The Many Faces (selfie thread)

245

Replies

  • lisamestiza2021
    lisamestiza2021 Posts: 239 Member
    @ReenieHJ . thank you so much kind Lady. you are always so uplifting to everyone. <3
  • cdubks88
    cdubks88 Posts: 3,573 Member
    This thread is amazing as are all of you.
    Just amazing.
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g7kol1xnp2sp.jpeg


    I actually like this picture. I don’t keep photos I associate directly with bad times. I’ve been someone who’s always suffered with crippling anxiety and depression. There was never a time that I felt happy and safe and what I’d view as ‘normal’.
    I chose this picture since this stage of my mid twenties and bad coping was the time period that I’m most ashamed of. Sex, drugs and rock n’roll as it were.

    It got real long, 🤷🏻‍♀️
    I’m still embarrassed when I visit my hometown because of the way I was living back then. How I didn’t end up in someone’s basement or a ditch is beyond me.
    I was trying to party myself into the ground because I never saw a future for myself. Bad home life. I was surprised to make it to 18 and even now, the thought of aging and making plans for the future still blows my mind. The rock bottoms I’ve slithered out of is outright miraculous tbh.
    I was stoned every day, all day. I was getting blackout drunk often. I was ‘hanging out’ with strangers regularly. Anything that could take me out of my head for a while was my only goal.
    I rebelled so hard from my holier than thou, well behaved prudish, rule following previous self. I didn’t want any part of responsibility. It felt like heavy chains, like a trap. I had been a mom my whole childhood (to my siblings) and I couldn’t be ‘responsible’ anymore. I didn’t want to take care of anyone or even myself.
    This time period was right after a major breakup with the guy I thought I was going to marry and have kids with. I felt like everything was ruined so why not? True love didn’t exist and that ‘finding true love and happily ever after’ was the last dream I was holding onto as naive as it was.
    It kind of turned out that after a while, none of it was fun or even exciting anymore. It was just sad, the people I partied with were sad. Tensions were running high at home and I was paranoid that my brother was going to harm me so I ran away with someone safe to the next state.
    Normally I think people want their family to know where they are but I felt so safe and like I could breath again living in a small country house with some nice guy and nobody could reach me. I still had things to work through but I was sober and safe for once. (I was never an addict btw, just throwing that out there bc it sounds that way. The fun grass kept me from that path being non addictive and all.) I had to figure out how to be a normal person and it’s years later but I feel closer than ever to that.
    I want things now and feel like I deserve better. I want to do good again. Help animals and maybe people like me. Ready to take care of my own (hopefully in future) kids. Ready for the chains, no, commitment to the goals I have. Breaking generational curses and trying to believe in a normal, happy and safe life as an option for me. I no longer feel like I should punish myself and go without. I matter. I’m caring and being soft is not a weakness. Being reckless isn’t [email protected] I’m fully capable of success. And ya, I don’t need man (or anyone) taking care of me.
    If people want to judge me for being open then so be it I suppose.

    ♥️
  • lisamestiza2021
    lisamestiza2021 Posts: 239 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g7kol1xnp2sp.jpeg


    I actually like this picture. I don’t keep photos I associate directly with bad times. I’ve been someone who’s always suffered with crippling anxiety and depression. There was never a time that I felt happy and safe and what I’d view as ‘normal’.
    I chose this picture since this stage of my mid twenties and bad coping was the time period that I’m most ashamed of. Sex, drugs and rock n’roll as it were.

    It got real long, 🤷🏻‍♀️
    I’m still embarrassed when I visit my hometown because of the way I was living back then. How I didn’t end up in someone’s basement or a ditch is beyond me.
    I was trying to party myself into the ground because I never saw a future for myself. Bad home life. I was surprised to make it to 18 and even now, the thought of aging and making plans for the future still blows my mind. The rock bottoms I’ve slithered out of is outright miraculous tbh.
    I was stoned every day, all day. I was getting blackout drunk often. I was ‘hanging out’ with strangers regularly. Anything that could take me out of my head for a while was my only goal.
    I rebelled so hard from my holier than thou, well behaved prudish, rule following previous self. I didn’t want any part of responsibility. It felt like heavy chains, like a trap. I had been a mom my whole childhood (to my siblings) and I couldn’t be ‘responsible’ anymore. I didn’t want to take care of anyone or even myself.
    This time period was right after a major breakup with the guy I thought I was going to marry and have kids with. I felt like everything was ruined so why not? True love didn’t exist and that ‘finding true love and happily ever after’ was the last dream I was holding onto as naive as it was.
    It kind of turned out that after a while, none of it was fun or even exciting anymore. It was just sad, the people I partied with were sad. Tensions were running high at home and I was paranoid that my brother was going to harm me so I ran away with someone safe to the next state.
    Normally I think people want their family to know where they are but I felt so safe and like I could breath again living in a small country house with some nice guy and nobody could reach me. I still had things to work through but I was sober and safe for once. (I was never an addict btw, just throwing that out there bc it sounds that way. The fun grass kept me from that path being non addictive and all.) I had to figure out how to be a normal person and it’s years later but I feel closer than ever to that.
    I want things now and feel like I deserve better. I want to do good again. Help animals and maybe people like me. Ready to take care of my own (hopefully in future) kids. Ready for the chains, no, commitment to the goals I have. Breaking generational curses and trying to believe in a normal, happy and safe life as an option for me. I no longer feel like I should punish myself and go without. I matter. I’m caring and being soft is not a weakness. Being reckless isn’t [email protected] I’m fully capable of success. And ya, I don’t need man (or anyone) taking care of me.
    If people want to judge me for being open then so be it I suppose.

    i remember the 20's - more like sex booze and rock and roll back then for me... ;) i think many of us went through equivalent in one way or another. generational trauma is a *kitten* to go through. i hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me.

    the best is yet to come, lovely. it's your time to shine. i love your colorful photos and i like your soul.
  • Miss_Chiev0us_
    Miss_Chiev0us_ Posts: 2,208 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g7kol1xnp2sp.jpeg


    I actually like this picture. I don’t keep photos I associate directly with bad times. I’ve been someone who’s always suffered with crippling anxiety and depression. There was never a time that I felt happy and safe and what I’d view as ‘normal’.
    I chose this picture since this stage of my mid twenties and bad coping was the time period that I’m most ashamed of. Sex, drugs and rock n’roll as it were.

    It got real long, 🤷🏻‍♀️
    I’m still embarrassed when I visit my hometown because of the way I was living back then. How I didn’t end up in someone’s basement or a ditch is beyond me.
    I was trying to party myself into the ground because I never saw a future for myself. Bad home life. I was surprised to make it to 18 and even now, the thought of aging and making plans for the future still blows my mind. The rock bottoms I’ve slithered out of is outright miraculous tbh.
    I was stoned every day, all day. I was getting blackout drunk often. I was ‘hanging out’ with strangers regularly. Anything that could take me out of my head for a while was my only goal.
    I rebelled so hard from my holier than thou, well behaved prudish, rule following previous self. I didn’t want any part of responsibility. It felt like heavy chains, like a trap. I had been a mom my whole childhood (to my siblings) and I couldn’t be ‘responsible’ anymore. I didn’t want to take care of anyone or even myself.
    This time period was right after a major breakup with the guy I thought I was going to marry and have kids with. I felt like everything was ruined so why not? True love didn’t exist and that ‘finding true love and happily ever after’ was the last dream I was holding onto as naive as it was.
    It kind of turned out that after a while, none of it was fun or even exciting anymore. It was just sad, the people I partied with were sad. Tensions were running high at home and I was paranoid that my brother was going to harm me so I ran away with someone safe to the next state.
    Normally I think people want their family to know where they are but I felt so safe and like I could breath again living in a small country house with some nice guy and nobody could reach me. I still had things to work through but I was sober and safe for once. (I was never an addict btw, just throwing that out there bc it sounds that way. The fun grass kept me from that path being non addictive and all.) I had to figure out how to be a normal person and it’s years later but I feel closer than ever to that.
    I want things now and feel like I deserve better. I want to do good again. Help animals and maybe people like me. Ready to take care of my own (hopefully in future) kids. Ready for the chains, no, commitment to the goals I have. Breaking generational curses and trying to believe in a normal, happy and safe life as an option for me. I no longer feel like I should punish myself and go without. I matter. I’m caring and being soft is not a weakness. Being reckless isn’t [email protected] I’m fully capable of success. And ya, I don’t need man (or anyone) taking care of me.
    If people want to judge me for being open then so be it I suppose.

    Look at that beautiful smile. With a mindset like that you will reach for the stars ❤
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g7kol1xnp2sp.jpeg


    I actually like this picture. I don’t keep photos I associate directly with bad times. I’ve been someone who’s always suffered with crippling anxiety and depression. There was never a time that I felt happy and safe and what I’d view as ‘normal’.
    I chose this picture since this stage of my mid twenties and bad coping was the time period that I’m most ashamed of. Sex, drugs and rock n’roll as it were.

    It got real long, 🤷🏻‍♀️
    I’m still embarrassed when I visit my hometown because of the way I was living back then. How I didn’t end up in someone’s basement or a ditch is beyond me.
    I was trying to party myself into the ground because I never saw a future for myself. Bad home life. I was surprised to make it to 18 and even now, the thought of aging and making plans for the future still blows my mind. The rock bottoms I’ve slithered out of is outright miraculous tbh.
    I was stoned every day, all day. I was getting blackout drunk often. I was ‘hanging out’ with strangers regularly. Anything that could take me out of my head for a while was my only goal.
    I rebelled so hard from my holier than thou, well behaved prudish, rule following previous self. I didn’t want any part of responsibility. It felt like heavy chains, like a trap. I had been a mom my whole childhood (to my siblings) and I couldn’t be ‘responsible’ anymore. I didn’t want to take care of anyone or even myself.
    This time period was right after a major breakup with the guy I thought I was going to marry and have kids with. I felt like everything was ruined so why not? True love didn’t exist and that ‘finding true love and happily ever after’ was the last dream I was holding onto as naive as it was.
    It kind of turned out that after a while, none of it was fun or even exciting anymore. It was just sad, the people I partied with were sad. Tensions were running high at home and I was paranoid that my brother was going to harm me so I ran away with someone safe to the next state.
    Normally I think people want their family to know where they are but I felt so safe and like I could breath again living in a small country house with some nice guy and nobody could reach me. I still had things to work through but I was sober and safe for once. (I was never an addict btw, just throwing that out there bc it sounds that way. The fun grass kept me from that path being non addictive and all.) I had to figure out how to be a normal person and it’s years later but I feel closer than ever to that.
    I want things now and feel like I deserve better. I want to do good again. Help animals and maybe people like me. Ready to take care of my own (hopefully in future) kids. Ready for the chains, no, commitment to the goals I have. Breaking generational curses and trying to believe in a normal, happy and safe life as an option for me. I no longer feel like I should punish myself and go without. I matter. I’m caring and being soft is not a weakness. Being reckless isn’t [email protected] I’m fully capable of success. And ya, I don’t need man (or anyone) taking care of me.
    If people want to judge me for being open then so be it I suppose.

    You’ve always been mysterious to me so this is incredible to learn. Thank you for sharing.
  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    g7kol1xnp2sp.jpeg


    I actually like this picture. I don’t keep photos I associate directly with bad times. I’ve been someone who’s always suffered with crippling anxiety and depression. There was never a time that I felt happy and safe and what I’d view as ‘normal’.
    I chose this picture since this stage of my mid twenties and bad coping was the time period that I’m most ashamed of. Sex, drugs and rock n’roll as it were.

    It got real long, 🤷🏻‍♀️
    I’m still embarrassed when I visit my hometown because of the way I was living back then. How I didn’t end up in someone’s basement or a ditch is beyond me.
    I was trying to party myself into the ground because I never saw a future for myself. Bad home life. I was surprised to make it to 18 and even now, the thought of aging and making plans for the future still blows my mind. The rock bottoms I’ve slithered out of is outright miraculous tbh.
    I was stoned every day, all day. I was getting blackout drunk often. I was ‘hanging out’ with strangers regularly. Anything that could take me out of my head for a while was my only goal.
    I rebelled so hard from my holier than thou, well behaved prudish, rule following previous self. I didn’t want any part of responsibility. It felt like heavy chains, like a trap. I had been a mom my whole childhood (to my siblings) and I couldn’t be ‘responsible’ anymore. I didn’t want to take care of anyone or even myself.
    This time period was right after a major breakup with the guy I thought I was going to marry and have kids with. I felt like everything was ruined so why not? True love didn’t exist and that ‘finding true love and happily ever after’ was the last dream I was holding onto as naive as it was.
    It kind of turned out that after a while, none of it was fun or even exciting anymore. It was just sad, the people I partied with were sad. Tensions were running high at home and I was paranoid that my brother was going to harm me so I ran away with someone safe to the next state.
    Normally I think people want their family to know where they are but I felt so safe and like I could breath again living in a small country house with some nice guy and nobody could reach me. I still had things to work through but I was sober and safe for once. (I was never an addict btw, just throwing that out there bc it sounds that way. The fun grass kept me from that path being non addictive and all.) I had to figure out how to be a normal person and it’s years later but I feel closer than ever to that.
    I want things now and feel like I deserve better. I want to do good again. Help animals and maybe people like me. Ready to take care of my own (hopefully in future) kids. Ready for the chains, no, commitment to the goals I have. Breaking generational curses and trying to believe in a normal, happy and safe life as an option for me. I no longer feel like I should punish myself and go without. I matter. I’m caring and being soft is not a weakness. Being reckless isn’t [email protected] I’m fully capable of success. And ya, I don’t need man (or anyone) taking care of me.
    If people want to judge me for being open then so be it I suppose.

    Thank you for sharing.
    Our beginnings sound rather similar.
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    It’s not lost on me that only women have shared pics/stories here. Is the stigma worse for men? Or is it just this particular venue
  • lisamestiza2021
    lisamestiza2021 Posts: 239 Member
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Just one more..

    When I see this pic, all I remember is the uncontrollable anxiety roiling underneath

    ey0poq0ve7f3.jpeg

    i just wanna hug you hard right now - YOU! and if i had eyelashes, mine would fall off like T's !
  • lisamestiza2021
    lisamestiza2021 Posts: 239 Member
    Great thread idea, I used these 4 pictures and will put the descriptions in the spoiler because its Long 😅😆
    Great thread idea ❤

    I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life but my lowest started 3 years ago

    1st pic = Severe anxiety, pushing everyone i loved away because I thought everyone was better without me and I didn't want to get hurt so I hurt others instead. Suicidal thoughts, began drinking to forget how to feel. Did things that I still regret to this day.

    2nd Picture: Was hit with the tragic news that after removing a stage 1 cancer and thinking it was over... it came back with a vengance. Stage 3 Breast Cancer that was spread in my Lymphnodes. I knew I had a big fight ahead of me that would also make me lose body parts, my hair.. to top it all off I found out I was carrying a BRCA gene which increased my chances of getting other cancers too so that meant even more surgeries just so I could prevent them.  Prognosis wasn't that great. I hit the lowest of low.

    3rd Picture : I was tired, had started aggressive chemo for 8 months and  that nearly stripped me to zero. I still tried to put my brave face on but it was hard, bad news after bad news but couldn't give up. my kids needed me but so many days I just wanted to stop everything. My kids were my whole reason to stay alive.

    4th picture : 9 months in remission. After being on fight mode for so long, I've been suffering from severe PTSD but you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been because I see life in a different light and I refuse to not do everything it takes to be as healthy as I can be, counseling, healthy diet, no alcohol. I wish I could have seen how precious it was to be alive 3 years ago.  I'm not the same person but I feel more like myself than I ever have. My 10 year survival rate isn't what I wished it would be but you know what? It's ok because I'm here now and I'm going to do every damn things it takes to stay healthy. I deserve that

    6bhxf4tvokoy.jpg

    you deserve everything - and more. look at your warrior face, cherie. there is triumph written all over it.
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    CacoEther wrote: »
    Just one more..

