What can you not let go of?
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eels4peels00 wrote: »I got kicked off a roller coaster for being too big when I was in high school. That memory is embedded in my mind for some reason. It'll randomly pop up like, hey you remember when you really wanted to do that ride and you had to exit a full roller coaster cause you were too big and went and cried in the gift shop by the cowboy hats? High School was wild.
I once got stuck in an inner tube thing at the bottom of a waterslide and a lifeguard had to help hoist my fatass out. It took several tries and little kids were staring. I was like 32 years old though. I was buzzed off several frozen daquiris so it helped numb the sting.
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Before high school, I finally got the nerve to ask a girl for a date, for the first time. Her response was, “Oh I would but you’re too short and kinda fat. Thanks though”.... that *kitten* has stuck with me to this day. I still believe her words to be true.7
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Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »Before high school, I finally got the nerve to ask a girl for a date, for the first time. Her response was, “Oh I would but you’re too short and kinda fat. Thanks though”.... that *kitten* has stuck with me to this day. I still believe her words to be true.
Similar experience - a guy I had a crush on for years told my girlfriend he " wouldn't touch my fat *kitten* with a 10 foot pole." Well, that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Lost 50 lbs in 6 months, spiraled into an eating disorder and nearly lost my life.
Silver lining - ran into said guy a few years later at bar and he couldn't put a name to my face - I looked like a completely different person. Long story short - bought him a drink and he apologized for the hurt he had caused without me even saying a word about it. Proceeded to tell me what a "beautiful girl" I was...yadda yadda.
*Huggies*
ETA - much like you I still see an overweight person when I look in the mirror
I’m sorry 😞1 -
Has anyone said mfp? 😬4
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Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Honestly? 😢 I can't let go of the fact that I watched my Mother suffer before she died. She didn't have a living will, she never expressed what her wishes were.
The doctors kept giving us false hope because her organs were functioning and her bp was stable. The nurses painted a completely different story and told me to gather the family together and make a decision regarding life support. I had to be the one to ask her what she wanted - she told me she wanted to live. I faught hard for her! Deciding to send her to the best hospital the state had to offer....only to come to the conclusion that we had to let her go, and it wasn't peaceful. 💔
The guilt of putting her through those last few days still haunts me to this day. I only wanted to save her.
Hugs to you Mama 🤗💞...
I too had to give the order to administer "Comfort care" when I lost mine... She told me that if she needed to be intubated one more time, to just let her go...
I honestly wasn't ready to do it when the time came, my baby boy was just 3 months old and what he was losing hurt much more than what I stood to lose...
My father however came to me and said, Jesse you know what she said, and I think she said it for a reason...
It was a man to man moment I will never forget, he too had to give the directive for his father, and my mother always told me that she didn't want him to have to do that again and it would be my responsibility when the time came for her...
It was hard because she looked scared albeit not really coherent when the time came but I did what life demanded of me...
No attachments to the situation, I know I did the right thing... And you did too 💞
In hindsight I was very fortunate and lucky, because she wasn't expected to survive her accident when I was 14, but held on for another 15yrs... No feeling sorry for myself, I'm incredibly blessed and thankful for what I've been given...5 -
Some of the posts here are tugging my heart today. Hugs to all for the hurts that have hurt you. No matter how hard individual challenges have been, they've worked together to create the person you are today. You(many of you here!) should be proud of how strong, kind, courageous, and compassionate you are.
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Motorsheen wrote: »
I knew it was just meee!! 😭1 -
I love Trader Joes ultra chocolate ice cream. Truth is I've always been crazy about chocolate in almost any form (chocolate bars, chocolate cake, etc..). But I was eating a cup/day until a month or so ago, when I cut back to reduce my weight. I only had a tsp/day of it for the last 5 weeks, and with my other food reductions, and exercise regimen I'm closing in on my target weight of 175 lbs. for my 5' ll' foot frame.3
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~COFFEE~3
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I was told regularly by someone I was not worthy of love or kindness and I struggle to let go of that narrative.10
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ExpressoLove11 wrote: »I was told regularly by someone I was not worthy of love or kindness and I struggle to let go of that narrative.
