Saggy skin & partner support questions from a newbie

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stortina
stortina Posts: 37 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi Everyone,

I'm Jess, 34/F/Sydney Aus. I am 165cm (5'4") and was 107kg/235 lb. Trying to have a baby, so the doc said I had to drop some weight. Through restricting my diet and exercising a little I have lost 10kg/22 lb in 46 days! Crazy right? Too fast, I know. Today I am 97.4kg/214.7lb.

The thing is, I haven't actually found it too hard to restrict my diet - I have probably been eating around 1200 calories per day, with an occasional special event where I've gone over. I never thought I really ate that much bad food before!! Mainly, I have just cut out the sneaky biscuits and chips and tried to have smaller, less fatty meals, much less bread, no alcohol. Better choices. My excercise has been either 30-60 min low impact walk or 30 mins on electric bike, 5-6 x per week.

Anyway that's my story - now two quick questions for those who have played this game before:

Question 1. I am ready to increase my daily calories per day, but don't know by how much. I am considering seeing a dietician but can't really afford it at the moment, so any advice is greatly appreciated.

I don't want to keep losing weight this quickly as I'm worried about getting left over saggy skin. I'd prefer to be losing 1kg/2lb per week instead of 2kg/4lb. I do need to keep losing weight though - my goal weight is 85kg/187lb.

Can anyone offer some advice on how many calories I should increase to, or any suggestions on how to tighten skin? I have been applying vitamin E cream a few times a week but open to any other lotions, potions, exercises, ideas, suggestions etc.


Question 2. How do you keep your partner motivated to keep up with you? My partner has been trying, but is super sick of grilled chicken and steamed vegetables, and has been getting sneaky hamburgers on the way home, and drinking more than normal.

I do feel supported with my weight loss, and I know they are proud of my achievement. I just...
I suppose I shouldn't begrudge them, they aren't the one on the diet, being already in healthy weight range.
Some of their anxiety may relate to the impending baby coming at the end of this journey...

My close friends are overweight themselves and whilst they are verbally supportive, they aren't being... helpful. And I don't want to keep talking to them about it because I know what it's like being on the other end of that conversation.

Has anyone got any similar stories, share some perspective? I never thought I'd be in this space. Feeling kinda... lonely.

Anyway, if you got this far, thank you. I'm sure these questions have been asked a million times before, just trying to find my feet.

Cheers,

Jess
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Replies

  • stortina
    stortina Posts: 37 Member
    edited April 2021
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    Thank you SO MUCH for your thoughtful and considered response! And congratulations on your pregnancy, how exciting!!

    You were quite right to ignore the first two weeks. Looking at the MFP chart for weight loss it looks like I lost 5kg very quickly in those first two weeks (I'd forgotten this, feels like it was forever ago!!!). Week 3 I lost 1.8kg, then 1.5kg. Then I had a week with no net gain or loss. Last week was 1.2kg. So, nothing consistent. Found some links in other posts that suggest 1400-1500 calories might be better for my height/weight. I'm thinking I might increase by 100 calories for now and see how I go, and if I have another week or two of losing more than 1kg, I will go up by another 100 calories at a time. I don't want to undo all my hard work so far.

    Your caution with the menstual cycle is valid. Doc said to lose at least 10kgs but didn't give much other guidance. Maybe I will go back - having a baby is my number one priority at the moment, I don't want to jeopardise that.

    Good points about partner and friends. LOL @ the house plant comment. That was us last year!!
    Wine for brunch - you guys sound like my kind of people hahah :)

    My friends are foodies and it's killing me not being able to enjoy the foods I would normally have eaten when we go out. I have been good, ordering salads and stuff, but its so difficult to quantify calories at a restaurant. You order a salad and they put goodness knows what on it to make it taste delicious. I know there's no easy solution there...

