Kicking EDNOS’ *kitten* (TW: Eating Disorders)

againwiththerelapsing

My disordered eating started around April of 2020. I began descending the bottomless pit that is low calorie restriction and rapid weight loss. MyFitnessPal was my Jesus, and the scale was my God. My “goal weight” got lower and lower for every one I reached, proving only that there was no end to this. I was going to keep starving, bingeing, and purging until I ultimately died of complications. I was passing out at work, snapping at the people I love, and ruining my relationships. Only when I was “caught” was I able to receive help. I spent over 6 months going from partial hospitalization to residential to outpatient therapy. It was exhausting, but worth every minute. I was successfully re-fed, and had recovered the weight that I had nearly killed myself to lose. I was healthy again, at least physically. My mental state was a bit more difficult to change. But after another 4 months in therapy, I was finally in a stable state of mind, about not only my body, but my whole self. It’s been a year and a half since my first time in treatment. I feel like I’m ready to get back in shape. My dream is to be a female boxer, and to share my story with those who may need it. I guess this is the first step. My only regret is that I didn’t get help sooner. But it’s never too late. You are never “too far gone”. Stay away from the scale. Focus on what makes your heart happy, not your eyes. If you need help, tell someone. Even me. I’m here for you, as well as so many people who love you. You will always be beautiful, no matter what you look like.