell you I have been inspired by you and your story. I have gone through my own DCIS scare and know how the uncertainty can feel. I am really moved by what you said about wishing you knew how precious it is to be alive 3 years ago. I've gained a few things from my "scare" but appreciating and living life to the fullest is the most important. Tomorrow isn't promised. Don't take it for granted.
I wish you love, peace and health!6 -
JDiMascola wrote: »Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »Great thread idea, I used these 4 pictures and will put the descriptions in the spoiler because its Long 😅😆Great thread idea ❤
I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life but my lowest started 3 years ago
1st pic = Severe anxiety, pushing everyone i loved away because I thought everyone was better without me and I didn't want to get hurt so I hurt others instead. Suicidal thoughts, began drinking to forget how to feel. Did things that I still regret to this day.
2nd Picture: Was hit with the tragic news that after removing a stage 1 cancer and thinking it was over... it came back with a vengance. Stage 3 Breast Cancer that was spread in my Lymphnodes. I knew I had a big fight ahead of me that would also make me lose body parts, my hair.. to top it all off I found out I was carrying a BRCA gene which increased my chances of getting other cancers too so that meant even more surgeries just so I could prevent them. Prognosis wasn't that great. I hit the lowest of low.
3rd Picture : I was tired, had started aggressive chemo for 8 months and that nearly stripped me to zero. I still tried to put my brave face on but it was hard, bad news after bad news but couldn't give up. my kids needed me but so many days I just wanted to stop everything. My kids were my whole reason to stay alive.
4th picture : 9 months in remission. After being on fight mode for so long, I've been suffering from severe PTSD but you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been because I see life in a different light and I refuse to not do everything it takes to be as healthy as I can be, counseling, healthy diet, no alcohol. I wish I could have seen how precious it was to be alive 3 years ago. I'm not the same person but I feel more like myself than I ever have. My 10 year survival rate isn't what I wished it would be but you know what? It's ok because I'm here now and I'm going to do every damn things it takes to stay healthy. I deserve that
I am mostly a lurker here on this site (haha) but I wanted to tell you I have been inspired by you and your story. I have gone through my own DCIS scare and know how the uncertainty can feel. I am really moved by what you said about wishing you knew how precious it is to be alive 3 years ago. I've gained a few things from my "scare" but appreciating and living life to the fullest is the most important. Tomorrow isn't promised. Don't take it for granted.
I wish you love, peace and health!
Thank you ❤ I wish the same for you 🙏
Life is a gift, yes, I wish I would have realized that many years ago. These last 3 years have been the worst years of my life but at the same time I found a way to be grateful for it. I've lost alot but I gained even more. A relationship with my biological father, a person I had never been able to forgive is one of them but the most important one of it all is GRATITUDE. Just so grateful to wake up each day and be alive. 💗
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beagletracks wrote: »
When I was little it was called being "shy." I have always been "shy" or filled with anxiety in social situations. When I was 13, I was sexually assaulted, and my shyness/anxiety worsened, coupled with depression. This top photo is me in my teens, trying to be happy, filled with self-hate, shame, sadness, so crippled by social anxiety I could barely talk to anyone unless drunk. Nearly flunking out of high school while scoring off the charts on standardized tests. I've always loved swimming. When I was 21 I moved to Hawaii thinking I could never be depressed if I was swimming in the ocean every day. Whoops. Wrong.
This is me in 2012 on a trip to Istanbul. This was a particularly low point in terms of depression. There are waves: some periods are marked by working really hard to be happy and feeling good about myself; others are dark, deep, and seemingly inescapable. This photo was around the start of a six-year depression that still creeps back in. I came out of it a couple of years ago, but I'm slipping back in -- gaining weight, wanting to do nothing more than lie in bed all day, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. Today is a particularly bad day. I am so anxious about so many things it's like a ball of confusion in my brain. I am filled with self-disgust. I am a loser: fat, old, stupid, boring, worthless, unaccomplished.
