Small and huge things, an accountability thread

donidaily

Hi hello. I’m not sure how to start. This is not my first attempt at losing weight, or my first time on MFP. The earliest and highest weight I have recorded here was 193.1lbs in January 2016; the lowest weight I have recorded was 155.5lbs in October 2020. It kind of breaks my heart to write that because this morning I weighed 184.8lbs, meaning I have gained almost 30lbs in under three years.

The number itself doesn’t shock me — I live in my body. Most of my clothes don’t fit. Walking, cycling, yoga, and pilates are harder than before. In case I needed additional evidence, it’s all there in black and white on the summary of my recent physical: overweight, cholesterol (a little) high, diabetes markers trending in the wrong direction.

I’m sad. I need to do something new, and this thread is that something: I’m looking for people to talk to. I am reasonably knowledgeable about nutrition and exercise and calories but my mental/emotional relationship to food is not healthy. So often for me, eating beyond hunger and even comfort feels inevitable and out of my control. I don’t feel like I can talk with my loved ones because I am ashamed of my habits. Plus, I don’t want to spread my issues with food around!

So I’m starting with something that’s both small and huge: I promise to be honest, with myself and with you if you choose to read along. And I want to figure out the other small and huge things that will make a difference for me. If you can relate, I’d love you to join me here.

Palpatches

I also need accountability! I have bad habits that kick into n after a few days. And if I weigh myself I tend to stick with it longer, except that I’m terrified to weigh myself! What can I do to help you with your accountability? I would love to have someone to work with!

donidaily

Thanks so much @Palpatches, nice to meet you! Like you I find tracking my weight and measurements useful (even though I know this isn’t the case for everyone.) I use an app called Happy Scale that averages out your weight over time, that helps me to keep fluctuations in perspective.

Right now in terms of accountability I’m just going to try to keep checking in on this thread and see if there are others like us who want to chat. How can I support you?

I am really trying to reframe my efforts as small changes rather than everything all at once. Here is my current small change: I work in an office most days and we are very well supplied with snacks. There’s trail mix and nuts, popcorn, pretzels, sun chips, rice krispie bars, granola bars, even those mini boxes of cereal including froot loops, apple jacks, and frosted flakes. I honestly wish we didn’t have these available in the office as I find free food hard to resist! Some days I eat four or five of them. But! There is also fruit. So I’m trying to take only fruit from the office snacks. Day one.

jenlefleur6793

Hey!!
Would love some accountability friends!
I have recently moved to an office based, job after having a very active job! And the office snacks are a killer!!
Hope you don't mind if I send you an add across 🙂 @donidaily

MaggieGirl135

I think your goal of eating only the fruit when in the office is a good first move!

donidaily

Happy to report that one banana, one clementine, and one apple later I managed to navigate the office snacks pretty well! Today I’m working from home due to the smoke in NYC so I don’t have to think about it too much. What is it about free food though? I’ll eat it when I’m not remotely hungry, and I could buy any of these (totally average let’s be honest) snacks for myself if I really wanted them. I need my brain to understand we don’t have to eat something just because it’s there…harder than it sounds.

I really appreciate the cheers, @Jenlefleur6793 and @MaggieGirl135. How are you doing?

MaggieGirl135

Doing great; working to just lose a few pounds, then vacation, then repeat.

donidaily

For the longest time I’ve tracked my weekly weight on Saturday mornings, so I’m going to start officially tracking tomorrow. I want to set up mini-milestones (my goal divided by ten) and rewards so I will need to give that some thought. Right now I just want some more of my clothes to fit.

I’m tracking my food consistently and going strong on the snacks, and I am sure it’s partly thanks to sharing here. My doctor tells me sleep can be critical to weight gain/loss, so that will be the next thing I want to focus on. Small huge things!

KirstenIM

This is exactly the conversation I want to be a part of. Someone once told me about a concept called "food dis-inhibition", not being able to stop when the food is there (in my case leftovers) and sometimes free food though I'm better at leaving that alone. Going to a friends house, determined to have one drink and one crack with cheese and eating the whole plate of crackers. seriously I need some inhibition. How do you all do it?

donidaily

@KirstenIM I’ve never heard the term food disinhibition before but it makes sense! In the case of parties and social gatherings, for me there is something psychological there for sure. I feel like it is a sense of scarcity or missing out? Like, if I don’t eat this now I’m not sure when I will have a chance to do so again? There is also the sense that eating, or eating certain things, is sanctioned in social situations. So I might never have four kinds of cheese in my own refrigerator but I get to a party and hey! Everyone is eating four kinds of cheese so why shouldn’t I!