Give me a name... 👇🏽
I will punch them out for you! 💞6 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »I was told regularly by someone I was not worthy of love or kindness and I struggle to let go of that narrative.
Give me a name... 👇🏽
I will punch them out for you! 💞
You got my back pineapple daddy 😏🍍2 -
Sadly I have way too many things I can't let go of...some good, some not good. One is cards. I have kept every single card I've ever been given my entire life. My dad will send a birthday card and a Christmas card each year. I don't see him often; last time I saw him was a year and a half ago. Anyway he writes cards that make me cry every time I read them. However, they almost always say the same thing...I love you with all of my heart and I am so proud of you.... Regardless no card from anyone has ever made it into the trash. Never...3
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ExpressoLove11 wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »ExpressoLove11 wrote: »I was told regularly by someone I was not worthy of love or kindness and I struggle to let go of that narrative.
Give me a name... 👇🏽
I will punch them out for you! 💞
You got my back pineapple daddy 😏🍍
💞💞4 -
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You flatter me
Which means I won’t remember your comments at all in a week’s time. Insult me though, those I keep forever 😜
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My lacy underalls 0
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Back in 2015... my friend and I were making our way into Marshall’s, and coming out was this lady who randomly asked us
“are you two sisters” we just said no and continued walking.
Till this day we regret not asking WHY?0 -
Pretty much everything I've ever done wrong in my life. Other than that I'm fiiiiine.3
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For me it was when I went to a small party in the house of a boy I had a crush on. He asked me to dance and his friends started teasing him because I was taller, so he took off his shoes and they all laughed as he shoved stuff in his shoes to make him taller.
I can still feel that feeling and see that basement.5 -
_MovesLikeJabba_ wrote: »My family's negative views about my weight since I was a child. These words have engrained themselves into me and I let them still hurt my self-esteem decades later.
- My dad worked out of the country for many months at a time. One year when I was in high school, he came back and the first thing the said was "God, you got fat".
- My mom was big when she was young and I blamed many fat-assery on my genetics once, bringing up that she was overweight as a teen. Her response? "I was never as fat as you are".
- My paternal grandpa making comments about my weight at the dinner table in front of guests, and when I cried he said "you should be ashamed of yourself."
You realize how toxic that was, right? I hope you've risen above all those comments as an adult and accept yourself for the wonderful human being that you are. I've had many a negative thing said to me about my size, mostly from strangers, but it still doesn't take the sting out of the words. But I cannot imagine relatives saying those things.
People who are supposed to have your back and be a safe place to land. Damn'em. And something like that does tend to loop in a person's mind.
{{HUGS}}4 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »
I knew it was just meee!! 😭
Aw naw. I’ve tried to leave a thousand times. There really isn’t anything here for me anymore. I don’t diet. I’m not on a weight loss “journey.” If anything, that stuff is detrimental to my mental and physical health. Most of the people I got close with here now communicate with me in other ways. I guess I’m just an addict.3 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »
I knew it was just meee!! 😭
Aw naw. I’ve tried to leave a thousand times. There really isn’t anything here for me anymore. I don’t diet. I’m not on a weight loss “journey.” If anything, that stuff is detrimental to my mental and physical health. Most of the people I got close with here now communicate with me in other ways. I guess I’m just an addict.
You won't leave if you know what's good for you. Addictions can be a good thing. Think about this...if you left, found some other addiction, it could be wayyyy better worse than this one.2 -
My login streak. Lol. I would be so mad if I lost it.0
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My mfp ex wives1
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Yoshiboobs wrote: »Old purses. I always just stuff the old one away like I’m going to use it ever again or actually clean it out. 😅
I’m actually doing something new atm where I’ve bought the new purse but it’s the one hanging out in my closet while I stroll around with my worn out purse.
