Getting discouraged, how do you cope?

pbm89gt

Even though I've lost 72lbs I'm still over weight. Just looking in the mirror I can't tell a difference now vs. at my heaviest. I'm just feeling frustrated that I've come so far and still have so much more to go. I get to thinking that I'll never be able to look how I picture myself in my head, because I've been overweight my whole life. Then I get to thinking what's the point of all this if I'm going to look and feel the same way.
I know all the negative thinking comes from my low self esteem and self loathing behavior but those are strong feelings that I've had all my life.
Does anyone else have feeling's like these and how do you cope with them?

ninerbuff

What was your heaviest? If you were really overweight to begin with then it may take a substantial amount to lose. Are you exercising? If not you SHOULD. Especially if you can do resistance training.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

herblovinmom

I’m sorry your struggling, I know very well the negative self talk in your head. For every negative thought counter it with one or two positive thoughts or affirmations. You will reach your goals one day as long as you don’t stop trying as in don’t give up. Every day is a new day to make healthy choices to help you achieve your goals. You can be the vision of yourself you see in your head. You just have to live the life that person in that vision of yourself lives. Everyday. The time will pass anyways. How you choose to live it is your choice.

jessalittlemore

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You've done such a great job so far. 72 lbs! That's amazing and you should be proud!

As for looking the same in the mirror, that happens to me a lot. When you watch yourself change so gradually it can be hard to see the difference, especially if you're wearing all the same clothes. I've got a shirt on right now that's four sizes too big and I swear, I'll never understand why overweight people think baggy clothes make them look smaller because I just feel huge every time I wear my old stuff.

They say even after you've lost ALL the weight it won't fix your self-esteem or body issues, and even though I'm still in the middle as well (228 down from 370), I'm trying to prepare myself for that. I think it's because we get so used to zeroing in on the flaws, it becomes a part of our mindset. It makes sense that wouldn't just go away, just like some people get plastic surgery and are surprised it doesn't magically fix their self-esteem, it's something on the inside and not the outside.

And that's what I had to work on to cope with the disappointments. If I fall off the wagon or start to get lost in negative thoughts about how I look, I try to be kind to myself. I truly believe you can't hate yourself into a better you. I went through my 20s hating fatness and trying to hate myself into losing weight. It never worked. Shame is not a motivator. You can't build on something that's made for tearing down. It will betray you at every hurdle.

Everything in my life got better when I decided to stop treating my body like an enemy I had to overcome and start treating my body like a friend who needed my support. My mindset switched from self-betraying thoughts of escaping this "worthless" me into a new and mythical "good" me, to helping myself become healthier and happier and able to do the things I want.

The best thing you can learn to do is to love yourself, the you you are right now and not some theoretical you. You have to love yourself to find yourself worth investing in. That's the point of it all.

snowflake954

This is a very common problem. The best thing to do is take weekly measurements and keep a journal. That way you can SEE your progress as you go along. Read the SUCCESS threads. They will pull you up when you are down. Many are inspiring. Just keep going. This is a long-haul project. It's really for the rest of your life to maintain the loss.

rileysowner

Struggles with self perception are a horrible thing to deal with. When you look at yourself, you don't easily see the differences because you don't see yourself as you actually are, your ideal of what you want to look like is something that you only have mentally and that can shift, and the changes are slow and you were there for all of them. What can help is comparing pictures of what you were like compared to how you look now. Having lost 72 pounds, there is no chance you will not see large differences. Second suggestion, try to focus less on the way you look and more on the way you can now move and function. I am currently down 70ish pounds, and the reduction in knee pain, back pain, and the like is huge. Along with that, I am able to be far more active without getting winded or exhausted than I could when I was carting 70 pounds of fat around every day. I don't know if this will help, but keep at it. You can do this.

rwatts2165

Trying loosing 198 pounds and realizing you still have 60 to go, 90 if you are brutally honest with yourself! Thats me! Closer to the end than the start but weary of the journey. How do I cope? I reach out like I am doing now and make new friends, people with similar goals who inspire me. YOU inspire me. This is not an easy journey but you are making it happen. When I weighed 475 pounds I did not think I was fat. Honest truth. LOL now I look at the pics and I cringe.