    But I think before I am able to rejoin the hamburgers-for-dinner-club I need to diet for a bit longer, especially to learn more about portion control. It's one thing to have a burger and blow 1000 calories in one meal as a reward when you've been good all week. But it's another thing entirely to also eat all the fries, and a beer, and and and... THAT'S the temptation I struggle with - I never know when to stop.

    I like the balance you have found with your partner, especially that he can eat what he likes but only when you're not around!! I might make some suggestions to mine too!!! I think I could handle the sneaky burger more if only the fries didn't make their way onto the kitchen bench whilst I'm preparing salad...

    I do want to get to my goal weight and maintain it. I've been steadily putting on weight slowly my whole life from over eating. I don't want to buy any bigger clothes. Time to turn the ship around.

    Anyway, thanks again for your response, I really appreciate it.
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
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    stortina wrote: »

    My friends are foodies and it's killing me not being able to enjoy the foods I would normally have eaten when we go out. I have been good, ordering salads and stuff, but its so difficult to quantify calories at a restaurant. You order a salad and they put goodness knows what on it to make it taste delicious. I know there's no easy solution there...

    rheddmobile wrote: »

    Re: friends. Having fat friends is statistically the single most predictive factor about whether or not someone will be fat. If you and your friends eat together to socialize, don’t. Find something else to do. Don’t talk about food or eating with them, the only thing you know for sure is that they haven’t done it right.

    Does your friend group socialize with food exclusively in restaurants? They might still be interested in trying new, healthier restaurant suggestions that you bring up. If you ever cook together, could they be interested in challenging themselves with new, healthier recipes? If you do your research beforehand and phrase things nicely, they might be into it. For example, if you look up some restaurant ideas beforehand (and check menus to make sure there's something that sounds yummy and healthy) and then suggest that restaurant as a place you'd like to try, they might be willing to go with it. Or, you could suggest a coffee shop that's in a park, on a beach or someplace else that's nice to walk, and suggest taking a walk before going there. In the past, during weight loss projects, I've successfully swayed dinner recipe selections with things like "I'm craving something fresh and light, I saw a fruit salad recipe that sounds amazing, I'd love to try that for dessert.". Usually it works, you just have to do your homework and take initiative when suggesting things.

    My family loves good food, and we especially love everything that's banned during pregnancy. We had Easter lunch together, and the whole family came together to come up with a menu that was delicious for everyone, didn't deprive anyone of anything and I was able to eat all of it (except the wine). Of course, pregnancy is a different case than weight loss, and my mom & sister obviously have a special interest in keeping their grandchild/nephew/niece healthy, but still.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
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    Too late to edit, but wanted to apologize for not noticing your spouse’s pronouns and making assumptions!
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
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    rheddmobile wrote: »
    Too late to edit, but wanted to apologize for not noticing your spouse’s pronouns and making assumptions!

    Uhh. Me too. I want to use the excuse of mixing between my own experiences, but that’s an excuse. Sorry.
  • LisaGetsMoving
    LisaGetsMoving Posts: 664 Member
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    I'm 5'4" too, female and started out sedentary, at about your weight. I am losing slowly with average of 1500 calories daily. I think you could safely go up to 1500 and still lose, maybe more depending on exercise duration + intensity.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    Support may look different to different people. My spouse and I have eaten very different diets for a long time. I'm a high-volume produce-grazing herbivore who eats 4 or 5 small meals throughout the day while he's a protein-craving omnivore who eats one or two big meaty meals a day and as few veggies as he can get away with and still poop regularly. :-)

    We figured out long ago that the important part of "mealtime" was the TIME and not the meal. We largely cook for ourselves, but make a point to sit down--phones sequestered--to enjoy each other's company at least once a day.

