I Don't Care About You -well I do but not like this

RA_Warrior

I am trying to find my way around here. I try to figure out what to do, and what to expect. I wonder if I am too determined and too serious. Am I?

I am not interested in funny pictures or silly quotes. I am interested in serious a..-kicking if I don't stay on top of my game. I don't care about your puppies and what car liter you just bought or if Uncle Bob just came back from vacation. I care only about weight and health. I am fighting for my health, there is no plan B.

Friendship must grow. Does it still apply or am I old-fashioned? Is MyFitnessPal just like any other social media page and small talk rules? I am looking for friends. To be honest I would love to have an army of friends beside me as long as I will be here, which could take a while. I need to hear the truth when I slack off, I need to be 'yelled at' when I quit for no reason. I want to be with a group that takes this all seriously. I am afraid my expectations might be unrealistic?

I just realized that we are all starving for even the smallest show of kindness and attention after almost a year in logdown, even if it’s just a random stranger online. Am I unfriendly?

goal06082021

You aren't required to participate in the chit-chat or fun and games forums if you're not here for that. No one's forcing you to look at pet pics or talk about Uncle Bob's vacation. Just keep scrolling past content you don't care about, that was always allowed.

You choose what you want to engage with, but it's actually not anyone else's job to keep tabs on you and "yell at" you when you fall off the wagon. It's your responsibility to keep making choices in service of your goals. You can set up the app to push you reminders to log in or log your food/exercise, multiple ones throughout the day if you want, but beyond that it's all you, babe. You're an adult - not only do you GET to make choices about what you do with your time, money, and body, but you HAVE to be the one to make those choices.

You're allowed to post about what you're doing/not doing, whether publicly here or on your news feed so just your friends see it. And you can even directly ask for acknowledgement, commiseration, praise, encouragement, whatever you need. You can even set up your notification settings so that it automatically posts to your feed when you lose weight and close your diary under budget. But no one is going to make a thread or newsfeed post that says "Hey RA_Warrior, get your fat *kitten* BACK on this website RIGHT THIS MINUTE, missy," because that's not how it works. No one is going to make a thread or newsfeed post that says "RA_Warrior has been killing it lately, everyone applaud for her," because that's not how it works.

wunderkindking

Yeah, pretty much. You're going to be responsible for curating your experience here, and you're sure as heck responsible for kicking your own *kitten* if you fall off the track.

I care about people here, sure. I keep my eye on my newsfeed.

I'm not your mother. Your health is not my problem. It's yours.

wunderkindking

and for what it's worth, my standards for considering someone my friend are not all that high. There's basically one bar to cross and that is understanding the line between someone supporting you in your endeavors and when things are hard, and someone taking responsibility for your *kitten* and over relying on them - for tough love or otherwise - and making your crap their responsibility.

I am NOT old fashioned, and I am NOT talking about social media friends. I'm talking about decades old friendships that have been together through some serious crap. The day one of those people ask me to 'kick their *kitten*' for not doing something THEY need to do for THEMSELVES is the day we'd be having a talk about what it is and is not okay to expect from me.

Beautyofdreams

People mention these events because life happens and you would be amazed at some of the life events that affect people's food, drink and exercise choices. Also, they are looking for common interests to build a friendship upon.

It is your choice to respond in kind or redirect the conversation. Personally, as a former 20+ year insulin dependent diabetic with current stage 4 kidney disease, no right eye and limited vision, extensive nerve damage on an autonomic level who has almost literally been revived from death 3 times, I would take the small talk and friendship. Life is too short.

tiptoethruthetulips

I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.

I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.

PAV8888

You put in 10. You get back 1.

Maybe getting the 1 back is valuable enough for you to be worth putting out the 10.
Maybe putting out 10 is valuable enough for you without ever getting the 1 back

Or not.

You're a duck.
Water can flow over your feathers.
Or you can fly to another pond.

This is an OK pond!

ninerbuff

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I am trying to find my way around here. I try to figure out what to do, and what to expect. I wonder if I am too determined and too serious. Am I?

I am not interested in funny pictures or silly quotes. I am interested in serious a..-kicking if I don't stay on top of my game. I don't care about your puppies and what car liter you just bought or if Uncle Bob just came back from vacation. I care only about weight and health. I am fighting for my health, there is no plan B.

