I’m in my 50’s need tips to get started. Keep focused.

fauxtetra0p6333

I’m single 13 yrs. I spend most my time alone. I can’t seem to get started and keep focus.
Anyone lost like me. I want to be fit. I believe I am experiencing disassociation from trauma.
I’m not sure I can do this alone. Any advice would be helpful.

NotForJustNowForever

Hi! Keeping in mind that what worked for me may not work for you I will share my original motivations (and ways I kept up the momentum) in case you can find something in there that inspires you.

For context, I'm a 47 y.o. woman, and I spend the very large majority of my time alone. I tend to think that I basically live like that grumpy guy in all the movies/series that lives alone with his dog(s) in a cabin in the woods 😅 I love it to be fair.

• I have a very specific contract and very specific stairs (4 floors but I don't know how to explain: they feel like 12 the way they're built) and I use to have to stop at every mid-level, every level, and would arrive on top drenched in sweat, legs heavy, knees in pain. The thing that made me go from thinking I wanted to be lighter to just doing it was just deciding that I refused to suffer as much the next time I would take those stairs. (I had the same contract two months ago and not only did I barely break a sweat, it kept catching me off guard that I had 'already' reached the top!)
  I suck at being concise, I'm sorry. But what I mean is find that one thing where you will see "level ups". Something where you struggle now, and it's just… a drain. And what if you could just make that less of a drain… Until it's not a bother anymore. At all.
• I also very much made it about me being alone/spending so much time alone to be honest. I stopped sabotaging myself (but this is probably my own baggage) once I realized that I would be doing it for me, exclusively me. Not to please anyone. Not for anyone else's approval. I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing it for aesthetic reasons… but I really needed it to be, for once since puberty, not about being appealing to others' eyes.
  I guess I needed the focus to not be about looking good, but it being about feeling good.
• It also happened for me and clicked this time because it was a bit before my 45th birthday. I was/am single, live alone, if something bad happens to me, no one is going to react. So I was like: okay, so it's my responsibility. So I may as well make it unlikely for bad things to happen, just because I really hate discomfort.
  I guess what I mean is since I'm happy in my aloneness, it became important to be safe (health, strength-wise) and fairly confident that I'm doing everything I can to remain safe alone.
• I gave myself not just permission to suck, I became clear to myself that I would inevitably really suck at it for a while. I'm a fan of Adventure Times (cartoon) and love Jake's quote "Before you become good at something you first have to suck at something." For example, at first, I would work out but needed a break after 10-15 minutes. I decided that it was ok. I would take a break, then do another 10-15. Then again. Initial workouts were a max of (non-consecutive) 30 minutes. Then I went to 40. And so on! At first I fixated on calories and not the food themselves. Then I realized I like "not being able to eat more". So I found that wholewheat carbs did that. I tried low carb, it did not work for me and I started dreaming about pasta (other people it will work great for though!)
  What I mean is that in the beginning it's going to be trials and errors more than likely. And it's also going to feel like baby steps. You just have to start, and there's no better place to start than where you are.
• The only thing I kept in mind was that what mattered was trying to adopt something I absolutely would keep and barely modify on maintenance. What I could do forever basically. So this kind of goes along my personal love of carbs for example: low carb is not possible for me unless people have to suffer how irritable I am when I don't get what I enjoy. I also started looking for 'lighter'/lower calorie versions of everything that I like. I want fries, I air fry them. And have it with baked lean meat/fish. I want a burger, I have it with a huge salad. I want a cake, I make a cupcake version to force portion control. I abuse the recipe feature of MFP! LOL
• The small changes matter. I use to sit while I cooked (got tired!) I just tried to stand more often. Now I just stay standing. The small changes may not reap dramatic results, but they also make me resist them less. I lost nearly 120lbs in +3 years. Originally I made a spreadsheet where I'd plotted losing it over one year. I'm kind of glad it took as long as it did (less loose skin). And there's a whole year where I kept gaining and losing the same 10-20 lbs (stress, diet, life…) The whole year! But then I picked myself back up, and at some point… got back towards my goal.
• I love zombie movies/series. Apocalyptic movies/series. I've always thought I'd be eliminated in one of them within minutes. Now I think I may last an extra half hour. Maybe even an hour if I hide well! Being less silly, being self sufficient is very appealing to me. Being more mobile just really appeals to me for the self sufficiency side. Being able to pick stuff up and carry things without needing to ask for help as well.

Whichever way, you've got this!

ETA to add:

Celebrate everything. Celebrate the milestones. The first 5. Starting! Etc. Celebrate not running out of breath as quickly or your legs not hurting as much. Celebrate those moments because they matter. They're a reminder that you can, of what you accomplished, of what you are capable of. I know how cliché the 'it's the journey that matters' is, and I get that the destination matters. But when you could not have dreamed getting half way before, you may not yet be able to finish the track, but now you know you've got that half part down… These are worthy celebrations!