    Other ways he supports me is that he keeps his meat and cheese in one area of the fridge so I don't have to constantly see it, and we also have different beer preferences, so if there's some of "his" beer in the fridge, I'm not tempted by it, and vice versa. When we do go out (which used to be quite a bit before COVID) we have a circle of haunts with menu choices appealing to both of us. If he goes through a drive-through for a taco or burger when I'm not around, I consider that as a way he tries to support me as well. Another way he is supportive of my choices is that when he makes a casserole or veggie stew that I will eat, he weighs and measures the ingredients so I can log it accurately.
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,677 Member
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    One point that hasn't been made is that you don't need to restrict yourself to chicken and salad. Losing weight doesn't have to be boring and the more restrictive your diet the more likely that you will end up going back to your old eating habits once you have lost the weight. Since you can afford to eat a bit more calories, find ways to make your meals more interesting so your partner will want to join you. Many years ago, when I was doing some very restrictive dieting, I got to the point that I couldn't stand to eat chicken or tuna or cottage cheese. It took me years to get over that.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    Prepare the chicken with herbs and/or spices and roast the veggies. Heck, you are in Australia - throw them on the barbie.

    Are you really eating mostly chicken? What about fish and seafood? Beans? It also sounds like you may be avoiding fruit. Why??

    Eat small portions of what is on offer at the restaurants if you aren't really feeling like a salad.

    You should really be thinking of building lifelong habits so you don't have to start over again, not muscling through to a certain weight by eliminating enjoyable foods.

    As for the partner, do they need to lose weight? Do they want to lose weight? Are they eating an appropriate amount of calories for them? While it is really nice to have someone sticking to the same diet, it isn't realistic in most relationships. My husband eats twice as much as me at most meals, plus adds on a carb heavy side plus his favorite and frequent snack is cereal. He is at the low end of a healthy BMI, it would be lunacy to ask him to eat more like me. Plus, if I expected that of him, I would have to give up dairy to eat more like him.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
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    I think you and your partner will come up will be able to come up with a plan that will suit both of you.

    When I was actively trying to lose weight and still maintaining today, the only meal that my husband may eat begrudgingly is dinner. typically try to choose dinners that are on the healthy side but still things I think the whole family would like (and sometimes not, but they'll live). Honestly, he needs to eat this way more than me as he's technically overweight with high cholesterol, so I think I'm doing him a favor! He also chooses a couple dinners per week, and he typically has no concern with whether or not it's "healthy," but I will eat, it. I just won't eat as much or eat will less throughout the day. Breakfasts and lunches are typically on our own for everyone. Ever since we've lived together I do the "family" shopping and dinner shopping, and he does his own shopping--for breakfasts, lunches and his own junk food. It works for us, and I'm not tempted by the stuff he buys because it's usually different junk than I would buy for myself(unless it's cake, then I might be :smile: ).

    Right now, I'm on an elimination diet for food sensitivities, so that does make our dinners kind of boring, but he eats them. I have noticed him snacking more at night, though, to make up for it, which is fine.

    I think someone else suggested to find ways to make your meals more interesting, and I totally agree! There are so many avenues for healthy meals, from Pinterest, to following certain people on Instagram, to good old-fashioned magazines! I find Cooking Light and Eating Well have a lot of yummy, good-for-you meals. Even if you go to their website you can find so many recipes.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,897 Member
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    Question 1. I am ready to increase my daily calories per day, but don't know by how much. I am considering seeing a dietician but can't really afford it at the moment, so any advice is greatly appreciated.

    I don't want to keep losing weight this quickly as I'm worried about getting left over saggy skin. I'd prefer to be losing 1kg/2lb per week instead of 2kg/4lb. I do need to keep losing weight though - my goal weight is 85kg/187lb.

    Can anyone offer some advice on how many calories I should increase to?

    9kjwnia17qv9.jpg

    Take a look at this chart, select a weekly weight loss goal, put that and your stats into MFP at the link below and voila! Your calorie goal.

    https://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/change_goals_guided
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,897 Member
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    Question 2. How do you keep your partner motivated to keep up with you? My partner has been trying, but is super sick of grilled chicken and steamed vegetables, and has been getting sneaky hamburgers on the way home, and drinking more than normal.

