Will it be still a good Christmas if I don’t fall off the wagon?

Lady_Magenta

Over the last six or seven years I made numerous attempts to lose weight. I followed trend diets and tried to copy what everybody else was doing. High Protein, low carb! Smoothies and juicing! You name it, I have done it. I am obese, morbidly obese. The highest weight and my start weight in September was 348 lbs.

It always started at the beginning of fall. With my birthday in the wintertime and Christmas just around the corner, I started dieting. I had the vision in my mind, that come spring, my neighbors would see me outside again and they would be stunned by my weight loss. Yes, next spring all would be different.

Of course, I lost weight. 10 or 15 pounds, one time even 20, but then, around Christmas times the temptations got to me.

I am the family cook, the queen of our kitchen and I am good at spoiling friends and family and of course myself. With all the yummies and goodies around me, dieting didn’t seem to make much sense. I had to try and taste it all myself and I was a very willing victim. Poor me .

“How about I take a break for Christmas and restart in January,” the same sentence popped up in my mind year after year and I did exactly that. First just for a couple of days, then it somehow became a week, then a month ,and quickly I went back to my old lifestyle and I regained everything that I had lost. Then the guilt rolled over me and I felt terrible and you know how that goes. You eat more and mindlessly. Years pass by quickly.

Then this year in August I got a wake-up call. A rude awakening. My lifestyle showed in my numbers. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes (6.7 A1C) and high blood pressure. Let’s not talk about my cholesterol.

I woke up. I panicked. I realized it’s NOW OR NEVER and NEVER is not an option.

I am now on day #106 of my new lifestyle and this year is different.

Why? Because this time it’s not ‘just’ about the weight, it’s about my health. I am fighting against being put on diabetes and blood pressure medication. Weight loss injections. Isn’t it hilarious, I am fighting to be put on the same medication that so many now take freely even though they don’t have diabetes?

Why? I have a chronic pain disease and I am already taking medications. After decades of dealing with it I know that every medication comes with side effects, even the OTC that seems so harmless at first. How could a medication possibly fix me and my mindset? It’s me who had to do that.

I am still going strong, have even lost another pound in the week before Christmas and I am still having fun.

I realized that Christmas is not about food, candy, and chocolates. It’s not about eggnog and drinks, it’s not about pies, cakes, and tortes and I can live perfectly happy without the brittle and truffles.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

This year I will celebrate Christmas differently and while I still make my family's favorite dishes, there will be healthier dishes on the table as well.

I can’t control myself with certain foods and I have finally realized that there are indeed some things I should stay away from. Guess what. Life is still good!

“Christmas is only 2 days, not a month.” It finally sunk in. I have repeated this quote in my head over and over and I finally got it.
Yes, I am still obese and way too big but I have lost 37 pounds and I am so proud of it.

There is no ‘maybe’. This year when spring arrives I will step outside the house and I will look differently. I am doing this for me. Not for my neighbors.

Happy Holidays!
Yes, it’s still Christmas if I don’t fall off the wagon!

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