WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR NOVEMBER 2023
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Good morning ladies!
Well today should be a better day than yesterday. I might have already said that my dad came up on my mom sleeping and thought she was dying. He was crying in front of me and my lunch guest, saying he was going to lose her. Well she is 91 and sick. It took me several minutes to find something positive to say beyond the obvious. Yes she is going to die. We all die. I finally said " but not today". We finally called the minister, who wanted us to call 911. Then mom started yelling she was fine, and she got up and went downstairs to watch TV.
So my mom is dehydrated, and I bet her electrolytes are off again. But she refused the Pedialyte and barely drinks a little tea and water. She has trouble swallowing because of a sore in her mouth which we will get biopsied on Monday.
Dad is barely holding together. I am trying not to take responsibility for his emotional state. There's not much comfort I can offer him. At least he could hear the minister on the phone. That's often a problem. I suppose I could suggest to him to get out his prayer book and read prayers to her. That's sort of what I expected the minister to do.
So today I have to push fluids on Mom, and keep an eye on dad. I don't think we have any appointments. Dishes and laundry of course. And deal with whatever drama comes up. And research how to tell when dehydration requires a 911 call.
Annie in Delaware6 -
Good Saturday
I am so thankful for all of you!
Ginny I-O.
I know what my DYD and her family will be doing at noon.
I am struggling.....I am so upset with my DYD and her family.I am hurting. I have always been there when they have needed....house...money...car...child care....I don't understand the ghosting. I am far from perfect. I work too much. I have a DH that is dependent on me. I forget birthdays and anniversaries (including ours). Her DH says I need to reach out more. I call, if she returns call it is superficial conversation. At this point, I have lost the excitement of the Christmas gifts I have gotten them.
I get the mental health struggle. I am drowning now and just want to cry. But, unlike my mother who is just like Debbie's MIL, I have always been there for her. Throw in my DH, who didn't have to help with them, but did to make me happy, feeling used....I just don't know what step I need to rake next. Woke up crying at 430 this morning.
Thank you for the compliments. DED is steeped in traditional. My girls are black and white, night and day different. I appreciate those differences and wish they did.
I have to head to work. Thank you all for listening and sharing.
Much love,
Kylia in Ohio wearing my red and white7 -
Annie - Just thinking about you, kid. Hang in there. We're here for you.
Kylia - Same for you, too, my dear. I'm sorry. We're here.
Tracey - So many of the things you make are lovely, but the antique radio-style Santa is at the top of my favorites list. I'm glad you were able to sit down with Roger and he could say how he was feeling. It's so hard for men of his generation, and it was probably enormously beneficial for him to just say the words, and to know you understand and love him. With your own grief over your dad's loss so fresh, your ability to reach out and be his sounding board shows how strong you truly are. Surrounding you with much love as you both go through this, dear heart.
Barbara AHMOD - Maurer wasn't my suggestion, but sounds interesting. I had honestly forgotten the title "The Cat Who Walks Through Walls," from Heinlein! Wish it was available for Kindle...<3
Lanette - Holding up my hand as a fellow member of the "talkers!"
Sorry the capanata was a bust, but unsurprised. Then again, I'm a vegetable hater from way back and have yet to find any way of actually making eggplant edible. I always thought they had exactly the texture of packing peanuts with seeds. This is obviously a deeply personal opinion... How are the chickadees holding up to the frigid weather?
Heather - You are a good friend. Hope you enjoy the acrylics lesson from Edie.
Allie - Love the pics of the smiley Miles. Wondered too about Carmine...
Whatever I end up choosing to do today, it needs to be something where I'm getting some movement in... feels like all I've done lately is eat, crochet and watch TV. Egg is doing her part by keeping me from crocheting...
Love y'all,
Happy Saturday,
Lisa in Arkansas7 -
Today it rained all day ... so I cleaned the house!! I cleaned everything. I cleaned areas that hadn't been cleaned in a while.
I was hoping for a rain day so I could do that prior to getting the Christmas decorations out. I decorate on December 1 or thereabouts.
I've also rearranged things so that there's room for the tree and I reduced the clutter a little bit.
Looks like it is supposed to rain all day tomorrow too, so I'll get more inside stuff done.
Machka in Oz4 -
Lanette Whatever kind of salt deicer is used is tough on the environment. I use it as little as possible. We have a spot right by our front door that ices up because of a drip from the roof. I use unscented kitty litter as an alternative when possible. I notice that too can get in short supply when it ices up around here.
Will work on letter and put ornaments on the tree today! It is nice to be ahead of schedule getting things ready for Christmas!2 -
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Gina, good for you!