    I do feel supported with my weight loss, and I know they are proud of my achievement. I just...
    I suppose I shouldn't begrudge them, they aren't the one on the diet, being already in healthy weight range.
    Some of their anxiety may relate to the impending baby coming at the end of this journey...

    I don't serve "diet foods" for dinner, but then I start with 1500 calories plus the calories I earn from exercise. We often eat different proportions of the same foods - I have less fat and carbs, and more protein and veggies.

    I'm reducing saturated fat for a medical condition, but previously, we'd get a small pizza and I would have 3/8 and a big salad and he would have 5/8 and less salad. Now, if he wants pizza he gets it and I get a chicken Caesar wrap. I'll eat half of it for dinner with a big salad and the rest later.

    In the summer, we often have entrée-sized salads with grilled meat, which may be two different kinds of meat, and two different kinds of salads. He grills and I do the rest. Everybody's happy :)

    I'm somewhat concerned about your partner "drinking more than normal" but don't have enough info to comment.
  • stortina
    stortina Posts: 37 Member
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    Hey Everyone, thank you for your helpful comments!
    rheddmobile wrote: »
    It’s pretty common for obese people to lose rapidly during the first few weeks of a diet
    Lost another 800g overnight after having a big, fattening lunch yesterday which surprised me greatly. Have been drinking lots of water but staying away from carbs to reduce water weight and stay hydrated. I think I will go up to 1400 calories for a couple of weeks and see how I go, and if I keep dropping weight so rapidly I will increase again.

    Normally my partner (she/her- thank you for your thoughtful comments!!) and I eat breakfast and lunch separately, but have dinner together. I've shared some of your suggestions with her, so hopefully she can keep eating her burgers but outside of my presence/temptation!!
    hipari wrote: »
    Does your friend group socialize with food exclusively in restaurants?
    Yes, my friends and family always ALWAYS go out for meals. It's like the number one thing we all do to socialise - food is a very big part of Italian migrant culture. When we visit one another's house there's always food involved, and usually it's a lot of food too -- asian dumplings, bbq ribs, big Aussie Pub meals or home made pizza and pasta with tiramisu for dessert... oh, I'm hungry just thinking about it all!! So yes, will have to make suggestions to meet for coffee and light lunch/brunch instead of our usual feasts!! My mother is at least getting a bit better at allowing smaller portions (without shoving more food onto my plate).

    Haven't literally only been eating chicken and salad -- that's been my go-to quick dinner, but I am eating varied nutritious diet, lots of veg, trying to keep protein down to smaller, leaner portions. Red meat once a week. Not a super fan of fish, but bought some anyway and have had a couple of times.
    Lentil/bean and veg minestrone soup once a week too which is my favourite.
    This week have been trying to save around 600 calories for dinner, so that means I can make something a bit more calorific that my partner will want to eat too, eg. stir fry with tofu and veg, on brown rice.
    The other night we BBQ'd steaks and served with steamed veg. My partner made cheesy mashed potato, I had steamed sweet potato and corn instead. So we ate together except I had different carbs.

    Apart from naughty snacks - chips and biscuits - the only meals I'm really trying to avoid entirely are pasta and risotto, which we would probably have had once a week each in the past. I have no self control when we have carb based meals and I'm finding it easier to avoid those foods for the time being. Maybe that's stupid, but I have still been having some carbs: oatmeal/granola for breakfast, occasionally toast. Lots of vegetables.