I know I am a bit fixed on the office snacks but it has worked for me to keep telling myself that I don’t need to eat them just because they are there. I can come back for something later if I really want it, or I can even buy my own if someone else takes it from the office stash. This food FOMO comes from deep inside and I am working hard to reassure that part of my brain that we don’t need to worry. Having this thread to come back to as a way of continuing a conversation is really helping me.

I did my official (to me) weigh in yesterday and calculated out ten milestones to goal. Yesterday I weighed in at 185.5. My first goal of 10% is 182.4. I’m just going to keep my head down and look forward to that number for now. Learning as I am going.

I hope anyone reading has had a lovely weekend!

misssixtea

Hi Donidaily.. I'm just venturing back myself after a very long break. I would love to find accountability partners too. I will add you, if that's ok!

donidaily

I would love that @misssixtea, look forward to sharing the journey with you.

I had a free food victory today! A colleague offered me leftover pizza — and it's really good pizza — from a team lunch. I had already packed my own food but I was soooo tempted. I paused to think it over then took one piece which I put in a container to have for lunch tomorrow. I am looking forward to it so much knowing that I have planned for it! I even made a salad to have on the side, fancy.

In the spirit of small things that are actually huge I'm adding taking the stairs at work. My office is on the third floor so it's totally doable.

misssixtea

Checking back in - I couldn't work out how to add you @donidaily but I will try again!

Well done for resisting the pizza... that's a definite win. And stairs are a small but big thing too. Little changes are the way forward, I think!

donidaily

A solid day today, I did a grocery run to Whole Foods to get supplies for my next few days of office lunches and didn’t buy anything extra. I usually love their hot food bar (and the cookies you can buy by the pound!) but I felt clear and focused.

As I walked back a guy called me “big and beefy” after I declined to give him money. Like, he said “Trying to get something to eat,” and when I didn’t give him anything he added sleazily “Something tasty...something big and beefy”. Now, I don’t know this man’s circumstances and want to be compassionate, but that is gross. In the past I would have been burning with shame and embarrassment at those words, but today I was more just thinking about how some version of “fat” is often the first thing people reach for when trying to hurt others. It sucks.

Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
Took the stairs ✅ (twice!)

donidaily

Fruit only from the office snacks ✅ (actually, no office snacks today)
Didn’t take the stairs today ❌ both times I came in I was walking and talking with someone, so I rode the elevator

donidaily

Still here and doing my small huge things I think I’m ready to add something to the list next week!

Thursday:
Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
Took the stairs ✅

Friday:
Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
Took the stairs ✅

Weekly weigh-in tomorrow!

donidaily

Happy to have lost 3.1lb this week. I know the first week of changing habits often results in a big number like this so I don't expect to keep losing at this rate, but still it's very encouraging

Wondering how you're doing @Palpatches, @KirstenIM, @jenlefleur6793? @misssixtea your workouts are inspiring! I walk a lot day to day but want to do more cardio. Yesterday I went hiking with friends and my phone tells me we climbed the equivalent of 50 flights. My legs agree!

donidaily

Found myself flagging a bit today. When I went out to get my planned salad for lunch I found myself prowling around for something, anything. I picked up some mixed berries and kombucha so satisfied the “I just want something” urge without going too far off what I had planned for the day.

I’m trying to figure out what this is all about. One, I had meetings in the middle of the day today so I was seriously hungry by the time I went out. Two, I weigh daily and the last few days haven’t been encouraging even though I’ve been eating well and exercising. I KNOW that I shouldn’t get stuck on a couple of days and that results take time. Well, I know that logically but maybe not emotionally. Tomorrow is another day.

Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
Took the stairs ✅
New small thing: I’m weighing more of my food.

donidaily

Still struggling with a wandering mind when it comes to food but I had a better time on the scale this morning. Decided I will not pack my lunch tomorrow – I’ll still get something that fits in with my goals but I think I need to feel a little more freedom.

Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
Took the stairs ✅
Weighed my food ✅

donidaily

Feeling a little refreshed thanks to a day off from planning every bite. Not recommending this necessarily, just finding what works for me.

Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
Took the stairs ❌
Weighed my food ✅

donidaily

I have had a busy few days so haven’t been checking in. And guess what? Things got wobbly. Where attention goes, energy flows, so this is me recommitting my energy here.

Fruit only from the office snacks ❌ (and feeling rubbish about it)
Took the stairs ✅
Weighed my food ✅