I Don't Care About You -well I do but not like this

Yeah, pretty much. You're going to be responsible for curating your experience here, and you're sure as heck responsible for kicking your own *kitten* if you fall off the track.

I care about people here, sure. I keep my eye on my newsfeed.

I'm not your mother. Your health is not my problem. It's yours.

People mention these events because life happens and you would be amazed at some of the life events that affect people's food, drink and exercise choices. Also, they are looking for common interests to build a friendship upon.

It is your choice to respond in kind or redirect the conversation. Personally, as a former 20+ year insulin dependent diabetic with current stage 4 kidney disease, no right eye and limited vision, extensive nerve damage on an autonomic level who has almost literally been revived from death 3 times, I would take the small talk and friendship. Life is too short.

You put in 10. You get back 1.

Maybe getting the 1 back is valuable enough for you to be worth putting out the 10.
Maybe putting out 10 is valuable enough for you without ever getting the 1 back

Or not.

You're a duck.
Water can flow over your feathers.
Or you can fly to another pond.

This is an OK pond!

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

IMO, if I need something in my life, it's my responsibility to find it, create it, or learn to get along without it (or get along with whatever I can get instead, maybe). The world isn't going to just deliver what I need because I want it, y'know?

I'm not a big small-talker or chit-chatter myself, in terms of social needs. I like problem-solving, analysis, debate, learning. What I believe, though, is that sometimes some other people need small talk to feel a connection with me. If I want something from them, I need to be open to giving them what they need sometimes, even if that's not natural to me, even if there's nothing in that particular act for me. Reciprocity, but not reciprocity in kind: Reciprocity in a different currency, maybe. If I'm unwilling to take up my side of the the transaction, whatever it is, there will be no transaction.

There's not going to be an army of soulmates, who just 'get' me, automagically deliver what I need in the way I think I need it. There may be zero soulmates. I have to take the world as it is (as I perceive it 😉), not how I wish it were.

You might find some of the challenges, over in the Challenges part of the community, more to your liking. They vary in style. You can read them and find those that are closer to your style, before joining. Some are quite direct, others more chatty. The challenges, or other posts in the Community, might also lead you to groups, in that part of MFP. Or you can go into the groups area and search them, maybe find some of interest to you, try them out.

Engaging is likely to be more productive than checking out . . . but probably also more frustrating, time-consuming, especially until you find your better niche.

Personally, I'm very inactive on the MFP friend/timeline side of things, don't find it structured in a way that works well for me. I don't go to Chit Chat, don't go to Fun & Games. I'm very active in other parts of the Community forums, and in different ways in different parts. We all want different things: I don't want people to yell at me if (they think) I'm slacking off, for example (especially at this stage). You say you do, and that's fine.

It'll take some experimenting, but you may find what you want here, somewhere. You may even find people willing to poke and challenge and nag - who knows, I haven't looked for those. But you may have to give them something they need in return, which could turn out to be - who knows? - admiring their puppies, or commiserating about how lucky their difficult uncle Bob is to have them to look out for him after his vacation. I have no idea.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

You can find some biggest loser team type stuff in the challenges area, I think. It's not my jam, but there seem to be some things that look that way on a casual glance. (Maybe others can suggest some specific ones to look at.)

It's interesting to me that you mention wanting to snoop diaries. You & I are MFP friends, my diary is open to friends (you'd be welcome to snoop if I'd only log: not consistently doing so recently) . . . your diary is not open to friends. Did you realize that? I kind of wonder what the implication is when someone wants friends and feedback, but the only thing to give feedback on is what they post on their timeline (something I admit I'm not good about tracking). When I'm logging more consistently, sometimes people on the friend side ask me questions about foods or meals or exercise (PMs or status comments), and I do answer those. (Right now, I'm not even exercising - to my chagrin - because surgery.)

Personally, I feel like I talk a lot here (too much, really) about "fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration" by reading and commenting in threads in the relevant parts of the Community forums. Once I've decided to participate in a thread, I track it via Notifications, see what others have posted, maybe add further comments/arguments, etc. It does take a while, and a little time investment/experimentation, to find a way to use the many parts of MFP (timelines, Community forum threads, groups, challenges & such within the forums, etc.) in ways that suit one's personal style, I think.

The more I read of this the more it sounds like you want people around you who are *fired up!* about this whole weight loss thing, rather than just, as you said, serious about it. Your earlier posts and your user name might be adding to this perception, but either way? Just a bit of kind advice?

The people who are 'on fire' and 'super passionate' or whatever about this thing are usually new. That this is a battle and I'm gonna win it, roar stuff? It doesn't last. It kind of *can't* last, even in people who have a lot of fitness. Because it's an all day, every day, for the rest of your life kind of deal and all that fire eventually either banks down into embers that sustain the process -- or it flares really hot and high until it (they) burn out.