Lanette and Lisa, I am so grateful you are "talkers". I often feel guilty that I don't "talk" more. I read and think and it is a huge part of my day everyday. Like the talk about secrets, I think secrets can fester in the person holding onto the secrets. I have no secrets left and it makes me feel free. When I divorced my first husband .... he drug my whole life into the courts hoping to prove I was unfit to raise the kids. But really nobody really cared about the discretions in my years and once made public the secrets had no power over me.
Kylia, felt the hurt. Many hugs...
This month has been a mix of curses and blessings. Thanksgiving was sweet. I potluck with three other women who have been long time friends. All of us are widows and our husbands were friends. It was a nice time and I hope we do more get togethers.... it was a pleasure. The curse was me slipping on a hike November 8. I tweaked my knee and burst a large blood vessel in my leg. The pain wasn't bad but the pooling blood has caused my blood pressure to be wildly fluctuating. I monitor it am and pm and finally BP is steadily moving downward... Gads.
Betsy in NW WA
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4944940
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2023 New Ways November
Word of the Year: appreciate—Today I appreciate my coffee.Meditation: daily. 18/30 (82%(started Feb)(94%,100%, 74%, 93%,100%,100%)21. Learn a new skill from a friend or share one of yours with them. Hmmmm Did not do this.
Recommended exercise: cardio 5 days 30 min 15/23
Strength all muscles 2 x 0/8 a week
Flexible (yoga, stretching) /8 a week 10 min
Balance 5 days 10 min /20
1. cut back drinking and limit to 2 days a week. 0/8–(300%,100%,100%,100%).
96 days SOBER!
2. Average 7,000 steps a week. 6521,6471,5327, (7,700,100%-9851,100%-9526,100%-9,559,100%, -8347,100%—7465,100%—6328,90%—6059,87%—6458,92%,-6847,98%)
3. Update budget every 2 weeks 1/2 (10,00%)
4. Contact close family every week (4x) 220/208—(733%,100% My mom called me for a change.)
5. Contact Donat and sibs once a month (8x)98/96 100%)
6. Weigh less last day of month compared to first until I reach 140. Start at 178.6,176,174.2,173.4,175.4,174,175.6,173.4, 172.2, 173.2 (600%)
7. Develop a journaling practice by aiming to journal at least 5 days a week. 15/23. (681%,100,100)
8. Read 12 books at least this year. 47/12
(100%)
9. Pay off credit card debt by January 2024 by making monthly payments to NDR/Reach Financial 11/12—(100%)
10. Continue building emergency fund at SLFCU (min$25 a month)$25+$25+$71+700+25+25 +25+25 (100%) I put the money in, but end up taking it out.
11. April started putting 4% on income in savings. 700,200,200, 107, 157,0,0,0
500%) This has stopped. Spending too much.
January Met —100%
February met —-90%
March met met —-90%
April met——86.36%
May met——-89%
June met—-99%
July met — met 81%
August met—met 99%
September met——99%
October met —90.7%
November met—
December met—
1. Make a list of new things you want to do this month. 1. Start Christmas shopping, 2. Work on my happiness, 3. Walk the mall at least once. 4. Read a new book
2. Respond to a difficult situation in a different way. I will see what comes up, but the daily readings I do have helped a lot already! Did this!
3. Get outside and observe the changes in nature around you..Supposed to be in the low 80’s (f) here today and the week to come so will have plenty of time to do this. Didn’t do this today, sick.
4. Sign up to join a new course, activity, or online community. I’ll have to look around for this. Thinking about something to do with MCC. I joined 2 new groups on FB.
5. Change your normal routine today and notice how you feel. Will do!
6. Try out a new way of being physically active. I will have to think about this. Maybe do a YouTube video. Did not do this.
7. Be creative. Cook, draw, write, paint, make or inspire. I will Zendoodle. I tried out my DH’s suggestion for mirror letters.
8. Plan a new idea or activity you want to try out this year. I have a water color set. I will experiment with that.
9. When you feel you can’t do something, add the word ‘yet’. I need to remember this.
10. Be curious, learn about a new topic or an inspiring idea. I learned about Alonon and downloaded their app and read through it.
11. Choose a different route and see what you notice on the way. I did this on my walk today.
12. Find out something new about someone you care about. Research time!
13. Do something playful outdoors - walk, run, explore, relax. Took a walk.
14. Find a new way to help or support a cause you care about. Have to think about this.
15. Build on new ideas by thinking “yes, and what if…” I will remember this!
16. Look at life at someone else’s eyes and see their perspective. According to my therapist, this is called empathy. I do this but not enough. Will try to do better.
17. Try a new way to practice self-care and be kind to yourself. Staying in bed and resting today.
18. Connect with someone from a different generation. I do this most days at the park.
19. Broaden your perspective: read a different paper, magazine, or site. Will do!
20. Make a meal using a recipe or ingredient you haven’t used before. My DH does this all the time! He does all the cooking.