Every interaction with another person is interpreted as a negative judgment of me. My boyfriend is snowboarding with a friend today. I can't wait until he leaves so I can lie in bed for several hours watching TV or take a sleeping pill in the middle of the day.
Now I'm going to exercise, take a shower, and walk my dogs. Maybe I'll be productive. Maybe not. Work is slow right now and I've already done the minimum for today. I hate myself.
(Some of you might remember me as "I choose Lee McRoy" or "aChuisle_moChroi" )
Big hugs 🤗❤1 -
beagletracks wrote: »
When I was little it was called being "shy." I have always been "shy" or filled with anxiety in social situations. When I was 13, I was sexually assaulted, and my shyness/anxiety worsened, coupled with depression. This top photo is me in my teens, trying to be happy, filled with self-hate, shame, sadness, so crippled by social anxiety I could barely talk to anyone unless drunk. Nearly flunking out of high school while scoring off the charts on standardized tests. I've always loved swimming. When I was 21 I moved to Hawaii thinking I could never be depressed if I was swimming in the ocean every day. Whoops. Wrong.
This is me in 2012 on a trip to Istanbul. This was a particularly low point in terms of depression. There are waves: some periods are marked by working really hard to be happy and feeling good about myself; others are dark, deep, and seemingly inescapable. This photo was around the start of a six-year depression that still creeps back in. I came out of it a couple of years ago, but I'm slipping back in -- gaining weight, wanting to do nothing more than lie in bed all day, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. Today is a particularly bad day. I am so anxious about so many things it's like a ball of confusion in my brain. I am filled with self-disgust. I am a loser: fat, old, stupid, boring, worthless, unaccomplished.
Every interaction with another person is interpreted as a negative judgment of me. My boyfriend is snowboarding with a friend today. I can't wait until he leaves so I can lie in bed for several hours watching TV or take a sleeping pill in the middle of the day.
Now I'm going to exercise, take a shower, and walk my dogs. Maybe I'll be productive. Maybe not. Work is slow right now and I've already done the minimum for today. I hate myself.
(Some of you might remember me as "I choose Lee McRoy" or "aChuisle_moChroi" )
Sending you love and hugs! I deal with that ball of confusion sometimes too. Even just writing this comment!
You are definitely not worthless! You are beautiful!!2 -
JDiMascola wrote: »beagletracks wrote: »
When I was little it was called being "shy." I have always been "shy" or filled with anxiety in social situations. When I was 13, I was sexually assaulted, and my shyness/anxiety worsened, coupled with depression. This top photo is me in my teens, trying to be happy, filled with self-hate, shame, sadness, so crippled by social anxiety I could barely talk to anyone unless drunk. Nearly flunking out of high school while scoring off the charts on standardized tests. I've always loved swimming. When I was 21 I moved to Hawaii thinking I could never be depressed if I was swimming in the ocean every day. Whoops. Wrong.
This is me in 2012 on a trip to Istanbul. This was a particularly low point in terms of depression. There are waves: some periods are marked by working really hard to be happy and feeling good about myself; others are dark, deep, and seemingly inescapable. This photo was around the start of a six-year depression that still creeps back in. I came out of it a couple of years ago, but I'm slipping back in -- gaining weight, wanting to do nothing more than lie in bed all day, feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. Today is a particularly bad day. I am so anxious about so many things it's like a ball of confusion in my brain. I am filled with self-disgust. I am a loser: fat, old, stupid, boring, worthless, unaccomplished.
Every interaction with another person is interpreted as a negative judgment of me. My boyfriend is snowboarding with a friend today. I can't wait until he leaves so I can lie in bed for several hours watching TV or take a sleeping pill in the middle of the day.
Now I'm going to exercise, take a shower, and walk my dogs. Maybe I'll be productive. Maybe not. Work is slow right now and I've already done the minimum for today. I hate myself.
(Some of you might remember me as "I choose Lee McRoy" or "aChuisle_moChroi" )
Sending you love and hugs! I deal with that ball of confusion sometimes too. Even just writing this comment!
You are definitely not worthless! You are beautiful!! 2 -
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I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone??
). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
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I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone?? ). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
I started coming round shortly before you stopped coming around as much - be live you was avocado_a5s back then cause avocado the good kinda fat amirite?? Fwiw I always enjoyed your wit and sarcasm - keep plugging away my friend - chit will get better - and you know if you ain’t got to use that AK gotta say it was a good day 🤷♂️4 -
I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone?? ). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
No one needs an introduction to you, you’re an OG round here. Legendary ❤️❤️5 -
this thread is wonderful! While I do not feel brave enough to share some of my struggles and insecurities (yet), I take courage and am uplifted by your stories. Thank you for helping me on this journey we call life.13
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I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone?? ). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
it's really good to see you Mel. when i first came here under another handle - i loved reading your witty and funny posts. and i also remember your LBD post that basically broke the internet that day
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i feel you on everything you've said. and your daughter is adorable. make your presence known around here when you're able. you are missed and adored 7 -
I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone?? ). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
I remember you and glad to see you back! I haven’t left the app but have left the forums until just recently, so I can relate. You are beautiful and just being here is one step closer to getting back some control and pull yourself out of the quicksand.... ❤️🙏🏻 Sending thoughts and prayers3 -
jennacole12 wrote: »I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone?? ). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
I remember you and glad to see you back! I haven’t left the app but have left the forums until just recently, so I can relate. You are beautiful and just being here is one step closer to getting back some control and pull yourself out of the quicksand.... ❤️🙏🏻 Sending thoughts and prayers
I remember you as well, and your pup. When I found out her name was Barbara I thought that was such a cool name for a dog; mine both have girls' names too.
Anyways, sometimes staying connected and involved is one of the hardest things to do when a person feels so down and out but it's also one of the most important. It sounds like you have so much going on with 2 jobs and being a single mom. I can't imagine the stress and energy it takes to do all that needs to be done every day. I hope you're able to find time for yourself too. We all need that peace and calm to stay on course.
Take care of YOU and so glad to see your beautiful self and loving pup back. 7 -
I rarely take pictures of myself anymore unless they somehow involve my dogs (this pic is actually my parents' dog)... and this is the most recent pic I have, from October.
I've struggled with self esteem for as long as I can remember, and depression almost as long. I've been in counseling/therapy a few times but never formally diagnosed... But like many things, you know depression when your see it. I've recently added an ED to the mix as well, so that's fun.
I don't have any story or moment for when things went south for me... I've never really known myself in any other way. I crave external validation / approval, but have little patience for people and push them away quickly... I'm sure that's partly why I took to online/social media like I did.
I don't think I'll ever be happy... I don't think I'm capable of it, so I no longer chase happiness, but rather distractions from the darkness. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but I'm I'm less destructive than I used to be, so...
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I rarely take pictures of myself anymore unless they somehow involve my dogs (this pic is actually my parents' dog)... and this is the most recent pic I have, from October.
I've struggled with self esteem for as long as I can remember, and depression almost as long. I've been in counseling/therapy a few times but never formally diagnosed... But like many things, you know depression when your see it. I've recently added an ED to the mix as well, so that's fun.
I don't have any story or moment for when things went south for me... I've never really known myself in any other way. I crave external validation / approval, but have little patience for people and push them away quickly... I'm sure that's partly why I took to online/social media like I did.
I don't think I'll ever be happy... I don't think I'm capable of it, so I no longer chase happiness, but rather distractions from the darkness. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but I'm I'm less destructive than I used to be, so...
Fwiw, this is a great photo. The beard looks good on you
and I’m a sucker for squinty eyes but that’s neither here nor there.
Thanks for sharing4 -
I'm glad I actually came into chit chat today to find this thread. Searching for a pic to post proved to be exhausting and fruitless, as I can't stand to see any pics of myself right now. I used to be heavily active on here 3-6 years ago starting shortly after my divorce and I used this place to help heal me and boost my broken self esteem. Some of yall remember my sarcastic, joking, flirty, posts and selfies (Banana selfie, anyone?? ). Some may not know/give AF who I am. I've pretty much disappeared because I've sunken into an old home of mine, a home of crippling depression and anxiety. I've tried and tried to "snap out of it". I'm at a point now of utter numbness. Just don't have feelings or energy to care about anything really other than going to work my 2 jobs, and try not to be a crap single mom. I'm the fattest I've ever been, dealing with health issues along with other every day life obstacles. Part of me is lonely for a mate, but I honestly don't feel I have anything leftover to offer anyone else. I'm stuck. Like in quick sand. I used to put on the happy face, and now I don't even have the energy for that.
I love yall. Even if I haven't been here in forever. I'm proud of all who have shared. We aren't alone, even when we desperately feel like it. Much love.
Here's a pic of my girl Barbara, because she can actually make me effortlessly happy.
I love Barbara...and you ❤ thank you for sharing Mel. Big hugs1 -
Again, I thank everyone for their very difficult to share contributions to this thread. We really need to normalize mental health issues and make safe places for each other to share and reach out. It doesn't fix things, but sometimes just knowing you're not the only one facing these scary things somehow helps.
Much love to everyone.11 -
I told naughty @lisamestiza2021 that she was the sweetest and she disagreed 😆
Aww, Lisa's definitely not uncouth and she IS one of the sweetest. Glad you're back @lisamestiza2021!
merci MT
1 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
I dont like to share much these days but wanted to show support for everyone here who has been brave and shared their story.
This picture, taken last June, is bittersweet for me. I was so ecstatically happy that day. I felt on top of the world. Which was amazing because I'd pulled myself up from rock bottom the year before. By the end of the next day I was broken again and I dont know that I've been unbroken since.
I don't know what caused me to remember this thread but... the black cloud seems to be lifting these past few weeks11 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
I dont like to share much these days but wanted to show support for everyone here who has been brave and shared their story.
This picture, taken last June, is bittersweet for me. I was so ecstatically happy that day. I felt on top of the world. Which was amazing because I'd pulled myself up from rock bottom the year before. By the end of the next day I was broken again and I dont know that I've been unbroken since.
I don't know what caused me to remember this thread but... the black cloud seems to be lifting these past few weeks
I’m so happy they are! This is a really beautiful pic of you.1 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
I dont like to share much these days but wanted to show support for everyone here who has been brave and shared their story.
This picture, taken last June, is bittersweet for me. I was so ecstatically happy that day. I felt on top of the world. Which was amazing because I'd pulled myself up from rock bottom the year before. By the end of the next day I was broken again and I dont know that I've been unbroken since.
I don't know what caused me to remember this thread but... the black cloud seems to be lifting these past few weeks
This makes me so happy ❤ it's never dark forever. Big hugs 🤗1 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
I dont like to share much these days but wanted to show support for everyone here who has been brave and shared their story.
This picture, taken last June, is bittersweet for me. I was so ecstatically happy that day. I felt on top of the world. Which was amazing because I'd pulled myself up from rock bottom the year before. By the end of the next day I was broken again and I dont know that I've been unbroken since.
I don't know what caused me to remember this thread but... the black cloud seems to be lifting these past few weeks
I’m so happy they are! This is a really beautiful pic of you.Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
I dont like to share much these days but wanted to show support for everyone here who has been brave and shared their story.
This picture, taken last June, is bittersweet for me. I was so ecstatically happy that day. I felt on top of the world. Which was amazing because I'd pulled myself up from rock bottom the year before. By the end of the next day I was broken again and I dont know that I've been unbroken since.
I don't know what caused me to remember this thread but... the black cloud seems to be lifting these past few weeks
This makes me so happy ❤ it's never dark forever. Big hugs 🤗
Aww thank you lovely ladies 🤗💕4
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