WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JULY2022

dlfk202000

count my dh as a spender- big time. Yes , he is making more than I am by a lot but he sure spends a WHOLE LOT more than I do- it is crazy how much he spends and on what. Amazon is here daily, He goes to the comic-con and pays $125 each for toys and buys two because they are a great deal. He buys every time he goes to the shows.
I am the saver- need to figure out what I want to spend on. I did buy myself two pair of shoes now that I am walking so much- 2 pair for $40 was my splurge.
We don't have any real big bills(no house payment, no car payments) so we are doing ok but I just don't understand spending so much on things like he does- This is nothing new- has always liked to shop. When we were dating, he would constantly want to go to the mall. Would still if the mall near us was any good. He still loves to shop, even if it is just grocery shopping. We don't do anything together except go shopping.
Yep, that is what we will be doing tomorrow morning after he gets off work and I walk his mom's dog.

wizzywig

cityjaneLondon

Had a really lovely 5k run this morning. Weather perfect. Nice breeze. DH decided to come with me, which was wonderful. We went back via the local shops and he bought the newspaper and milk and I bought focaccia from the deli. DH came in while I was chatting to the owner, and we all had a nice conversation. There was no queue, so we took our time.
Now reading the Saturday paper. I really buy it for the very good 'What’s On ' section, so I can plan my tv watching for the week, and decide what to record. It also helps with deciding what is worth watching on line and 'catch up'. Saves decision fatigue, and those 'nothing to watch' moments. I like to have a small bank in reserve.
I read most of the actual paper on line all week and make a financial contribution every month.

Love to all, Heather UK xxxxxxxx

pipcd34

Ss

barbiecat

Visit with daughter and her family went well. There was no drama. She was here for lunch, a visit, and a walk to my friend's house to see her exceptional garden. Then husband and sons picked her up. Later we went to dinner at the restaurant we chose and they picked up the check which was hard for Jake who likes to be the "dad". Jake and I veered only slightly from our disciplined eating so all was good. They'll come back for awhile today.

They are all vaccinated, careful about where they go and who they see, took Covid tests before coming over, and we quite pleased that we were willing to have them come into the house.

Over the years of our marriage we have gone through many great differences of opinion about finances. We are now very intentional shoppers. Jake's big dream is to buy an electric car because of the desire to get away from using gasoline. We have driven less than 5,000 miles a year for the last several years so I don't see that it makes much sense so that is where we are strongly divided.

Heather, it sounds like you are getting back to being your usual self again.

Barbie in NW WA

grandmallie

Barbie- Tom has had a Chevy Volt since 2015 and actually had 2 at one time right after our divorce.
It is quite a cool car,i have to say ,I was able to drive it a few times.. with the distance to where he works he charges it in the garage..plugs it in when he gets home from work and its fully charged before he goes to sleep at night.
In the summer its a little tougher because of the heat to make it all the way back and forth without using gas but the rest of the time its a breeze..
Yes for the amount of miles you guys drive and the cost of vehicles now not worth it,though i think he did get some type of kickback from the state.
Woke up early and went back to sleep for a bit.. staying in and clearing up some paperwork today.its going to be 99 degrees here.

SophieRosieMom

Happy Saturday!

Barbie - so glad visit is going well. I always get apprehensive about visitors, but most of the time, once they have arrived, it all goes very well. I am intrigued and reckon I'll probably get an electric car at some point, but I drive less than 3,000 miles per year so the 2 old paid off cars in the garage are fine for now.

Rita - you were on my mind all night.

Several times DH and I nearly split up due to his spending habits. I wasn't aware of it until after we were married and I was working and contributing income to the household. My stomach still lurches at the memory of him saying "how much is in the checking account right now?" - figuring what he can spend it on, unaware that we had a mortgage payment coming up in a couple days. Maybe it was because when he was in the Marines, they took care of everything and he never had to plan much for housing, food, etc.

He was a very brilliant man in many ways but had the money sense of a 6 year old with a dollar in his pocket in the candy store. And his ego was easily bruised by a "wife turned into Mom" telling him what to do!

The one time I said "you take care of the bills" we got in a huge amount of debt. It just didn't click with him. I put my foot down - either cut up the credit cards or we spend what little we have on a divorce lawyer. It got better after that, but he still veered a few times - but not badly.

Finally, the last decade of his life, after a "this is the last straw" argument, we came to an agreement that he'd get a certain amount of "allowance" per month and if we needed to buy something big like a new mower, there was money put away in an account for that. Amazingly, the crazy spending went way down. But he would still talk, from time to time, about sending his relatives money. I'd do my best to keep calm and say "that's a nice idea, but I just took a look at current nursing home costs. There's a good chance you or I will end up there, at least for a short period of time. If it's several months I'd hate to have to sell the house to pay for it." It was stretching the truth to a point, but still he needed to understand my priorities so changed his mind about it. See next paragraph.

