Body Dysmorphia After Weight Loss: Open Conversation

keyinfluencee

Hi, wanted to share a little bit about how mentally draining and emotionally losing weight can be.

After losing 45lbs, I want to be honest and say I still hate my body and maybe it’s even worst now. When I look at before and after I see woman who have filled out and made a significant difference in there appearance. I still have some huge arms, big back rolls, and love handles. I do believe taking pictures has eased it especially looking back on when I started but I just wish I would’ve filled out and shaped properly in the right places too.

I do think losing weight has became an unhealthy obsession for me as well. When I eat unhealthy even if it’s just something simple like a cookie, I have this large amount of guilt. I only feel good when I’m within my calorie limit and when it’s something healthy. I have incorporated a lot of protein for craving but I also fasted. After I did the fast for a few weeks it helped my appetite but now it’s hard for me to eat regularly because I have gotten used to not being hungry. Even my family has commented on my eating and obsession with losing weight, encouraging me to speak to a therapist.

I know this is supposed to be an inspiration board but I would love some thoughts, maybe even if you going through similar issues.

MamaBear5445

I read this a lot on these discussion boards, and I always think of C.S. Lewis. I'm not sure if you're familiar with him, but he wrote Chronicles of Narnia (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe). He also wrote "Screwtape Letters". It's a fascinating read about a Sr. demon mentoring a Jr. demon. The moment you let yourself go down believing you are not beautiful you are letting Satan win.

"By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools. And since what they are trying to believe may, in some cases, be manifest nonsense, they cannot succeed in believing it and we have the chance of keeping their minds endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible."

snowflake954

I, too, see this often on the boards. Some people need therapy with their weight loss. It can really help you, but you need to keep looking until you find a therapist you trust. Don't give up. Since your family is urging you to take this step--please do. Winding up with an ED is not where you want to be.

Good luck.

AnnPT77

I think some degree of body dysmorphia is common after weight loss. It does take the mind some time to catch up, even in the best possible case.

Also, sometimes people think that losing weight all by itself will turn an unloved body into a loved body. I don't think that's true - or at least rarely. I think our self-love and self-respect (or issues with those) have deeper roots.

You've clearly been doing well in external terms, losing 45 pounds - a major accomplishment. But I hear your concern that the thought patterns alongside that are difficult and troubling.

I'm inclined to support your family's idea of consulting a therapist with help working through that. There should be no stigma in that - the reverse, actually: I think we should endorse and support such a choice. Just like we call a plumber when the pipes are leaking, a dietitian when we need help sorting out nutritional details, a mechanic when the car breaks down, it makes sense to consult a professional who knows about thought patterns when we're having difficulty with those.

I did consult a psychologist at one point (for an issue other than body image/eating) and found it helpful. I hope you can find the right person to help you, too.

Best wishes!

NemoAgender

It sounds like you have an eating disorder. I would seriously seek therapy.

reetpargmae

I would recommend Jennifer Lawson (you can find her in IG or FB, she has helped me beyound words). Just so you would know that I was looking stage fit, but felt like heavily overweight... I am good now. It has been a very long journey for me as well. But, I am finally in that space where I can (sometimes or also) only eat sweets and party snacks, for a day, get a bit swollen for a day or two, but as I go on with just normal food, I don't put on weight and still feel great. So, I wanted to tell you, that you can also be that person

I also recommend NathaliaMeloFit a lot. Jennifer is the main coach there (I come from #melosquad).

prosearose

I could have written your account of weight loss myself. I too still hate my body and think I'll never be okay until I lose the right amount of weight, and even then I don't think I'll be okay. I also count calories very carefully and only eat very lean meals. I fast for several hours after waking up and I have pretty much lost my appetite. Sometimes I go a while without losing weight, probably because my body is in survival mode and desperately holding onto whatever I eat. I worry I'm somewhat anorexic, but I do give myself treats on occasion, and sometimes I eat a lot of my lean food and the calories add up. Anyway, the point is I certainly know how painful all this is and I'm really sorry you're experiencing it too. I guess our minds won't allow us to give our bodies grace. I have therapists but I have other problems and tbh and I'm afraid to talk about it, like if I bring it up, then I'm really going to be anorexic for sure. I know it's silly. I hope you can be braver than I've been and converse with a therapist about your eating habits. And just so you know, you are very beautiful as you are, you need to know that.

Sand_TIger

This is such a good discussion. I like the theme that you can heal from body dysmorphia, since that message isn't always sent. For a long time I thought that once you have it, you just have it, that there's nothing to be done. I'm very happy to have been wrong!

I don't really like how my body looks, though I like it a lot better than I used to. I don't know if I even have body dysmorphia for that reason. I thought I looked terrible when I was 245, and now that I'm 162 I have a lot fewer issues with that. For example I like the way my face looks now, my shoulders, my legs. I still have issues with my stomach area because it's floppy, still has significant fat deposits, and is quite uncomfortable when I exercise too hard. I wouldn't want to show it off. I'm never going to say it looks good or that it's beautiful, because it's not, but there are parts of me that I now love the look of.