Here are some thoughts to help you. Quit using the scale as your only measure of success. The number is only one measure. Its important but here are some others to keep you going:
---Take measurements. The scale may not move but your body reshapes etc
---Track the food and own your success for doing it each day
Same with exercise. If you say four days a week and achieve it reward yourself with a massage.
---BUY weight appropriate clothes, we as fat people (I call it what it is because it means I am being honest with myself) tend to wear the same things or things that are too baggy. I recently went form a 3x to a 2x but I kept wearing 3x. When I finally bought new 2x clothes I felt like I had made so much progress.
---Get a haircut! Haircuts make the man and a fresh haircut will make you feel better.
---Join a meetup group that focuses on exercise but not overtly, like birdwatching or tree identification so you are with like minded people enjoying the outside and at the same time getting exercise.
---Tell yourself you are beautiful! Do you have a mirror by your front door? if not install one. Every day on the way out the door I team myself three times. I am beautiful or I am amazing and its going to be a GREAT day! Before you label me a narcissist know that I went to a life coach who suggested this and it works. It feels awkward as hell the first few days but his theory is if you don't love yourself enough to do this how can you expect a stranger to think you are awesome?!?
---Do something nice for someone else. It always comes back to you in a positive way somehow. For instance its Saturday and I was not going to workout today, but then I saw your post and thought I want to help that guy, I want to take time to write him and send inspiration. Now that I have done this I am feeling more inspired about what is write right and my own journey and now I want to go to the gym and have at least a lite work.
---Better living through chemistry. Are you sure your hormones are in check? Women are not the only ones who need to think about this, ever had them checked? For instance as a man have "low normal" testosterone is really different and feels differently than being "high normal". Also have you tried ozempic, wegovy or mounjoro? They may give you a boost with your weightloss so that the effort you are putting in is having a even bigger impact on your weightloss. If by chance you are a diabetic they may help you with even greater benefits and you might also get off some other diabetes meds. That was the case with me. If you are not on one currently, try ozempic first. Its not "cheating" There is no cheating if it keeps you motivated and helps you keep your head in the game.
---Speaking of "heads" lets end on a humorous not because I know I have thrown a lot at you this morning. on average men gain an inch in penis length for every 50 pounds they loose. Since you have lost 72 pounds already, then you are only 28 pounds away from bigger wood. That in itself should keep you motivated brother! LOL You got this! Stay strong, stay focused and lean on all of us to support you but take time to do the same for a fellow traveler as well.
Respectfully, Robert

Corina1143

Inspiring stories!

kiteflyer105

Hi, This sounds very familiar. Things I do are focus on non-scale victories. For example, I take pics every 10 lbs. I recently lost 85 lbs. I try not to obsess with the scale. I need to lose 85 more. Quite frankly, sometimes it is hard.

I focus on the decreased clothing sizes, improved energy, stamina, miles I walk, minutes I exercise, how my knees and back don't hurt so much anymore, and what personal records I can achieve at the gym or cardiac rehab? Yay! What can I do that used to be super difficult for me? How have I changed physically and mentally? It is more than a number on a scale. How is my breathing or quality of sleep? How much more energy I have to do chores... Start walking and enter and train for a 5k. It is fun getting a t-shirt and a medal. Have someone take a pic of you at the finish line. Make a scrapbook of your progress that include before measurements. The hassle of being morbidly obese is daily, write what your mindset used to be verses now.

I focus on skills I need to develop: grit, mental toughness, fortitude, consistency, discipline, and better character. I focus mentally on becoming the better person. I use weight loss meditations on You Tube. I focus on being more consistent with better daily self-care. I use Tapping (EFT) videos from Brad Yates, meditation, weight loss affirmations, Yoga Nidra videos, and a Snoop Dogg video on affirmations for kids on You Tube. The kid affirmations are great for any age. Yes, that sounds goofy.

I would recommend working on changing your self-esteem. A lot of us who are obese, break self-promises too much. If you can't be accountable to yourself, that is a problem. Follow through on what you say your going to do. Hold yourself responsible for your results. Say these while looking in the mirror. An Affirmation: "I love and approve myself exactly as I am." "I, insert your name here, really love myself for who I am. I am enough". Make a list of all of your strengths. Ask loved ones if you can't think of any. Assess what you are weak at and work on that...

What is your vision and mission for your life? You are the author of your life. How do you want your life to unfold. Work daily to make it happen. Only you hold yourself back. No one else.

Specifically, every day I follow through on exercising, I put a sticker on my calender, so at the end of the month I have a bunch of smiles looking at me! Positive Reinforcement. I write down my goals every day. I am giving myself a deadline, otherwise, it won't happen. I use blood tests results and urine tests results for improved stats on my health. Whichever value is ever too high I decrease it, and whatever value is
too low I increase it. This will mean a healthier version of myself.

There a ton of videos on You Tube for flexibility for obese people, Walk Away the Pounds by Leslie Sasone, I used to do the heart healthy walk at 1 mile. There are Big Yoga video. Find videos on stretching.

What hobbies are you engaging in instead of eating? Do you volunteer? Getting out of your head is helpful. When you are helping other people, you forget about weight loss, this is a positive thing.

I watch "Impact Theory" with Tom Bileyu, listen to the Rich Roll podcast, videos of Mel Robbins, and watch videos about David Goggins to keep me inspired. Andy Friscella's You Tube channel is great. You need to find what works for you. Journaling is also a good tool. You will be able to see your thought process and patterns change. Write down your wins daily. You can see the overall change in your journal entries. Writing about peak moments in your life are very helpful. It is so much more than the weight loss. It truly is a lifestyle change. Only you can do the hard work to create the self-esteem and confidence. It is much more than a smaller suit or pant size.

You can raise your self-esteem by challenging yourself more. When you do it, you eventually break the chains that held you back.

I believe meaningful connections assist us in eating less. Have a list of 100 things to do instead of eat. What is your bucket list, and start accomplishing those activities that are your heart's desire.