Friendship must grow. Does it still apply or am I old-fashioned? Is MyFitnessPal just like any other social media page and small talk rules? I am looking for friends. To be honest I would love to have an army of friends beside me as long as I will be here, which could take a while. I need to hear the truth when I slack off, I need to be 'yelled at' when I quit for no reason. I want to be with a group that takes this all seriously. I am afraid my expectations might be unrealistic?

I just realized that we are all starving for even the smallest show of kindness and attention after almost a year in logdown, even if it’s just a random stranger online. Am I unfriendly?

Yeah, it's NOT mandatory for you to participate in fun threads. I don't drink alcohol. But I'm NOT going to bash people that do it because it's fun for them and they like it.
And truth is there are serious people here. I'm one of them. But I also like to joke around and participate in those threads.
You can ask your question without fear here. Many of the regulars will answer in kind. You need accountability? Join a group that checks in everyday.




A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

RA_Warrior

I haven't been in the forum much, other than the success stories. I was talking about my 'MFP friends; and my newsfeed. I should have made it clear, my bad.

JBanx256

As serious as you are about health & fitness, I can 100% assure you there are plenty of people on here just as, if not more, serious.

You claim you want "an army" of friends to have your back, but you don't want to show an ounce of interest in anything they do beyond nutrition/exercise? I mean, I'm pretty *kitten* dedicated, but did I maybe possibly potentially stress-eat a huge pile of Reese's when someone I know was SHOT recently? Sure. In other words, people's personal lives outside of the kitchen & gym have influence on their dietary and exercise choices. People have jobs, kids, relationships, etc...someone can be EXTREMELY health/fitness focused and still be, and act like, a human. Nobody, no matter how hardcore or dedicated they claim to be, is a robot. And robots wouldn't be on the forums asking for people to yell at them anyway, so..... *shrugs*

If you don't want to interact with other people, cool, that's your choice. But then don't expect anyone to be clamoring to offer support/encouragement/motivation/yelling/whatever you want to call it, when you decide you want/need it.

AnnPT77

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

IMO, if I need something in my life, it's my responsibility to find it, create it, or learn to get along without it (or get along with whatever I can get instead, maybe). The world isn't going to just deliver what I need because I want it, y'know?

I'm not a big small-talker or chit-chatter myself, in terms of social needs. I like problem-solving, analysis, debate, learning. What I believe, though, is that sometimes some other people need small talk to feel a connection with me. If I want something from them, I need to be open to giving them what they need sometimes, even if that's not natural to me, even if there's nothing in that particular act for me. Reciprocity, but not reciprocity in kind: Reciprocity in a different currency, maybe. If I'm unwilling to take up my side of the the transaction, whatever it is, there will be no transaction.

There's not going to be an army of soulmates, who just 'get' me, automagically deliver what I need in the way I think I need it. There may be zero soulmates. I have to take the world as it is (as I perceive it 😉), not how I wish it were.

You might find some of the challenges, over in the Challenges part of the community, more to your liking. They vary in style. You can read them and find those that are closer to your style, before joining. Some are quite direct, others more chatty. The challenges, or other posts in the Community, might also lead you to groups, in that part of MFP. Or you can go into the groups area and search them, maybe find some of interest to you, try them out.

Engaging is likely to be more productive than checking out . . . but probably also more frustrating, time-consuming, especially until you find your better niche.

Personally, I'm very inactive on the MFP friend/timeline side of things, don't find it structured in a way that works well for me. I don't go to Chit Chat, don't go to Fun & Games. I'm very active in other parts of the Community forums, and in different ways in different parts. We all want different things: I don't want people to yell at me if (they think) I'm slacking off, for example (especially at this stage). You say you do, and that's fine.

It'll take some experimenting, but you may find what you want here, somewhere. You may even find people willing to poke and challenge and nag - who knows, I haven't looked for those. But you may have to give them something they need in return, which could turn out to be - who knows? - admiring their puppies, or commiserating about how lucky their difficult uncle Bob is to have them to look out for him after his vacation. I have no idea.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

RA_Warrior

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

AnnPT77

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

You can find some biggest loser team type stuff in the challenges area, I think. It's not my jam, but there seem to be some things that look that way on a casual glance. (Maybe others can suggest some specific ones to look at.)

It's interesting to me that you mention wanting to snoop diaries. You & I are MFP friends, my diary is open to friends (you'd be welcome to snoop if I'd only log: not consistently doing so recently) . . . your diary is not open to friends. Did you realize that? I kind of wonder what the implication is when someone wants friends and feedback, but the only thing to give feedback on is what they post on their timeline (something I admit I'm not good about tracking). When I'm logging more consistently, sometimes people on the friend side ask me questions about foods or meals or exercise (PMs or status comments), and I do answer those. (Right now, I'm not even exercising - to my chagrin - because surgery.)