It's like building a house. Celebrate the foundations. Celebrate the "walls". Celebrate the "windows". Celebrate the steps and stages. It will come.

brennerrobert110

Hey Teresa! I’m new here and excited to start my muscle building journey with you all. I used to go to the gym regularly, but I’ve been off track lately and have put on quite a bit of weight. I’m ready to turn things around, stay consistent, and would love your support and motivation. Let’s crush our goals together any tips, encouragement, or workout ideas are greatly appreciated! 💪🏼✨

willlafriu

Weight loss is all based on mind control. Your thoughts of actually getting up and doing the works. To loose that weight. Once you start . Don't give up. Push push push. Push your self to sweat alot. Try working on those calorie burn goals. 300 to 600 a day or a week depending on the motivation of your mind set. Drinking lots of water. If pushing yourself to sweat and soaking. drinking protein shakes. To cover a meal. Alcohol can be a no no. And put on weight. So stop drinking alcohol or limited to a drink. Figure out your bad eating habits. Try to avoid stressful eating. And those bad eating habits. Eat casually Healthy meals. Know that fruits are your best friend and can feed you that sugar. Vegetables are even a greater friend. Carbs are great for energy to do cardio. Protein is great if you're looking to lifting weights. There are foods you could eat to help burn fat faster. Limit your serving size. When i felt hungry and wanted to snack i worked out. Burning those calories to able to eat that snack. I don't eat tomatoes nor mayo. I replaced mayo with avocado. Guacamole. Taste good and better than mayo with the right spices. However once you start this journey don't give up. Im 41 single and alone also. But I learned you can only motivate yourself. I can't motivate you no one on here can. It all based on that brain that carries those thoughts to write what you thinking. If you can take your brain and focus on this weight loss goal. You will succeed. Trust me. Your mind is more powerful than you think. Brain connection to the spine. Sending out electricity to the limbs of your body to move. Your mind is what decides what you eat. Along with what healthy foods to eat to help with wait loss. Focus on this 5 to 10 pounds in a month. To loose that body fat. Don't give up on that goal. And push yourself and that mind to get up and go workout.

AnnPT77

I hate those "be disciplined, work super hard" kind of plans, personally. YMMV. They may work for some people, but not me.

I like @NotForJustNowForever's post above a lot, though.

My context: I'm widowed (since age 42), live alone since, was overweight/obese and pretty much an inactive lump for most of 30 years, until advanced cancer diagnosis and full bore treatment that started shortly after widowhood (surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, 7.5 years of a related drug regimen). I was diagnosed as severely hypothyroid soon after cancer treatment, too.

I gradually started getting routinely active in my late 40s to get back strength/energy after the cancer treatment. The first was just a gentle community education yoga class a couple of times a week, and it evolved from there. Eventually, I found a sport I love so much I'd do it even if it wasn't good for me, but it was and is.

Fitness improvement was a big quality of life improvement. Still, I stayed fat for another dozen years, because it's easy to eat back the exercise calories even from working out fairly intensely 6 days most weeks. Finally, at age 59, I had to face the fact that my health wasn't what I needed to be, despite having a lot of indications of good physical fitness (low resting heart rate, good endurance, competitive pace for my demographic, etc.). At that point, I committed to weight loss, losing 50 pounds in a bit under a year. I've been at a healthy weight for 9 years since, now age 69. The weight loss was another big quality of life improvement.

The combination, now, of healthy weight plus still active, that's gangbusters. So many things are easier for me at 69 than they were at age 45. Small positive changes, gradually over a period of time, can add up to surprisingly good long term outcomes.

I'm not some kind of special person. I'm basically a hedonistic, undisciplined aging hippie flake with a limited motivation/discipline budget. I figure that if I can get those improvements, most more-sensible grown-ups can do it, if they set their mind to it.

Easy every single second? Of course not. But the logistics were simpler than I ever expected, and the process was doable if I kept chipping away gradually in a positive direction.

I can't speak to trauma disassociation, I'm sorry to say. If that's a big part of your situation, therapy might be ideal. There should be no more stigma in seeking therapy when struggling with thinking patterns than there is in calling a mechanic when the car is making funny noises we can't figure out on our own. That's why professionals like that exist.

I think you can achieve your goals, if you can find a way to commit to making improvements in your eating and activity habits. It doesn't necessarily need to be some big radical, miserable thing. It wasn't that for me, and I think it wasn't that for quite a few folks here who've also been long-term successful. It can be much less dramatic - more boring, even - than that. I think it requires that commitment, plus some persistence and patience. If you start to see some small successes along the way, I think that will feel empowering, and help you keep going.

I'm wishing you success, sincerely!

Trying4the9thtime

I agree with Ann.. Small, gradual changes over time leads to changes of the whole 'you'.

All or nothing to me would be a short path to failure and frustration.

Know that you're human and not a programmable machine. Good days, bad days, weeks and months happen to most of us.

It's the keep trying part that keeps us in the game in the long run.

Perhaps just take one month and log food. Next month try one form of exercise. If you don't tend to like that, the following try a different form??? At least for cardio. If you are considering strength type activities, then a more structured plan may be necessary? Then again some people like to find yt videos and work along to those.

Find what works best for you and on your own terms.

springlering62

I got mad. Not mad at myself because I was fat mad. Mad at myself for sabotaging my future mad.

Mad made me want to take control. Control helped me with discipline and create habits. Motivation comes and goes.

As I told the girl at the desk when I walked into the gym this morning,” I ain’t feelin’ it today”. I went on to do a cardio muscle class and swim a mile in the pool.

If I relied on motivation, well,it wasn’t gonna happen. I never would have even bothered getting into the car. But discipline, habit, they kicked in

I sort of liken it to what my trainer told me about ball slams. “Think of the person who makes you the maddest and take it out on them with the ball.”

Weight loss was that way for me. A great big helping of I’ll Show You.

Ironically, as I lost weight, I got happier, less mad, and nicer, if truth be told. But the habits stuck. 👍🏻