22. Find a new way to tell someone you appreciate them. I will!
23. Set aside a time to pursue an activity with your love.
24. Share with a friend something useful you learned recently. I do this on MFP
25. Use one of your strengths in a new and creative way. I will need to think about this.26. Try out a different radio station or new TV show.
27. Join a friend doing a hobby and find out why they love it.
28. Discover your creative side. Design a friendly greeting card.
29. Enjoy new music today. Play, sing, dance or listen.
30. Look for new reasons to be hopeful, even in tough times.
RVRita in Roswell, NM ]
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Today is: Somehow I missed yesterday and today is a little confusing as it is a day to not buy anything, AND shopping day! Oh, well choose one!
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Gina, good for you!
Lanette and Lisa, I am so grateful you are "talkers". I often feel guilty that I don't "talk" more. I read and think and it is a huge part of my day everyday. Like the talk about secrets, I think secrets can fester in the person holding onto the secrets. I have no secrets left and it makes me feel free. When I divorced my first husband .... he drug my whole life into the courts hoping to prove I was unfit to raise the kids. But really nobody really cared about the discretions in my years and once made public the secrets had no power over me.
Kylia, felt the hurt. Many hugs...
This month has been a mix of curses and blessings. Thanksgiving was sweet. I potluck with three other women who have been long time friends. All of us are widows and our husbands were friends. It was a nice time and I hope we do more get togethers.... it was a pleasure. The curse was me slipping on a hike November 8. I tweaked my knee and burst a large blood vessel in my leg. The pain wasn't bad but the pooling blood has caused my blood pressure to be wildly fluctuating. I monitor it am and pm and finally BP is steadily moving downward... Gads.
Betsy in NW WA
Betsy - Thank you! Sometimes I feel as if I rattle way too much, but I figure people can just ignore me, too, so hopefully, it balances out in the end for people. I think that the healthiest thing I did with my family was unloading all the secrets I'd been carrying around, either mine or theirs, after our mother died. I thought it was going to set the world on fire... and it was pretty much a shrug. I invested far more emotion in those secrets than they ever did. Removed tons of worry and grief from my life, and I've resisted secrets ever since. If you haven't got any, you don't have to remember who knows what! I'm so sorry about the burst blood vessel - glad it wasn't painful, but sorry it's affecting your pressure. Good grief! I think of your sister often, I hope she is doing better and that her family is treating her better.
It was really interesting to see how people deal verbally with other folks or family trying to get up in their business. One of the better parts of getting older for me, too, was also realizing that I no longer care if I win. At pretty much anything. That's something my husband has helped me realize, as he doesn't care to compete. I was always a hugely competitive game player... but I got some interesting looks from him that made me realize he really just isn't interested in winning or for that matter, even playing at things that don't matter. It's been an education, living with this man.
I actually accomplished something this morning that I've been thinking about for a MONTH... which is clean off the kitchen surfaces that gather the schmutz of daily cooking. It takes me forever because, other than the stovetop, it requires climbing a stepstool, which I hate. So this morning, before I could think about it too hard, I peeled everything off the stove that could go in the dishwasher and everything off the top of the fridge and the shelves, and sprayed it all down with degreaser. Took less effort than I thought it would, in the end, after letting them sit, just had to wipe it all down. Perhaps the thought for the day is just that I need to stop blowing things out of proportion and dreading them?
Lessons in everything...
Satisfying to scratch those off my list finally.
Time to start a new list!
Later, y'all,
Love,
Lisa7 -
Smiley Miles says cheese...this morning...
He always puts a smile on my face...5 -
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Kylia: I hope you are feeling better and less sad. Family life is challenging. We are here for you and I hope you get to have coffee with a friend. Sometimes friends are easier!
Annie: You really do have your hands full and you really are tied down. I guess to everything there is a season and this is your season for caregiving. I am thinking of you and hoping you can find some joy in every day. I hope you don't get too tired. Everything spirals down when the caregiver gets tired! You deserve a nap every afternoon or at least go to your room and shut the door and breathe!
Machka: I loved all your sayings about how to deal with people and their various ideas!
Lisa: I am very grateful to my husband as well. He worked well into his 70s. We always said he liked the job and identified with it. But then I received a handwritten note from his doctor that said my husband told him he continued to work to benefit his family. I burst into tears.
Allie: I can't get enough of pictures of Miles. The joy he has about life.
I have read all the posts but need to take some notes. Much to my own surprise I have begun to tackle the storage room above the garage. This room has always overwhelmed me. In fact it is full of boxes of books that I have now accepted that I will never be the one to bring them down the stairs. However I did drag stuff out of the room and down the stairs and into the car and brought a load to Good Will this morning. If I can sort and give away everything but the books, I will be pleased.
My son helped me put the wreaths on the house. I went this morning and purchased more Command strips to hang the last 3 wreaths. I also purchased more canvases because we painted with acrylic at the beach and enjoyed this. I treated myself to a pedicure this morning as well.