Personally, I feel like I talk a lot here (too much, really) about "fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration" by reading and commenting in threads in the relevant parts of the Community forums. Once I've decided to participate in a thread, I track it via Notifications, see what others have posted, maybe add further comments/arguments, etc. It does take a while, and a little time investment/experimentation, to find a way to use the many parts of MFP (timelines, Community forum threads, groups, challenges & such within the forums, etc.) in ways that suit one's personal style, I think.

conniewilkins56

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

I tried to be your friend and you were not interested in my journey on MFP….I thought losing 110 lbs myself might help and inspire you…I am 70 years old….this was and is not a game to me….I had almost completely given up on living….my entire life has changed….I have an open diary and I am honest….this journey is for everyone and not just you….if I can help others along the way that is a good thing….I hope you find what you are looking for!

wunderkindking

The more I read of this the more it sounds like you want people around you who are *fired up!* about this whole weight loss thing, rather than just, as you said, serious about it. Your earlier posts and your user name might be adding to this perception, but either way? Just a bit of kind advice?

The people who are 'on fire' and 'super passionate' or whatever about this thing are usually new. That this is a battle and I'm gonna win it, roar stuff? It doesn't last. It kind of *can't* last, even in people who have a lot of fitness. Because it's an all day, every day, for the rest of your life kind of deal and all that fire eventually either banks down into embers that sustain the process -- or it flares really hot and high until it (they) burn out.

Look around at the people who have 'made it'. Who have hit their goal weight and are sustaining it. They will talk to you and be serious, but you're NOT going to find that... super crazy intensity in them. Because the weight management is habit and routine now. It's some tiny corner of their lives, and maybe they like chatting and showing puppy pictures, and maybe they like talking nuts and bolts here, and maybe even enjoy one of the odd fitness challenges.

But they're also mostly living their lives, not seeing it as a metaphorical charge into battle all day, every day, all the time.

And that's good and a thing you could maybe learn from.

paperpudding

People use MFP in different ways-there are some like me who are not into the whole friends behind the scenes thing (and my profile says that) others who enjoy different types of interaction via their friends.

Some use the forum more than others and for different things.

Your OP comes across as everyone else is doing it wrong - maybe you didnt mean that and I am misinterpreting it

I dont think you are too determined or too serious - but you do sound too critical of the way others interact and you do seem to have the unrealistic expectation that everyone will do MFP in a way that suits you.

RA_Warrior

[/quote]

You & I are MFP friends, my diary is open to friends (you'd be welcome to snoop if I'd only log: not consistently doing so recently) . . . your diary is not open to friends. Did you realize that?
[/quote]

Nope, thank you. Not sure how it happened I haven't changed anything in settings. I thought all diaries were open.

RA_Warrior

[/quote]

I tried to be your friend and you were not interested in my journey on MFP….I thought losing 110 lbs myself might help and inspire you…I am 70 years old….this was and is not a game to me….I had almost completely given up on living….my entire life has changed….I have an open diary and I am honest….this journey is for everyone and not just you….if I can help others along the way that is a good thing….I hope you find what you are looking for![/quote]

I remember. Your 'openness and the number of lenghty posts you wrote about your husband and your private life shocked me on day one. All the best to you. I am sure you will succeed.

lynn_glenmont

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

It sounds like you might find what you want either in the challenges forum, certain threads in the success forum, or some of the groups. None of that is what I come here for, so I can't offer any advice more specific than that.

RA_Warrior

[quote="paperpudding;c-46199205"

Your OP comes across as everyone else is doing it wrong - maybe you didnt mean that and I am misinterpreting it

I dont think you are too determined or too serious - but you do sound too critical of the way others interact and you do seem to have the unrealistic expectation that everyone will do MFP in a way that suits you.[/quote]

Correct! You misinterpreted. I am glad you did. I was wrong to write about it. I should have just left MyFitnessPal and do my thing.

BCLadybug888

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.

I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.

How do you do this? And how do you interact with friends on their feed? I am new (but not my firstrodeo lol), with a long ways to go and also have found many threads wonderful in their camaraderie, but consumed by topics not of interest to me (at this time at least).

But I do want to plug in somewhere.