Look around at the people who have 'made it'. Who have hit their goal weight and are sustaining it. They will talk to you and be serious, but you're NOT going to find that... super crazy intensity in them. Because the weight management is habit and routine now. It's some tiny corner of their lives, and maybe they like chatting and showing puppy pictures, and maybe they like talking nuts and bolts here, and maybe even enjoy one of the odd fitness challenges.

But they're also mostly living their lives, not seeing it as a metaphorical charge into battle all day, every day, all the time.

And that's good and a thing you could maybe learn from.

RA_Warrior wrote: »

[quote="paperpudding;c-46199205"

Your OP comes across as everyone else is doing it wrong - maybe you didnt mean that and I am misinterpreting it

I dont think you are too determined or too serious - but you do sound too critical of the way others interact and you do seem to have the unrealistic expectation that everyone will do MFP in a way that suits you.

Correct! You misinterpreted. I am glad you did. I was wrong to write about it. I should have just left MyFitnessPal and do my thing. [/quote]


Subsequent posts have led me to believe I did not misinterpret at all.

RA_Warrior wrote: »

Ladybug8882021 wrote: »

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.

I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.

How do you do this? And how do you interact with friends on their feed? I am new (but not my firstrodeo lol), with a long ways to go and also have found many threads wonderful in their camaraderie, but consumed by topics not of interest to me (at this time at least).

But I do want to plug in somewhere.

I have never been in the subforums, but I imagine that many who have reached their goal weight are just staying here because of the small talks and the connections they have made.

As for interaction with friends on your feed. I have no idea, I am trying to figure out how to make this space 'my space' myself.

As for the people who are consumed by topics of no interest to you. This thread took care of a lot of them. I got deleted as a friend, which is so much easier than the other way around.

I wanted to address the bolded bit above.

Did you think that once you reach your goal weight, you stop watching what you eat or exercising? You don't. It's an ongoing process. To keep the body that you achieve through changing your diet and incorporating exercise, you have to--get this--continue to pay attention to your diet and continue to exercise. This is not a process that has a defined end point. Weight management is a forever thing. Maybe someday you can and will learn how to eat intuitively and not have to think so God damned much about all this, but I'm thinking smart money says that if you could do that, you wouldn't have gotten fat to start with. And this holds true for me as well, please don't read this as an attack on your character, I'm right here with you in this same boat - clearly my intuition around food and exercise doesn't match what's necessary for the body I want, so I can't rely on that to change the body I have. I've made peace with the idea of, at least, counting calories for the rest of my life, via MFP or some other means if I outlast this app.

No one's keeping you here, so if you're not enjoying the MFP tools or community you're not obligated to stay and use them. But if you're here anyway, you would probably be well served by trying to adjust your mindset around what you're trying to do. There's hundreds of posts and threads from lots of people all trying to do the same thing you are; just because none of them are calling you out by name doesn't mean you have nothing to gain from reading what they have to say.

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

so you want skinny crazy possibly miserable friends who are obsessed with weight loss. sounds well balanced.

As opposed to real friends who are either trying to lose and sharing their struggles (and their real world problems may be a cause of of some of their weight loss struggles) or have successfully lost and know a thing or two about doing so and probably have a lot of really good knowledge floating around in their heads, and in either case are sharing their real lives, which, include FAR MORE than what they ate, how many steps they took, and what their workout was. And might be .... happy? OH NO!

What can I tell you about my friends? Some I've known for years, some a shorter amount of time?

- Ones husband (only married a few years) recently had knee replacement and shes struggling with being caretaker
- Ones a single dad struggling with his eldest just having left for college and REALLY missing his kid
- Ones on an extended vacation to greece visiting family and having a great time
- Several are in the northeast bracing for this hurricane and scared of extended power outages and chaos
- Ones brother is dealing with a crazy ex wife and harboring her teenage nephew
- One has hosted games on his page for years but is taking a break because of, well, reasons, and another mutual friend is at least temporarily hosting (and she did great this week!)

And those are just the ones off the very top of my head at 5:30 in the morning.

As far as the forums go, you can easily pick and choose what you read and participate in. Your friends list, too. You add someone, decide you dont like them, for whatever reason, simply delete the. you deleted me. No skin off my back.

I'm a happy person. Maybe thats why you deleted me (truly, i dont care why). I laugh at myself. I laugh at my animals. I laugh at everything pretty much. Its that or have a nervous breakdown some days. And I hope I make other people on my friends list laugh. I truly do. Because this world is sad and serious enough as it is. And I LOVE the people on my friends list that share the kaleidoscope of their lives with me, as I share mine. And that is why I happily accept the majority of friend requests. Because there are some great people out there, if you give them half a chance.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

On the rare occasion that I do get to my feed I enjoy your posts