I’m in my 50’s need tips to get started. Keep focused.

fauxtetra0p6333

I’m single 13 yrs. I spend most my time alone. I can’t seem to get started and keep focus.
Anyone lost like me. I want to be fit. I believe I am experiencing disassociation from trauma.
I’m not sure I can do this alone. Any advice would be helpful.

NotForJustNowForever

Hi! Keeping in mind that what worked for me may not work for you I will share my original motivations (and ways I kept up the momentum) in case you can find something in there that inspires you.

For context, I'm a 47 y.o. woman, and I spend the very large majority of my time alone. I tend to think that I basically live like that grumpy guy in all the movies/series that lives alone with his dog(s) in a cabin in the woods 😅 I love it to be fair.

• I have a very specific contract and very specific stairs (4 floors but I don't know how to explain: they feel like 12 the way they're built) and I use to have to stop at every mid-level, every level, and would arrive on top drenched in sweat, legs heavy, knees in pain. The thing that made me go from thinking I wanted to be lighter to just doing it was just deciding that I refused to suffer as much the next time I would take those stairs. (I had the same contract two months ago and not only did I barely break a sweat, it kept catching me off guard that I had 'already' reached the top!)
  I suck at being concise, I'm sorry. But what I mean is find that one thing where you will see "level ups". Something where you struggle now, and it's just… a drain. And what if you could just make that less of a drain… Until it's not a bother anymore. At all.
• I also very much made it about me being alone/spending so much time alone to be honest. I stopped sabotaging myself (but this is probably my own baggage) once I realized that I would be doing it for me, exclusively me. Not to please anyone. Not for anyone else's approval. I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing it for aesthetic reasons… but I really needed it to be, for once since puberty, not about being appealing to others' eyes.
  I guess I needed the focus to not be about looking good, but it being about feeling good.
• It also happened for me and clicked this time because it was a bit before my 45th birthday. I was/am single, live alone, if something bad happens to me, no one is going to react. So I was like: okay, so it's my responsibility. So I may as well make it unlikely for bad things to happen, just because I really hate discomfort.
  I guess what I mean is since I'm happy in my aloneness, it became important to be safe (health, strength-wise) and fairly confident that I'm doing everything I can to remain safe alone.
• I gave myself not just permission to suck, I became clear to myself that I would inevitably really suck at it for a while. I'm a fan of Adventure Times (cartoon) and love Jake's quote "Before you become good at something you first have to suck at something." For example, at first, I would work out but needed a break after 10-15 minutes. I decided that it was ok. I would take a break, then do another 10-15. Then again. Initial workouts were a max of (non-consecutive) 30 minutes. Then I went to 40. And so on! At first I fixated on calories and not the food themselves. Then I realized I like "not being able to eat more". So I found that wholewheat carbs did that. I tried low carb, it did not work for me and I started dreaming about pasta (other people it will work great for though!)
  What I mean is that in the beginning it's going to be trials and errors more than likely. And it's also going to feel like baby steps. You just have to start, and there's no better place to start than where you are.
• The only thing I kept in mind was that what mattered was trying to adopt something I absolutely would keep and barely modify on maintenance. What I could do forever basically. So this kind of goes along my personal love of carbs for example: low carb is not possible for me unless people have to suffer how irritable I am when I don't get what I enjoy. I also started looking for 'lighter'/lower calorie versions of everything that I like. I want fries, I air fry them. And have it with baked lean meat/fish. I want a burger, I have it with a huge salad. I want a cake, I make a cupcake version to force portion control. I abuse the recipe feature of MFP! LOL
• The small changes matter. I use to sit while I cooked (got tired!) I just tried to stand more often. Now I just stay standing. The small changes may not reap dramatic results, but they also make me resist them less. I lost nearly 120lbs in +3 years. Originally I made a spreadsheet where I'd plotted losing it over one year. I'm kind of glad it took as long as it did (less loose skin). And there's a whole year where I kept gaining and losing the same 10-20 lbs (stress, diet, life…) The whole year! But then I picked myself back up, and at some point… got back towards my goal.
• I love zombie movies/series. Apocalyptic movies/series. I've always thought I'd be eliminated in one of them within minutes. Now I think I may last an extra half hour. Maybe even an hour if I hide well! Being less silly, being self sufficient is very appealing to me. Being more mobile just really appeals to me for the self sufficiency side. Being able to pick stuff up and carry things without needing to ask for help as well.

Whichever way, you've got this!

ETA to add:

Celebrate everything. Celebrate the milestones. The first 5. Starting! Etc. Celebrate not running out of breath as quickly or your legs not hurting as much. Celebrate those moments because they matter. They're a reminder that you can, of what you accomplished, of what you are capable of. I know how cliché the 'it's the journey that matters' is, and I get that the destination matters. But when you could not have dreamed getting half way before, you may not yet be able to finish the track, but now you know you've got that half part down… These are worthy celebrations!

It's like building a house. Celebrate the foundations. Celebrate the "walls". Celebrate the "windows". Celebrate the steps and stages. It will come.