A confession to the MFP Police

healthy4life4mykids

I've posted in the forums a few times. This is what I've found so far. Just like in non-internet life, there are jerks and nice people, some people take things for what they are, some take them the wrong way. Some want support, others just want a chance to voice their opinion, often and loudly. Lots of personalities on here and sometimes they clash. My advice if its hard for some to deal with these interactions is to stay off the forums and talk to those on your friends list that you know you can tolerate. Or choose topics that you are likely not to get offended by the responses of. Ex. I don't post on the "spank, smack" whatever threads, because there might be an opportunity to feel bad about myself and I will feel bad for others as well. So I don't post there. And I keep in mind that its a lot easier for some people to be mean through virtual communication.

Spartan_1_1_7

I think I love you for this post!!


Oh I want to add my confession -

I wait until the end of the day when I know I'm not going to eat anything else - then I work out how many squares of chocolate I could eat with the remaining calories I have left and sometimes .... just sometimes, I eat that chocolate goddammit! :happy:

Are you my twin ????

BeachIron

I am super stoked that you cared enough to take the time to write up this awesome post!

I am positive that this will put them all in their place after reading it.

Aren't you in the Village People?

Yes, but I am actually the guy in the leather chaps.

Dude, I'm pretty certain that everyone here is waiting for pics.

*taps fingers*

dbmata

You know what would be awesome? A big ol slice of dark chocolate and bacon cake with a caramel ganache on top.

ryry_

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

My buddy just had a new born. He showed me a picture and it was crying so I said "Well at least now we know its yours, hes crying just like his daddy." He punched me in the stomach. This was at work.

I guess we aren't meant to be friends with everyone.

I honestly would like some excerpts of what is bullying. I can sometimes be sarcastic (okay alot of times) but i enjoy helping and making people laugh equally. There are a few I think are a little overbearing but still geuinely try to help.

And sorry, but do you realize the irony of calling people cowards who hide behind keyboards is an insult towards another person...and insult you typed...ya know, from a keyboard

rml_16

Also, for the record, I have posted very helpful things to people and have never actually been mean to anyone for asking a question. I have had issues with people insisting that "only water can count as water" and such nonsense.

And I have my own personal "derp" moments and I am as "mean" to myself as anyone. If I say or post something really stupid, I expect someone to point it out to me and set me straight. And IRL, when I say or do something stupid, I laugh as hard at myself as anyone else laughs at me. And my friends will not hesitate to laugh at me. I've never been bothered by it. I own my screw ups as much as my sarcastic personality.

kyleekay10

It's not the help that most resent...it's their tone. I've been called stupid more here in the last two days than ever in my life. Starting to wonder how I ever became valedictorian of my class.

I remember a specific thread you were in and no one called you stupid, but they did question your attitude about something based on an urban legend someone copied and pasted from Facebook that you were using as the basis for your own argument.

An urban legend that's been debunked a thousand times and has no scientific backing whatsoever.

So ... You're probably not stupid, but you may need to work on critical thinking skills. That is not people here being mean or "the MFP police."

And, put the way that you just did, I may have listened much sooner. I have never claimed to be an expert in any way on that topic. Also, I do not know the credible sites to go look for on that particular subject. Nor, do I have the time to look for them.

It was the tone that everyone was using towards the poster and the subsequent people that dared to post on that subject that got my hackles up. People with knowledge do not have to be rude to get their points across. Or, use sarcasm to cut people down. If they are trying to be helpful...be helpful without the attitudes.

Tone is hard to interpret via text. Maybe try focusing on what is being said versus imagining how it is being said?

Just always assume that I am being condescending and snarky. Because that is how I mean it.

Oh, Whierd. I think we could be friends IRL.

PhearlessPhreaks

I deleted a "friend" on here recently. This person would complain about the "idiots" that were on here who were asking for help and misguided. I deleted this person because misguided people are not idiots. In America today there is a whole lot more incorrect and unhealthy information on losing weight and becoming healthy than there is correct information. People tend to dive into what the fad is or whatever worked for someone else and then, it doesn't work. They proceed to ask for help because they are trying and they get made fun of or people are rude to them etc. I saw it first hand with the person I just referred too.

1. Help - the genuine positive supportive kind of help - is a GREAT thing.

2. Thinking that you are better than someone because you have had success and thus treating people like you are better than them is what I am talking about. These are the MFP police. The people who think that they are better than everyone else.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, that is awesome. You have not run into one yet. And, I hope that you do not have to.