Also, I lied to him all the time about how much I had stashed away. When the conversation would come up, I'd say "well, there's some money in the emergency fund in case my car needs a new engine or we need to have the heat pump replaced, but not much more." Same deal with the tax refund.... sometimes I'd get generous and say "we're getting back $800 in a tax refund this year. Do you want half in your account and I'll put the rest in the emergency fund? You know the roof is getting older so that's another thing on the "replace" list." The refund would be more than that, but I wasn't telling him.

I wasn't raised to lie and still get conflicted about it.

So, I used a combination of budgeting, lying and honest communication to keep him in line. He realized as he became more frail and his memory started getting iffy, having a happy wife who didn't have to worry about making the mortgage payment and thereby avoiding making her upset was his #1 mission. Happy wife, happy rest of his life.

Kim - loved hearing about your trip to the beach.

Barbara - remember me saying I had the guy lined up to re-gravel the driveway? When he was here, he talked about stopping in with equipment and leveling the old gravel, doing this and that. I called and left a message a couple weeks ago that the weeds and grass had been burned so OK to spray. Have not heard a peep. I'll bug him again in a week. If he doesn't want to do it, that's fine - but I need to know so I can get someone else lined up. Crossing fingers he's just been super busy.

Budget plan for utilities - it's offered by our electric company, but I refused signing up. Having to pay the bill every month gives me immediate awareness of not only usage, but all of the new little fees and increases that go into effect. I have a pretty good idea of what our water and garbage bill is each month, and sometimes if I have extra I'll prepay for several months and just let a credit ride along.

Today will be catch up day since the heat starts tomorrow. Finish mowing, baking, laundry. Getting water set up for the garden. Weed eating.

That's the Saturday morning news. Make it a fabulous day and keep cool!

Lanette
SW WA State

KJLaMore

Good morning all! Had a scary little blip yesterday morning.
I woke up at my usual time (5am), got dressed and ready for the day and started my coffee. It was 5:30, by then. I sat at the table, answering emails and had a sudden heavy feeling in my chest. Like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even draw a deep breath. I felt hot, dizzy, nauseous. I stood and walked slowly to the sink, still having trouble breathing. I took a few sips of water. Then grabbed the "emergency" bayer aspirin from the cupboard and chewed two of those. I sat at the table for a few more minutes. Drinking my water and taking deeper breaths. I felt fine after about 15 minutes. I told my son when he woke up at 6am. He woke my husband and they both took me in to the er. It was determined that I had an SMI (silent myocardial infarction or silent heart attack). No apparent blockages or clots, no apparent damage to heart tissue/muscle. The doctor put me on an aspirin regimen and we talked about what I should be eating and doing. (making better food choices and exercising).
*sigh* I didn't stay overnight; but I was there all day, going through the tests. I am sure the bill for this is going to be enormous. Sometimes I just feel the stress of everyday life is going to just grind me down to nothing. But perhaps it will just stop my heart. I am so depressed about this.
Anyway, silver lining. DH and DYS are out doing the grocery shopping today, with my list for a more Mediterranean type diet ingredients. My wine is off the list. As are many things that I buy and prepare for the guys. I cancelled an interview that I had set up for Monday night. Due to childcare family vacations, I have very few kiddos with me this week; so DYS will be the lead teacher on Monday with DH's help and DH is going to be
the "lead" teacher the rest of the week with my help. I really feel fine, now. So hopefully this was just a "warning shot" to get my *kitten* together.
So...that has been my weekend so far...Love and hugs to all who need them. ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)

Anniesquats100

Good morning ladies!

My sister is here, and that is pleasant so far. The two kids and their mom arrive tonight. The plane is already delayed two hours. The first issue is that they didn't make a hotel reservation and the hotels in town are full for some odd reason. So I'm dragging out my camping mattress which is actually quite comfortable. Still not sure where everyone will sleep, but trying not to stress about it.
Annie in Delaware

1948CWB

milliecowart

okiewoman510 wrote: »

Thanks Barbie! We appreciate you keeping us going.

Okie in the TX Hill Country

Hi fellow Texan. I'm in Dallas. Heat during you insane, too?

OregonMother

Oh Kelly, that is very frightening. I'm thankful you went into the ER and that your guys are going to step up this week.

Flea
Willamette Valley OR

1948CWB

Kelly KJ ~ Prayers and hugs for you! You work so hard every day and make life wonderful for all the little people who have pass through your doors. Please take care!

Carol in GA

OregonMother

I highly recommend Hadestown, if it comes near you. I overheard someone behind me say, after it was over, "it is an honor to be able to watch a show like this." It's true. When Hermes walked out and started singing, I had to hold back tears. I couldn't believe I was actually seeing it. (Because of where I have lived and historical money situations, I have never watched a show on Broadway, and can count on one hand how many touring company shows I've seen.) It was also fun to realize that some in the audience didn't know the story, so there were gasps at key moments. Wonderful to see kids there; one little boy captured my heart. He was dressed as Orpheus.

