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Are harsh straightforward reality checks good?

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fatfish420
fatfish420 Posts: 11 Member
This is more a musing of mine as I look back at what lead me to my current weight issues and one thing that always sticks out is the number of people who would tell me I still looked good or wasn't that overweight. these compliments came when I was well over 300 pounds but stopped shortly before getting to my peak of 420. I have wondered if someone had just taken the time to tell 20 something your old me you are gaining way too much weight would currently 32 year old me be a lot healthier.

So the thesis question is when it comes to people's health should we be a bit more blunt and honest about their weight gain?
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Replies

  • fatfish420
    fatfish420 Posts: 11 Member
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    Ah.....crossing the fine line. I don't know if you'll get many takers here. People are SO sensitive. It's hard to believe that you didn't know you were very overweight. I don't throw out compliments that aren't true, but I also don't volunteer comments on someones flaws. I need my friends.

    Oh I most certainly knew but if everyone tells you that you look good are you going to get motivated to change it is kind of what I am getting at. plus no one can tell me the didn't notice I gained at a rate of just over 20lbs a year to get to my max
    sijomial wrote: »
    Honest - yes.
    Blunt is just one delivery style and I would say that's a maybe. That will work for some but not others.

    I blamed the driver who mangled my leg (with a lot of justification) for my weight gain but no-one was brave enough to point out it was me putting too much food into my cake hole for the following 20 years that kept me overweight.

    I wish someone had spoken up during my fat 20 years but hand on heart I don't know how I would have received it or how I would have reacted. A lot would no doubt have depended on who challenged me.

    and that last part is why I this is an interesting musing to me. would I have received it well blunt or how would I have received it in general even if someone put it as nicely as possible. I know I resented people even in the moment who said I looked fine when I was over 300lbs because I knew I didn't.
  • ciaoder
    ciaoder Posts: 119 Member
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    Xellercin wrote: »
    I

    If the person doesn't feel cared for by the person offering constructive criticism, then it won't feel constructive, and will likely just contribute to their already existing self esteem issues. And lower self worth and lower self esteem have rarely helped anyone with committing to long term healthy changes.

    Truth.

    I'm not afraid of offending the people I care about, but if I'm not involved enough to be a part of the solution it's not really my role to observe the problem. I naturally lean into the positive side of things.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    Hmmm, good question. I think blunt observations from others would've sent me spiraling faster down the overweight rabbit hole, only because it would've made me feel that much worse than I already did. But OTOH, having someone come right out and say it to my face, I might've thought 'I'll show them'.

    I did not appreciate all the comments such as 'oh you're tall, you can carry the extra weight' or 'why are you trying to lose weight, you look great', when I knew how I felt in my own body and that was what I needed to take care of, for myself. It always felt so condescending to me.

    In the end, I think you need to know your audience, your relationship with that person, and be able to speak frankly with love. It's hard to predict how the other person will accept any comments though so it's best to stay neutral. JMO
  • Mellouk89
    Mellouk89 Posts: 469 Member
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    Bad in the short term but good in the long term. You may react negatively in the present but it might or will probably help you for the future.

    That's my experience.
  • TakeTheLongWayHome
    TakeTheLongWayHome Posts: 816 Member
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    I didn’t need anyone to tell me I was fat, anymore than I needed anyone to tell me smoking was bad. I knew both of those things, I just didn’t care at the time. Some people may get the “I will show them” attitude that was mentioned, but my guess is more would get the downward spiral one.
    Tl;dr is it’s no one else’s job to tell you that you need to lose weight