    Also, it's too hard work to cook pasta and only have a small portion of it as a side-dish to something else. I'd rather just cook once and eat the other thing. But yes, I see the point that maybe I should cook that for my partner so we can eat together. But she can cook it herself too if she wants it!! haha

    Work lunches I have been buying various low calorie frozen meals ("lean cuisine" type things) and just heating them up in the microwave. Has been super easy, and cheaper than buying lunch!! Had a low fat lasagne thing the other day, most of the meals have all sorts of fancy sounding ingredients like "ancient grains", couscous, vegetables. Better than I would cook for myself!!
    rheddmobile wrote: »
    BTW if my husband ate a “sneaky burger” and then left his fries in my personal space while I was making salad the fries would go down the garbage disposal. As for drinking, this has been an insanely stressful year for everyone... Any chance you could work out together?
    Would love to throw the fries into the bin!! But don't want to start a war.
    Yes, we have been going for walks together a few nights a week. Daylight savings has just ended so it's dark in the evenings now (coming into winter here) but need to keep going with this, I have had a lazy week exercise wise!
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    I'm somewhat concerned about your partner "drinking more than normal"
    You and me both!! We are working on it.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    Regarding calories, have you set up your stats and goals in your MFP profile? If you do that, MFP will tell you how many calories to eat. I suggest setting your goal at 1 or 1.5 lb per week.
    Do you do all the cooking? If so, discuss what can added on to meals that will satisfy your partner but not be extra work for you. BBQ sauce on their chicken, store bought rolls or artisan bread, wine, etc. Ypu can make a few calorie dense dishes and have different portion sizes.
    If they share in the cooking, they can cook something extra for themself.
  • stortina
    stortina Posts: 37 Member
    edited April 2021
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    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    I didn't see a bunch about this (the bolded), so here's some thoughts:
    Thank you so much!! A very reassuring and helpful post!! :)
    My upper arm skin has already started sagging over my elbows which is so horrible it almost makes me want to put the weight back on!!! (jk)
    I have bought some weights to try to do some arm exercises too.
    lorrpb wrote: »
    Regarding calories, have you set up your stats and goals in your MFP profile
    Yeah, I did that and it said 1200 calories. Other posts/websites have said that's too low.
    I usually do all the cooking but my partner has agreed she'll help more with this since we both read through the above. I really struggle with regulating my portion sizes, especially when it's yummy food, so I really do not want to be tempted by fattening food at the moment. I'm going to try 1300-1400 for a few weeks and see how I go.

    We have both had an extravagant few days eating out, drinking wine, and with very little exercise, so back to the grind this week!

    Thanks again everyone!!
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
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    One more thing - you mention struggling with portion sizes, so you might benefit from looking into the volume eaters thread somewhere in these forums (can’t find the link right now, but surely the search would find it). Basically people like you and me who struggle with portion sizes often benefit from eating things that are high in volume but low in calories to fill us up, so we can have smaller portions of the oh-so-yummy carb and main dishes but still feel satisfied. Usual tricks include drinking lots of water and a full glass before a meal, having large side salads or appetizer salads, and bulking dishes with vegetables so there are less calories per same portion sizes.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,084 Member
    edited April 2021
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    hipari wrote: »
    One more thing - you mention struggling with portion sizes, so you might benefit from looking into the volume eaters thread somewhere in these forums (can’t find the link right now, but surely the search would find it). Basically people like you and me who struggle with portion sizes often benefit from eating things that are high in volume but low in calories to fill us up, so we can have smaller portions of the oh-so-yummy carb and main dishes but still feel satisfied. Usual tricks include drinking lots of water and a full glass before a meal, having large side salads or appetizer salads, and bulking dishes with vegetables so there are less calories per same portion sizes.

    This one?

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10563959/volume-eaters-thread
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
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    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    hipari wrote: »
    One more thing - you mention struggling with portion sizes, so you might benefit from looking into the volume eaters thread somewhere in these forums (can’t find the link right now, but surely the search would find it). Basically people like you and me who struggle with portion sizes often benefit from eating things that are high in volume but low in calories to fill us up, so we can have smaller portions of the oh-so-yummy carb and main dishes but still feel satisfied. Usual tricks include drinking lots of water and a full glass before a meal, having large side salads or appetizer salads, and bulking dishes with vegetables so there are less calories per same portion sizes.

    This one?

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10563959/volume-eaters-thread

    Yep!

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