I think a big part of the problem is people often don't understand (or don't care) that it's very often not *what* the information being delivered is, but *how* it is disseminated. Along the adage of "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar", it doesn't matter much how phenomenal the information or knowledge being presented, if the way in which it is presented turns off the intended target. If how I present my knowledge turns you off, what I'm trying to tell you (presumably to help you) becomes moot and I've wasted my time. Unfortunately, the [offensive] people to whom you refer likely do not care about how their message comes across... which I find silly. Perhaps they like wasting their time, or just like reading their own words and reveling in their wittiness. Regardless, it's a shame.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp?hl=thank+you+mean+people

Or maybe they know people who are ready to accept the advice will take it, and only those who aren't ready will huff and puff about delivery.

Mean people changed me for the better. I was that 'I'm hungry, what do" woman, and the answer was "Eat." I was netting under a thousand calories a day and was weak and tired and the solution was "Gee, stop starving yourself idiot." and I would binge on candy "Maybe if you stopped trying to eat food you don't like, you'd stop shoving candy in your face?" and I wanted to know how I could get into lifting 'Here's some books, start reading. Do the work, get results."

I didn't need my hand held and glitter tossed at me, I needed simple to the point truth. Eat the food, read the books, do the damn work; anything else is just meaningless fluff to keep someone's butt from being hurt.

ANGTFT

No need to be defensive! I was just pointing out that I think sometimes when we give advice or 'food for thought' (so to speak), it can be more conducive to *not* be an *kitten*... But hey, if that works for you (and others) that's great. I personally would find it a waste of time to bestow what I believe to be wonderful advice in such a manner as to render it ignored.

Cheers! :drinker:

PikaKnight

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

My buddy just had a new born. He showed me a picture and it was crying so I said "Well at least now we know its yours, hes crying just like his daddy." He punched me in the stomach. This was at work.

I guess we aren't meant to be friends with everyone.

I honestly would like some excerpts of what is bullying. I can sometimes be sarcastic (okay alot of times) but i enjoy helping and making people laugh equally. There are a few I think are a little overbearing but still geuinely try to help.

And sorry, but do you realize the irony of calling people cowards who hide behind keyboards is an insult towards another person...and insult you typed...ya know, from a keyboard

Heather_RT

Yay!! I love this post!! Thanks for telling it like it is!

So now, I may even try to friend you. If you will have me. I will understand if you're just maxed on friend, though. Cheers!!

MzManiak

I am super stoked that you cared enough to take the time to write up this awesome post!

I am positive that this will put them all in their place after reading it.

Aren't you in the Village People?

Yes, but I am actually the guy in the leather chaps.

Dude, I'm pretty certain that everyone here is waiting for pics.

*taps fingers*

I'll 2nd that. *waits for PM*

Donald_Dozier_50

Hmm. Maybe knowledgeable posters should just stop trying to help. There appears to be a lot of resentment toward their efforts. That's sad.

Maybe you "Knowledgeable Posters" should open your Doctors Office where people can come to you for your professional educated opinion. Where did you receive your MD Degree and License to Practice?

Where did you?

Since you ask, my college degree has nothing to do with the medical field therefore I do not offer any medical type of advice to anyone nor do I ask it of anyone online. I stick to the true professionals (MY DOCTORS).

Are you aware that a doctor is not a dietician and not the best source of nutritional information?

I am aware that, as a patient of the Veterans Administration, when asking my doctor these questions he set me up with the dieticians, physical therapist for a physical evaluation, cardiology, podiatry (due to foot disabilities), orthopedics (due to many other disabilities) and the weight management program. With all of the information obtained as a result of these examinations a plan was developed for me. I can assure you that the idiot MFP Police here who insist YOU HAVE TO INCLUDE RUNNING TO LOSE WEIGHT or YOU HAVE TO INCLUIDE WEIGHT LIFTING TO LOSE WEIGHT are clueless of individual situations and limitations. THAT IS FACT.

Did your doctor suggest having a negative net daily calorie goal? Or confirm starvation mode?



And you are right, anyone who says any type of exercise is required for weight loss is an idiot.

To answer the question simply, the food I eat, the exercise I do and all associated information such as calories consumed, micros, calories burned and my weight are all reported daily to the weight management program and forwarded to my doctor. When they have concerns they do call me. They called when my exercise (walking being the only exercise I can do because of severe disabilities to all extremities and other problems) dropped significantly to ask why. When they learned I have a broken foot and was seen by a private doctor they obviously understood and requested the records to review the situation and called me back to tell me to follow the advice given by the private doctor and made me an appointment for reevaluation next week.

benjicloverdale

bump

MzManiak

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp?hl=thank+you+mean+people

Or maybe they know people who are ready to accept the advice will take it, and only those who aren't ready will huff and puff about delivery.