    When I see this pic, all I remember is the uncontrollable anxiety roiling underneath

    ey0poq0ve7f3.jpeg

    i just wanna hug you hard right now - YOU! and if i had eyelashes, mine would fall off like T's !

    You are the kindest sweetest woman in existence ❤️❤️
  • lisamestiza2021
    lisamestiza2021 Posts: 239 Member
    What a fantastic thread! Around a month ago, I was suffering a lot of raw emotion and high anxiety levels as I had decided to stop drinking alcohol, I had a lot of raw emotion to deal with and nothing could have prepared me for it. Crippling anxiety, suicidal thoughts & feeling hopeless & helpless. I took this picture on Snapchat at the time, to basically take my mind off things & it really stuck out to me how 'happy' I appeared. So, not everyone who is suffering appears that way. So I always try to just be kind to everyone regardless of who they are / look like. You don't know what someone else is going through. Be kind. It's free. Anyone out there dealing with anxiety, depression or whatever it may be, you are not alone & things can / do get better & improve. (FWIW giving up the alcohol was hard at the beginning but really has helped me tremendously with my mental health 💖)
    68nyeuckrhj7.jpg

    giving up the bottle is a great choice. i did for a year, *years ago i should add* and it changed me profoundly.you took a big step for the better. there used to be threads here for support for non drinkers - not sure if there still is.

    i see peace and serenity in this pic. stay on the path Lady <3
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,722 Member
    edited January 2021
    I wish I could hug every single one of you.

    Thank you all for sharing your stories. I noticed how many of you shared photos where you were smiling, and pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how STRONG you are as a person..

    We' are all a little bent, but we are not broken. ❤️

    Love your last sentence. <3

    I've had the deepest utmost respect and appreciation for you for quite awhile now, just knowing the job you do. But reading your story on this thread upped my it all 100%.

    I also believe going through these challenges gives us all the gift of empathy, something that's sorely needed these days.

    @Revolu7 Sounds like a rough start for you, We all harbor guilt feelings for stuff we did/didn't do, should've done, etc. It sounds like you've worked hard to get where you are now and you should feel proud, not guilty in any way. Much of who we are relates to choices we make, unless you're talking about chemical imbalances. Sounds like you've made some tough, strong and wise choices. It's not easy finding and staying on the straight and narrow road sometimes.
    Only bad choice you've made is to not post your long-hair picture. :)

    @tams_89 I'm glad you left and never returned to such a life when your ds was little. That, alone, takes a lot of strength and is sooo much harder to do than many people realize. Many look at a situation and think 'just leave, why are you still there?' But life is never black and white. I hope you're surrounded by more support now and can stay strong. (HUGS) to you!!!
  • Miss_Chiev0us_
    Miss_Chiev0us_ Posts: 2,208 Member
    tams_89 wrote: »
    This photo was a big turning point for me, I broke down but I opened up
    mb4pyqp6m4i8.jpg
    I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember but the biggest trigger and lowest point for me was when I was 18 and a new Mom, not really talking to my Dad and my Mom living in Portugal. My ex started taking drugs when I was pregnant and I felt trapped and hopeless. I found an early morning job and started saving to get me and my son out. One day on my way back from work something didn't feel quite right, I opened my front door and found my 13 month old son hysterically crying and his "Dad" so high on drugs he could not speak. That day I took my boy and never looked back. But I have suffered with anxiety and depression ever since. I can usually manage the anxiety but when the depression sinks in, I find it overwhelming and shut myself away. Last year after a huge family fall out I broke down, I took this photo. It upsets me to look at but it was a huge turning point for me. I reached out to my doctor, my Mom and Dad and my close friends. I have let everything out and I am no longer going to let it beat me. I still have bad days but I am no longer dwelling on the past that I can not change. One day at a time.

    Big hugs Tams 🤗