Bringing this up as another perspective - I think true body dysmorphia is when all the various health and appearance issues are solved and when the person still hates how they look. For anyone who feels that way I wish them self-compassion and healing.

Psychopasta

Good discussion, thank you all.

raepoulson

It seems like you've developed a less than healthy relationship with food and eating. You should talk to your doctor or therapist as soon as possible, and see about meeting with someone specializing in disordered eating.

I know it's scary, and it's easier to pretend like everything is fine, but please ask for help. If your family is worried about you and food is making you unhappy, you need to reach out to a professional for support.

--

That being said, once you're in a better place in regards to eating, there are things you can do to combat some of the dysmorphia. (I'm not a professional, this is all opinion/personal experience.)

I'm not sure if you exercise or not, but I've found that exercise (specifically weight lifting, gentle yoga, swimming, and boxing) hugely helped my body dysmorphia. Not because it made my stretch marks or loose skin magically disappear, but because after working out, I feel much more connected to every bit of my body. I know what my body can do and how strong it can be. Exercise lets me be grateful for how much my body does for me.

There are also cosmetic options.
I have thirteen piercings and two tattoos, and every one of them has helped me feel more like myself. I actually have plans for tattoos for my whole body, and just the act of planning them out, of spending the time thinking about how to decorate each body part, soothes some of my dysmorphia.
I also dress in ways that make me comfortable, because wearing clothes that are too-tight or ill-fitting can make me upset and irritable.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. You've lived in your body a certain way for a long time. It will take time for your brain to get used to its new situation.

BarbMessimer

I think your thoughts are normal. It takes a while to adjust to your new body image and you have to be somewhat obsessed with what you eat to lose 45 pounds. People who are not trying to lose weight might see it as obsessive though.

I've been doing IF for several years and have lost 65 pounds. My appetite is normal or perhaps less than normal because I've gotten used to ignoring it, and it's helped me to maintain my weight loss for a year now. I still see that I'm fat (I am) and don't like my saggy skin (turkey neck and bulldog jowls) that has come from the weight loss, but I don't want to lose any more or the skin will look even worse. I'm happy with the weight I'm at. I feel good and this weight is easier to maintain.

I too feel guilty when I eat the wrong foods (sweets are my weakness), too much or too often, but I get back on my plan and don't beat myself up over my indiscretions. I weigh every day to keep myself mindful.

ilove2volley

Society is so obsessed with how women look. It's hard not to fall into that trap. I agree with your family and others that therapy might help you. Are you exercising? That can help get rid of stress and bad feelings. Do you have a support friend who is losing weight or being encouraging? That's been a big help to me. It's so important to have friends or family around you who are supportive of YOU and love you for who you are inside, not outside. Also, the loss should make you healthier and that's something to celebrate. Good luck and I hope you get the help you need. Weight loss is as much if not more mental than physical.

Rodney_Mckay

Sounds like you need a break from your dieting. Did you do a straight cut for several months? Usually it is best to aim for 3 months tops followed by another 3 months of maintenance. It really breaks you down mentally if you don't take those breaks. Eating 4/5 meals clean and healthy is normal. That means 20% of your food can be pretty free. I don't suggest you eat 20% of oreos in your diet nor to give yourself a wildcard for binging on a bucket of mayo, but you definitely shouldn't feel bad about eating something a bit more indulgent from time to time, and definitely not for a single frigging cookie. If I were you I would just go maintenance for now and build a healthier relationship with food in general and well, yourself. We can be pretty tough on ourselves, so yea don't do that, life is meant to be enjoyed. As for body dysmorphia, I don't know what to say other than 98% of the people you will ever meet in life don't give a flying *kitten* about how you look, so why should you?

sollyn23l2

Rodney_Mckay wrote: »

Sounds like you need a break from your dieting. Did you do a straight cut for several months? Usually it is best to aim for 3 months tops followed by another 3 months of maintenance. It really breaks you down mentally if you don't take those breaks. Eating 4/5 meals clean and healthy is normal. That means 20% of your food can be pretty free. I don't suggest you eat 20% of oreos in your diet nor to give yourself a wildcard for binging on a bucket of mayo, but you definitely shouldn't feel bad about eating something a bit more indulgent from time to time, and definitely not for a single frigging cookie. If I were you I would just go maintenance for now and build a healthier relationship with food in general and well, yourself. We can be pretty tough on ourselves, so yea don't do that, life is meant to be enjoyed. As for body dysmorphia, I don't know what to say other than 98% of the people you will ever meet in life don't give a flying *kitten* about how you look, so why should you?

Yes to all this! Many people don't realize that it may not be ideal to be in a deficit for more than 3-6 months. And then it's a good idea to take a break at maintenence for at least 12 weeks (3 months). Lots of people talking about a cheat meal or a cheat day, but it takes a few months to recover from the stress of months of calorie deficit. Of course, some people can run a deficit for years and be fine... but many will not.