Back to the storage room...maybe I will put some music on!
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia10 -
Anniesquats100 wrote: »Good morning ladies!
Well today should be a better day than yesterday. I might have already said that my dad came up on my mom sleeping and thought she was dying. He was crying in front of me and my lunch guest, saying he was going to lose her. Well she is 91 and sick. It took me several minutes to find something positive to say beyond the obvious. Yes she is going to die. We all die. I finally said " but not today". We finally called the minister, who wanted us to call 911. Then mom started yelling she was fine, and she got up and went downstairs to watch TV.
So my mom is dehydrated, and I bet her electrolytes are off again. But she refused the Pedialyte and barely drinks a little tea and water. She has trouble swallowing because of a sore in her mouth which we will get biopsied on Monday.
Dad is barely holding together. I am trying not to take responsibility for his emotional state. There's not much comfort I can offer him. At least he could hear the minister on the phone. That's often a problem. I suppose I could suggest to him to get out his prayer book and read prayers to her. That's sort of what I expected the minister to do.
So today I have to push fluids on Mom, and keep an eye on dad. I don't think we have any appointments. Dishes and laundry of course. And deal with whatever drama comes up. And research how to tell when dehydration requires a 911 call.
Annie in Delaware
I'm sorry Annie, you are doing the best you can for your parents, know that. I know when my toddler was dehydrated from the flu and he just couldn't keep stuff down, his eyes looked sunken and when he cried there were no tears. I was doing the "have him munch on a cracker wait 5 min, sip of water wait 5 min". But he didn't keep it down so I would start again. Just wasn't getting ahead of the game. Had a doc appt and they advised ER visit, and they started an IV drip. He puffed up, and perked up and was better. I know my toddler wasn't like what you're dealing with your mom, but coloring is important. During this time find your support system, the church, friends nearby, the minister. Use them. Think of this as going into battle. You can not the only fighter. You need your forces to help you manage the terrain, forces to handle linguistics, fighters that handle food distribution etc. You are not supposed to be a one woman army.💖. Hugs!
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa6 -
💖
My favorite family down in CA, to visit daughter in-laws family. This guy though is a high school friend of my son's. He was his best man.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa
7 -
2
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I do have some awesome support systems when I use them. I am still hurt, but at least not weepy. Thank you all!
Annie You are doing a great job. I have no experience in senior caregiving. I just know what these ladies have said often......Use the village or army around you.....and remember to take care of you.
Betsy Take care! Blood clots are scary. Iam am happy that you have a great support group of ladies. Thanksgiving sounds like it was nice.
Rosemarie Great job on organizing and donating. Don't overdo though. I am happy that your son helped with the wreaths. My DH is currently bringing in boxes from detached garage to do the tree and decorate inside. I should be helping, but needed some down time.
Loving the pictures of Littles. ❤️
Lisa It amazes me sometimes at how little time it sometimes takes to do the dreaded tasks. Good job!
Better go help DH,
Kylia being quiet in Ohio4 -
Annie, my thoughts are with you through this season. I went through it in 2022 with my father. It was rough. Thankfully, my mother is doing well at the moment, but I still need to give her a lit of attention.
Kylia, hugs and more hugs.
Rosemarie, have you read the Sullivan’s Crossing books? I started with the first few episodes of the show, then switched to the books. I was very annoyed with the amount of stories they changed. I have finished the books now and need to get back to the show, but I haven’t. I haven’t even finished watching the last of this season of Virgin River. At least I read those books so long ago, I’ve forgotten the original stories, so I can’t get too mad. I just tell myself I must just not remember.
Thanksgiving was good at my house. We had so many people there weren’t a lot of leftovers so I indulged, but not enough to feel guilty. I prioritized protein and had tastes of the sides. I had a pumpkin spice smoothie for breakfast on Thanksgiving Day and this morning. It was quite tasty.
A little Black Friday shopping online, but not overboard. I’m concentrating on rest yesterday and today. The craziness can begin again tomorrow.6 -
Well I just got a well intended call from a church friend inviting me to join a small group of people in December for an Advent Dinner. I appreciated this group reaching out to me..a new widow during the holidays and I accepted.
And I asked what I could bring. She replied they were having chocolate Fondue for dessert and was I familar with Fondue. My answer wasn't the best. I said we had done chocolate Fondue in Girl Scouts but I hadn't done it since. She asked me to bring the sliced apples for this. She said they would be using fondue forks.
I am sure these sliced apples are suppose to look pretty and I am not sure what size they should be. Do you think I can get away with purchasing sliced apples? Frankly I have ADD and would never willingly participate with Fondue in this setting. Chocolate on the table cloth..and on my blouse at a gathering like
this would not be my thing.
Any one have any thoughts on how to cut apple slices for Fondue?
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia5
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