The art gallery was relaxing, dinner was healthy, and I made it into my hotel room by 11:30 pm. It was a wonderful day of stepping out of the stress. But, it's time to get back into it. Heading to my mom's in a few minutes. She did not have a good day, and I considered bagging my plans and going to her yesterday, but I decided I couldn't do anything about her, and I really needed the day off.



Here's the stage. It was full of all sorts of technical surprises.

Flea
Willamette Valley OR

cityjaneLondon

KJ - So glad you are OK. Yes, it is a helpful warning. My elder son had a similar scare last year and he really got his s**t together afterwards. In the long term it was a blessing. It's good that the family are stepping up and giving you a bit of a break. We want you to take extra special care of yourself. You have been superwoman for so long. Love you loads.


Having lamb and spinach curry for dinner. Haven't had a curry for ages. DH has stewed some apricots for dessert.

Barbie and Annie - so glad that your guest nerves are subsiding. For me too, the anticipation is always much worse than the reality. But I'm still knackered afterwards.

My friend G wants me to go to Portsmouth to visit her next week. I'm giving it some thought. She makes the journey over here a lot. I hate travelling in the school holidays though.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

KetoneKaren

Kelly,

Glad you got to go home from the ED instead of staying overnight.

I'm of the firm opinion that nothing can stop your generous heart from beating, though...

I have to say, it is so YOU to look for (and find) the silver lining.

We love you.

Karen in Virginia

pipcd34

Tt

SophieRosieMom

KJLaMore wrote: »

Good morning all! Had a scary little blip yesterday morning.
I woke up at my usual time (5am), got dressed and ready for the day and started my coffee. It was 5:30, by then. I sat at the table, answering emails and had a sudden heavy feeling in my chest. Like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even draw a deep breath. I felt hot, dizzy, nauseous. I stood and walked slowly to the sink, still having trouble breathing. I took a few sips of water. Then grabbed the "emergency" bayer aspirin from the cupboard and chewed two of those. I sat at the table for a few more minutes. Drinking my water and taking deeper breaths. I felt fine after about 15 minutes. I told my son when he woke up at 6am. He woke my husband and they both took me in to the er. It was determined that I had an SMI (silent myocardial infarction or silent heart attack). No apparent blockages or clots, no apparent damage to heart tissue/muscle. The doctor put me on an aspirin regimen and we talked about what I should be eating and doing. (making better food choices and exercising).
*sigh* I didn't stay overnight; but I was there all day, going through the tests. I am sure the bill for this is going to be enormous. Sometimes I just feel the stress of everyday life is going to just grind me down to nothing. But perhaps it will just stop my heart. I am so depressed about this.
Anyway, silver lining. DH and DYS are out doing the grocery shopping today, with my list for a more Mediterranean type diet ingredients. My wine is off the list. As are many things that I buy and prepare for the guys. I cancelled an interview that I had set up for Monday night. Due to childcare family vacations, I have very few kiddos with me this week; so DYS will be the lead teacher on Monday with DH's help and DH is going to be
the "lead" teacher the rest of the week with my help. I really feel fine, now. So hopefully this was just a "warning shot" to get my *kitten* together.
So...that has been my weekend so far...Love and hugs to all who need them. ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)

Kelly, so glad you are OK!! Glad your team is stepping up to help with shopping and will help with the kids.

Looking back, I think living with a family member who has a chronic illness is like living with a family member who has an addiction. I'm going to rattle on here, lol:

I'm convinced a chronic disease can be a family disease, much like alcoholism affects everyone in the family.

I think I coped easier because I was working outside the home, wasn't around my husband and his illness until I retired. Even then, until the pandemic, I was involved in Master Gardeners, lunches with friends, etc. And DH was doing fairly well. He was slowing down, but didn't really complain about pain.

You, on the other hand, are a caregiver during the day to littles, then when they go home, you turn your attention to your husband's illness. Pain impacts Tim's sleep which impacts your sleep.

We want to help them fix it if we can; help them feel better. Even though we know it's not in our power, we still hope to discover something that will improve their quality of life so we can see them happy again.

I think there's a place in the counseling realm for a "Chron-Anon" support group if there isn't one already. Not necessarily a 12 step program, just a place to find support from other family members going thru the same. I'm glad we can be of support to you. You know we are here for you!!

Regarding Tim's meds - I wonder if he would benefit from anti-anxiety or anti-depressants.

I say this because I think my DH could have coped better with something like this during his illness instead of relying on self-medicating with something from the "high times" store. I suggested it several times and he refused, saying he took enough @(%&# pills already. He finally agreed the last week of his life, and by that time it was too late. He always lied to his doctor, saying he generally felt fine, had little pain, had all these activities he could do well.... I knew the real story.

Anyhow, sending strength and love - I don't think you are shy about self-care, but sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day. Very glad your guys appreciate you!!

Lanette
SW WA State

kevrit

Vicki you described my DH exactly except he gets estimates from Amazon!

RvRita

kevrit

Had a rude awakening this morning. Car missed my camper bedroom by 3 feet! See pictures in spoiler.