Yeah this is me too. Although I do clean them out before I put them away. There is also a little queue of new purses-in-waiting that I'm going to use... some day...1 -
Non-physical:
- My mother constantly mentioning and/or comparing my weight when I was younger. She never let me forget that I was an overweight fatass with dreams to aspire to nothing. Not only was my fatness up for ridicule, but so was my desire to be an artist or craftsperson instead of some lofty ideal of being a doctor or a lawyer.
- I was always ridiculed for my fatness, even as a child. Constantly teased, sometimes tortured by boys in my class (having eggs thrown at my head, bubblegum and glue stuck in my hair to the point it had to be cut off and then being blamed for it by my hypercritical mother). I've never gotten over the feelings of worthlessness and otherness that I experienced then.
- When I was in college, a person I dated decided to break up with me in regards to his sister. She and I were friends, but I was concerned about her and let it be known to non-trustworthy people that she worked with that I was concerned (I thought these people were friends of mine... I was wrong). He decided to come to my place, dump all my stuff at the door and proceed to tell me that "no matter how much he showered, he would never be clean again". Keep in mind, we had never had sex, never been more physical than a kiss. He chose the words of strangers over a person he was dating because his sister was involved. He chose the words of people I told him I was having issues with and had already been maligned by at the beginning of our relationship. He then proceeded to brood, sulk and otherwise be petulant any time he saw me on campus or in town at his various jobs, even while I was minding my own business. I've never climbed out of the hole of believing I was any better than scum because of what and how he said it.
- I was called a "fair-weather" friend (or just a *kitten* friend) by a person I had been close to for more than a decade. He cut off all contact with me after screaming at me about it, failing to realize that out of the two of us, I was the one to drive hundreds of miles to pick him up for our mutual friends' wedding. I was the one to drive with a debilitating ear infection to come get him. I was the one to fly out and clean up his apartment when he was too depressed to do it himself and I was the one that was always busting my back and picking up after him despite having my own family and own needs that were not being met or attended to. I miss our friendship, but I'm still mad at him for his selfish *kitten*. And the terrible thing is that he will never know what a selfish-prick he is because people like that rarely do.
- Another person I confided in a few years ago, after telling him stories of my college days and somewhat promiscuous nature referred to me as "the village bicycle" as though I just let all these people use me. Keep in mind that this particular individual had probably slept with more than 100 women in his lifetime, my number (not that it matters), is significantly less. I just resent someone thinking that because I choose to be sexually intimate with someone, that must automatically mean I was used by them.. or that I just slept around and had one-night stands. They were meaningful relationships, albeit it short in the long term. I enjoyed my time (with most of them, anyway). It just has contributed to that overall feeling of how people in my world perceive me. Something of little value they can just throw away when it annoys them. Such has been my life and still is with friendships. I have no meaningful friendships with people anymore. Just a long list of acquaintances.
Physical:- I have a stuffed animal (collie) that my dad and I spent a long *kitten* time trying to win back when Fun Factory still existed. We spent SO much time on the bowling game and ski-ball machines getting the tickets up for that dumb thing. I've had him since 4th grade or so and while he's in my son's care (so Laddie doesn't get lonely), he's still very much mine.
- Sailor Moon art books. They're Japanese exclusive, so have never been translated and are pretty hard to find. I only have two, because each book costs 60 - 200 bucks. I managed to find two in 2011 and have held onto them ever since along with a select few other art books.
- A small glass and brass jewelry box. My (deceased) grandfather and grandmother brought it back from one of their trips to Mexico (my grandfather immigrated from Mexico in the 50s and had many relatives who were craftspeople across the border). He would routinely bring back handmade leather goods, jewelry, etc. One such item was this small glass jewelry box with glass etched flowers in it.
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