Mean people changed me for the better. I was that 'I'm hungry, what do" woman, and the answer was "Eat." I was netting under a thousand calories a day and was weak and tired and the solution was "Gee, stop starving yourself idiot." and I would binge on candy "Maybe if you stopped trying to eat food you don't like, you'd stop shoving candy in your face?" and I wanted to know how I could get into lifting 'Here's some books, start reading. Do the work, get results."

I didn't need my hand held and glitter tossed at me, I needed simple to the point truth. Eat the food, read the books, do the damn work; anything else is just meaningless fluff to keep someone's butt from being hurt.

ANGTFT

*Love*

Edited because apparently I forgot how to bold text.

shrinkingWITS

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooow.


<~~~ Please see current avatar.


Have a nice day. :flowerforyou:

whierd

Hmm. Maybe knowledgeable posters should just stop trying to help. There appears to be a lot of resentment toward their efforts. That's sad.

Maybe you "Knowledgeable Posters" should open your Doctors Office where people can come to you for your professional educated opinion. Where did you receive your MD Degree and License to Practice?

Where did you?

Since you ask, my college degree has nothing to do with the medical field therefore I do not offer any medical type of advice to anyone nor do I ask it of anyone online. I stick to the true professionals (MY DOCTORS).

Are you aware that a doctor is not a dietician and not the best source of nutritional information?

I am aware that, as a patient of the Veterans Administration, when asking my doctor these questions he set me up with the dieticians, physical therapist for a physical evaluation, cardiology, podiatry (due to foot disabilities), orthopedics (due to many other disabilities) and the weight management program. With all of the information obtained as a result of these examinations a plan was developed for me. I can assure you that the idiot MFP Police here who insist YOU HAVE TO INCLUDE RUNNING TO LOSE WEIGHT or YOU HAVE TO INCLUIDE WEIGHT LIFTING TO LOSE WEIGHT are clueless of individual situations and limitations. THAT IS FACT.

Did your doctor suggest having a negative net daily calorie goal? Or confirm starvation mode?



And you are right, anyone who says any type of exercise is required for weight loss is an idiot.

To answer the question simply, the food I eat, the exercise I do and all associated information such as calories consumed, micros, calories burned and my weight are all reported daily to the weight management program and forwarded to my doctor. When they have concerns they do call me. They called when my exercise (walking being the only exercise I can do because of severe disabilities to all extremities and other problems) dropped significantly to ask why. When they learned I have a broken foot and was seen by a private doctor they obviously understood and requested the records to review the situation and called me back to tell me to follow the advice given by the private doctor and made me an appointment for reevaluation next week.

Sounds like a great doctor. I am sure what your doing will work out in the long term.

Iron_Feline

I've posted in the forums a few times. This is what I've found so far. Just like in non-internet life, there are jerks and nice people, some people take things for what they are, some take them the wrong way. Some want support, others just want a chance to voice their opinion, often and loudly. Lots of personalities on here and sometimes they clash. My advice if its hard for some to deal with these interactions is to stay off the forums and talk to those on your friends list that you know you can tolerate. Or choose topics that you are likely not to get offended by the responses of. Ex. I don't post on the "spank, smack" whatever threads, because there might be an opportunity to feel bad about myself and I will feel bad for others as well. So I don't post there. And I keep in mind that its a lot easier for some people to be mean through virtual communication.

Sthap with your common sense :flowerforyou:

I'm actually known as bad cop at work (I share my job with one other person so he is obv good cop). I actually tone down my natural sarcasm and snide comments here.

As someone pointed out this forum is butterflies and roses compared to some others. I don't get on with everyone in real life, I have no idea why people expect to get on with everyone on the Internet.

Also I have never seen any actually bullying on here, threads get heated and yes occasionally there is name calling and childish behaviour. But no actually bullying. There have been a few suicides in the UK recently due to Internet bullying, it's not a joke and it does not happen here.

SadFaerie

I honestly don't get this thread. "Oh, look at me not logging all my calories and not knowing what TDEE is, I'm such a joyful rebel"... Seriously? I could care less if you log anything at all. This isn't instagram, this isn't for show off. I log my ALL my calories and I do that FOR MYSELF. So I know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. And I do appreciate people nosing into my diary and giving me feedback. I get it, a lot of people don't. But then they better not come crying later ERMAHGERD I HAZ PLATEAUD!!!

marciebrian

I think you are amazing and more important HUMAN! I've broken the same rules and somehow at the age of 59 still breathe and eat. Proud of your success and your ability to humanise your experiences!

Serah87

I learned a lot from "MFP Police" and very thankful for them. I don't blame them if they don't help people anymore. I think I will think twice before I help people anymore!! So when there is no more help on the forums what are you going to do than, complain about that too?? :huh: