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Are harsh straightforward reality checks good?



  • Xerogs
    Xerogs Posts: 328 Member
    edited February 2022
    But, I don't think that unsolicited "constructive criticism" of someone's body or physical traits is ever appropriate. Someone reacting negatively to such criticism is not being overly sensitive. "Unsolicited" being the key word here...if someone ASKS for your honest opinion, then they should be prepared for an honest answer.

    Yeah I agree with your statement. Unsolicited criticism isn't really welcome even in art but it happens all the time so its worth learning how to deal with it. Many times its just a troll and the best thing to do is not feed them nor take what they say to heart. It can be very hard to do, I know I've had my fair share of art critics and people who've commented on my appearance as well.
  • dTedecel
    dTedecel Posts: 11 Member
    I created my own hole to slip into. Alcohol abuse. I would go on a binge for weeks- months- years and the weight would go up and up and up until the next dose of reality would set in. Then it was daily exercise, clean eating and grudges against booze and boozers. Rerun the script over and over again. Then it was back on the wagon and I would post on alcoholism support sites that I had just completed xx sober days. The congratulations would follow from others, but I would have much rather have a kick in the pants than the hugs for slipping.
  • xrj22
    xrj22 Posts: 199 Member
    I think it depends on who it is coming from. A doctor -- usually OK. Other than that, there are very very few people in my life where I think it would go well. Even though I KNOW that I am overweight and that I felt better and was healthier when I was lower weight and eating healthy. Hearing it from someone else is likely to just re-enforce how much I feel like a failure right now, and not make anything any easier.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,289 Member
    fatfish420 wrote: »
    This is more a musing of mine as I look back at what lead me to my current weight issues and one thing that always sticks out is the number of people who would tell me I still looked good or wasn't that overweight. these compliments came when I was well over 300 pounds but stopped shortly before getting to my peak of 420. I have wondered if someone had just taken the time to tell 20 something your old me you are gaining way too much weight would currently 32 year old me be a lot healthier.

    So the thesis question is when it comes to people's health should we be a bit more blunt and honest about their weight gain?

    I can tell you if someone had mentioned to me, in late 2018, that I was gaining weight, I would have been furious and I would have been a little more than blunt in return.

    It would have been an entirely inappropriate comment and would not have had a positive response in any way.

    For someone to understand my reaction, someone would have to know my background. If someone doesn't know my background, any such comments are off limits.
  • Melwillbehealthy
    Melwillbehealthy Posts: 893 Member
    An acquaintance recently, very emphatically, told me she could really see that I’d gained weight since the start of the pandemic. It threw me for a loop. Why did she think I wanted to know what she thought? She doesn’t know that I’ve lost 10 lbs. and been trying hard to lose weight. She is not very diplomatic when speaking with people. She’s often inappropriate.
    On the other hand, My daughter expressed concern for my health that I’ve gained the same weight, and it really made me think about it. I listened to her. I didn’t like the conversation, but I didn’t take offence. I feel a bit guilty that she’s so worried about me. I love her.
    Most people should be quiet. I know what I am, and what I should do.
  • Mellouk89
    Mellouk89 Posts: 469 Member
    edited April 2022
    It depends on the person, also probably gender related as well. But I can't think of a single instance
    where someone told me something true and direct that didn't help me later down the line.

    When I think back on it, I realize I should've listened to them sooner.
  • SuzySunshine99
    SuzySunshine99 Posts: 2,987 Member
    I wish someone had, but to be honest, one doc said something dismissive to me and it did really get me thinking. I asked about my weight (don't think I was at my biggest but obviously overweight) and he was healthy and thin and said something like, "I'm sure heart disease will eventually kill you, like the majority of us...".

    I was kind of looking for a prod or something to tell me to lose the weight and get in better shape. Nothing.

    I have a feeling that many docs are just so jaded at this point because they see so many people that either get easily offended or flat out won't listen, so why bother.

    My present doctor (who I started seeing after I lost the weight and got in pretty good shape) only sees patients that take initiative and work to keep healthy. He will literally drop you as a patient if you're a "give me a pill to fix me" type of patient. He told me he nearly stopped practicing prior to opening up his own practice. Told me about a patient that was Type II Diabetic and he counseled that patient that he should give up all the soda he was drinking or he could lose his leg. The patient said, "take the leg, you're not taking my soda...". WTF!

    I can imagine being a doc these days or a nutritional counselor is trying to say the least. My Daughter is dating a guy going to Medical school. Super nice guy, but I'm thinking, why would you want to?

    I agree that your doctor should be straightforward about your weight. There is actually a whole thread on this topic a few threads down from here called "Does your doctor comment on your weight". It's your doctor's job to help you monitor your health, and maintaining a healthy weight is a big part of that. I'm not sure why people get offended when their doctor brings it up.

    However, the OP of this thread was lamenting that no one in his life (friends, family) had said anything. I don't think most people would react well to those types of unsolicited comments.
  • RaquelFit2
    RaquelFit2 Posts: 208 Member
    edited May 2022
    Every once in a while I need a "straightforward reality check." But when someone offers one make sure you feel it's valid. People can have their own agendas and tell you something that isn't reality based.

    In January, mom said I was "fat" and better lose weight NOW. I needed that push. Too much pushing and I'll get aggravated. "Tough love," in moderation, helps me.
  • lessjess22
    lessjess22 Posts: 21 Member
    Everyone has different motivators so maybe this works for some people. For me, heck NO. I know I'm fat. I don't need anyone to tell me. It just makes me feel bad about myself and makes me want to rebel against healthy habits because my brain goes "they can't tell me what to do!" even though I know it only hurts me in the long run. "Tough love" does nothing to motivate me. My family harped on my weight when I was growing up and it never did anything but make me hate myself and then eat more because I didn't care about my health. When you hate yourself, you don't care about your health. Even when the intent is to help, criticizing a person can often backfire. Many overweight people have low self esteem already and getting raked over the coals about their weight from "well meaning" people can get really tiring.